398 réponses à ce sujet

[westiex9]

Lol true.....i hate deepstalkers but i always feel a little guilty when they do that cute death squeek. In any case part 2 is going to be even more chaos filled!

[amethyst_rose2009]

Can't wait to read it, West!   I want to write part 4 of my BG2 meets DA, but I just dragged my new computer in its box through my apartment earlier and my arms and hands feel like they're going to fall off.  Ow.....  Maybe tomorrow.

And I don't remember a cute deepstalker squeak, hehe.  I remember this shriek that reminded me of the sound that dementors make on Harry Potter, but maybe that was just my (old) computer, LOL.  Can't wait to play DA on the new computer.

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 21 février 2010 - 08:47 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

Here is Part 4 for Dragon Age meets Baldur's Gate 2.  For parts 1-3, scroll back a few posts.



The Amethyst Show: DA meets BG2 (part 4)



Announcer: And now time once again for the Amethyst......ahem......I mean The Anomen Show!!!!

*Silly lounge music plays as the camera zooms in on the handsome host Anomen running his fingers along his manly debonair beard*

Anomen: *flashes charming smile*  Hello and welcome to the Anomen Show.  This is my co-host Aerie.  My other co-host is backstage with our guest from our last show, Cammen, giving that homely boy a much-needed makeover. 

Aerie: *sighs*  I.......I'm still really worried about this.  Cammen was just fine the way he was.  There was no need to change him.  Even if his exterior was not beautiful, it's what's on the inside that counts.

Anomen: *rolls eyes*  Aerie and your infinite optimism!  It's so very nauseating.  Anyway, I sneaked at peak backstage earlier and from what I could tell, the ladies will not be disappointed.

Aerie: Ladies?  He only wanted to woo the girl of his dreams, his true love.  Why would he need hordes of women swooning at his feet when he has one woman who sincerely loves him.

Anomen: *sighs*  Maybe you should ask your sexy bard that same question, clueless one.

Aeire: *wide innocent eyes*  Why, whatever do you mean Anomen?

Anomen: *rolls eyes* Oh....nothing.   Anyway as we await Cammen's magnificent makeover, let's bring out our first guest.  He is the bann of Rainesfere and brother to the Arl of Redcliffe, here is Bann Teagan.

Isolde: *screams in the audience like a giddy teenager*  Teagannnnnn!  I love you!

Anomen: Uh......who the *%#$ is that crazy woman?

Sten: She's the wife of the Arl of Redcliffe.

Anomen: And the Arl of Redcliffe is okay with his wife being in love with his brother.

Sten: The Arl is in a coma.

Anomen: *suspicious look*  Hmmm..........well that's convenient.

*Teagan walks out from behind the curtain wearing a sexy white polyester suit as the band starts playing the theme to "Saturday Night Fever".

Teagan: *flashes sexy smile as the ladies in the audience swoon*

Anomen: Once again ladies, may I remind you that I am the host here.  Not the sexy bard and definitely not the bann who's bonking his brother's wife!  And besides I'm a lord's son.  Grew up in the best part of Athkatla.  Of course my father was a lousy drunk who squandered all of our money and ended up getting my sister killed and I ended up having to kill her murderer, which wasn't her murderer at all, and ended up failing my test to become a knight........ Arrrrgghhhh!!!!!! 

Teagan:

Aerie: Anomen, you're doing it again.  Try those deep breathing excerises I taught you to get rid of those psychopathic urges.

Anomen: *takes deep breaths*  Uh....sorry bout that.  I'm better now.

Teagan:   *moves chair away from Anomen*  Soooooo, you're giving that ugly elf boy a makeover?  I wouldn't waste my time if I were you.  With that much ugliness there is just no help.  He will never be able to compete with this much sexy awesomeness. *flashes flirty smile*  Am I right ladies? *winks*

*The ladies in the audience scream Teagan's name in excitement*

Isolde: *breaks bottle and holds jagged edge in her hand*  He's mine, you man-stealing women.  You stay away from him!  Teagannnnn, I love you!!!!!

Aerie:   Uh, Sten and Serevok..........

Anomen:  Bloody Hell, that woman's crazier than I am!

Teagan: *nervous laugh* I have that effect on women. What can I do when I have all this sexiness seeping through my pores. *winks at the ladies as they scream*

Isolde: I'll stab you!  I'll stab all of you!  Stop undressing him with your eyes!

Serevok: You are one crazy-a** b*tch!   You're coming with me.  What should we do with her, Sten?

Sten: Let's throw her through the portal.

Serevok: And have this crazy woman running around Amn!  Hell no.  There's enough crazy there already, what with floating eyeballs, vampires, and gnomes selling turnip bombs.

Sten: *confused look* Gnomes?  Turnip bombs?

Serevok: Don't ask........    Then again maybe the crazy woman will fit right in.  In you go, lady! 

*Serevok and Sten toss Isolde through the portal*

Sten: Don't forget about our deal, puny man!

Anomen: *nervous sweat* Oh, of course, here.  Have a cookie.  *tosses Sten and Serevok Thin Mints*  *whispers to the producer*  Psst, we're starting to run low on these Thin Mints.  See if you can round up some more of those girl scouts.

Teagan: It's about time someone got rid of Isolde. I mean a man can only take so much before he snaps.   Uh.......not that I ever get tired of loving, ladies.  I'm a machine when it comes to love. *winks*

*Ladies swoon in the audience*

Anomen: *rolls eyes*

Haer'Dalis: *comes out from behind the curtain with a confused look on his face*  Why are all of these lovely ladies screaming when my sexy bard self is hidden backstage?  Whatever could make them fall into such a frenzy when I am not here to tease them with my long blonde locks and my charming smile?

Teagan: No need to be jealous, my elven friend.  It is just me, Teagan, the bann of sexiness, driving the ladies crazy with lust. *flashes flirty smile*

Haer'Dalis:    You must be mistaken, my friend.  There is no way in all the realms they would choose you over such a sexy bard like me.  *tosses his long blonde locks carelessly over his sculpted shoulders as the ladies go wild*  See what I mean?  *sly smile*

Teagan: But.......but ladies I am a bann.  I have wealth and a title.  And I did mention that I'm a machine in bed, right? *winks as the ladies scream Teagan's name*

Haer'Dalis: Tis true that I lack wealth and a title.  The only title that I could hope to have would be the greatest bard in all the realms and the man who holds the hearts of many a beautiful maiden who has captured his adoring blue eyes.

Ladies in the audience: Awwwwwww  We love you Haer'Dalis!

Teagan: But......ladies......just a second.   *rips off his shirt to expose a heavily hairy chest*  But what about this?  No one in Ferelden has such a manly chest as I have.  *winks*

*Haer'Dalis and Teagan glare at each other*

Aerie: *sighs*  Men!

Anomen: *rolls eyes*  It's my show!!!! *sullen look*  Anyway weren't you ready to bring out Cammen, Haer'Dalis?

Haer'Dalis: *still glaring at the sexy bann and his manly hairy chest*  Yes, you're right, Anomen.  I shall waste no more time with Teagan.  I know in my heart that I am the most desirable man.

Teagan: Hmpf, dream on, bard!

*Haef'Dalis and Teagan come close to blows as Aerie runs to seperate them*

Anomen: *sighs*  Serevok, could you please bring Cammen out here? 

