1051 réponses à ce sujet

[Kohaku]

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

Amethyst: *struggles to free herself from Alistair's strong grip* Come
back here, you scared little *spews off long list of expletives that
causes the Reverand Mother to faint dead cold* I'll gut you like a
*more expletives*.  You haven't seen blood til I've put a sword up your
*yet more expletives*

Damn. Arl Howe gets a second death in not even five minutes. Maric has lasted almost the entire show!

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

You know, Amythest, you bring up something interesting. Howe would actually be kinda hot if you kept Tim Curry's voice but threw a bag over his head.



Hmmm...nuther mod idea? Howe's face bag?

[amethyst_rose2009]

Skadi_the_Evil_Elf wrote...

You know, Amythest, you bring up something interesting. Howe would actually be kinda hot if you kept Tim Curry's voice but threw a bag over his head.

Hmmm...nuther mod idea? Howe's face bag?

Yummm, Tim Curry's voice.....*swoons*

I love Tim Curry, but Howe is so not sexy.  You're right, we definitely need a bag.

[amethyst_rose2009]

Kerridan Kaiba wrote...

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

Amethyst: *struggles to free herself from Alistair's strong grip* Come
back here, you scared little *spews off long list of expletives that
causes the Reverand Mother to faint dead cold* I'll gut you like a
*more expletives*.  You haven't seen blood til I've put a sword up your
*yet more expletives*

Damn. Arl Howe gets a second death in not even five minutes. Maric has lasted almost the entire show!

Well, actually Alistair was holding her back while Howe escaped, so Howe yet lives......darn Ali's strong and beautiful arms.

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 06 janvier 2010 - 12:55 .

[Kohaku]

More than one mind you. Each part of his face needs a mini bag... or plaster for a pinata....

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

Kerridan Kaiba wrote...

More than one mind you. Each part of his face needs a mini bag... or plaster for a pinata....

Ok...a lead lined box. That should cover it. Just leave a hole so we can still hear him. Not to bothered about the breathing part.

[Tirigon]

ReubenLiew wrote...

Herr Uhl wrote...

And thus, a hentai involving Maric and tentacles is born.

*drools*

Omg. Crawl in some dark hentai and die get raped by tentacles. Or Kitty. Both of you. At the same time. In a foursome with a greek god.

[amethyst_rose2009]

Skadi_the_Evil_Elf wrote...

Kerridan Kaiba wrote...

More than one mind you. Each part of his face needs a mini bag... or plaster for a pinata....

Ok...a lead lined box. That should cover it. Just leave a hole so we can still hear him. Not to bothered about the breathing part.

Needs Fereldon plastic sugery to make him look like Daniel Craig.

[Herr Uhl]

Tirigon wrote...
Omg. Crawl in some dark hentai and die get raped by tentacles. Or Kitty. Both of you. At the same time. In a foursome with a greek god.

Dibs on Aphrodite! 

[Sialater]

Amethyst, I'm dying from that interview, you know. I can't stop giggling.

[amethyst_rose2009]

Sialater wrote...

Amethyst, I'm dying from that interview, you know. I can't stop giggling.

I wasn't going to do Arl Howe, because he's such a sleaze, but who can resist Tim Curry's voice? 

The voice alone should get an honorable mention.

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

Skadi_the_Evil_Elf wrote...

Kerridan Kaiba wrote...

More than one mind you. Each part of his face needs a mini bag... or plaster for a pinata....

Ok...a lead lined box. That should cover it. Just leave a hole so we can still hear him. Not to bothered about the breathing part.

Needs Fereldon plastic sugery to make him look like Daniel Craig.

Plastic surgeon? Maker, no. That ugly mug needs the whole pot of Andraste's  ashes to cure that terminal case of ugly.

How Bioware could dare pair up Tim Curry's voice with that insult of a face is beyond me. it's almost....sacreligous. 

I mean, Tim Curry can look hot in the most ridiculous drag outfit. yet all the knives and collagen of beverley Hills and Switzerland could not save Howe's face. It's just so obsurd.

