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[amethyst_rose2009]

Announcer: And now we continue with the Amethyst Show!!!

*Silly lounge music plays as the camera pans around showing a stage in complete disarray with flickering lights hanging from the ceiling.  The Denerim Electric Utility crew is busily trying to restore all the power to the studio while emergency generators supply power to the flickering lights and camera *

Producer: *glares angrily at Amethyst*

Amethyst:  Whaaa?  Did I do something?  *Obvious claw marks cover her face as her long braided blonde hair falls messily to her shoulders*

Alistair and Zevran: *munch on popcorn* 

Alistair: Too bad the lights went out.  That fight was just getting good too.

Zevran: I still have rope and whips should anyone be interested though.  *wicked grin*  Still, my fiery minx, I do have to say I find your new look most alluring, no?  The claw marks and the hair all tossled like you just awoke from a wild and exciting night in bed.  Ahhhh, the images going through my mind right now, my seductive warden......

Alistair:   Hey!!!!

Zevran: Well, I wasn't referring to you my fair Alistair, however if you would like, I can imagine you in that fantasy as well.

Alistair:  *Blushes and moves his chair away from Zevran*

Amethyst: *tries to fix hair by running fingers through it only making it look worse*  *Sigh*  I hate Anora!  If I ever see that royal b*tch again I'll send a lightning storm up her........

Producer: Ahem.....*points to flickering lights and utility crew*  Are you forgetting what your last spell caused, you destructive mage!

Amethyst: *glares at producer angrily and casts tempest and cone of cold on producer*

*Lightning bolts fill the stage with a magnificent light show as the producer stands perfectly still, frozen by Amethyst's icy spell*

Alistair: Uh........you're not going to just leave him like that, are you?

Amethyst: *sighs*  Maybe.........I haven't decided yet.  Now where we?  Oh yes, I'm your host and this is my co-host Alistair and......

Zevran: Ahem...

Amethyst: Oh, um.......and this is my ........uh.......other co-host Zevran.  *confused look*  *whispers to Alistair* What's Zev doing up here?

Alistair: He brought popcorn.

Zevran: And rope! *winks at Amethyst*

Amethyst: Alright, well the more the merrier.

Zev: *wicked grin* That's what I always say! *wink*

Amethyst: Okaaayyy.......anyway welcome to the Amethyst Show everyone.  Today's guest is a very dear friend......

Alistair: *interrupting*  Your last guest was a very dear friend as well and had the mouth of a sailor.  I don't think I will ever get those mental images out of my head.

Zevran: *moans* Ummmmm, I don't want to get them out of mine. *naughty smile*

Alistair:

Amethyst: Uh......anyway here's my dear friend and trusted colleague. She's like a sister to me and.....*tears up* ......oh, here's Shale....

*Band plays lounge music as Shale stomps on stage under the flickering lights*

*The Denerim Power Utility crew watch the golem nervously as the lights flicker and threaten to fall to the stage from the powerful tremors caused by Shale's sheer weight*

Shale: *takes her seat in between Alistair and Amethyst and sighs in relief as the chair unexpectedly holds her weight* 

Amethyst: Shale!!!!  *smiles giddily*  Everyone, this girl is my best friend in all of Thedas.  We do everything together.  We go shopping, get our nails done, go to the tanning salon.......  Shale rocks!   Uh.......well you know what I mean...

Shale: It is embarrassing me again.....*sighs and then turns happily to Alistair and smiles*  I......I just wanted to say thank you. *bats eyelashes*

Amethyst: Hmmm, I didn't know golems had eyelashes.

Alistair: *confused look* Umm, you wanted to thank me for what, Shale?

Shale: You know......*flashes flirty smile*

Alistair: Uh......no, I'm afraid I don't. *slowly moves chair away from Shale and back towards Zevran*

Zevran: *blows Alistair a kiss*  I knew you would be back, my fair Alistair.

Shale: *moves her chair closer to Alistair's* You're not getting away from me that easily.

Amethyst:  I think Anora must have hit me in the head harder than I thought.  Are we playing musical chairs now, because I don't think I got that memo.

