190 réponses à ce sujet

[spirosz]

Youth4Ever wrote...
Why do you have to be an "ass", as you put it, when your kindess expires?

Ask the same thing to the person being an ass.  Kindness can only go so far for some. 

[lil yonce]

Lathrim wrote...

In general? Not at all. I think of myself as a fairly cold person, really.

Thank you for your honesty.

The Ethereal Writer Redux wrote...

Snip --

Anyway, I'm patient with people -- unless they start to insult my character and intelligence, at which point I'm prone to being a sarcastic **** to them. And that's at the very least. At most, I'll go full-blown angry bastard -- and generally kind to anyone. People that know me well know me as an eccentric, crazy, weird, perverted*, sarcastic, and funny guy.

-- Snip

So you're patient and kind until a certain point? Honest question -- Why do you believe you're a kind person if you aren't in situations where, arguably, kindness in it's truest form can be expressed?

Modifié par Youth4Ever, 20 janvier 2013 - 03:57 .

[spirosz]

Also, why do you state someone is being honest when they say their cold, but ask someone "do you truly believe your kind" if they say their kind?

[spirosz]

Lathrim wrote...

spirosz wrote...

Youth4Ever wrote...
Why do you have to be an "ass", as you put it, when your kindess expires?

Ask the same thing to the person being an ass.  Kindness can only go so far for some. 

No more acting on kindness does not necessarily translate to being an ass, however. There is some middle ground, I think.

Well, sure, but as much as patience is a virtue, some people.... need a reality check. 

Modifié par spirosz, 20 janvier 2013 - 04:03 .

[Sundance31us]

If I had to guess...I probably come across as cold, but I really have no idea.

[TheClonesLegacy]

I try to be, Though my Snarky nature can get the better of me.

Modifié par TheClonesLegacy, 20 janvier 2013 - 04:06 .

[lil yonce]

spirosz wrote...

Also, why do you state someone is being honest when they say their cold, but ask someone "do you truly believe your kind" if they say their kind?

I think he gave a very honest answer. An often difficult answer for most people. That's all. I don't want everyone who posts in this thread to feel they have to say they are kind. I want straight answers to properly gauge the topic. It's not a judgment against anyone who said they are kind.

And if you feel you are kind, why aren't you all the time? Why is it selective? Why does it expire in tense situations, where arguably the truest expression of kindess is possible? etc.

Modifié par Youth4Ever, 20 janvier 2013 - 05:59 .

[lil yonce]

spirosz wrote...

Lathrim wrote...

spirosz wrote...

Youth4Ever wrote...
Why do you have to be an "ass", as you put it, when your kindess expires?

Ask the same thing to the person being an ass.  Kindness can only go so far for some. 

No more acting on kindness does not necessarily translate to being an ass, however. There is some middle ground, I think.

Well, sure, but as much as patience is a virtue, some people.... need a reality check.

So, when do you pass the middle ground between kindness and "jackass"?

[spirosz]

Youth4Ever wrote...

And if you feel you are kind, why aren't you all the time? Why is it selective? Why does it expire in tense situations, where arguably the truest expression of kindess is possible? etc.

Because it's not realistic to be kind all of time, there can be many external or internal influences that can affect how you act in a certain day or towards people.  

[TEWR]

Youth4Ever wrote...

So you're patient and kind until a certain point? Honest question -- Why do you believe you're a kind person if you aren't in situations where, arguably, kindness in it's truest form can be expressed?

Until a certain set of criteria has been met where I can no longer remain patient and kind, yes. But it depends on the actual circumstances themselves. It's not often that I lose my cool around other people, but if I do have that happen it's easy for me to do so.

In answer to your question though, it's because more often then not, turning the other cheek to a person's incorrect and rude statements lets them continue to think of you that way. Or so I've found.

Patience and kindness, while great and things that should be practiced, can only go so far when other people fail to do such a thing.

No one should be insulted just because Lady Smarmypants wants to get home right away to watch The Young and the Restless and the cashier is having a tough time dealing with the system without ****ing it up for the person -- or worse, the entire line of customers behind her. Or being insulted behind their backs by their coworkers.

I exercise kindness when I have been given no reason to cease with it. When people give me adequate cause to lose sight of it however -- for the reasons I listed -- then I can't remain a kind person. I feel that anger at that point will show them how they're in the wrong, and not myself.

Being too kind is a flaw, IMO. Anger is just as useful, in certain situations. For example, I would not take an insult to my little brother, who has Down's Syndrome, in stride. I would probably lose my head and yell at the top of my lungs.

Nor would I take many insults to my character in stride, deepending on who said them. 

Modifié par The Ethereal Writer Redux, 20 janvier 2013 - 04:22 .

[BTG_01]

I try to be polite here and reign in my sarcasm, although I have on occasion ended up inadvertently angering some people over what I thought were fairly innocuous remarks. I think that happens to most people, though.

[spirosz]

The Ethereal Writer Redux wrote...

Being too kind is a flaw, IMO. Anger is just as useful, in certain situations. For example, I would not take an insult to my little brother, who has Down's Syndrome, in stride. I would probably lose my head and yell at the top of my lungs.

Nor would I take many insults to my character in stride, deepending on who said them. 

