190 réponses à ce sujet

[Shepenwepet]

LegionofRannoch wrote...

im very patient, kind and and mostly shy , but i have an emotionless/serious additude when around people i dont know. i keep to myself most of the time.

This is also me, although I'd take out "mostly shy" and replace it with "quiet."  Others have called me shy, but I have no problems talking to people, I just prefer being alone.

I may seem cold/offputting to people who don't share my interests, it's not that I couldn't get along with someone, it's just that I have no real desire to if we have nothing in common. That sounds meaner than it really is. 

Internet me is largely IRL me, although IRL me spouts far more MST3K and Simpsons quotes than internet me.

Modifié par Shepenwepet, 20 janvier 2013 - 02:53 .

[lil yonce]

- Songlian - wrote...

Youth4Ever wrote...

Lathrim wrote...

To those who deserve it (IMO). That list is quite limited. The rest? Pretty much the opposite.

Can kindness be so selective?

Personally, I don't think it can. It's like saying you define yourself as an honest person, but still cheat your way out of things when it's convenient.

I agree, and it's very interesting many posters in this thread view kindness the exact opposite way. Viewing kindness as a feeling (though I've never heard someone say "I feel kind today,"). Or being kind only to those who "deserve it." As you (those who have given this response) have decided someone is unworthy, what happens when someone decides that you are unworthy? Do you not deserve a humane respect regardless of how somone feels toward you in the moment?

And thank you for your previous response. On topic - I have absolutely no clue. I would like to think I am kind, but maybe there are people who think I'm an absolute b!tch when I turn my back. I think such things are relative, and unless we have a clear definition on what kind represents, all you'll get is a personal opinion.

No problem. I do want personal opinion and perception on this topic as much as possible, but I do think there is a generally accepted concept of kindness. Benevolence in most defintions works. Doing something out of the "goodness of your heart."

I think kindness is a relation of the heart that prompts you to act with goodwill.

For example, when you know someone is hurting, I mean you really know because you've been there, you've experienced that particular hurt or you've been so hurt by something you understand the emotional hole they're in, how awful it is, and you don't want anyone to experience that, you do everything you can to alleviate their suffering. That's kindness.

Online, when you've been insulted and that makes you feel angry, sad, unworthy, disrespected, whatever the feeling may be, you don't seek to make that person feel the same way. You don't desire they experience the pain of your heart. In fact, you ensure that they don't in your next words by editing insults or hateful remarks. That's kindness. I don't think you have to compliment them, or be "nice" to them, you just don't lose a respectful tone, you don't try to strip them of their dignity, etc.

I think kindness is often confused with niceness and goodness, and kindness is always nice and good, but niceness and goodness are not always kind. Nice asks, "How are you doin'?" and then makes water cooler small talk to pass the time regardless of the response. Kind already knows and immediately seeks to help. Similarly, you can be a good person, never deliberately wronging anyone, but also never relate to anyone or seek to help them.

Modifié par Youth4Ever, 22 janvier 2013 - 02:15 .

[Laamaa]

I can only say that I do my best to be kind. Wheter it's working or not.. Well... I can't really answer that.

[Melra]

I guess, at least to those that I consider as friends. I can be rather harsh to random people though, but I haven't really seen a problem with that so far.

[lil yonce]

Lathrim wrote...

Looking back, I could and should have explained a bit better. Going by your take on kindness (which is pretty much the way I see it as well) and continuing upon my words on the topic, with some clarification on the way: Worthiness or lack thereof is... complicated. [...] I would say that I'm kind to the ones I genuinely care about. Frankly, I simply could not care less about most of the people around me. The ones I talk to, the ones I don't because we did not have the opportunity, the ones I can't stand... if I see they are feeling bad, I most likely won't offer to help. I might ask what happened, but that is due to curiosity and nothing more. I am not interested in more than what I have with most of the people I know, both here and in real-life. Getting me to actually care about you is not, by any means, easy. Why? It is pretty simple. I am not interested, and it is pretty damn easy to irritate me to the point where I can't be bothered interacting with you anymore. Happened more times than I care to count, in fact.

Generally, you find it difficult to relate on most levels to people you don't know or don't like, or often you're not interested in reaching that level of intimacy with strangers? Though the reasons may vary, I think that's actually a rather common experience. I think we've all decided not to relate to someone on some level when we could have. The "why not" is very interesting, of course, and that generally appears to be tied to developing and ingrained, feelings and attitudes. I do believe the challenge of expressing pure kindness lies in relating to strangers, enemies, etc., moving past attitudes towards them and making connections of some sort that can ultimately extinguish, for example, irritation.

That is not to say I'm downright rude to those people, however. For the most part, I am approachable and perfectly willing to talk to a person from hours on end-- until she asks me to open up about one (or more) aspect of my life or starts doing so herself. I end the conversation right there. I try to keep it polite, but if the person breaks that first, I will respond in the same manner as she did.

There are extremes in which that changes, though. I recently told someone I actively regret knowing who he is, for reasons that would make a story whose protagonists are not me-- therefore not my story to tell as I wish. And whilst I certainly have limits (I'd never, ever willingly play with someone's feelings, be they romantic or not), I definitely do and say much that is easily considered rude by a huge part of our society. In retrospect, it is not that a heavily limited number of people "deserve" my kindness. They simply got me to care about them, and that is when I can be kind to someone. To the rest, I'm most certainly not, for reasons explained above.

Ultimately, that is why I consider myself a cold person, and not kind.

Very interesting. Thank you.

Modifié par Youth4Ever, 20 janvier 2013 - 05:55 .