*As Teagan and Haer'Dalis glare at each other, a young man with teased blonde hair and guy-liner walks out from behind the curtain wearing a silky black shirt that has been unbuttoned half-way to show a puny, pale, hairless chest.*

*The ladies in the audience stare at the young elven man in confusion*

Cammen: *heavy french accent*  Have no fear, mademoiselles, for a real man is now here to sweep you off your feet.

*A strong fragrance fills the air around Cammen as the ladies start to go crazy tearing at the young man's shirt and clawing at his puny body*

Ladies in the audience: Cammmmmennnnnn!!!!!!!  We love you!!!!!!

Cammen: *strong French accent* Don't worry ladies, there's enough Cammen to go around! *flashes adorable elven smile*


Anomen, Teagan, and Haer'Dalis:  Wha?????

Aerie: What did you do to that boy, Haer'Dalis?  He's not even the same person anymore.  He's like you and that Teagan guy multiplied times a thousand!

Teagan: Uh..... Ladies?    Ladies?!!!!   They're not even looking at me anymore!  What have you done???? 

Haer'Dalis:  Well I just sprayed just a tiny bit of my designer fragrance, Essence of Haer'Dalis, ever so lightly on his skin. 

Sten: *comes out from behind the curtain holding the empty bottle of cologne*

Haer"Dalis:   He used the whole bottle?!!!!  Imoen, you were supposed to be watching him!

Imoen: *comes out from behind the curtain*  Sorry, I had to go to the powder room.  Ooops.   But check out these adorable new shoes that Leliana's friend, Liselle, sold me.  Oh, aren't they to die for! *giddy smile*


Haer'Dalis: Shoes?!  We have more important things to worry about, Imoen.  This is catastrophic!  No one can take that much of my sexy essence.  All the men in Ferelden are doomed!  We will never be as sexy as Cammen to any woman who gets within a hundred feet of him!    We will no longer be considered sexy.  In fact next to Cammen, the ladies will even find us *gasp* ugly!!!!


Teagan: Ugly?!!!!  I can't be ugly.  I'm too beautiful to be ugly.  You've created a monster!

*Teagan and Haer'Dalis burst into tears as hordes of women shower Cammen with affectionate kisses*

*Gheyna walks into the studios*

Gheyna: Cammen?   Cammen?!!!!   What's going on here?  What happened to you?  Why are these women all over you?

Cammen: *heavy French accent*  Because I am too much man for just one woman.  You're welcome to join if you like.  *winks*

Gheyna: Ugh!  And to think I was even willing to give you a chance to prove you could be a hunter!

Cammen: Hunter?  Baby, I won't ever have to hunt again.  All the ladies will come to me now! *naughty laugh*

Gheyna:  Oh Cammen.  I liked you the way you were!  Now I don't know what you've become.

Cammen: *smothered in kisses* Your loss, baby!

Gheyna:  Oh!!!! *runs from the studio in tears*

Aerie: Awwwww.......  *hits Anomen and Haer'Dalis in the back of the head*  I told you not to mess him up.  I told you that his true love would love him for who he was.  I told you that it didn't matter how he looked.  But did either of you listen to the curly-haired wingless elf?  Nooooooo!

Anomen: *laughes uncontrollably* Still you have to find the humor in this Aerie.


Aerie: *smacks Anomen in the head again*

Anomen: Ow, I guess not.

Imoen: *Sighs* I miss Leliana.  Well, have fun guys.  I'm going shopping with my new friend Liselle.

*Just then Morrigan barges in with Minsc following closely behind her in a bodyguard stance*

Morrigan: *Sighs*  Oh what is going on here now?  Tis not important.  Mother says that I need to go through that portal and retrieve that royal idiot if my plans to birth the next archdemon who happens to be heir to the Ferelden throne are to come true.

Anomen, Teagan, Haer'Dalis, and Aerie:  Uh.......what?

Morrigan: I didn't just say that out loud, did I?  Oh no matter, I'll just have my demonspawn baby to devour you all should you get in my way.

Anomen:  Oh, no worries.  I happen to be married to the daughter of the God of Murder.  Nothing shocks me now.

*Morrigan sighs and jumps through the portal with her faithful companion Minsc and his beloved hamster following suit*

******************************************************************************************************************

Meanwhile in the Gnawed Noble Tavern in Denerim....................


Loghain: So you say that if I help you to find this Architect guy that the three of us can rule all the realms?

Irenicus: *wicked laugh*  Ha, that about sums it up.  There isn't anything not to like about it.........other than the fact that we will be working with a demon.  But meh, I've worked with worse.  *drinks a gulp of ale*  Hey tavern wench!  I need some more ale over here!

Edwina: You just wait just a sodding minute!  I'm busy!

Irenicus:  But.......How dare you talk to me that way?  Do you have any idea how powerful I am, woman?

Loghain: Uh........you don't want to be doing that.  Trust me.  I'm from here and even I know not to mess with that woman.

Irenicus: Hmph, she's just a mere woman, what could she possibly do?  She doesn't scare me.  Tavern wench, come here this instant!

Edwina: How dare you speak to me that way?  Why if my brother were here, he'd teach you two louts a thing or two!

Irenicus: *standing up*  Don't make me smack you, wench!

Loghain: Uh.......you really don't want to be doing that.  *moves his chair out of the way*


*Just then Cullen and Keldorn storm in through the tavern doors*


Keldorn: Lad, you say you saw those two fiends come in here?

Cullen: There they are!  Charge!

Edwina: Why you insolent lout!  I'm not waiting for my brother.  I'll show you what it means to mess with me! 

*Edwina raises her hands in the air and blasts a powerful spell toward Irenicus as Cullen and Keldorn storm toward him.  Loghain and Irenicus duck out of the way as Keldorn swings his mighty claymore and is accidentally blasted by Edwina's powerful spell.   A huge burst of light blinds everyone in the tavern as Cullen and Keldorn disappear.*

Edwina: Oh darn.  I missed.

Irenicus:   Who is that woman?!!!!

Loghain:  I told you not to mess with her!


*********************************************************************************************************

Moments later in another realm................................

Cullen: *holds his throbbing head*  Maker, wh......where am I?  *stares around at the barren landscape*

Keldorn: Lad, you alright?  Some kind of evil magic is at work here! 

Cullen: Maker's Breath, Keldorn!  What in all of Thedas is that?

*Keldorn and Cullen stare in shock as this massive object flies over their heads and lands in front of them*

Keldorn: Ready your sword, lad.  I'm not sure what kind of world this is, but that flying monster is certainly dangerous.

Cullen: *looks closely at the writing on the side of the flying monster* Nor.....man.....dy.......  The creature's name is Normandy?

Keldorn: Normandy, creature of darkness and magic, we will fell you with our mighty swords if we must.  Please send us back to our own world, dark creature!

Cullen: Uh......Keldorn.  Look!   Something's coming out of it.

Keldorn:   Ewww, that's disgusting. The creature is having babies!

*A strong looking woman wearing a black uniform walks toward them and removes her helmet showing a badly scarred face*

Cullen: Maker!  Put the helmet back on please!

Shep: Damn it!  Why did they have to scar me up so badly.  I even scare small children these days.

Garrus and Thane:  *remove their helmets* And tourists apparantly, Shep.

Cullen: Andraste's holy ashes!  What are you hideous creatures?

Thane: Well now you're just getting personal.  I thought I was kinda sexy.

Garrus: Ha, you'll never be as sexy as a turian!

Keldorn: Of all that is holy!  What do you creatures intend to do with us?

