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[saintjimmy43]

 Twas the night before Earth
And all through the Normandy
Nothing was stirring;
The War Readiness was holding at seventy.

Javik was nestled all snug in his...bed.
And Liara was glitching Glyph through her head.
And above the sound of James working his pecs,
Specialist Traynor and I were about to have clothed shower sex.

When out from the Med-bay arose such a clatter
I sprang from the bed, went to the elevator, took it down to the Crew Deck, settled an ambient argument between two crewmates for reputation points, talked to Garrus about his calibrations, checked the Shadow Broker Terminal for upgrades, and went to the Med-bay to see what was the matter.
Away to the AI core I flew like crawling Joker.
Swearing that if EDI was mulling over the consequences of sentience again I'd choke her.

The sheen from EDI's body made me disracted at first.
And the obvious fan service of her tNa was just the worst.
But what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a new window that I swore was not there yester-year.

I saw a little old Reaper, so large and in drama strong.
And I knew in that moment that something was very wrong.
More red than Rudolph his gun nose was!
And he named the ships in his posse with a buzz!

"Now Harby! Now Sovereign! Now un-named Reaper from Menae!
The cycle will continue, Shepard dies today!
To the cargo hold, where he can easily fight us!
In his armor, with heavy weapons that were just lying there, and with a cameo by Wrex!"

Like weak-ass husks caught up in a vanguard's heavy melee,
They zoomed somewhere that I couldn't see.
And so down to the Cargo Hold I dashed.
After talking about a sister I've never even met with Ash.

And then with a WAAAAAAAAAAAAAMP I heard lasers shoot
But fortunately in the loading screen I had changed into my suit
And picked out two squad members to stem the flow
Of the Reapers that were now breaching our hull.

A couple Brutes they offloaded and waited
Which I took care of easily as if I was Leviathan-orb-plated
And finally after a renegade interrupt
Harbinger, my old nemesis himself, stepped up.

He was wicked and black, and had four laser-things on his bod
But I laughed when I saw him, because I had dowloaded a mod.
That made him look like Squidward; With a twist of my head
I saw something that made me lose all of my dread.

It was Urdnot Wrex, and for some reason an Admiral
From the Quarian fleet, riding an elephant like a spaniel.
And like something out of MEHEMod
They tore into the Reapers and turned them into wood-chips and sod!


From forth the guns flew a deadly blue light
And transported the Reapers back into the space-night
And as quick as they came, they dashed off like a leopard
Leaving me with only one thing: "Wake up, Shepard."