Okay since it's been over a week since I did Part One of DA Meets BG2 I'm going to repost it so you'll know what's going on in Part Two. For Part Two scroll down a bit.
Amethyst Show: Dragon Age meets Baldur's Gate 2 (part one)
*Silly lounge music plays as the camera pans to Amethyst who is sporting a black eye and is holding an icepack to her head*
Amethyst: Um..........where am I? Um.......who am I?
Alistair:
You......don't remember anything?
Zevran: Yeah, I saw your sister give her a good kick in the head after that whole nug incident on our last show. Tsk, tsk, unfortunate that.
Alistair: Ahhh, nugs!!!!! *screams like a little girl and hides under the desk*
Leliana: *comes out wearing full Samurai costume with a panda* Nobody hurts my friends! *glares through the audience* I kicked Goldanna's butt once and I can do it again. Where is that b*tch anyway?
Zevran: Calm down, you saucy Orlesian Samurai. I was merely mentioning Alistair's unfortunate relative. She is not here as far as I know, but you are welcome to search through the audience if you wish. Not that anyone would dare try to stop you with your 500-pound pet.
Panda: *licks the terrified Alistair in the face*
Alistair: Ahhh, get back you wretched creature! Ugh, animals! Who needs them?!
Faithful Mabari: *whines and gives Ali sad puppy dog eyes*
Alistair: Oh, don't give me that. I'm the only one who can get away with that look. *rolls eyes*
Amethyst: Oh what a cute puppy! Can I keep him?
Zevran: You mean Alistair or the mabari? Nevertheless they are both already yours, my dear amnesia-ridden warden.
Anyway since our host has lost her memory and her co-host is trembling under her desk, I take it on myself to host the show today with my dear friend Oghren..........
Oghren: *sings into mic* You lost that loving feeling........
Zevran:
Ahem, no singing on this show please. Ferelden Idol is down the hall, my musically-challenged dwarven friend.
Oghren: Oh, well in that case. *walks down the hall to the Ferelden Idol show.
Zevran: Okaaayyyy.
I guess it's just my sexy elven assassin self then...........and these two.......
Amethyst: Oooooh look at the pretty colorful lights......Oh are those nugs? I love those adorable furry critters.
Alistair: *coming out from under the desk* Nugs????!!!! Ahhh, where???? * runs back under the desk again*
Zevran: *rolls eyes* No dear warden, those are not nugs. They are little girl scouts selling their cookies to the audience today.
Amethyst: Oh aren't their little hats just too cute???? *grabs a scout hat from a screaming little girl and puts it on over her blonde braids*
Zevran: *staring horrified at the screaming little girl* Oh, I don't do well with small children. Can someone please remove the wailing child from the audience?
Sten: *wicked smile* Does she have cookies?
Zevran: Yes, all the scouts have dozens of boxes of Thin Mints with them.
Sten: Thin Mints!!!!
Follow me little girls. *evil grin* Uncle Sten will take you away from the crazy hat-stealing elf.
Zevran: Ummm, I don't have a good feeling about this.
Amethyst: Ooooh, cookies! May I have a cookie, Uncle Sten???
Zevran:
Uh, yeah. Why don't you and fair Alistair run along with Sten backstage and have some cookies. You're both kinda freaking me out.
Jowan: The elven mage goes nowhere!!! I am here to make sure she never sends her nugs to attack my beautiful Goldanna ever again!!! *holds up his hands in the air and shouts several loud words as a blast of blue light appears on the stage*
Amethyst: Ooooh, pretty lights! *stares hypnotized at the swirling blue lights*
Cullen: Filthy blood mage! There you are! I've been looking for you since you ran away screaming, covered in nug-cheese. *lunges toward Jowan*
Jowan: *screams like a little girl and runs out of the building*
Goldanna: *rolls eyes* Jowan, you little incompetent ******! Get back here and finish the job!
*Suddenly the swirling blue light on the stage hums loudly and flashes a blinding bolt of lightning as a strange figure appears through the light*
Alistair: *comes out from his hiding spot*
Umm, that can't be good. *stands up bravely, holding Starfang* I..........I'm a templar... Stand back you evil uh sneaky, swooping fiend you.
