Sorry if the names taken. I recently began writing my fan-fic based on ME3 muti-player i'd like to get some objective opinions on how i'm doing. This is the first piece of literary work i'v done since highschool so constructive criticism will be welcome
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This is the Intro and first chapter.
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Vengeance for the
fallen
Intro
2 Days before Reaper invasion of Earth
Drifting through the inky black of space the Systems
Alliance Frigate Pearl Harbor ran on minimum power in an attempt to go unnoticed
by any that may have been looking. The vessel was currently patrolling the
neutral region between Alliance and Bratarian space, Pearl Harbor was tasked
to watch for any activity from the increasingly quiet Hegemony. Six months
prior Commander Shepard was reported to have caused the total destruction of a
Bratarian system and consequently the deaths of over three hundred thousand
Bratarian colonist. Alliance brass had made it clear that they wanted Alliance
territory secure in the event of Bratarian retaliation.
“Sit rep.” Captain Allana Fallon ordered from behind the
pilot’s seat.
“No Activity detected, it’s a bit creepy mam. This is the
main route to the Cadmas relay, we should be seeing freighter activity at the
least. But as far as I can tell we’re totally alone out here.” reported the young
sensor officer.
“Maintain passive scanning, let me know if anything
changes.”
The Captain turned to head back through the heart of the
ship when she spotted her XO, Major Carver Frost heading her way with a look of
concern in his eye.
“Still nothing on scanners?” he asked, thought it was
clearly a statement and not a question.
“It just doesn’t make sense, where the hell have they all
gone?” she asked not really expecting an answer.
The two officers began making their way back toward the body
of the frigate as they mused over their situation.
“It’s starting to look like Shepard may have been right.”
Frost stated without preamble.
“Please Major, I still haven’t seen anything to make me
believe the Apocalypse is coming and I’d appreciate it if we could focus on the
evidence in front of us.”
Almost as if on cue alarms and lights began blaring.
“Multiple contacts.” shouted the pilot.
“I’ve got three ships on sensors, two match Bratarian
frigate profiles ….this can’t be right…”
“What is it?” Fallon asked returning to the cockpit with
Frost right on her heels.
“The third ship, profile matches the Geth Dreadnought from
the Battle of the Citadel.”
Silence dominated the cockpit for a short moment while the
irony of the command team’s recent conversation sunk in.
“What’s the evidence look like now Captain?” Frost asked
humorlessly.
“Get us the hell out of here lieutenant.” was the only
response the Captain gave.
Vengeance for the fallen
Débuté par
jayred vas normandy
, déc. 28 2012 02:39
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Posté 28 décembre 2012 - 02:40
jayred vas normandy
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Chapter 1-The calm before the storm
Major Carver Frost slowly pulled himself out of the tiny
coffin like sleeper pod. His watch on the bridge had ended two hours earlier so
he still plenty of time before he was due back on duty. Despite that fact rest
was something his body had chosen to deny him. Frost made his way toward the
crew mess thinking maybe he should have used the sleep aid function on the pod.
He never used it because he hated the way his body felt after an induced
slumber. Finally reaching the mess area he made his way over to the pot of
coffee that was no doubt the same one he saw brewing two hour prior.
“You call that coffee?”Said a feminine voice from behind him
that he immediately recognized.
Behind him stood Operations Chief Nami Yong wearing her
customary mischievous look, the young woman’s lithe form and carefree demeanor
hide the fact that she was one of the deadliest members of the crew. Born and
raised of Earth, Nami had been honed from an early age to be a dangerous
individual. Her childhood had been spent being educated in not only academics
but also the art of combat. She had attended one military academy after the
next until she was old enough to enlist in the Alliance military. Over the
years she had not only become an infiltration expert but also a hand to hand
combat specialist. She and Frost had spent the last two years together on
various assignments, Alliance brass had recognized the fact that the pair
seemed to have chemistry on the battlefield. They had first met during their
time at the N7 villa in Rio, and despite regulation they had become good
friends. Each of their careers had become hectic following their time at the
villa but they had managed to maintain contact. When they were assigned to Pearl
Harbor it was like a perfect pair reuniting.