Oghren: *from audience* Oh, crud!!!!  This ain't gonna be pretty.  When Shale finds out I lied about Alistair being in love with her and giving her all those fancy gifts, she's gonna kick me all the way to the sodding Deep Roads.  I better try to sneak the hell outta here.

*Hot dog and ale attendant passes by*

Oghren:  Oh my, that smells like good ale - like sweat on a nug!  Well, maybe I can stay long enough to enjoy some fine dwarven ale.

Amethyst: Well.......uh......Shale, so what are you up to these days?

Shale: Well, I'm in a fitness program now to help me lose a few pounds around the middle.  Trying to get back my girlish figure you know.......for a certain special someone......*winks at Alistair*

Alistair: *gulp* Is.......is it getting a bit......hot in here.  I suddenly am......having a hard time breathing.

Shale: I could help you remove some of that extra clothing if you wish. *flirty smile*  That heavy armor looks......so cumbersome and uncomfortable.

Oghren: *laughs so hard he chokes on his ale* 

Alistair: *inches chair even closer to Zevran*  No.......no.......  *sweat beads form on forehead* I.....I'm fine, thank you.

Zevran: *raises eyebrow seductively and smiles at Alistair*  You get any closer my prince and you'll be sitting in my lap......or I in yours. *winks*

Amethyst:   Uh......could someone find a healer?  I really think I took a blow to the head earlier.

Shale: *turns to Amethyst*  If it would permit me to show off my new figure.  I have something I would like to model for everyone.

Amethyst: Sure, what the hell?  It's not like this interview can get any stranger.  *holds head and checks for cracks in skull*

*Shale disappears and shortly reappears from behind the curtain wearing silky lingerie*

Amethyst:  

Zevran:

Alistair:   Oh maker!

Oghren: *chokes on his ale*  Well, burp me a lullaby you sodding golem!  You ain't half bad!  *loud belch* But then again maybe that's the ale talking.

Shale: Does my prince like what he sees? *shale walks seductively over to Alistair*

Alistair: *turns white as a ghost and sweats profusely*  I........I.......Maker's Breath!!!!

*Alistair faints dead cold into the floor*

*Shale gently lifts Alistair into her arms and starts to walk away*

Shale: Don't worry, my prince.  I'll take......real good care of you. *smiles and walks out the exit door*

Zevran: *Sighs*  Hmm, I wonder if the golem is willing to share.

Amethyst:   *holds head in confusion and notices Oghren starting to tiptoe toward the exit* Oghren!!!!
Do you know anything about any of this?

Oghren: Oh Sod it!  Damn my love of fine dwarven ale!    I might have.......just a tiny little bit......... mentioned something about Alistair.......possibly....... being deeply in love with Shale.  Please don't kill me!  *flees toward the door*

*Amethyst blasts fireballs, lightning, and frost spells through the audience at the fleeing dwarf as everyone runs away in terror*

Amethyst: Oghren, you mean I'm going to have to fight a golem to get my Ali back - all because of you!!! Oh you just wait, little man, you're going down!

*Amethyst runs after Oghren blasting spells throughout the studio*

Producer: *the ice spell has finally worn off and he wakes up and shakes his head in confusion*  Oh.....*chattering teeth* who....t....turned on the a/c.  *suddenly the producer looks up at the flickering lights as a cracking sound roars overhead*

Producer: Oh crud!  Ameth......cut to....comm....*loud crash*



*blue screen*

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 14 janvier 2010 - 03:50 .

[tevikolady]

rofl. . .*wipes tears from her eyes* . . .lfor

[amethyst_rose2009]

@ tevikolady:

Thanks   I'm still trying to think of a funny story involving my pc getting Alistair back from a 7-foot-tall golem. 
 

[MarcusDeVarro]

@Amethyst: Danke!

poor alistar hes gonna have broken bones....
but nothing a mage can't heal I'm sure huh lol

Modifié par MarcusDeVarro, 14 janvier 2010 - 05:16 .