Zevran: He's not swooping or sneaking, my fair warden. *gets a closer look at the approaching stranger* He has long flowing golden locks and exotic pointy ears. Oddly enough, he looks a lot like me.....
Haer'Dalis: Oh, what was that? I was in Athkatla one second and the next this portal opens up and now I'm here. *searches around the room* Hmm, and where is here exactly? *sees Amethyst sitting confused at her desk* There you are, my raven! I've been looking for you.
Amethyst:
Do I know you?
Haer'Dalis: Oh no, I apologize. You're not the same elf. You look a bit like her though with your long blonde hair. I will say though that you would look much better without that silly hat.
Amethyst: It's a girl scout's hat!
Haer'Dalis: Are you a girl scout, my raven?
Alistair: Hmph, not with all the lampposts she's licked!
Amethyst:
I don't know if I should be offended or not. But I think I should kick you now. *glares at Alistair*
Haer'Dalis: *sits beside Amethyst and throws the silly hat to the other side of the room, proceeding to run his graceful elven fingers through her long blonde hair* Oh my fair lovely raven, maybe fate has brought me to this strange world to meet you. I was seeing this other elf who lost her wings, but her constant chirpy attitude kind of grew tiring after awhile.
Zevran: *looking jealous* Sort of like you're growing tiring right now. *rolls eyes* There's only room for one sexy blonde elven male on this show.......and that's me! So why don't you just walk back through that portal that brought you here and begone!
Haer'Dalis: Oh I see jealousy runs thick in this world. No matter where I go it seems I bring jealousy with my ravishing good looks and my charming bard serenades. There isn't a woman out there who can resist my charms. *smiles slyly and kisses the confused Amethyst on the mouth*
Alistair:
Hey!!!!! That's........that's my fiance.........even if she doesn't remember it at the moment! *takes out Starfang* Feel my templar wrath, you pretty blonde bard!
Anomen: *comes through the portal* And like I was saying my lovely tavern wench, my lady does not need to know about this at all........I ..........I...........Oh blast it! Where in Amn am I now? This is what I get for marrying an elven mage. She always keeps up on me this way. Gasp! Haer'Dalis? Why are you kissing my wife?
Haer'Dalis: Not your wife, dear Anomen. This is another elf who is fair game.
Alistair: Excuse me! Am I standing here? Do you not see me? I'm about to shove Starfang through your pretty elven skull.
Haer'Dalis: Hmmm *smiles wickedly* No need to be jealous my blonde sparrow. There's more than enough of me to go around. Ask Anomen there. *winks*
Anomen: *turns bright red* Why I........I have no idea what you're talking about. *mumbles under his breath* I should have listened to Jaheira.
Haer'Dalis: Don't tell me you've forgotten about that night that you and your fiance and I shared a bed in the Copper Coronet. And no, that place wasn't as clean as an elven ar.........
Anomen: *interrupts and glares angrily* You said you never kiss and tell, you lying bard!!! For that you will taste steel!!! *draws his sword as the crowd gasps*
Haer'Dalis: Not this again, my unstable fallen knight! You have been this way ever since you failed your knight training.
Zevran: Hmm, another who has failed their training. Look Alistair, you can make a new friend.
Alistair: *glares at Zevran* For the last time, I didn't fail my templar training!!!!! I wouldn't be so stupid as to fail my training.
Anomen: *stares at Alistair indignantly* Stupid??!!!!!! Did you just call me stupid?
Haer'Dalis: Uh-oh, this isn't going to be good. Come with me, my fair raven, and I will lead you to safety before this gets ugly. *rushes backstage with Amethyst*
Alistair: Hey!!!!! Come back here with my.....
*Before Alistair can finish Anomen lunges for him in a blinding rage*
Zevran: And this is why I am an assassin. Those damn templars and knights are just too unstable.
Cullen: *rushes back out onto the stage after losing Jowan in the Market district* Makers Breath!!!! What in all of Ferelden is going on here? *runs toward the two fighting men and drops a pouch of lyrium and a naked sketch of Amethyst onto the stage* Umm.........that isn't what it looks like. *shoves the lyrium and sketch back into his pocket and joins in the fight*
Zevran: *rolls eyes* See what I mean? And I'll bet he sketched that while spying on our dear elven mage while the female apprentices were bathing. *suspicious glare*
Cullen: *red faced* No.....I .......I have no idea what.........Oh maker! Gregoir told you about that hole in the wall I put on the other side of the female apprentices' restroom, didn't he?