*The hatch opens and out walks a very curvy brunette wearing a skin-tight outift*

Miranda: Oh Shepard, what have you found this time? *walks over and examines Keldorn and Cullen*  Oh, I think I'm going to have lots of fun examining these two in my office. *wicked smile*

Cullen: Oh Maker! 


********************************************************************************************************************




Meanwhile in Athkatla........................


Amethyst: Are you sure we have to walk through the slums again to get to the graveyard?  This place gives me the creeps and these half-naked beggers look like they they have the plague or something.

Zevran: Ewww, I think I stepped in something.  And my hair smells like vomit!    I hate this place!

Oghren: *sniffs the air*  Ahhh, reminds me of Dust Town.

Alistair: Have no fear, Amethyst. *takes out Starfang*  I'll protect you!

Amethyst: Awww, that's so sweet!

*A begger child runs through a puddle and splashes mud all over Alistair's Juggernaut armor*

Alistair:   *gasp*  Look what that kid did to my shiny armor!

Jaheira: You have to be the wimpiest adventurers in all the realms!  You've done nothing but complained since we left the docks district.

Oghren: Ooooh I like strong women.  You remind me of Branka with the exception that you're not a dwarf and you're not insane and you don't like other........wait, you don't like other women do you?  I don't necessarily have a problem with that. *winks at Jaheira*

Jaheira: Ugh, disgusting dwarf.  Stop staring at me like that.

*A strange gnome yells at the party from down the street as they approach him*

Jan Jansen: Turnips!  Turnips for sell!  Hey, would you like to buy a turnip, lovely elven lady?

Amethyst: Uh.....no thank you.  I don't really like turnips.  Excuse us please.

Jan Jansen: Ah, but you don't know what my turnips can do.  My turnips are special.  *big excited smile*

Zevran: Special turnips?  There is nothing sexy about turnips......unless they can magically get rid of this nasty smell in my golden locks.  *looks hopeful*

Jan Jansen: No........no they don't make your hair smell better.  But they are really useful in a fight.

Alistair: Uh......yeah.  We're just going to keep walking now, little boy.  We know how to use swords.  We don't need to throw turnips at our enemies, thank you. *laughs under his breath*

Jan Jansen: *gasp*  I am not a little boy.  I am a fully grown adult gnome!

*Zevran notices a shadow sneaking behind them and quickly whips around and grabs a stealthy arm*

Zevran: Thought you could get the best of a skillful rogue like me?  Think again, thief!

Yoshimo: Let me go!  I wasn't after anything of yours.  I was after those turnips!  You have nothing that's as valuable as that gnome's turnips!

Jaheira: Yoshimo!  You treacherous bastard!

Amethyst and Alistair:   Uh...........they're just turnips....


Jan Jansen: *sighs* They're special turnips!  I told you that already!


Jaheira: You're supposed to be dead, rogue!

Yoshimo: I'm a very skilled rogue!  I feined death and you fell for it.  Ha, you and your friends are so gullible.

Jaheira: *glares at Yoshimo*  I'm keeping my eyes on you.

Yoshimo: Ooooh, sounds intriguing.  I look forward to that Jaheira.  You were always my favorite, you know.  So who are these people you travel with and why are you going to the graveyard?  And where are those other gullible adventurers that you used to travel with?

Jaheira: Not that I trust you to help us, you traiterous snake, but Aurora has gone missing.......not that you would care. *glares*

Yoshimo: You wound me, Jaheira.  Of course I care.  She was my friend too.

Jaheira: When was she your friend exactly, Yoshimo?  When you weren't stabbing her in the back?

Yoshimo: *sigh*  Allow me to prove my allegience to you by helping you find Aurora.

Jaheira: Yeah right and then set us up again in the process.  I'm not a fool, Yoshimo.

Amethyst: Well, we could use all the help we can get since we're trying to find Leliana as well.  Maybe we should invite Yoshimo along.

Jaheira: It's your call, but I don't have to like it.  (Jaheira disapproves -10)

Amethyst: What was that?  Uh.....nevermind.

Jan Janson: Well at least take one of my turnips free of charge.  If you are going to the graveyard, it might come in handy.

Alistair: Riggghhhhtt, I'm sure undead creatures just love turnips. *rolls eyes*

Jan Janson: *glares at Alistair*  For the last time, they are special turnips!!!

Amethyst:   Okay, little boy, calm down.  We'll take your turnip.  Now why don't you run along and play now.

Jan Janson:  I'm not a %%$$*  little boy!!!!! 

*The party walks away as the gnome turns ten shades of red and starts screaming so loudly the Athkatla guards are called in*

*Finally the party reach the graveyard as the sun is setting off into the distance*

Alistair: Well, isn't that just typical.  We get here right when it turns dark.

Zevran: You're not afraid of dark, spooky graveyards, are you Alistair? *teasing laugh*

Amethyst: Well Maric did tell us to come here at night.  Something about Viconia not taking sunlight very well. 

Zevran: Maybe she should try that special Orlesian skin cream that Lisella sells in Denerim.  *rubs his hand along his soft face*  Works wonders on the skin. 

Yoshimo:   And he calls himself a rogue.

Zevran: Nowhere does it say that a rogue can't be beautiful and sexy.

Jaheira: *sighs*  We need to stay alert. There are creatures here that I really would rather not run into while we're here.  Viconia is bad enough.  But I can at least tolerate her.........a little.

*Suddenly the party is surrounded by a thick mist as strange figures start to attack them*

Jaheira: *sighs* I was really hoping we wouldn't run into vampires this time!

Amethyst, Zevran, Alistair, and Oghren:  Vampires!!!!!

Bodhi: Ahhh, aren't you the cute one. *winks at Alistair*

Amethyst: Hey back off!  He's with me!

Bodhi: And such a brave, stupid elf he travels with too.  I shall enjoy killing you!

*A large battle ensues as the adventurers defend themselves against the attacking vampires*

Zevran: Ha, take that!  We are ridiculously awesome!

Yoshimo: Hee-ahhh!  Ha, tourists love that stuff!

Amethyst:  Um.....guys can you please fight instead of comparing who has the funnier line?

Yoshimo: Don't forget the turnip, Amethyst.  Use the turnip!

Amethyst:  What?  The turnip?  What the .......    *sighs*  Oh fine.  I'll use the stupid turnip.

*Amethyst throws the turnip at Bodhi and it falls with a thump to the ground*

Amethyst: *sighs* Yep, just what I thought.  Works like a charm.

Yoshimo: Take Cover!!!!!!

*Suddenly a large mushroom cloud appears where the vampires had been standing, followed by a thunderous boom*

Zevran: Damn, that was one special turnip!

Amethyst: Where is Alistair?

*The party turns around and sees Bodhi off in the distance with a dazed-looking Alistair*

Bodhi: Ha, you'll never see your prince again now.  He's mine. 

*Morrigan and Minsc walk into the graveyard in time to see the vampire flee with the helpless Alistair*

Morrigan: *sighs heavily and rolls her eyes* Oh that's just perfect.........

***************************************************************************************************************************



To be continued.................................................

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 22 février 2010 - 03:39 .

[Sialater]

I had to giggle insanely at the Shep cameo. My husband thought I was nuts.





Too funny, Am!

[Kohaku]

Wow. I laughed so hard I think I broke my chest. You're making me want to install BG2 again Am and you know I can't. XD

[amethyst_rose2009]

LOL, thanks Sia and Kerridan.   