[Insaner Robot]

Kindess seems very much to be in the eye of the beholder to me, Can someon truly say they are kind without it being hubris, and thus about thier feeling positive about an act or others looking on them postively.

For myself I try simply see the difference between right and wrong as I perceive and act appropiately, whatever that means. Be it stepping in between two people about to break into a fight and halting the dispute by talking to or restraining them, stopping to try and help someone in obvious distress or steering someone who just asked me for 'spare change' toward a place where they might be able to get more than that.

That's not say that I've done any of these things, or that I haven't of course.

[Clover Rider]

Filament wrote...

I try to be polite to people but I am told my delivery is off.

It is not just off, it sucks!!!

Anyway I am the most kind person here, you jerks!!!

[Wolfspawn]

Yeah. Unless I'm annoyed, stressed out, or frustrated.

[lil yonce]

Insaner Robot wrote...

Kindess seems very much to be in the eye of the beholder to me, Can someon truly say they are kind without it being hubris, and thus about thier feeling positive about an act or others looking on them postively.

I don't think it's obscenely prideful to say you're a kind person. I know I'm a good student because I participate in class, pass tests, do homework on time, and make the Dean's list, and have the majority of my school career. If I were a bad student, I would know by now.

Similarly, if you're a kind person, you know that you are because you do kind things, you consistently express kindness. You relate to others with your heart. You seek to empathize. Through a "heartfelt" connection, you go beyond even empathy and act with benevolence toward someone. You seek to alleviate their suffering no matter who they are. You act from the "goodness of your heart."

Modifié par Youth4Ever, 20 janvier 2013 - 07:29 .

[mousestalker]

I try to be as loving and good as I can be. Hopefully that translates at least partially to kindness. I have a low tolerance of sweet, whether food or mannerisms, so I can be rather tart, even to myself.

[Lady Mortho]

I'm crazy kind XD

[Insaner Robot]

Youth4Ever wrote...

Insaner Robot wrote...

Kindess seems very much to be in the eye of the beholder to me, Can someon truly say they are kind without it being hubris, and thus about thier feeling positive about an act or others looking on them postively.

I don't think it's obscenely prideful to say you're a kind person. I know I'm a good student because I participate in class, pass tests, do homework on time, and make the Dean's list, and have the majority of my school career. If I were a bad student, I would know by now.

Similarly, if you're a kind person, you know that you are because you do kind things, you consistently express kindness. You relate to others with your heart. You seek to empathize. Through a "heartfelt" connection, you go beyond even empathy and act with benevolence toward someone. You seek to alleviate their suffering no matter who they are. You act from the "goodness of your heart."

As I said it only seems to me. this isn't really my field (I study palaeontology). But I'm not sure if I can truly say that I'm kind merely that I try to do the right thing when I can, whether it's benificial for me or a complete stranger is irrelevent.

However the prideful aspect (and I'm sorry if it seemed as though I'm overstating this as I don't mean to) is from personal observation. I've known people, former coworkers/friends/schoolmates who in all the years I knew them were fairly obnoxious, but suddenly and on average once, each would make a point of telling this tale to everyone they knew. About how they offered aid to someone that was in tears or broke up a fight for example, making it a point to say how great they are for doing this. When I would point out that it sounded like they simply did what they should have done, the right thing and they should continue to do it, I was called cold or cruel.

[eroeru]

mousestalker wrote...

I try to be as loving and good as I can be. Hopefully that translates at least partially to kindness. I have a low tolerance of sweet, whether food or mannerisms, so I can be rather tart, even to myself.

I relate to this.

[ReallyRue]

I try, but I have all the social skills of a drunken badger. I thinking I'm learning to be a better person from my friend though. Being kind comes to her really naturally, she's a really patient and understanding person, whereas I can be quite irritable, or oblivious about feelings.

[rjshae]

Kind of...

[Dominus]

On first impressions, I always start out kind. A lot of what follows after is based on the one I'm in said friendship/relationship with. It's something I do often both at work and here - not everyone will accept your kindness, and I can usually read that either right away or later on from other subtle signals. If someone's kind to me, I'll be kind in return. If someone sends nothing but apathy and silence, then it's reflected in return. I'm willing to open arms if they have a change of heart, but that rarely happens in my experience.

[Veganterror]

I'm extremely shy, have suffered from anxiety problems etc. I've been extremely depressed and sort of suffered from just a bad run-in with various deaths, tragedies etc.

But I'm usually kind. Sarcastic, a bit snarky and cynical sometimes, but I never treat anyone unjust.

[Lenimph]

It totally depends on the company I am with. If it's people I care about or need to make a good impression with then I am a very nice person.

If it's people I will never see again or random anons on the internet I am a bit brutish and uncaring. I as a whole do not like people.

[Giant ambush beetle]

To be honest, the only people I'm instinctively very kind to are attractive women.
I'm usually not a kind person and fail hard at faking it which tends to cause troubles in my job, especially when I have to interact with tiring and single-digit-IQ customers.

[Galbrant]

Beats me...depends on how I feel... But usually I just go and take out my frustrations to the young lady I chained in my basement. Well its feeding time. I should really let her have her husband for dinner. Doesn't talk much. He didn't appreciate the way I treated his spouse, he then proceeded to attempt to thrash me. It is with deepest regret I had to silence him. Ruin the carpet and my new suit. Mind you it's red, but I like basic red like Char Aznable not blood red. Oh I dread having to clean up after these petty altercations. Maybe after the lady becomes more subdue I can bully her to do the cleaning.