Zevran:
Need I say anything more..........
*Another figure steps through the portal with long curly blonde hair*
Aerie: There you are Haer'Dalis! *rushes over to Zevran and gives him a big sultry kiss* You said you were going out to see a play and you never came back. That was six months ago! That......that must have been a very good play. *gasp* Oh my, you're not Haer'Dalis. From a distance you looked just like him. P......please forgive me. *blushes*
Zevran: *sly smile* No need to apologize my beautiful seductive elf. One with beauty as radiant as yours should never apologize for a stolen kiss.
Aerie: *blushes* Oh, y......you're so sweet. Your kindness makes me forget I lost my wings.
Zevran:
You what?
Aerie: I'm a winged elf, or at least I was until this terrible incident where my wings were cut off. It was so horrific. I.......I need a shoulder to cry on. *sad puppy dog eyes*
Zevran:
Well my shoulder is right here, my lovely heartbroken elf. Let's just go backstage and you can tell me more about it. *sly smile*
*Yet another figure walks through the portal*
Alistair: *dodging Anomen's sword* For the love of the Maker, will someone please find Jowan and get him to close that portal?
Cullen: On it!
Alistair: Not you! Someone who can actually catch a mage. *rolls eyes*
Cullen: *glares* Anomen, you need some help? That fallen templar is going down!
Saravok: *breathes heavily and glares at audience* Where am I? What power is behind this? I must know the source of this power so that I can bleed the power from its soul! *wicked laugh*
*Goldanna pulls Jowan by the ear back into the studio*
Goldanna: Now go finish your job, foolish mage! And do something about that portal, for Andraste's Sake, before someone comes through there to challenge my plan for world dominance.
Sarevok: Oh so you're the mage that caused all this! I must have your power! *loud warrior cry*
Jowan: *screams like a little girl* Ahhhh!!!!!! No it was her *points at Goldanna* She did this. It's her you want, not me.
Goldanna: Why you little ******! You said you loved me!
Jowan: Yeah, I said that to Lily too but I fled as they were hauling her screaming butt to prison. Sorry, I gotta look out for myself. Good luck with that very large scary guy heading straight for you!
*Jowan flees toward the exit but is caught by a chocolate-covered Sten*
Sten: *shoves Jowan back onto the stage* You, fix, now!
Sarevok: I like you. A mighty warrior with little use for words. Although that sweet sugary smell is a bit overwhelming.
Minsc: *coming through the portal* But Boo likes.
Goldanna: Oh great another babbling fool! And what's that he has? A mouse??!!!! Ha, the mouse probably has more brains than that stupid baboon! *rolls eyes and glares at Minsc*
Imoen: *quickly rushes through the portal and stares at Goldanna* How dare you talk about my friends like that? *samurai kick to Goldanna's head*
Leliana: *glares at Goldanna* There you are! You're going down you slum-rat! *jumps high in the air and does a samurai twirl landing hard on Goldanna*
Imoen: I like your style.
Leliana: *sly smile*
Let's uh.....go backstage after we finish with this b*tch. But first I must ask, Sten you didn't hurt any of those adorable girl scouts, did you? *worried look*
Sten: *munches on girl scout cookies* I left them backstage watching Ferelden Idol and Teagan stripteasing to the song "Kiss".
Leliana:
Um, Sten I don't think that those girls should be watching ........gasp........oh panda come back here!!!
*Leliana's panda runs toward the hamster now licking chocolate off of Sten. In a quick leap the panda pounces on Sten and gulps up the little chocolate-covered hamster as Jowan quickly escapes through the exit*
Minsc:
Boo!!!!!!!!!
Leliana:
Bad panda, bad panda!!!!!
Oghren: *walks back on stage wearing a Ferelden Idol T-shirt signed by Teagan* Nugs balls!!!! What did I miss? What is that panda doing to Sten????
Wait, is that panda eating a hamster?????
Producer: Oh crap! The viewers at home aren't going to like that. Cut to commercials.............
To be continued.........................
******************************************************************************************************************
Amethyst Show: Dragon Age meets Baldur's Gate 2 (part two)
Announcer: We now rejoin our show already in progress............