I meant to have Viconia in that one, but it was already too long by that point, so I'll have to add her in Part 5.  I want to install BG2 on my new computer as well.  Can't wait to see if it will play on yours.  If it will, I am so buying that game.  I miss it.

[KnightofPhoenix]

hahahaha glad to see this thread is still alive and kicking. Hilarious.

[amethyst_rose2009]

Thanks Knight!

We're still here.   We don't write as often as we used to though.  I blame it on ME2, LOL.  

[westiex9]

East meets west part 2:

Previously on late nights with west

East the Evil Host of Lates nights with east in kal-sharok  had through unknown means managed to get better Ratings then Late nights with west, using a stolen movie prop west and his co-host's journeyed to Kal-sharok to investigate. Upon arrival they discovered East was using a captured illithid mind controller to subject a hypnotised audience to hours of aweful Kal-sharok state TV!! will West and his co-hosts be able to stop this diabolical plan or will we all be forced to watch public broadcast for an eternity!!

(after the commercials)

East: Damn were back!!! i will not let you ruin my plans, not when im so close to domination of the Airwaves!!! Co-hosts stop them!!

( a hunchbacked dwarf and dark haired woman advance on their opposites)

Iona: I want the pretty one!!

Fiona: you know you kinda look like that evil vampire willow from buffy the vampire slayer

Iona: you watch that show too?

Fiona: well duh buffy is my idol!!

Iona: How about that Xander isn't he dreamy!!

(the two co-hosts squee mutually in the distance while thorin is cornered by Thor)

Thor: im going to jam this knife between your ribs and use your remains to make jewelry hehehehe

Thorin: stay back!! or ill errrr....

Thor: or you'll what!!!

Thorin: Oh Ancestors the things i have to do for this show....

(Thorin takes out a bottle of valium pills and grabbing Thor by the Throat pours them down his throat)

Thor: No!!! what have you done!!!

(Thors head explodes with a meaty popping sound)

Fiona: Your Valium makes peoples heads explode!!! what do they put in it!!

Thorin: err its kinda potent....its made using arch demon bones!!!

Fiona: Remind me NEVER to visit your chemist!!

(Meanwhile)

East: Damn it all!!! my useless co-host's have failed!! i will not be stopped prepare to be Eviserated!! (begins casting) Thrigny Anal Thrach Pgfginh Nugh Ord Moant Ughj Hafpur.......

West: Oh be Quiet!!!(West smacks his wooden club into East's knee making a crunching sound)

East: ARRRGGHHHH!!!

West: Remember folks mages are a lot like nerds!! they have mighty brains but brittle brittle bones!!

East: No it can't end like this!! Illithid Mind control him


( the illithid uses Mind Control on West)

West:  I Will Obey.....Kal-sharok TV is Great I particularly enjoyed that show on paper folding
East: Hehehehe yes!! Evil plan Working!!

(meanwhile)

Fiona: so wanna do a double date sometime?

Iona: id love to but this damn show takes up all my time!!

Fiona: you should move to Denerim i hear theres a new Goth style show with an opening!!

Thorin: Don't mean to interrupt but east is forcing our Host to do some...disturbing things.....

East: thats it yesss!!! Dance like a stripper!

West: Yes master!!!

East: now start shaking that money maker....on live TV

Thorin:  That is Sadistic!!!

East: Oh i love my job

Fiona: Wow i never thought id see this make him break dance!!! no wait do the Polka dot!!!

Thorin: err Fiona your meant to be...you know...Saving him!!

Fiona: Oh yeah....pffft  your such a party pooper!!Unhand him east!!

East: oh not another pest!!  illithid Mind control her too!!

(illithid Attempts mind control on Fiona)

East: Hmmm has it worked?....I command you to fulfill my every Sexual desire muhahaha

Fiona:....Yes master i will perform all one hundred positions of the elven pleasure manual

East: Really?  Lucky day!! and everyone said id be a forty year old virgin ha!! im only 39!

Fiona: Ha Fooled you!!

East: what!!! why didn't it work!!

Fiona: willpower of 50 jackass!!! oh but i do know one move that will give pleasure!!

East: ooohhh do tell!!

Fiona: The Legendary Dalish Groin kick!!! Your Pain MY pleasure!!!

(image too brutal for tv)

Thorin: jeeze he went through the roof!!

West: huh? why am i wearing stripper clothes!!!

Iona: no time to talk now look!! that kick has sent a shockwave through the city!! the entire cavern is crumbling!!

West: to the Bronto!!

Thorin: is that a victoria's secret Bra!!

West: not now!!!

(the gang pile into the Bronto 9000 as the Cavern collapses)

Thorin: how are we going to explain the destruction of an entire dwarven city

West: pffft what do you think they have janitors for!!

(back in the kal-sharok ruins)

Janitor #1: MOMA MIA!! HOWA WE GONNA CLEAN UPPA ALL THIS MESS!!

Janitor#2: shut uppa ya face!! now get the mop and start cleaning

Janitor#1: shouldve listened to the wife!! she said to get a job in Orzammar lika my brother!!

Modifié par westiex9, 22 février 2010 - 10:48 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

westiex9 wrote...


Fiona: you know you kinda look like that evil vampire willow from buffy the vampire slayer

Iona: you watch that show too?

Fiona: well duh buffy is my idol!!

Iona: How about that Xander isn't he dreamy!!

Yay!  Buffy!   I was hoping someone would eventually put a Buffy reference in their show, hehe. 

Hilarious, West!

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 22 février 2010 - 02:30 .

[westiex9]

Live from Orzammars Exclusive Diamond Quarter Studios its late nights with west!

Thorin: wait cut! hold the filming

West: Thorin whats going on?

Thorin: we are being sued!!!

West: Makers Breath! if this is about the Helmi gags you can tell the court to get f....

Thorin: no no no!! we are being sued by...well look for yourself!

Fiona: Oh I don't believe this

West: We are being sued by the darkspawn HORDE!!!

(Later in a kansas Courthouse)

Announcer: The court is now in session for Darkspawn horde VS West and co

Judge: Order! i say Order!! the court will now hear the prosecution's argument

Emissary: Thankyou your honor!

Bible guy: do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth

Emissary i do

Judge: you may begin

Emissary: We Darkspawn are a proud and peaceful people who dwell beneath the earth in caverns, we have longed been persecuted by those above us due to numerous myths and lies about our kind

Judge:such as?

Emissary: The surface dwellers have long claimed that we drag people underground and eat them, that we carry disease and seek to conquer the whole world.

West: But...you do eat people, carry disease and seek to overrun the entire surface

Emissary: You see! this is the specism we are forced to deal with!

Judge: the defense will remain silent!

Emissary: i ask you the people of the court is it a crime to have decaying flesh and travel in hordes? are we truly expected to be persecuted for our looks!!!

Judge: hey what about ostagar! did your horde not kill a large number of people there?

Fiona: oh this should be good

Emissary:While we regret the events of ostagar those deaths were not caused by us! A specieist organisation called the Grey wardens was holding a mass rally there and we were merely attempted a peacful march!! the humans attacked us!

West: oh for the makers sake he's lying!!! look he's grinning!!

Emissary: i am a Hurlock! my face is stuck in a permanent grin!!

Thorin: Ancestors is this court stupid or something!! look two of the witnesses are already dead from the taint!!!

Judge: the Defense will remain silent or i will find you in contempt of court!!

Judge: does the Prosecution have anything further?

Emissary: your honor i would like to call to the Stand Fiona Cousland!!

