*tosses 2 cents into the thread*
This is coming from someone who hasn't had the Rinna conversation yet, but I think this line is important:
Everything I thought I desired.
I think what Zev felt for Rinna is similar to what Alistair feels for the Warden (of course, with very different consequences and very different causes). It's the intensity of a first infatuation, and yes, it is love, but it's not the same kind that Zev eventually develops for the Warden. It's being "in love" rather than "loving", I guess. He has an image of Rinna in his head, and it's this image he wants, believing that this is what she really is. But when the person behind the image doesn't conform to it, he doesn't try to find out why, he doesn't give her a chance and actually sees it as a handy way out.
It's a form of intransigence that comes with first love: either the object of your affection is absolutely perfect, or they're worthless. And Rinna went through a whole string of situations where she appeared absolutely NOT as he wanted her to appear. From his description, he seems to have thought of her as bold, tough, seductive, but also committed to the common cause of the Crows (back then, he probably still felt proud of belonging to the group). Then, in order, she showed him that she was not as bold as he had thought (since she could apparently be bought), not as dedicated to the Crows (since she apparently decided to betray), not as tough (since she could plead for her life) and not a seductress (since she said she loved him)...But then, on top of all that, she showed him that he knew nothing about the real her: she wasn't a traitor, just as she wasn't the tough, self-assured girl; both images were wrong. Now, given their occupation and lifestyle, he probably had no way of knowing the real her--no easy way, at least--, but, more than that, he didn't care to know. And he probably realized that this was painfully true. In those kinds of situations, you tend to get angrier at the person who shows you your own flaws than at yourself (the realization that they were right comes afterwards). So everything she did just fuelled his violence more and more.
Then, when he came to his senses and was told that everything *else* he believed in was a lie as well, he realized the full weight of what he had done.
And then he finds himself in a mirror-image situation: at the Warden's mercy, just as Rinna was at his mercy. He's forced to beg for his life, just as she was forced to (albeit in a less dramatic way). That was probably a very chilling experience for him. Here was a person who, put in the same position as he was with Rinna (and worse, because he was actually guilty, whereas she wasn't), decides to show him mercy, to discard immediate logic (which would dictate to kill him), to go beyond appearances. And eventually, she/he tries to get to know the real him, rather than the image which he projects. This is what he was afraid to do with Rinna, but seeing the Warden taking that route almost naturally makes him reevaluate his position. He opens up, tells her/him exactly who he is in order to test this new approach: just how much of the truth is she/he willing and capable to handle? Of course, it frightens him when the answer turns out to be "pretty much everything", because that's something he himself wasn't able to do not that long ago. But it also fascinates him, and he ends up realizing that this kind of acceptance is what he wants. Except that, this time, he's also willing to give it in return: he sees a real person rather than an image, respects her/his wishes, makes sure that wherever it is they're going is something she/he wants as well, even if neither of them is quite sure what that is at first. And, on top of that, he manages to retain the dignity to bow out if he happens to realize that he wants more than she/he can give.
Hopefully that made sense.
Modifié par Nilfalasiel, 02 juin 2010 - 08:06 .