*The camera pans around at the ensuing chaos erupting on stage and shows the strong warrior, Minsc, sobbing uncontrollably over his dead hamster as Leliana and Imoen try to console him*
Misnc: Boo!!!! I will miss you, my friend!
Leliana and Imoen: Oh you poor dear!
Sarevok: *stares at the two beautiful red-heads embracing Minsc* Hmph, and people call Minsc stupid.
*Suddenly a new figure appears through the portal, a strong paladin with white-hair and a disconcerting frown*
Keldorn: By the Knights of the Radiant Heart, where am I? Evil magic is at work here, I can feel it.
*Keldorn spots the fleeing Jowan and grabs him forcibly by the collar*
Keldorn: You there, mage! I assume you are responsible for this wickedness. I demand to know at once where you have brought me.
Jowan: I.......uh........oh please don't hurt me!
Anomen: *sighs and rolls eyes* Oh great........Keldorn. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, now the paladin with the stick up his a** has to grace us with his presence, hmpf!
Keldorn: *glares angrily* Anomen! I should have known I would find you behind this foolishness.
Anomen: Did you just call me a fool, you stuck up Knight of the Radiant Buffoons!
Keldorn: You only say that because you are bitter you were not good enough to join the order. If you had passed your test, you would not be so angry all the time, but you gave in to your anger and commited a terrible crime. You are the one to blame here, not I.
Anomen: You........*glares and foams at the mouth* I'll kill you!!!
Keldorn: No control, that's your problem Anomen. You are like a small child who has lost their favorite toy.
Anomen: *gasp* You......you take that back. I'm am not!
Keldorn: I rest my case.
Cullen: Of all that is holy and sacred, I bow to you, righteous one.
Keldorn: Oh? And are you a knight?
Cullen: I am a templar of the Chantry. We fight evil and magic throughout Ferelden. Waste no more of your time, good man, on these two fallen knights who couldn't pass their tests into knighthood. *points toward Anomen and Alistair*
Alistair: Holy and Sacred my a**. Why don't you show your new paladin friend what you have in your pocket? Illegal drugs and a naked sketch of my fiance!
Cullen: *blushes* Lyrium is not illegal for templars and you know that. We need it .........for our...........you know magic-fighting abilities. And......and she wasn't your fiance when she was in the mages' tower!
Alistair: And you call us "fallen knights" unstable! Ha, carrying on this unhealthy obsession for a mage. I'm sure the Chantry would love to hear about this infatuation.
Cullen: Why you fiend! Ser if I may have your assistance in dealing with their wickedness!
Keldorn: *glares at Anomen* Why of course my new friend, I would be more than happy to show these two heathens the light!
* A fight ensues as Anomen and Alistair lunge toward Cullen and Keldorn*
Imoen: Does this happen a lot here?
Leliana: *rolls eyes* More than you know.......
Minsc: *worried that the beautiful ladies are getting distracted by the fight* Oh poor Boo!!!!!
Leliana and Imoen: Oh no. We're so sorry!
*Leliana and Imoen cover the mighty Minsc in kisses*
Minsc:
*A hampster squeaks and runs quickly toward Minsc*
Minsc: *under his breath* Psst, not now Boo........
Leliana: What was that?
Imoen: Did I just here a squeak?
Minsc: Oh........hehe.......it was nothing. *scoops up Boo and shoves the hamster in his pocket* *whispers under his breath* Hehe, you are one lucky little hampster Boo.
*A loud crash of lightning rattles the stage as another figure appears through the portal*
*Loghain and two-dozen Denerim soldiers storm in through the studio's entrance as a mysterious mage walks through the portal*
Loghain: Maker's Breath people! What is going on in here? I will have order! *gestures toward his troops* Men, break up that fight between those templars over there. I swear those templars are the most unstable people I've ever known. Maric should have banned them a long time ago. Oh and if it isn't Maric's bastard? I should have known you would be behind this.
Alistair: *glares at Loghain as Denerim soldiers restrain him and the other knights/templars*
Anomen: I demand that you unhand me this instant! You don't want to see me when I get really angry!
Keldorn: Oh do shut it, Anomen, you spoiled little child, and let this gentleman do his job. Maybe he can assist us in getting back home.