Judge: will miss Cousland step forward please!

Fiona: thats misses pea brain!!!

Emissary: is it true that you are Fiona cousland Queen of Ferelden and Leader of the Ferelden Grey wardens chapter?

Fiona: You already know the answer blight breath!

Judge: answer the question!!

Fiona: Yes

Emissary: and is it also true that you were involved in the Denerim Massacre that left an Arch-demon and many thousands of darkspwan dead!!

Fiona: of you mean the "battle of denerim" then yes!!

Emissary: there you have it She admits to being a member of a specieist organisation and to taking part in a brutal massacre of innocent darkspawn who were only there to hug puppies and kiss babies!!

Fiona: oh for the makers sake!! has no one here read the Chant!!

Judge: i don't read new age crap mam!!

Thorin: (facepalm) we are so doomed!!!

Emissary: the prosecution rests!!

judge: the court will take a five minute recess and hear the defense afterwards!

(in the defense room) 

Thorin: oh Ancestors we are doomed!!  Has no one here heard of a darkspawn!!

West: the people of this dimension are indeed very stupid and oblivious to the darkspawn threat 

Thorin: kinda like surfacers in between blights 

(Fiona Thumps Thorin knocking him off his chair)

Fiona: as much as i hate to admit it....Thorin is....

Thorin: Yesss  

Fiona:r-r-R-I-G-H-T.....

Thorin: was that so hard

Fiona: im going to need a cold shower after this.....but yes the jury in there think darkspawn hug puppies and sing kumbaya in circles! we are going to need a hell of a lawyer to win this...and im not sure if anything short of the kickboot defense will work!!

Thorin: kickboot defense?

West: Don't ask!  Anyway i called a freind who owes me a favour he should be able to get us out of this mess

Fiona: don't tell me your having maker delusions..had a freind like that once....

West: No!! i called the best lawyer in Thedas he should be along for the trial any moment now you'll see

(moments later)

Judge: This court is now in session! we will now hear the defenses arguments!
 
West: damn it where is he!!

Emissary: clearly the defense is stalling in an attempt to....

(suddenly the ground shakes and the doors smash open and fly off there hinges as the entrance fills with blinding light!)

Strange figure: Morning ladies Havn't kept you morons waiting long to be graced by my awesomeness have i!!!

(A Massive dark skinned man steps out of the light dressed in finery that would make an orlesian green with envy!)

Fiona: who is that?

Thorin:No it couldn't be!!

West: for the defense i give you Nathaniel Stark!! The greatest Lawyer in Thedas!!

Thorin: woah!! i hear this guy could get maferath himself pardoned!!

West: he did!!

Nathaniel:  your honor id like to open my case with a traditional rivani gesture to my opponent (awesome glow sorrounding him)

Judge: well....your just.... so...Awesome...ill allow it 

Nathaniel: Mr Emissary step forward please!

(Emissary does so)

Nathaniel: We call this the Rivani Head butt defense choke on it!! (headbutts the Emissary)

Darkspawn: your honor are you going to let him get away with this!!

Judge: are you kidding me im going  to let him do whatever he pleases he's got the most awesome glow ive ever seen.... and in law it doesnt matter what you do if your awesome 

Nathaniel: thank you your honor, now members of the jury i  have a simple question for you, look at me, now back at yourselves, you are all nerdy losers with no awesome glow whereas i am so Awesome i make Teagan look like a spotty teen i ask you could West and Co possibly be specieist murderers and still be freinds with a man as awesome as me!!

Female juror: I dunno, you havn't actually given me any legal facts or arguments im just not...

Nathaniel: (tears open shirt to reveal epic abbs) 

Male juror: (head explodes)
   
Female Juror: oh my!! withdrawn!!

Nathaniel: Now remember before you vote on this that i am Awesome and that i have a crossbow trained on you!!!

West: Damn he's good!!

Fiona: And sooooo dreamy!!

Allistair: hey!!

Audience member: i love you have my babies!!!

Hurlock: mine too!!!

Genlock:  Your supposed to be on our side

Shriek: SQUUUEEEEEEE!!!!!!

(moments later)

Juror: We find the Defendants innocent on all counts due to their defence attorney being so awesome!!!

Thorin: jeeze he is awesome!!

West: i hear he can due any job based on that

(a flashback)

Nurse: this man is DOA theres nothing we can do for him

Nathaniel: coming through!!   (awesome glow fills the hallways)

(end flashback)

Nathaniel: Right thats that then, Will all the Attractive Male and Female Jurors follow me please and the rest of you might want to commit suicide as im the highlight of your pitiful existances!!

Spectator: I will do as you say!!

Judge: Aww heck nothing is ever gonna top this wheres that rope!!

Thorin: oh god should we stop them?

West: pffft this aint our problem anymore! now come on lets go before they try and pin any other crimes on us in this dimension!

Thorin: such as!!

Fiona: hey that Emissary is getting up!!

Emissary: you fools this is not Justice!!

Fiona: die puppy eater (kick boot of death sends The emissary though the roof)

West: oh heck the foundations crumbling!!

Thorin: Once!! just one time!! id like to end an episode without having to flee from a crumbling building filled with people our shows actions have killed!!!

End

************************************************************************************************************************

Are you Rich?

Do you have legal troubles?

Then you need the services of Nathaniel Stark!!

Thats right im so amazing that i can get you acquitted of just about anything!!

Murder with witnesses and a bloody knife in your hand?

No problem! freedom is just a torn shirt away!!

Been Caught Snorting lyrium dust?

Facts will pale in comparison to my glow!!

Hire me today for total freedom from all consequences!! Just remember if i don't receive my fee ill have to kill you!
...Im serious !!

Nathaniel Stark Legal Call today! Because Legal Facts and Fair trials are For Nug Humpers!!!

[Sialater]

Without further ado... A Collaboration between Kerridan and Sia!

"There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can change the focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity. Sit quietly and for the next hour we will control all that you see and hear. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to the Outer Limits."


~Zevran and Alistair step through a portal in Soldier’s Keep and onto the crew deck of the Normandy SR2~

They spy the Warden almost immediately, but is she the Warden?


Zevran: This lass feels like my warden. I wonder why?

Alistair: She's not your warden. She's mine and... hey... she does look like her doesn't she?

Zevran: You think we can take on these strange looking weapons with our swords?

Alistair: I want one of those suits.

Zevran: So do I... hm.

Zevran: I like how those suits fit our Warden, don't you?

Alistair: ~drooling~ Yes, yes I do.

Zevran: Close your mouth, dear Warden.

Alistair. We have been spotted.

Alistair: ~He backs up as the four men point their weapons at them~ Hey! We just came to rescue the warden! That's it!

Zevran: Perhaps we can offer a deal?

Garrus: The pointed eared one talks. What are the odds?

Thane: ~He looks them over~ Haven't we met before?

Zevran: ~He grins~ In a temporal disturbance?

Thane: I swear this man in a loincloth told me to watch out for the tattooed pointed eared demon.

Zevran: Oh poor Arl Howe. He was just joking. We're best friends, I assure you. ~He smiles~

Kaiden: This is just too bizarre. Shepard! We need some explanation here!

Shepard/Warden: Can't I just have you all?

Zevran: Wait... Alistair, you dumped her once, you know. You should step back.

Alistair: What? I -!

Garrus: And I was there when you dumped her, Kaiden.

Kaiden: Hey, wait a minute!