[westiex9]

Live from our special Temporary studios its late nights with west!

(theme music starts)

West: Hi Folks boy have we got a surprise for you,  While our regular studio is being repaired after the damage caused to it last episode we will be broadcasting live from the Empress celenes Royal Palace in Val Royeux!

Thorin: thats right west we have been invited by her majesty to witness a meeting of two nations. Queen Fiona and King Alistair should be along any minute!

(trumpets sound as the royal couple enter the great hall)

FIona: Would you look at all this fancy stuff!! Are the orlesians overcompensating or what!

Alistair: (Whispering) Fiona we talked about this Remember the " no inciting war" discussion we had on the way

Fiona: im just saying the orlesians are a nation of painted degenerates with no taste and no morals is that truly so wrong?

Alistair:(facepalm).....Oh look fiona...its west and thorin...Hey Guys!!

West: hey! so all set to meet the empress....

Alistair: (whispering) Lets just hope Fiona can contain her witty comments or were all doomed!

Thorin: Its times like this im glad im not human!

West: oh look trumpets are sounding the empress must be arriving!

(the empress of Orlais strides into the room wearing a dress of Pure gold and lace)

Thorin: woah!! check out the bling!!

West: MY EYESS!!!!!

Fiona: pffffttttt like i said overcompensating!!!!!

Celene: Ah King alistair welcome to Val Royeux! it is good to a last me you in person, you know i was close to your Brother VERY close! i hope we can become as familiar

Alistair: errr.....as do i Your Highness

Fiona: (prodding Alistair) if this "closeness" isn't platonic Ladykickboot will have a new victim...soon!

Celene: ah...i see you brought a guest... is this your "wife"

Fiona: theirs a ring on my finger! (whisper) and don't you forget it!!

Thorin: oh no!!!

West: relax would you we are in val royeux what could possibly go wrong!

Celene: i beleive we should get down to business, Ferelden and orlais should form an alliance which i beleive could be sealed by  a marriage between our two houses

Alistair: But.....we don't have any children

Fiona: (through clenched teeth) she means the other way!

Celene: indeed why should you be married to this red haired strumpet when you could be married to me! Celene of orlais! the world's most powerful woman!!! im sure some old chevalier would gladly remarry your freind!

Fiona: I am about to go maric on your ass!!!

Thorin: west quick we should do something!!

west:(busily observing paintings) what? oh  no need to worry thorin we are in Val Royeux and i am not hosting this event! Besides it makes a nice change for other people to clean up mess 

Thorin: Oh Ancestors!!! This won't end well

Celene: HA!! you invoke the name of that weak Sapling of a king!!

Alistair: hey he was my dad

Fiona: see look you made the king cry!!

Celene: you fereldens are all the same!! emotional and unsophisticated!!

Fiona: Gold tinted ****!!

Celene: Red Braided Tomboy!!!

Fiona: painted Degenerate

Celene: DOG LOVER!!!

Thorin: WEST!!! WE NEED TO ACT

West: ah a Drakon portrait!!....are you still whinging Thorin....look the reason its called an episode special! is that i don't need to do anything!! Now relax and help me steal this picture!!

Celene: You Armoured SHE-WOLF!!

Fiona: PETTICOAT WEARING WALLFLOWER!!

Celene: That does it!!!

Fiona: ITS ON!!!

(the two collide and begin fighting)

(meanhwile)
Thorin: Ancestors should we really be stealing from the empress

West: Relax!!! she's got a million of these things besides! this will look great in our studio back in orzammar!!

Alistair: Ladies pleade theres enough alistair for everyone

Fiona: (pokes head up from dust cloud) Dearest one this is like Highlander.....There can only be one

(resumes scrapping)

West: hmm think ill take some of these shields too!

Thorin: Ancestors! are you mad! that ones Kordilius Drakons!!!

Fiona: Im gonna tear out your Hair Glitter(expletive)

Celene: Not if i take your braids first!!!! you Milk maid!!!!

Alistair: guys i think we've finally found too women of the same physics defying strength...west what is that in your trouser pocket?