Loghain: I want answers now! What has happened here? I'm trying to conquer the world, but I can't if I have to stop every five mintues to break up some sort of disagreement or defeat invading darkspawn or assassinate foolish immature kings who are thinking of breaking my poor Anora's heart...........
Alistair:
And he calls templars unstable. And hey that's my brother you're talking about, you jerk.
Loghain: Have no fear, you're next, I assure you. *glares at Alistair* Now who is going to tell me what happened. Please don't tell me I'm going to have to resort to torture. I hate that. Well, actually I quite enjoy it, but I'm on a time limit here. Orlais needs to be destoyed.
Irenicus: *The mysterious mage walks from the glowing portal toward the dark-haired teryn* I think I may be able to answer your questions. *wicked smile*
Sarevok:
Irenicus! You treacherous bastard!
Imoen:
Ahhh, not Irenicus. Minsc hold me!
Minsc:
Anomen: It's not possible. You're supposed to be dead.
Keldorn: *rolls eyes* Send a fool like Anomen in to do the job and this is what happens. Now if our lovely elven leader had taken me instead of you to that final battle, I assure you the evil mage would be dead.
Anomen: She would have died of sheer boredom if she had taken you. Besides I gave her a sparkeling diamond engagement ring.
Keldorn: Please tell me she had enough comman sense to tell you no.
Anomen: *glares* She said yes.
Keldorn: She has my condolences.
Loghain: *sighs and looks at the mysterious mage* And just who are you, ser?
Irenicus: My name is Jon Irenicus and I think this is the beginning of a wonderful partnership. You want to rule this realm. I want to rule the other realm. We could help each other accomplish our goals.
Loghain: Hmm.........I'm listening.
Leliana: The chantry will not allow this. The Maker will not allow this!
*Jowan flashes a bolt of lightning at the mysterious mage*
Jowan:
Oh........for a brief moment I was feeling brave. I probably shouldn't have done that.
*Jowan flees as Irenicus blasts a thunderous wave toward him causing the whole building to shake*
*Jowan and Leliana get caught up in the quake and fall through the portal to the other realm*
Irenicus: *sigh* Nuisances!
Goldanna: But......but .......Jowan!!! You were going to help me kill my brother's fiance! Come back!
*Goldanna races through the portal after Jowan*
Alistair:
Leliana? G....Goldanna?
*Just then Haer'Dalis, Amethyst, Zevran, and Aerie come running from the backstage area*
Zevran: Either the Crows have decided to take over the politics of Ferelden or something really really bad just happened. Um......not that the Crows taking over Ferelden's politcs wouldn't be bad.....of course.
Amethyst: Oh....I don't fell so well. Where am I?
Alistair: Amethyst?
Amethyst: Gasp, Alistair. I .......I remember everything now. Goldanna kicked me in the head and I lost my memory. *glares angrily* Where is that sneaky b*tch anyway?
Alistair: She........she went through the portal after Jowan.
Amethyst: *looks over at the glowing portal* Hmm, oh well. I guess that's just as well. I would have liked to have blasted her with a massive dose of cone of cold, but that will have to do.
Alistair: Leliana went though as well.
Amethyst and Zevran: Maker's Breath! Leliana! We have to save her!
Haer'Dalis: Then what of us, my lovely raven?
Amethyst: Uh......who are you?
Alistair and Zevran:
Someone you don't need to remember.
Haer'Dalis: Tsk, tsk, such jealousy. Maybe if the two of you were better at wooing women, you would have no need to be jealous of such a pretty elf like myself. *winks*
Alistair and Zevran:
Zevran: What say you, fair Alistair? Let's feed him to that chocolate-covered panda over there who's licking Sten's face. *angry glare at Haer'Dalis* And I have you to know, you arrogant bard, that I have no problem with wooing women, or men for that matter. I am the sexiest assassin this side of Antiva.
Haer'Dalis: Ah, but I am the sexiest bard in all the realms. *sly smile* You could only hope you were half as desirable as I am.
Zevran:
Or we could just neuter him right now, Alistair. That could be fun too. *glares angrily at the handsome, blonde tiefling*
Aerie: Haer'Dalis!!!
Umm, what were you doing backstage with that other elven girl?