[AtreiyaN7]

Lotion Soronnar wrote...

Lotion: "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the inconvenince. We're having small technical difficulties, but rest assured that the show will resume very shortly."

*screams and sounds of battle can be heard in the background. Suddenly a large explosion shakes the screen*
Lotion: "Just minor difficulties...we have some.. * nervous, sweating* ...erm...problems with backsatge machinery."

*a severd head flies past the screen as some of hte backdrop collapses. People can be clearly seen fighting. Zevran is among them*

Lotion: "Crap. Erm.... AND NOW, GIVE ZEVRAN A ROUND OF APPLAUSE. ZEVRAN, PLEASE COME TO THE STAGE."

*Zev sheats his daggers and climbs up*

Lotion: "Now..what was that, that you wanted to show to the audience? Remeber?" (nervous wink)

Zev: (confused) "What thing?..I never-..(devilish grin).Oooh.. Yes, well, I'm quite a party animal as you well know. So I though I might show the good folk watching this a very special Antivan massage."

Lotion:"erm..an Antivan massage? What's that?"

Zev: "O, it's VERY special. Starts with firmly, but gently massaging the buttocks and then moving lower...slowly.The technique gets more complicated later...involves a bit of pulling and creative hand work. Very popular. Shall I demonstrate..on you?" (raises eyebrow)


Lotion: (sweating): "Aa...very...interesting. Thankyouforyourtime Zevran. And now, I shall show you the amazing Bronto, the bear that I recently trained. BRONTO!"

*a huge black bear comes to the stage ridinga unicycle*

Lotion: "Now Bronto, juggle this plates." (throws plates, bear catches them and juggles)

Lotion: "Now, play Mozarts 5th symphony!"

*Bronto sits at the piano and plays*

Lotion: "Now, write a theiss on Global Warming!"

*Bronto produces a stack of paper and hands them over, but starts roaring aggresivly*

Lotion: "What? It's jsut a few tyos. That's nothing to be mad about Bronto. TI's not like it's gonna affect your-" (Brotno lunges savigly)

Lotion: "AAAAAH!!! My spleeen! My precious spleen!.....EVERYTHING IS OoOOoK! THE SHOW WILL CONTINUE! CUT TO COMERCIAAAAAAAAAAAAA.."

*giggle*

[amethyst_rose2009]

Skadi_the_Evil_Elf wrote...

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

Skadi_the_Evil_Elf wrote...

Kerridan Kaiba wrote...

More than one mind you. Each part of his face needs a mini bag... or plaster for a pinata....

Ok...a lead lined box. That should cover it. Just leave a hole so we can still hear him. Not to bothered about the breathing part.

Needs Fereldon plastic sugery to make him look like Daniel Craig.

Plastic surgeon? Maker, no. That ugly mug needs the whole pot of Andraste's  ashes to cure that terminal case of ugly.

How Bioware could dare pair up Tim Curry's voice with that insult of a face is beyond me. it's almost....sacreligous. 

I mean, Tim Curry can look hot in the most ridiculous drag outfit. yet all the knives and collagen of beverley Hills and Switzerland could not save Howe's face. It's just so obsurd.

LOL.  Seriously, that sexy voice needs a face to match, not something that looks like what Dog would have dragged back to camp.  Tim Curry = Uber Sexy!!!

[Tirigon]

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, and once more will the curtains open to show you incarnated perfection and sexiness!!!
We will, today, talk with ALISTAIR!!! (The incarnated sexiness is me, of course, not him, just so you know.)

So, the legal stuff first (I wanted to cut it, but my sponsors demand it, or they won´t pay for the things I usually destroy while having fun with Shianni, sooo.... Well, there we go):

WARNING! The following interview is led by an awesome young vampire who would much rather suck your blood now instead of writing this sh!t noone is reading anyways. However, he is forced to inform you that it will involve perverted, wicked things condemned by the Catholic Church such as: Shianni, metal lingerie, Hello Kitty stuff, Sex, Drugs and Rock´n´Roll, Blood and Gore, violence, NO broodmothers, NO hentai (beware, Reuben!!!! Hehe) and other things inappropriate for ... you know for whom, right? Or you would if you would have ever READ this. Your fault you didn´t. And no, I will NOT warn you to check your kitchen before watching. What do I care if your house burns down, I´m not responsible as I have written this.