West: errrr...Souvenir

Thorin: you might want to break them up!!

West: why?

Alistair: they seem to be doing fine without us

Thorin: If you don't pull them apart we might have a reality destroying event!!!

Alistair: (sigh) i was hoping theyd tire themselves out and i could have both! very well.......Guards Come quick the heads of state are fighting.....

(Chevaliers and Marics shield bodyguards rush in to pry the two women apart)

Fiona: ill kill you (expletive deleted)

Celene: not if i gut you first!!!

Alistair: well this hasn't gone too well!! ....errr Thorin wheres west?

Thorin: err he said he would meet us back in orzammar next episode

(Meanwhile on a road outside Val Royeux a wagon journeys...clanking slightly)

West: hehehe paydirt!!! Next episode we'll be back in orzammar with a whole line up of guests!!

Sister Justine: who er ya talkin too moi lover!!

West: oh errr just breaking the fourth wall my little cornish pasty....say are those the gold lingerie i took from the Imperial bed chambers

Sister Justine: the same pair!!

West: oh you are all still watching .....

Sister justine: Oim Gettin cold lover!! 

West: ill belong in a minute to rectify that (switches on marvyn gaye....Because the wagon just happens to have a stereo: )  ....Cut!!!!

[MarcusDeVarro]

*Plays hard rock theme music while playing a montage of MarcusDeVarro doing cool dangerous outdoorsy things*

My names MarcusDeVarro, I’m a Grey Warden, I’ve climbed the Frostback Mountains, and slain an Archdemon and now my challenge is to survive the Korcari wilds. Hundreds of Fereldens come here looking for fame and/or treasure. What they don’t know is how quickly it can turn deadly, I’m gonna show you the skills you need to survive
----------------------------
 
Its been 24 hours since I first arrived in the Korcari Wilds and it hasn’t been easy between giant snakes and the dense forest. I’ve already come into contact with hostile animals and there’s undoubtedly more out there.
 I’ve only been up for about 4 hours and I’m making great time. That is until I came upon something unexpected.

“Now as you can see there appears to be a hut of some sorts over there in the clearing.” Marcus said, gesturing to the hut.

“There’s also two stone pillars, the structure appears to be deserted lets check it out.” Marcus said drawing his dagger.

 It’s always a good idea when exploring someplace unfamiliar to carry a weapon, while on my mission to save Ferelden I rarely didn’t have some form of weapon out.
          
*Pushes hut door open*

 “Hmm, no ones home.” it looks deserted, but you can never be to sure.

“What I’m about to do is an old Templar power that cleanses the area of bad things, its completely useless in combat but I believe it will work here.”

I clicked my heels three times and a bluish flaming circle spread out around me, and nothing happened.

“Well it appears that this place is empty so lets get some supplies.” as I go through the chest in the hut I find many things, but none that I can use.

*Starts throwing things to the ground*

“Black grimorie…nope, Golden mirror…maybe…nah, Marker’s breath isn’t there anything in here I can use.”
 
I turn to leave but only to discover a woman standing behind me.

“AAAAHHH! Where the f**k did you come from.”

“Tis my hut, where’d you come from.” the girl asked. She was slender in figure, with black hair, freaky eyes and covered in what appeared to be what was left of an outfit after it got mauled by a mabari warhound.

“Wait what did you say? Did you say ‘Tis’?”

“Yes I did, what’s so funny about that?”

I doubled over laughing, “What’s so funny?! Who says Tis, hahahahaaha!”

“What is it you want?” she said folding her arms

“Oh nothing, I…*sniff* simply thought this place was abandoned. But its not so I’ll be on my way.” I left but she followed me. This cant be a good sign, she’ll probably want to rape me, kill me, and where my skin as a bath robe…in a worst case scenaaario.

“I’m going with you.”
“No, thank you, but no.”
“Yes”
“No”
“Yes”
“No”
“No”
“Yes”
“Great, that settles it,’ she said, ‘we‘ll leave at once.”
“Wait what! I meant no…dammit! Fine but don’t get in the way of the camera.”
“what’s a camera?”
“Of for Pete’s sake!”
“Whose Pete.”
“DEAR GOD SHUT UP!”