Thane: Gentlemen, I think we just narrowed the playing field.

Shepard/Warden: Oh, hell.

Alistair: Hey! It was only the once! She talked me out of it after that!

Garrus: Wait, she had to TALK you out of it?

Zevran: ~He shakes his head~ What did I tell you about talking Alistair?

Alistair: Make sure what I'm saying make sense... and sounds seductive when I say it. So I was stupid, I can't live that down?

Kaiden: Give the kid a break. He's young and dumb.

Thane: What was your excuse?

Garrus: You're at least ten years older, Kaiden. The galaxy was lucky I was there to help her hold it
together after Horizon.

Alistair: So is this the everyone beat up on Alistair and that guy show? ~He points at Kaiden who looks
dumbstruck~

Zevran: I believe his name is Kaiden my clueless Warden.

Kaiden: Hold on a minute Garrus. I'm sure I've seen alot more in life than this kid. I know how to break up with a woman.

Thane: Of course you do. Though e-mail.

Alistair: E-mail?

Zevran: Just nod and agree. It'll keep us alive longer.

Shepard/Warden: Hold on everyone! I never thought of it like that. I got dumped by two guys in two different universes. What's the odds of that? Am I that unbearable?

~Garrus and Thane rush to her side, Zevran beats them~

~hugging Shepard/Warden~Zevran: There, there, mi amora! You are perfect! They're just too dumb to know what they had! You are strong, beautiful, and a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield!

Alistair: ~He pulls Zevran away~ Wait a minute! I said she begged me to not dump her! ~He points to himself and her~ See this. We're an item.

Kaiden: ~He pulls Alistair away~ I told her that we might work things out. Things are worked out. The four of you step off!

Thane: You have some nerve. She's my siha. She saved me and my son. She's mine.

Garrus: Please. I've been with her this whole time! Species differences aside.She cries on my shoulder.

Zevran: I wish there were so many willing men in Ferelden...

Shepard/Warden: ~She covers her eyes with her hand~ What have I gotten into? I'm really going to rip Avernus a new one.

~Jacob walks in~ Jacob: What the hell is going on? Shepard, who are these people?

Shepard/Warden: Uh...

Zevran and Alistair in unison: We're her soulmates.

Zevran: You are not!

Alistair: She chose me!

Zevran: And then you dumped her!

Alistair: She talked me out of it!

Garrus: Who ARE you people?

Jacob: ~He puts his hands on Shepard/Warden's shoulder~ You told me that I was the only one for you.

Shepard/Warden: Wait a minute guys. You're all getting the wrong idea here. I just--

Kaiden: ~He pokes Jacob in the chest~ And who are you? Are you trying to be me?

Jacob: I'm Shepard's boyfriend. You're the loser that dropped her on Horizon. Lieutenant.

Alistair: Stop saying that. I'm the King of Ferelden and she's my queen! We fought a flipping Blight together. You know, a big scary dragon!

Shepard/Warden: When did that happen?! Anora chased me out of the castle with a torch and I was still in my small clothes!

Garrus: Small clothes? Is that like your floral pink and blue underwear set?

Thane: She would never wear anything like that. They are black with lace and frills.

Zevran: You're all wrong. They are silky and white and I've seen her out of them enough times to know.

Kaiden: When did you show all these men your underwear?

Shepard/Warden: I uh...

Kaiden: Shepard? I think I have a right to know.

Garrus: No you don't. She betrayed you, remember?

Kaiden: You're never going to let me live that down are you? Some buddy you are, the minute my back is turned you're walking out with my girl!

Shepard/Warden: ~facepalm~

Jacob: This is too weird. Who are the two of you? That kid and the... tattooed... thing.

Zevran: I am an elf, human. What kind of backwards world is this where you don't know the beauty of an elf?

Garrus: They are called Asari here.

Zevran: Asari you say?

Garrus: They dance on tables and aren't male of female. You are a woman right?

Shepard/Warden: This is a bit awkward. ~She turns to Kaiden~ You know my undies are everywhere. I've seen them turn up on the extra-net. Any idea who did that?

Thane: Legion.

Shepard/Warden: Legion... sifts though my underwear? Forget it. I'm not even going to ask.

Kaiden: ~He biotically pushes Zevran and Alistair to a wall~ One of these these things just doesn't belong here and it's the both of you. Go back to... wherever... it is you came from!

Zevran: Not without our Warden! I'm the one who wooed her with my long locks and acrobatics.

Alistair: Wait. Was that you singing the other night?

Zevran: But of course, did you think you'd have her all to yourself?

Shepard/Warden: Oh, God, I need a drink.

Alistair: You can't have one. What was he doing in your tent?

Garrus: Tent? She was up in her quarters. I know because I left her there.

Thane: As did I.

Garrus: You have got to be kidding me.

Zevran: Don't you mean Maker?

Garrus: Maker? What in the world is that?

Thane: Yes. I remember now. That "Arl Howe" of yours was screaming that as he burst though my wall.

Zevran: Ah, such a religious man. He will me missed, not.

Shepard/Warden: Lets talk about this like adults.

Kaiden: I seem like I'm the only adult here. The rest of them are children. Just look at you. Fighting over a woman who's mine.

Thane: I'm ten years older than you. I could have had you. Apparently she doesn't belong to you if the baker and the candlestick maker are here to claimher. ~Points at Zevran and Alistair~

Zevran: Hmm. What I would pay for a good candlestick maker...

Kaiden: That's creepy.

Shepard/Warden: ~backs away slowly~ ~bumps into Leliana~ Oh, uh, hi? Lel?

Leliana: Warden! I'm so glad to see you. ~hugs tightly and inappropriately~

Men: ~universally, eyes widen~

Liara: Get away from her you ****!

Leliana: ~still holding Shepard/Warden's shoulders in a tight grip~ I will not! She's mine! Her eyelashes are beautiful! She kissed me!

Liara and Men: ~turn to stare at Shepard/Warden~

Kaiden: You did what?!?!?

Alistair: HOT! ~rest of the men nod~

Leliana: I saw her first!

Liara: You did not!

Alistair: I actually saw her first, Leliana.

Kaiden: I saw her before any of you. ~Yanks Shepard/Warden away from Leliana and whispers~ You don't happen to have a picture of that do you?

Shepard/Warden: Ok! Stop it! All of you! I know what this looks like but look at the big picture.

Jacob: Which is what exactly?

Alistair: I still want to now why you were in his tent! We're supposed to get married!

Garrus: Calm down kid. You'll get an answer.

Kaiden: ~He growls~ Get out! All of you. I'll figure this out with Shepard on my own.

Jacob: Not without me you won't.

Leilana: What are Zevran and Alistair doing here? I came to save you Warden. You said you felt warm when we
were close.

Liara: She couldn't have said that. She was with me just the other day. We were... embracing eternity.

Leilana: The Maker told me I'd find a blue woman to block my progress. I'll have you know I've cut a **** like you before.

Liara: Do you want to feel your brain on fire? ~She narrows her eyes~ I can make that happen.

Kaiden: Pictures. Please Shepard.

Thane: Shepard, what is going on?

Shepard/Warden: Well you see I uh...

Liara: You don't need to explain anything to them, Shepard! I love you the most! When you died I searched the galaxy for your body! I found you!

Alistair: Huhn? You died? When did this happen?

Shepard/Warden: Well, you see there was this ship...

Zevran: I want to go back to you kissing Leliana for a second.