“I can’t drink that tar you call coffee, I actually like to
enjoy what I’m drinking.” Frost replied sarcastically.
“So, how long we gonna be star gazing out here? We haven’t
seen anything from the squints since we got here.” Nami asked.
“And that’s the whole problem, when’s the last time you saw
space this close to a major relay transit lane this empty?” Frost replied.
“Guess you got a point. Still feels like a waste, I mean
brass could at least let us take a closer look.”
“And if the Bratarians are planning something? Having an
Alliance Ship in their territory may be just what they’ve been waiting for.” He
had been giving this a lot of thought.”But honestly, I don’t think its that
either. Even if they were preparing for a push against us we should still be
seeing some transient traffic out here.”
Yong seemed to give that some thought before responding.
“So, what are you thinking?”
“You’ve read Shepard’s reports just like I have. Those
weren’t the ramblings of a man losing his mind, they were coherent tactical
assessments. If you look at it like that this makes all the sense in the
world.”
The Chief stayed quiet as she give what he said some
thought. When she spoke again her voice held no humor. “If Shepard was right
then the Bratarians are already gone.”
With that they both descended back into silence mentally
weighing the reality of their situation.
‘’Who **** in your cheerios?” came another familiar voice.
Frost and Yong were both pulled back to the here and know by the voice of
Sergeant Kail Averez. Averez was the squad tech. expert and resident egghead.
If it had circuits and power he was the man to hack it, crack it, or rig it in
any way a Spec. Ops team might find handy. Kail was a young man as was typical
of most Spec. Ops soldiers. Nevertheless he had an impressive resume, which was
what had landed him assigned to Frost team. Initially his placement on the
squad had been to assess his readiness for N7 certification, but after a few
missions Frost had requested a permanent transfer.
Ignoring Averez’s question Frost asked.”Any Developments up
in the C.I.C.?”
“Last I checked we were still the only ones at the party.”
With that Frost headed for the stairs leading from the crew
deck to the C.I.C. to get a first hand update.
“Guess he’s in a mood.” Averez stated flatly.
“Just got a lot on his mind is all.” Nami replied in Frost defense.
As the two marines settled into a lighter conversation they
were joined by the last two members of their squad, Sergeant Robert Gibson and Corporal
Jenifer Dooley made their way towards the pair holding their own conversation.
“What have you two been up to?” Nami asked noticing the pair
approaching.
“Just finished moding my new gear.” Dooley answered.
Gibson was the teams support gunner and heavy weapons expert;
he spent most of his time moding and maintaining the squads equipment. As the
Squads biotic specialist Dooley had little skill in that department, so it was
likely that Gibson had done all of the work while Dooley worked at slowing him
down.
“Where’s the Major, I wanted to show him the new specs on my
pistol. Gibs just tripled the punch with that new barrel.”
“Not a good time I’d say.”
Averez responded.
Major Frost was just entering the C.I.C when he caught sight
of Captain Fallon leaving the cockpit.
“Still nothing on sensors?” Frost asked.
The two officers exchanged knowing looks befor the Captain
responded. As their differing opinions of the situation became clear the C.I.C.
erupted into activity.
“Multiple contacts.”
“I’ve got three ships on scanners.”
“Two Bratarian Frigates, one unknown… wait that can’t be
right.”
“What’ve we got Ensign?” the Captain barked.
“The third contact, Ladar matches it to the Geth Dreadnought
form the Battle of the Citadel.”
“I want all Systems back at full power. Get us the hell out
of here lieutenant.”
Outside the view ports the two Bratarian ships juked and
jinked back and forth through space in an attempt at evading their massive
pursuer. Crimson Beams shot forth from the vessel that looked disturbingly like
a demon’s severed hand flying through space. The lead frigate narrowly avoided
a shot as it’s companion was hit solidly on the port side. It’s shields were
torn away like wrapping paper form a child’s toy, leaving the engines on that
side exposed. The ship barely lasted long enough for the shields to fail
completely, the following explosion slamming into the survivor like a
sledgehammer.
