82 réponses à ce sujet

[Theramond]

Glyph of repulsion: potential contraception failure, researchers thrown back onto the drawing board... literally.  

Modifié par Theramond, 03 janvier 2010 - 12:47 .

[Biowareian]

Dark Ritual deemed Need to Know Info, Grey Wardens Need not Know.
Grey Warden lamentations over break-up "swamp wading."  Love child goes unnoticed.

Alienage War Vets and Orphans open Casino
"It's just easier this way"

Denerium Alienage Tree Urinated by Mabari"
Elves Surrender.

Modifié par Biowareian, 03 janvier 2010 - 12:49 .

[Biowareian]

Bodies defy powers of the Elements.
Local Haven villager describes how dragon blood warms from the inside out. Documentation rivals recent thesis on lyrium vapors. The unlikely scholar had no comment.

Modifié par Biowareian, 03 janvier 2010 - 12:36 .

[westiex9]

Shoe design in Ferelden "uninspired" claims Fashion analyst



Recent Rise in Dragon slaying has Ferelden activists riled



Some Dalish Elves have begun protesting the lack of trousers "we have to wear these kilts 24/7 and it gets really cold in winter!" claims unnamed source



News of the Hour Orlais still sucks

[totertot]

I like this. The first one about the lost hope was lol-inducing.

[Theramond]

shree420 wrote...
Heresy! Chantry sister claims the standard bending-over blessing giving is murder for her back. She'd prefer to give her blessing while standing up straight.

Chantry sister claims that blessings last longer while standing up.

[alexandros777]

Found Cake dispels Rumors





Ruck Wins the 117th Orzrammar Spelling Bee





Golden Mirror Factory Raided by Giant Spider

[Kimarous]

Wardens massacre religious village; continue to deny murder of King Cailan

[edkid]

I can't resist...



A Royal Scandal: King Alistair found with his tongue stuck to a lamppost in winter!



"I thought for sure he'd done it before," says a Gray Warden friend.

[westiex9]

Senior analysts predict rapid growth in the undertaker and funeral sectors "Things are very lively we havnt had this much business since orlais was here" Remarked one unnamed source

Sex scandal Grips Royal palace " could our Warden Queen have slept with a Dwarf Crossdresser?" Find out tonight!

Archdemons Blames rough childhood for Destructive behaviour

Dragon scale is currently the hottest accessory for the discerning Ferelden woman says senior Fashion designer

Senior Military Leaders Blame Defeat at Ostagar on "Lack of Ghetto Fabulous Armour"

The Ferelden stockmarket Took a major hit after the FOW Dropped 100 points today, Senior Economists are blaming the recession on the recent buying up of already weakened health poultice producers such as the Bodhan Brothers. 


And finally:

The Today in a press statement King Harrowmont Stated " The people of Orzammar don't actively Discriminate against casteless and minorities it just works out that way"

Modifié par westiex9, 03 janvier 2010 - 11:26 .

[Lotion Soronarr]

Dwarf Woman Marries an Inanimate Object
"I gave my life to the Anvil. It was only fitting!"

Emo Of the Year Award goes to Caradin
Award given posthumusly, after Caradins suicide

"Ten Ways to Tell You're an Addict" a Hit Among Templars
"I'm trying to get off lyrium. Been clean for 5 days now" claim Cullen.

Modifié par Lotion Soronnar, 03 janvier 2010 - 11:32 .

[OldMan91]

Local King has Lamposts taken away during Winter

"We find women getting stuck to them during this time of year, Maker knows why", claims King Alistair.

[westiex9]

Anti-Sheath ordinance linked to massive rise in Back lacerations and injuries across Ferelden

[Lucy Glitter]

CBGB wrote...

Camp Dwarf Caught Making Up Rumors
"He's never even been 'on the road,'" says son. "We just stand around, and I play dumb."

That one made me laugh out loud. Brilliant.

[shree420]

Circle of Magi Claim Not Using Their Magical Skills Led to Ostagar Defeat

First Enchanter Irving claimed that not utilizing the beacon lighting capabilities of the mages was what led to the defeat at Ostagar. "We're professionals at lighting beacons, and what's more, we have had years of practice with our tower, you see. The first thing apprentices learn is climbing up from their quarters on the first floor to the topmost, where they light the beacon. We time them on their runs. "

Interviewer: "Does lighting the beacon serve any purpose?"

First Enchanter Irving: "Yes it does, it keeps us trained for emergencies like these. The difference between a professionally lit beacon and the amateur stuff those Grey Wardens do is as clear as day. We provide beacons in all the colors you'll ever need. A fiery red? We can do that? A gentle soothing green? Leave it to us. A lavender hue for delicate covert operations? We have you covered."

" In fact, we even do personal sky messages for extra money. We had a request from a certain anonymous source - certainly high up in the Ferelden hierarchy, with a "Duncan, let's share a massage after this is over" message.

Interviewer:"Thank you, First Enchanter, for your time."

[Marine0351WPNS]

Brilliant! Ive got no ideas unfortunately, but bravo to those that do!

[Lowenhart]

Wraiths found in chests
Ferelden Security salesman has bought license to put them on market

Teyrn Loghain on grey wardens
They are Orlessian suicide cultists

Dwarven Lyrium drug cartel exposed
Templars denies any purchases, chantry is launching a formal investigation.

Veil is broken several places around Thedas
Ferelden tourist agency is counting on the fade visitors to boost their sales.

Modifié par Lowenhart, 27 avril 2010 - 03:59 .

[KnightofPhoenix]

You must be a level 4 master necromancer.

[Demx]

Honnleath Kitty Demands Equal Rights
Eye witnesses report seeing a growning army of deceased cats in the Denerim Market District

[BeautyoftheBeast]

New Contraceptive Popular in Ferelden: Underwear Works!

Innovation- Broodmother Lift up Bras! Buy 3, Get the 3 Pair Half Off!

Modifié par BeautyoftheBeast, 29 avril 2010 - 09:57 .

[Troika0]

Disgruntled patrons accuse traveling masseur of deceptive marketing.

Modifié par Troika0, 02 mai 2010 - 03:24 .

[jackkel dragon]

Grey Warden Plummets to his Death
"I thought for sure he knew what he was doing" said the Warden's apprentice. "He told me to hold his beer and watch him win the war himself."

Darkspawn Plead Activists for Aid
"Genocide isn't cool" said one darkspawn. "It's not like we tried to wipe an entire race off the face of the world."

Regeant Calls Press Conference
"The loss at Ostagar was a fluke" says Teyrn Loghain. "It could have happened to anyone."

[Dracowrath]

I know I'm late to the party but dammit these are hilarious. Let me try my hand at one.

Scandal in the Landsmeet!
Lords and Ladies watch in horror as, in the middle of his duel with the Grey Warden, Teryn Loghain Mac Tir slaughtered several onlookers before a Fireball from the warden knocked him unconscious. Rumors of blood magic use go unanswered when Grey Warden found dead atop Fort Drakon.

[tklivory]

Chaos Breaks Out in Brecilian Forest!

Long standing feud between halla and grass spills over and drags in maleficar hermit and Old Oak! Revenants run amok as bears start ambushing perfectly innocent passersby! Werewolves claim perplexity at the sudden turn of events!

[RagingCyclone]

Ok...I can't resist...from an old one I put on the Alistair thread knowing a lot of his fans do this (you know who you are:P)


I'm not wearing any pants...film at eleven!