So Ladies and Gentlemen, we´re back in Black!!! As announced, we will feature ALISTAIR today, and, yes, there he comes!!!

*Alistair walks in, waving and smiling like a true King*


Tirigon: Hello Alistair! how do you feel today - you know, what with being the first time my guest, not only the victim of my jokes?

Alistair: Oh, great, thanks! Not that I didnt like being your victim, though. I was raised by flying dogs in Anderfels, as you know, and, well... I´m used to that. It made me what I am.

Tirigon: Then we should be thankful to whoever used you as victim, because he created an AWESOME guy. Right ladies?

*The female spectators cry and shout in agreement*

Alistair: Oh, thanks, I shall tell that my Dogfather, El Paceno he was called.

Tirigon: So, now, we shall see WHAT EXACTLY the awesomeness of Alistair is. There are different awesomenesses, you know? I mean, Teagan´s is his chest hair, but Alistair´s chest is waxed. As the ladies all know first-hand.

*he grins, Alistair nods approvingly*

Alistair: Yes. I wax my chest since I´ve seen Teagan´s the first time. I KNEW I would never have such awesome hair as him, so I decided to go for the other extreme.

Zevran: And with much success, I might add.

Tirigon: Yes, yes, all right. You know, I´m in bad mood today, let´s cut this short. I´ll just name all your awesomenesses, and you shut up in the meantime. Or make out with Zev, he would like it.

*Zevran nods approvingly*

Tirigon: So, first one: Alistair is a great fighter. He needs to. Every husband tries to kill him at least once in his lifetime. In fact, you could say being jealous of Alistair and trying to kick his ass for that is practically the biggest difference between "husband" and "boyfriend"...

So, second one: His awesome, waxed chest. Take a look:

Do I need to say more?!

Third one:  Last but not least Alistair is witty as hell. NOONE cracks better - or more - jokes than him. Except for me. That´s why I am the interviewer

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, These were the many awesomenesses of Alistair. And I´m sure my good friend Amethyst_rose finds some more, if you ask her. Zevran, take your tongue out of Alistair´s mouth! He needs to talk again, now!

*Zevran does so, reluctantly. Then he sticks his tongue out at Tirigon*

Tirigon: So, Alistair, now it´s your turn. You promised to tell us something you did NEVER tell anyone before. Your filthy little secret, one could say. As you all know I LOVE filthy secrets. That´s why I have so many of them, hehe.

Alistair: Yes, yes, ... I .... guess I .... promised, yes? A king ought to keep his promises, yes?

Tirigon: Yes. That´s the problem if you are a KING. If you were an elected president, you could lie as much as you want, but as a King... well. You need to be trustworthy. I TOLD you to introduce democracy faked elections. But you didn´t. Now live with the consequences!

Alistair (scared): All right, all right. Next time I´ll listen to your advice.... Oh Maker. Soooooo......

Tirigon: Yea? Out with it, or shall  I tell?

Alistair (breaking down in shame): Yes, you tell, hold me, please...

*Tirigon takes Alistair in his arms*

Tirigon: If anyone of you EVER tells about me hugging Alistair, I swear I shall rape your wifes, burn your house, rob out your parents and sell your children as slaves. And kill you, of course. You know, all that stuff the Chantry does every day when they have an Exalted March.

*He calls a servant to fetch something. The servant brings it and holds it in the camera*



Tirigon: You wonder what this is? Yes. THAT is Alistairs filthy little secret. He is a TERRIBLE fan of Hello Kitty. Yes. He wears that stuff all the time. Except if he sleeps with one of you, of course. It´s his filthy little SECRET after all. Or rather, it was. HEHEHEHEHE:devil::devil::devil:

Alistair (seeing the pants): Ohhh!!! Soooo cute! And these are new! I haven´t got them yet. Give them to me, right NOW!!!