“Second Frigates about to go.”
“ETA to FTL jump.” Frost ordered.
“Momentarily Sir, NavCom’s a little slow coming back up.”
Stated a nervous navigator.
“Why the hell was the NavCom offline?” The Captain Barked
quickly losing her cool.
”Never mind that now, just get us trajectories and get them
now.” Frost interrupted before the navigator could answer.
“Unknown contact shifting to intercept mam.”
As the massive Dreadnought plowed through the remains of his
latest victims it caught sight of the fleeing Pearl Harbor and like an
unsatisfied predator turned in pursuit of more prey.
“How the **** can a ship that big be so fast?” the pilot
shouted all professionalism forgotten.
The Alliance pilot poured on all the power his ship had to
offer and it was all pointless, the monster was steadily gaining ground on
them. Just as he was about to give in to his thoughts of making a blind jump
and hoping for the best the NavCom sent jump vectors to his screen. He breathed
a quiet sigh of relief as his hands flew over his controls bringing the ship on
course for FTL flight. Just as the Reaper was nearing firing range the Pearl
Harbor leapt forth with a flash.
Major Carver Frost slowly pulled himself out of the tiny
coffin like sleeper pod. His watch on the bridge had ended two hours earlier so
he still plenty of time before he was due back on duty. Despite that fact rest
was something his body had chosen to deny him. Frost made his way toward the
crew mess thinking maybe he should have used the sleep aid function on the pod.
He never used it because he hated the way his body felt after an induced
slumber. Finally reaching the mess area he made his way over to the pot of
coffee that was no doubt the same one he saw brewing two hour prior.
“You call that coffee?”Said a feminine voice from behind him
that he immediately recognized.
Behind him stood Operations Chief Nami Yong wearing her
customary mischievous look, the young woman’s lithe form and carefree demeanor
hide the fact that she was one of the deadliest members of the crew. Born and
raised of Earth, Nami had been honed from an early age to be a dangerous
individual. Her childhood had been spent being educated in not only academics
but also the art of combat. She had attended one military academy after the
next until she was old enough to enlist in the Alliance military. Over the
years she had not only become an infiltration expert but also a hand to hand
combat specialist. She and Frost had spent the last two years together on
various assignments, Alliance brass had recognized the fact that the pair
seemed to have chemistry on the battlefield. They had first met during their
time at the N7 villa in Rio, and despite regulation they had become good
friends. Each of their careers had become hectic following their time at the
villa but they had managed to maintain contact. When they were assigned to Pearl
Harbor it was like a perfect pair reuniting.
“I can’t drink that tar you call coffee, I actually like to
enjoy what I’m drinking.” Frost replied sarcastically.
“So, how long we gonna be star gazing out here? We haven’t
seen anything from the squints since we got here.” Nami asked.
“And that’s the whole problem, when’s the last time you saw
space this close to a major relay transit lane this empty?” Frost replied.
“Guess you got a point. Still feels like a waste, I mean
brass could at least let us take a closer look.”
“And if the Bratarians are planning something? Having an
Alliance Ship in their territory may be just what they’ve been waiting for.” He
had been giving this a lot of thought.”But honestly, I don’t think its that
either. Even if they were preparing for a push against us we should still be
seeing some transient traffic out here.”
Yong seemed to give that some thought before responding.
“So, what are you thinking?”
“You’ve read Shepard’s reports just like I have. Those
weren’t the ramblings of a man losing his mind, they were coherent tactical
assessments. If you look at it like that this makes all the sense in the
world.”
The Chief stayed quiet as she give what he said some
thought. When she spoke again her voice held no humor. “If Shepard was right
then the Bratarians are already gone.”
With that they both descended back into silence mentally
weighing the reality of their situation.