Haer'Dalis: I was teaching her the lines to my favorite play, my beautiful clueless sparrow.
Aerie: Oh Haer'Dalis, you are always so helpful.
Zevran:
Yes well, shouldn't we be rescuing our lovely Leliana now?
Amethyst and Alistair: Agreed!
*With that Amethyst, Alistair, and Zevran rush through the portal to the other realm to rescue Leliana*
Oghren: *comes out from hiding under the desk on stage, holding a jug of dwarven ale* Oh sod it! Wait for me!
Loghain: *sighs* Good riddance! Now I have one less Maric bastard to worry about. Now, Irenicus, what were you saying about world domination?
Irenicus: Let's go somewhere private where we can hatch our evil scheme. *wicked laugh*
Sarevok: Oh hell no! I know this isn't happening.
Sten: *kicks the panda off of him* Filthy beast! Now I think there were more cookies backstage.
Sarevok: Aren't you concerned with those two wanting to take over the world? Wait, did you just say cookies? Uh....what kind?
Sten: Thin mints!
Sarevok:
Lead the way.
*Anomen stares at Cullen and Keldorn*
Cullen and Keldorn: For righteousness! *they run toward the door with swords in hand ready to save the day*
Anomen: *rolls eyes* They'll be killed. Oh well. So this is a show huh, hehe. Well it's the Anomen Show now.
Haer'Dalis and Aerie: Ahem, don't forget about us.
Anomen: Oh.....yes of course, and my co-hosts........those two.
Aerie: Oh, I've always wanted to be an actress. Remember, Haer'Dalis? You said I would make a wonderful actress someday.
Haer'Dalis: *mumbles under his breath to Anomen* I only said that to get her into bed. She can't act her way out of a paper sack!
Aerie: What was that my darling Haer'Dalis?
Haer'Dalis: Nothing my lovely sparrow. Just saying how ravishing you are that you would even look beautiful in a paper sack.
Aerie: Oh Haer'Dalis!
Anomen: *rolls eyes*
*******************************************************************
*Somewhere in another realm Amethyst, Alistair, Zevran, and Oghren appear on a dirty, run-down street in a bad part of town. A cloaked figure slowly appears from the shadows and walks toward them as Alistair and Zevran ready their swords*
Mysterious figure: Ey! You there. Welcome to Athkatla! I hear ye be looking for your friend Imoen.....
Amethyst: Uh.....Leliana is her name. Do you know where we can find her? She came through here with a mage.
Mysterious figure: Aye! I know who ye be looking for. Goes by the name of Irenicus, he does.
Amethyst: Jowan....his name is Jowan. And he was probably with another woman named Goldanna.
Mysterious figure: Uh......*checks his notes* That's not what it says here. Hang on just a dang minute. *calls his associate on his cell phone* Aye, it's me. I've got all sorts of problems here. Those ain't the people they be looking for. Uh-huh, okay right boss. *looks at Amethyst* Me boss says if you want to ever see your friend, uh what was her name again....
Amethyst: *sighs* Leliana!
Mysterious figure: Aye, her......if you want to see Leliana alive again you will come to the Docks to meet with my boss at the Siren's Call. It's a pirate ship.
Alistair and Zevran: Siren's Call?
Oghren: Hehe, good times. *big naughty smile*
Amethyst: It can't be the same ship, guys. So get over yourselves. Maker's breath, I don't know what you guys see in Isabela anyway. *sighs* Anyway, I'm not going to meet with any pirates, so you better leave now thug before I burn you to ash! *holds hands high in the air threateningly*
*A sudden flash blinds her eyes as a robed figure appears*
Mage: You have used unsanctioned magic and will be punished........
Amethyst: I did not! I was going to, but you interrupted me. And what's this "unsanctioned magic" business anyway?
Mage: Darn it, why can't I ever arrive after they have used magic, not before? Those darn new rules by those loons at Spellhold. *sigh* You can't use magic. End of story. Now, have a good day.
Amethyst: But......what happens if I do use magic?
Mage: You really don't want to know..........
Zevran: I guess we're off to meet with the pirates after all then, my lovely, frustrated mage.
Oghren and Alistair: Oooh, I hope it's an all-woman crew!
Amethyst: *sigh* Very well, lead the way.
To be continued................
Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 16 février 2010 - 04:15 .
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