*he jumps out of Tirigon´s lap - making him glad by that move, of course - and grabs the pants. He then undresses and puts the pink one on*

Alistair: Ohhh, I´m sooo happy! The last time I felt so good was when I found out that Duncan loves Hello Kitty as much as I do. And we had a pants partie all night. Oh, Duncan... I miss you sooo much! Bwaahaaahahhaaaa!!!

*He starts crying like a sissy, as always when he thinks about Duncan Oh how it annoys me*

Tirigon: Don´t cry, my friend, I have put on a Hello Kitty T-Shirt, just for you!

*he takes off his jacket and shows his T-Shirt*



Tirigon: AND!!! That is not everything! We have invited KITTY herself! It´s your birthday after all....

*Kitty comes in*



Tirigon: Here! And she is HORNY, I tell you. It was really hard to make sure she doesn´t join Zev in his room. But we -that is, as you know, in fact ME - managed to make sure she is still fresh.AND she is your fan!!!

Kitty: Oh Alistair, I love you sooooo much!

*Kitty kisses Alistair:kissing:*

Alistair: I .... Love you ..... tooo....   *he looses his voice. Too much excitement*

Tirigon: Now now, Off you go, there is a nice bed backstage... In Hello Kitty style!!!

*They disappear*
*Tirigon takes his t-shirt, rips it off and burns it with a fireball*

Tirigon: Oh my... Now that was terrible. Wearing that sh!t, lol... I´m soooo glad Shianni is not one of the girls who like that stuff... I´d rather wear ALISTAIR-PANTS than that. And you know that I hate him. Like every man does. He´s pretty much like Kitty in that matter...
And now, I believe this show is over. I will have a few pics of naked penisses shown now, to get attention of the media control, but I´m off. I want to kill something now. Preferably Kitty. Though I have to wait until tomorrow. She´s Alistair´s birthday present after all.

[amethyst_rose2009]

OMG, Tirigon.  I can't ever have mascara again.  *falls to floor laughing*   *can't breathe.....laughing too hard*  The part where Zev has his tongue in Alistair's mouth!!!! OMG! *tears stream down face* can't......type....any....more......


Edit: Yummy pic by the way.......I must undress him before going back to camp next time......

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 06 janvier 2010 - 03:04 .

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

Awww! Why don't we go for broke and give poor Alistair a hello Kitty doll, complete with Duncan's beard? it's his birthday, after all!

[amethyst_rose2009]

Skadi_the_Evil_Elf wrote...

Awww! Why don't we go for broke and give poor Alistair a hello Kitty doll, complete with Duncan's beard? it's his birthday, after all!

*goes to buy Hello Kitty Doll and Hello Kitty thongs for Ali's birthday*

[AtreiyaN7]

Kek - that is so wrong, yet somehow so funny. It also beats working on that @$#!ing self-help book I'm supposed to be formatting now. *slams head into her keyboard*

[Herr Uhl]

...that is just wrong.

[Sialater]

You know, I really have to give props to the artists on this game. I've never actually taken the characters' clothes off, but that's some really extensive detail, down to the veins on the arms!

[amethyst_rose2009]

Sialater wrote...

You know, I really have to give props to the artists on this game. I've never actually taken the characters' clothes off, but that's some really extensive detail, down to the veins on the arms!

I'm adding that pic to my desktop now. *swoons*

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

Sialater wrote...

You know, I really have to give props to the artists on this game. I've never actually taken the characters' clothes off, but that's some really extensive detail, down to the veins on the arms!

I was noticing that myself. Very good detail.

Looks like I'm gonna have to start making it a policy that in camp, Alistar stays naked. No exceptions. Don't give a damn if the archdemon is attacking. I'll protect him.

[Tirigon]

Oh, I SEE. Next time no pics for you ladies, until you have read the rest. The pics are too distracting, it seems.

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

Tirigon wrote...

Oh, I SEE. Next time no pics for you ladies, until you have read the rest. The pics are too distracting, it seems.

Wait a second...you mean there was like...text in that post? really?