10 réponses à ce sujet

[Captain Cornhole]

Modifié par Captain Cornhole, 15 décembre 2012 - 07:31 .

[Captain Cornhole]

Johnson is the squadleader, he is three days away from retirement and is black. He totally won't die.



Cankerous is the nerdy tech expert, he drools over anything even remotely related to technology/archaeology. He currently is in love with his sister. He also hates his father. He is the tubby redhead in the above pic.


Elissa is very shy and has cybernetic implants, in human society cybernetics are treated poorly so she harbors some ill feelings towards humans. She is the gal in the second picture with the red thing.

Simmons is a duke nukem sorta of character, he his a badass and offers some dark humor. He is quiet about his past, leading some to speculate that he was a clown that escaped from the circus. He is in the first picture, the gal next to him is a possible 5th squadmate.

Modifié par Captain Cornhole, 15 décembre 2012 - 06:59 .

[Isichar]

So why are they fighting over this Wilderzone? I assume it has some kind of "insert rare element X here" property? Also are the Hygori generally peaceful to begin with since they initially put up with the Humans? Are the Hygori Religious guys just fanatical tools?

Also Simmons looks a lot like Albert Wesker

[Captain Cornhole]

Isichar wrote...

So why are they fighting over this Wilderzone? I assume it has some kind of "insert rare element X here" property? Also are the Hygori generally peaceful to begin with since they initially put up with the Humans? Are the Hygori Religious guys just fanatical tools?

Also Simmons looks a lot like Albert Wesker

I shall answer your questions shortly, i have to run to the store.

[lil yonce]

I don't know much about sci-fi, but I like it OP, and I'd be wary of sharing much more of this idea on the internet.

Modifié par Youth4Ever, 15 décembre 2012 - 07:27 .

[mr_afk]

I think I read somewhere that it's hard to give much feedback on an idea, because it's so open to interpretation in regards to the delivery/what it exactly means. It's one thing to say 'gritty conflict' and to imagine some sort of character development and fictional politics, and another actually get it down on paper. It's a lot easier to come up with a story idea than to execute or even explain it - something I know from personal experience.

From your description it sounds quite similar to a few other sci-fi franchises out there in regards to the hyper-religious alien race (Halo), and the whole conflict over the 'wilderzone' seems a little reminiscent of mass effect. I think the religious obsession over an extinct race (especially if they are considered progenitors) has also been done (e.g. hanar).

However, I don't think this is too big a problem since ideas aren't exactly unique in the first place, and usually have some sort of grounding in history/human culture - e.g. countries fighting over disputed land for territory etc. Obligatory 'there are no new ideas' quote.

But like the 'there are no new ideas, there are only new ways of making them felt' quote, as long as your delivery is good - with a consistent and engaging plot-line, interesting characters, and some sort of meaningful development/resolution - pretty much any idea should work.
The plot so far sounds maybe a little too straightforward (squad sent to track down rogue agent + involvement of religious cult sort of deal, fullstop), but I understand you want to keep your story idea from getting stolen.

My only recommendation would be maybe to focus a little more on the overall story-board, as in, what happens and how it happens - it's an easy temptation to start developing all kinds of interesting character backstories/environments/lore, and lose sight of the actual story you're trying to present. Good plot-twists are actually pretty hard to make, they either end up been too obvious/cliche or feeling a little too forced. Same deal with character development and character interactions.

Hopefully this helps.


On another note, that universe/galaxy picture is amazing. Did you draw it yourself?

Modifié par mr_afk, 15 décembre 2012 - 07:32 .

[Ren Roche]

Captain Cornhole wrote...

krell, a ancient/extinct race of superbeing who are reveared as gods.

Extinct civilizations have become a cliche in sci-fi stories. For example, ME would be a lot better without Reapers since the galaxy is much more interesting than that. I mean, there could be different things than hunting agents who have gone AWOL and finding out why ancient civilizations disappeared. Say, fighting against secret crime organizations, tracking down spies and assassins. Something like that.

I think you should focus more on humans and hygori. Perhaps put the squad against a powerful syndicate that is controlled by parasites who plan to infect the entire galaxy (cheesy idea, I know). But that's just my opinion and I dunno how vital to your story is the krell civilization. Heh, gotta agree with Isichar on Simmons. He kinda looks like Wesker. But hey, if the squad leader's gonna be like the captain Idris Elba played in Prometheus then I think it's gonna be alright.

Also it's "rogue" and not "rouge" agent. Just had to point that out since you typed it twice.