Shepard/Warden: Can't we be serious for one minute? Being sucked into space was very terrifying. I was
being ripped apart and... ~She thinks about the story and decides kissing the two women was more interesting~ I have pictures.

Leliana: Pictures? Like a oil painting?

Shepard/Warden: I have more than that but really guys I--

Liara: ~She pulls out a one piece leotard in leopard colors~ Remember this Shepard?


Shepard/Warden: ~Her face gets red~ I don't think I'm going to be able to survive this...

Leilana: ~She takes out a frilly pink one piece leotard~ You raise that rubbish and I'll raise my own. I know what she looks like in this!

Garrus: You know what. Forget this. I want to see you in that.

Alistair: Seconded.

Zevran: Third. Will you be carrying a whip... and rope?

Kaiden: ~He is flipping though the pictures of Leliana and Shepard/Warden, Liara and Shepard/Warden and Leliana, Liara and Shepard/Warden~ Oh damn. ~He shows them to Jacob~

Jacob: I think I just died. ~He grabs some of them from him~

Kaiden: If you re-enact THIS ~holds up a pic~ The whole Cerberus thing? Forgotten.

Jacob: Hell, I'll leave Cerberus if you do that!

Alistair: What's Cerberus?

Shepard/Warden: Nevermind, Alistair. ~Looks at picture~ I will NOT re-enact that! Especially not in front of an audience!

~Zevran steals picture~ Zevran: Oh! I would like to see you do this!

Shepard/Warden: ~snatches at picture from Zevran~

Garrus: ~grabs pic from Shepard, shows to Thane~ What do you think?

Thane: ~swallows, voice cracks~ Shepard?

Shepard/Warden: ~snatches the leotards~ I doubt very seriously that me dressing up and dancing the Remigold will distract either the Darkspawn or the Collectors!

Alistair: ~looking over Thane's and Garrus' shoulders~ Who cares about them?

Shepard/Warden: Why am I friends with any of you people? You're all perverts.

Leliana: So we won't be doing back flips naked in the...

Shepard/Warden: No! No we won't.

Zevran: ~He takes the pictures back and doesn't see that~ My warden. Are you hiding something from us?

Thane: ~He starts to drool~ That looks like it hurts. I didn't know you could do that with your...

Liara: I gave her the best mind meld she'll ever experience. You can't touch that.

Leliana: It wasn't all that good. ~She pulls on Shepard/Warden's arm~ My love, why are we fighting. My bedroll is so cold since you left.

Alistair: Where was I when all of this was happening? Am I that dense?

Zevran: Do you want an honest answer or one a friend would give you?

Shepard/Warden: ~She hears her in ear communicator going off~ Yes Miranda? ~She pulls her up on the screen and sees her dancing around in her skivvies~ You said you'd come see me later Commander. I have some wires to tweak and... ~She looks at the audience~ What is all this?

Kaiden: Cerberus is so forgotten.

Modifié par Sialater, 02 mars 2010 - 09:12 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

*blushes*  Oh my............   *fans face with hand*  Shep / Warden really gets around, doesn't she?  LOL. That was so funny.  I liked when Alistair asked Zev if he was really that dense and Zev asked if Alistair wanted the truth or what a friend would say instead. ROFL!  Poor Ali.     And uh......Arl Howe in a loincloth????     Creepy........



@ West:

Sorry I didn't read your post earlier.  That was so hilarious.  I kept imagining your Nathaniel Stark lawyer as an alternate version of Tony Stark.  LOL.  Rich, attractive, powerful, with the girls swooning all around him.  LOL, it would be funny if Iron Man showed up to deal with those who didn't pay him for his services, hehe.



I'll have another Amethyst Show soon, I promise.  I just really need to play BG2 again so I can get a feel for the characters again.

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 02 mars 2010 - 10:39 .

[westiex9]

Arl Howe loincloth! im scared now!!! lol

[Kohaku]

Howe loves to shake his groove thing... right though Thane's bedroom.

@West - "Fiona: im going to need a cold shower after this.....but yes the jury in
there think darkspawn hug puppies and sing kumbaya in circles! we are
going to need a hell of a lawyer to win this...and im not sure if
anything short of the kickboot defense will work!!"

That was so awesome right there.

Modifié par Kerridan Kaiba, 03 mars 2010 - 12:44 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

Kerridan Kaiba wrote...

Howe loves to shake his groove thing... right though Thane's bedroom.

  Oh no BAD mental images!   Get out of my head!   Howe, you better stay away from that sexy green guy!  My Shep would have to give Howe a serious headbutt for messing with her man! 

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 03 mars 2010 - 12:42 .

[NvVanity]

I need to get my next piece up...

Modifié par NvVanity, 05 mars 2010 - 02:46 .

[westiex9]

(the sinister offices of Orzammar broadcasting incorporated)

West: look im telling you there is no one left in ferelden to interview!

Executive: look we have a 3 interview format per show i need three interviews

West: where the heck am i going to get three interviews at short notice!

Executive: thats your problem pal, i don't care if you have to go to the pearl and pull guests out of a nugs ass! get me those interviews!

(later at wests apartment) 

West: no fiona killed him, no she's still recovering from the shock no! no! no!

West: damn it! im never going to find 3 new guests, unless  

(west picks up an amaranthine phonebook)


(later)

Live from Orzammar's Exclusive Diamond Quarter studios its late nights with west!

West: welcome to the show folks tonight we have a special lineup of guests all the way from the windy arling of amaranthine fill em Thorin!

Thorin: Tonight we have exclusive interviews with Nathaniel Howe! Utha and the Architect and Mhairi!!

West: so without further delay lets give a warm welcome to nathaniel howe!

Crowd: BOOOOO!!!! HISSSS!!! YOU MURDERER!!!

West: wow tough crowd

Thorin: i knew we shouldnt have let so many highever guests in

Fiona:  Nice to know my people care

Nathaniel howe: greetings and thankyou for inviting me

West: so your related to Rendon howe?

Nathaniel: yes i am proud to say i am related to a great patriot who fought for freedom!

West: did you know he also murdered almost every important noble in ferelden and stole their lands?

Nathaniel: Orlesian lies!!
 
West: i suppose you think he hugged puppies and kissed babies

Nathaniel: he did so!

Fiona: no he did not! just look at these photos! he is putting a baby in a pan and punting a puppy through a window

Nathaniel: errrr...doctored by the orlesians!!

Fiona: why is it that whenever someone does something utterly immoral they use orlais as a defence!!

Nathaniel: you just don't understand the reality of war!!

Fiona: errr..hello!!! i was at ostagar! i was at denerim and i killed a friggin arch-demon!!! i have seen more war then rambo in all of his movies combined!!!

Thorin: you actually watch those?  

Fiona: Don't mock rambo!! along with Buffy and King maric he is my friggin  idol

Cauthrien: pffft you always go for the dumb blondes!!

Fiona: shut up or ill punt you tooo!!!

Nathaniel: you are all idiots rendon howe only did it all for ferelden!!

Fiona: enough!!

(Fiona Kicks nathaniel out the front window of the studios)

Thorin: was that really neccessary!!

West: youre kidding right? every time lil miss kickboot here does her thing our ratings shoot up, a lot like the guests!

Thorin: errr anyway hehe our next guest is a saucy night in the service of the king its the deadly babealicous mhairi

Fiona: hey thats completley sexist how come female warriors are always stereotyped as eye candy!!!

Mhairi: You are so right!! this jerk of a mage is always coming on to me!!