Exactly, it depends on the circumstance. 

[Fast Jimmy]

 Human psychology is based off an inherent need to always have our actions we've done as a confirmation bias. We always want to reiforce our own idea of who we are. Relative to our own upbringing and moral compass, this can often manifest itself in the form of being a benevolent person. 

This will result in us acting nice, doing small favors for absolute strangers. Giving directions when someone is lost, despite our own comfort and schedule, handing out spare change to a person in need, being a shoulder to cry on to a good friend... these are all behaviors of humans who recognize a low cost opportunity to reaffirm their own "good" standing within the world. Whether or not the recognition or behavior is intentional is irrelevant. 

People will act "good" or "kind" when it is of little cost to do so. Even when they don't get to flaunt their actions (as many do, people often find ways of slipping their good deeds into regular conversation), these actions serve their own purpose in the psyche of the do-gooder, to reinforce their concept of being a good person. Any flaw we have as individuals can be ignored because we have the smallest of our wealth (spare change) to a person who is poorer than most of us can imagine. Or because we sit on a phone conversation longer then normal for a friend who is undergoing tough emotional crises. Or we stop longer than is our customar time to give advice/knowledge to a complete stranger. 

All of these are examples of costing nothing of note to the "good" person. A few minutes of time when there is no looming crisis, or the change in our pockets when we have a full belly, or enduring a moment of uncomfortability when a stranger needs assistance.

All of it serves to reinforce our mind's perception that we are "good" people, despite that NONE of these actions require any sacrifice, work or altruism by us at all. Now, if you were to ask if I was the type of person to quit my job (that I love) just to make an ethical stand for fellow co-workers, then maybe, yes, I could say I was a "good" person (even though I might also subconsciously be searching for approval from my work peers in doing so). If I were to go broke to help a stranger pay their rent; when I don't know at all of the reason they were not able to do so was because they were spending all their available resources on gambling, drugs or alcohol, I could be called "good." If I was offering immunity for a crime committed, regardless of how that crime affected my life, family, work or well-being, I may be called "kind or good."

But giving amnesty to criminals, regardless of their regret, could be very foolish. Giving money to someone addicted to gambling or a drug could be similarly foolish. Quitting my profession because others who are lazy or incompetent are getting fired for their lack of work ethic would similarly be foolish. 

So, what is "kind?" What is "good?"

Are they actions to make you reaffirm your own personal mindset of yourself? Are they actions which defy logic and reason? Or are they actions which make us moral and right?

Modifié par Fast Jimmy, 20 janvier 2013 - 04:50 .

[lil yonce]

The Ethereal Writer Redux wrote...

In answer to your question though, it's because more often then not, turning the other cheek to a person's incorrect and rude statements lets them continue to think of you that way. Or so I've found. Patience and kindness, while great and things that should be practiced, can only go so far when other people fail to do such a thing.

But why are you, at the very least, a "sarcastic ****" after you've been insulted? Honestly, why do you have to insult someone after you've been insulted? Would a truly kind person even repay insults or anger?

I exercise kindness when I have been given no reason to cease with it. When people give me adequate cause to lose sight of it however -- for the reasons I listed -- then I can't remain a kind person. I feel that anger at that point will show them how they're in the wrong, and not myself.

And you can't do this without insults or sarcasm? Being kind as I know it doesn't mean you can't express your opinion, but it means you do it without insults, sarcasm, rudeness, anger, self righteousness, etc. especially when someone has behaved in these way towards you. Being kind entails you do the kind thing whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Being too kind is a flaw, IMO. Anger is just as useful, in certain situations. For example, I would not take an insult to my little brother, who has Down's Syndrome, in stride. I would probably lose my head and yell at the top of my lungs. Nor would I take many insults to my character in stride, deepending on who said them.

I wouldn't ask you to "take an insult", and I wouldn't say that being kind requires that you do. Simply, by most defintions, anger and kindness don't go hand-in-hand. For example, would you call your mother a loving person if she beat you when she felt stressed or angered, but otherwise treated you fairly? Personally, I wouldn't.

Modifié par Youth4Ever, 20 janvier 2013 - 05:26 .

[spirosz]

Fast Jimmy wrote...

Are they actions to make you reaffirm your own personal mindset of yourself? 

^That.  Culture can influence it, many things can influence what we see as "good" or "kind".

[lil yonce]

Fast Jimmy wrote...

So, what is "kind?" What is "good?"

Kindness is an active state of being, not a momentary sentiment or distorted perception. And kindness is logic and reason. Giving into anger is not reasonable, and that's what people do when they are unkind. I'm not saying you can't at all be angry, but being insulting, being sarcastic, rude etc. because you're angry, because that's how you feel in the moment is certainly not reasonable. When you're kind, you've made the conscious decision to not be rude, sarcastic, bitter, etc. You've reasoned.

Also, you don't exercise kindness only when it's easy or convenient, as that's not true kindness. You practice it when it is difficult to do so. By most defintions, when you can do it in hard situations consistently, you are kind.

Modifié par Youth4Ever, 20 janvier 2013 - 05:34 .

[MASSEFFECTfanforlife101]

I hope so.

[Flashflame58]

I am kind when others are kind to me.