‘’Who **** in your cheerios?” came another familiar voice.
Frost and Yong were both pulled back to the here and know by the voice of
Sergeant Kail Averez. Averez was the squad tech. expert and resident egghead.
If it had circuits and power he was the man to hack it, crack it, or rig it in
any way a Spec. Ops team might find handy. Kail was a young man as was typical
of most Spec. Ops soldiers. Nevertheless he had an impressive resume, which was
what had landed him assigned to Frost team. Initially his placement on the
squad had been to assess his readiness for N7 certification, but after a few
missions Frost had requested a permanent transfer.
Ignoring Averez’s question Frost asked.”Any Developments up
in the C.I.C.?”
“Last I checked we were still the only ones at the party.”
With that Frost headed for the stairs leading from the crew
deck to the C.I.C. to get a first hand update.
“Guess he’s in a mood.” Averez stated flatly.
“Just got a lot on his mind is all.” Nami replied in Frost defense.
As the two marines settled into a lighter conversation they
were joined by the last two members of their squad, Sergeant Robert Gibson and Corporal
Jenifer Dooley made their way towards the pair holding their own conversation.
“What have you two been up to?” Nami asked noticing the pair
approaching.
“Just finished moding my new gear.” Dooley answered.
Gibson was the teams support gunner and heavy weapons expert;
he spent most of his time moding and maintaining the squads equipment. As the
Squads biotic specialist Dooley had little skill in that department, so it was
likely that Gibson had done all of the work while Dooley worked at slowing him
down.
“Where’s the Major, I wanted to show him the new specs on my
pistol. Gibs just tripled the punch with that new barrel.”
“Not a good time I’d say.”
Averez responded.
Major Frost was just entering the C.I.C when he caught sight
of Captain Fallon leaving the cockpit.
“Still nothing on sensors?” Frost asked.
The two officers exchanged knowing looks befor the Captain
responded. As their differing opinions of the situation became clear the C.I.C.
erupted into activity.
“Multiple contacts.”
“I’ve got three ships on scanners.”
“Two Bratarian Frigates, one unknown… wait that can’t be
right.”
“What’ve we got Ensign?” the Captain barked.
“The third contact, Ladar matches it to the Geth Dreadnought
form the Battle of the Citadel.”
“I want all Systems back at full power. Get us the hell out
of here lieutenant.”
Outside the view ports the two Bratarian ships juked and
jinked back and forth through space in an attempt at evading their massive
pursuer. Crimson Beams shot forth from the vessel that looked disturbingly like
a demon’s severed hand flying through space. The lead frigate narrowly avoided
a shot as it’s companion was hit solidly on the port side. It’s shields were
torn away like wrapping paper form a child’s toy, leaving the engines on that
side exposed. The ship barely lasted long enough for the shields to fail
completely, the following explosion slamming into the survivor like a
sledgehammer.
“Second Frigates about to go.”
“ETA to FTL jump.” Frost ordered.
“Momentarily Sir, NavCom’s a little slow coming back up.”
Stated a nervous navigator.
“Why the hell was the NavCom offline?” The Captain Barked
quickly losing her cool.
”Never mind that now, just get us trajectories and get them
now.” Frost interrupted before the navigator could answer.
“Unknown contact shifting to intercept mam.”
As the massive Dreadnought plowed through the remains of his
latest victims it caught sight of the fleeing Pearl Harbor and like an
unsatisfied predator turned in pursuit of more prey.
“How the **** can a ship that big be so fast?” the pilot
shouted all professionalism forgotten.
The Alliance pilot poured on all the power his ship had to
offer and it was all pointless, the monster was steadily gaining ground on
them. Just as he was about to give in to his thoughts of making a blind jump
and hoping for the best the NavCom sent jump vectors to his screen. He breathed
a quiet sigh of relief as his hands flew over his controls bringing the ship on
course for FTL flight. Just as the Reaper was nearing firing range the Pearl
Harbor leapt forth with a flash.