Cauthrien: And forumites fantasised i was romancible for weeks before the game came out!!!

Mhairi: you know my father tried to marry me to some merchant!!

Fiona: my father used to try and send all the noble boys to play but i beat them all up

Cauthrien: pffft that would explain why you never got a date in high school fisty cufffs mc boot!!

Fiona: speak for yourself!!! loghain lovin sue!!!!

Mhairi: (to west) are your freinds always this volatile?

West: you aint seen nothing yet! these two once had a girl fight over who's teenage crush was hotter and nearly wiped out an entire audience booth!

Mhairi: OH maker!! King alistair is seriously expecting me to travel with this woman for an entire game!

West: id tell you to stop breaking the fourth wall...but its a bit futile given this shows history.....oh no!!

Cauthrien: Stupid red headed!! Theirin dating!! boot head!!

Fiona: dumb ink haired!!! soap opera watching!! loghain fawning!!! Chainmail nicker wearing!!! Pee brain!!!

(the two begin scrapping on the studio floor)

Fiona: ow my braids!! those were new

Cauthrien: hey get off my hair!!!

West: Moving on!!

Thorin: err welcoming our next guests!! The architect and Utha!!

Audience: BOOO!!!! YOU LOOK LIKE REJECTS FROM A GOTH BAND!!!!

Architect: greetings!! could i interest you in a sip of this hip flask i brought!!

Utha:..........
West: you seriously expect me to drink from your tainted hip flask im on to you!!!

Thorin: (sniffing the flask) actually its blackcurrent!!

West: pfft well you can't fault me for trying

Utha:...............

West: Soooooo.....you guys are the villains currently getting ready to rampage across amaranthine like a plague of locusts!!

Architect: that is such a misunderstanding! i don't want to harm the world i want to heal it! by making everyone darkspawn!

Fiona: yeah you see thats the snag in your plan right there!

Cauthrien: get back down here!(tugs fiona's hair)

Fiona: oh its on Nug humper!!

West: ANYWAY!!! so your the boss of the darkspawn and you want to taint the entire world don't you think your plan is a tad extreme

Architect: is it west? its no more extreme a suggestion the asking everyone to become vegan or give up all junk food

West:  thats disgusting!!

Thorin: oh ancestors too much!!!!

Architect: (looking straight into the camera) oh and players don't think ive forgotten about you, ill be seeing you all soon, right utha?

Utha:..........................

Architect: Arggghhh!!! (steamrolled by the Fiona and cauthrien as the cat fight)

Fiona: Kiss arse!!

Cauthrien: Throne pincher!!

Fiona: Loghain brand knicker wearing woosie lass!!!

Cauthrien: Red headed hellion!!

Mhairi: you know suddenly that merchant isn't looking like such and unatrractive proposal

Thorin: CUUUUUUTTT!!!!

Modifié par westiex9, 08 mars 2010 - 09:04 .

[Mindlessidiots]

Hey everybody, this is my first time being on Ferelden TV,
tell me what you think?



Announcer: You know what time it is Ferelden, it's time for Ferelden's one
true news source, THE LOGHAIN SHOW! With your host, Loghain Mac Tier!


*The curtains open, reveling an open stage with a huge portrait of King Maric.
Loghain enters, and the crowd goes wild*



Announcer: And don't forget about your co-host, Arl Howe!



*Howe enters, and everyone starts to boo him.*



Arle Howe: Maker spit on you!

Loghain: Now Howe, that's not how we treat this lovely audience! *Loghain tries
to smile but fails, crowed still goes wild anyway.* Ah maybe you should just leave for today's show Howe.

*Arl Howe leaves*

Loghain: Okay, today show’s is here to talk about the people
the maker even hates, the Orlesians

 *crowed boo’s*

 Loghain: I know, I know, but we need to talk about it. Did
you know that after the war where Maric pushed them out, there were no
Orleasians living in Ferelden? 20 years later and we have a one living in the
very Capital! And not only that, she is a criminal!

*Crowed gasps*

Loghain: That’s right; she is wanted by her own country for refusing
to obey a superior and then having her brother beat him! She represents the
typical Orlesian. Studies show that the Orlesian are cowards that run from
danger, are arrogant, and are terrible fighters. To prove my point, here comes
Lady Isolde as our special guests

 *Lady Isolde walks in, and the crowed boo’s her, she then
gives them a evil look and mumbles something under her breath*

Loghian: Now, now lady Isolde, Teagan is not here. Please
try to stay civil.

Lady Isolde: I would but these rude people are so mean to
me! But what do you expect from barbarians?

Loghain: Barbarians? Well that just proves my point about
Orlesian egos doesn’t it? Is it not true that you hired a blood mage to tutor
your son?

Lady Isolde: Yes but-

 Loghian: Isn’t also true that your son then used dark magic
to summon a demon which then attacked Redcliffe village?

 Lady Isolde: Yes-

 Loghian: Also, did you not help your demon controlled son by
tricking Bann Teagan into the castle?



 Lady Isolde: I uh, yes I did but…….. I ah



 Loghian: Answer the question!



 Lady Isolde: aaaaaahhhhh (Inside Lady Isoldes mind: Think
Isolde think, what do you do when your in trouble?......................I got
it!)



 TTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN



 Loghian: Lady Isolde, Ban Teagan is not her………….



*Suddenly Bann Teagan pops out of now where*



 Bann Teagan: I am here Isolde, I will save you *he then
mumbles under his breath* for the 1,000 time. On guard Loghain!



 Loghain: How in makers name did you get in here?



 *suddenly Teagan swings and cut’s the recording camera in
two*



 Announcer: It appears we are having some technical difficulty’s
folks! Tune in next time to watch more of the Loghian Show!

Modifié par Mindlessidiots, 10 mars 2010 - 11:11 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

Mindlessidiots wrote...


Lady Isolde: aaaaaahhhhh (Inside Lady Isoldes mind: Think
Isolde think, what do you do when your in trouble?......................I got
it!)



 TTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN



 

ROFL!  Ha, that was priceless!  And Teagan coming in to gallantly save the day was swoon-worthy. 

[Kohaku]

Isolde would totally do that. XD



Teagan is like superhero status now.

[westiex9]

Haha ah Teagan! everybodies favourite bann! im not surprised howe wasn't allowed to co-host the man is slightly more unpopular then a blight!

Great to see a new show mindless, this thread(errr i mean channel) is going from strengh to strengh heck soon we might have to branch into orlesian TV(maker forbid)

Modifié par westiex9, 11 mars 2010 - 12:33 .

[westiex9]

Double post oh noes!!

Modifié par westiex9, 11 mars 2010 - 12:30 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

westiex9 wrote...

heck soon we might have to branch into orlesian TV(maker forbid)

*gasp*  


Leliana: Oh goody!  My own Orlesian show.  We'll have shoes, Orlesian fashions, and more shoes, the latest Orelesian hairstyles, and more shoes.........

[westiex9]

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

westiex9 wrote...

heck soon we might have to branch into orlesian TV(maker forbid)

*gasp*  


Leliana: Oh goody!  My own Orlesian show.  We'll have shoes, Orlesian fashions, and more shoes, the latest Orelesian hairstyles, and more shoes.........

Fiona: West!! you and your big mouth! now Celene is going to want a show too!!

Thorin: and then we'll have to put up with orlesian cooking shows and orlesian culture tv and worse still orlesian eye for the ferelden!!! youve opened the pandoras box!!!