[Captain Cornhole]

Youth4Ever wrote...

I don't know much about sci-fi, but I like it OP, and I'd be wary of sharing much more of this idea on the internet.

See now you got me all paranoid.

[Captain Cornhole]

mr_afk wrote...

I think I read somewhere that it's hard to give much feedback on an idea, because it's so open to interpretation in regards to the delivery/what it exactly means. It's one thing to say 'gritty conflict' and to imagine some sort of character development and fictional politics, and another actually get it down on paper. It's a lot easier to come up with a story idea than to execute or even explain it - something I know from personal experience.

From your description it sounds quite similar to a few other sci-fi franchises out there in regards to the hyper-religious alien race (Halo), and the whole conflict over the 'wilderzone' seems a little reminiscent of mass effect. I think the religious obsession over an extinct race (especially if they are considered progenitors) has also been done (e.g. hanar).

However, I don't think this is too big a problem since ideas aren't exactly unique in the first place, and usually have some sort of grounding in history/human culture - e.g. countries fighting over disputed land for territory etc. Obligatory 'there are no new ideas' quote.

But like the 'there are no new ideas, there are only new ways of making them felt' quote, as long as your delivery is good - with a consistent and engaging plot-line, interesting characters, and some sort of meaningful development/resolution - pretty much any idea should work.
The plot so far sounds maybe a little too straightforward (squad sent to track down rogue agent + involvement of religious cult sort of deal, fullstop), but I understand you want to keep your story idea from getting stolen.

My only recommendation would be maybe to focus a little more on the overall story-board, as in, what happens and how it happens - it's an easy temptation to start developing all kinds of interesting character backstories/environments/lore, and lose sight of the actual story you're trying to present. Good plot-twists are actually pretty hard to make, they either end up been too obvious/cliche or feeling a little too forced. Same deal with character development and character interactions.

Hopefully this helps.


On another note, that universe/galaxy picture is amazing. Did you draw it yourself?

Yeah, one problem for me is execution, i'm not that skilled of a writer. I want to do a propper ammount of forshaddowing so by when the twists come, it seems probable and natural and not compleatly out of the blue or coming miles away. Same with character development. I can see how you can draw similarities with certain things. I mean without giving too much away, I would think of the covenant from halo sounds similar. But what i want to do with the hygori, is set them apart from being like the hanar or covenant. They aren't all unified in their faith and there are varying degrees of extremes to their religion. And unlike the hanar or covenant, their motives aren't entirely religious. I said they were also capitalists, some of their motivations are for making money, expanding their economy, and other selfish motives. I'm prolly not doing a good job discribing this cause I'm in a hurry. But it might be more accurate to sterotype them as christian/muslim Warren Buffets.

Yeah I did it in GIMP using the airbrush tool and a selection of oil brushes plus some lighting effects.

[Captain Cornhole]

The Machoborn wrote...

Captain Cornhole wrote...

krell, a ancient/extinct race of superbeing who are reveared as gods.

Extinct civilizations have become a cliche in sci-fi stories. For example, ME would be a lot better without Reapers since the galaxy is much more interesting than that. I mean, there could be different things than hunting agents who have gone AWOL and finding out why ancient civilizations disappeared. Say, fighting against secret crime organizations, tracking down spies and assassins. Something like that.

I think you should focus more on humans and hygori. Perhaps put the squad against a powerful syndicate that is controlled by parasites who plan to infect the entire galaxy (cheesy idea, I know). But that's just my opinion and I dunno how vital to your story is the krell civilization. Heh, gotta agree with Isichar on Simmons. He kinda looks like Wesker. But hey, if the squad leader's gonna be like the captain Idris Elba played in Prometheus then I think it's gonna be alright.

Also it's "rogue" and not "rouge" agent. Just had to point that out since you typed it twice.

Thanks, yeah I agree that the "ancient civilzation" is very much a trope or long running cliche. I want to freshen it up though and put a few twists on things. I would love to talk about it but it is terribly spoilerific. Like with the Reapers I think they made good villians up till ME3 cause of that whole space abomination mythos thing, but what i agree with you on is that the universe bioware made was very interesting and insightfull and having it blown away in ME3 is sorta terrible. I don't want to go that route, I mean sure they are tracking down a rogue agent, but also in doing so i want to explore human and hygori culture giving an ammount of depth that will expose the flaws and faults of each side. That said personally I have never been a fan of shadowy criminal/government organizations and for the most part I want to steer clear of that type of plot involvement, although i won't deny shadowy organizations do have some role in things.