After hours of listening to this girl complain, I’m ready to kill her/ make camp.

We find a small clearing and I gather wood to make a fire.
“As you can see I’ve gathered wood, ranging from twigs to branches and I also got this stuff,’ holds up dried wood shavings, ‘to use as kindling. Now what I’m gonna use are these two rocks. I’ll hit them together, which will cause sparks and-”

“That won’t work.” the girl said

“Uh yea it will so just sit down and be quiet. Now as I was saying when I take these to rocks and hit them together, it will cause sparks and-”

“You know I could just use magic to create a fire, and that would save us time and your pet rocks.”

“B**ch, if you interrupt me one more time, I swear to the Maker I will kill you.” I said holding up one hand. She quieted down so I continued.

“Ok here we go for our first try. Lets see if I can do this right and-”

“-See I already made my own fire while you were playing with rocks.”

“That’s it,’ I said getting up, drawing my great sword, ‘I’m gonna F***ing kill you. Come here!”
*the camera shakes and drops as the crew grabs hold of Marcus and pushes Morrigan away from him. You can’t see them but you can hear*

“Lemme at her. Let go! Wait what she doing? Duck!”

* a stream of fire shoots across the camera frame*
--------------------------------------------------------------------
“We’re back,’ Marcus says, who is missing an eye brow, hair smoking, burn marks on his armor and ash on his face, ‘we had some minor tech. difficulties but its all ok now, right? It’s safe, she’s gone? Ok good.”
 
We continued on deeper in to the Wilds. My guess is that we are about a day and a half away from Ostagar. We hiked for about 3 hours and I started to feel hunger.
 
“Ok, I’ve started to feel hungry which is a bad thing out here. So I’m going to use my recurve bow and some strong Dalish arrows and going to hunt, maybe get a deer or a wolf.” These woods are full of bears, wolves and other wildlife so I’m sure to find something.
 
*Walks through the woods trying best to keep quiet with full armor and camera crew*

After a few minutes my luck pays off.
"If you look over there i can see what is the shape of a bear, now bears usually can't be taken down with one, two even five arrows so what I'm going to do is place my sword on the ground in front of me like this. When I fire this arrow I'm going to aim for the side, which is the biggest part of the body, and when it turns I'll let another one fly aiming for its neck. Then I'll drop the bow and grab the sword when it charges and stab it in the heart."

The plan sounds easy enough, but as Murphy's Law says 'anything that will go wrong, can go wrong'.

I let loose the first arrow and it finds its mark, and the bear turn and i let the second arrow fly. The bear charged as I dropped the bow and went to pick up my sword.

The bear stopped about 20 paces from me and i got a good look at it.

"Uh, Frank, what is that."

"I believe its called a Blight Bear. Yep thats it, see how the skins all missing in areas especially the lip and its got like horns like sticking out from its body? Dead give away." said Frank the camera guy

"That is the scariest f**king thing i have ever seen."

The bear was trembeling and a mixture of foam and blood oozed from its mouth, it had rabies.
I did what had to be done, i charged the bear and engaged it in mortal combat.

*Marcus runs forward and fights the bear.*

It may look like I'm losing the fight, but I'm actually just tiring it out before i go for a kill strike.
 *a good 20 or so minutes later*

The bear is dead and i am victorious.
"Now normally bear meat is good, but because this 'Blight Bear' has rabies i wouldnt recomend it."

The sun is setting, casting the whole area into twilight. I decide to camp as far away from the Blight Bear as possible. I set out my bed roll, get a fire going and fall asleep under the stars.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-MarcusDeVarro does not endorse the killing of bears, but does with Blight Bears, here look at this thing! its at 0:35
-also MarcusDeVarro is willing to make guest appearences and take celebrities on one of his many adventures
-Thank you,
MarcusDeVarro managment

Modifié par MarcusDeVarro, 14 janvier 2010 - 07:02 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

westiex9 wrote...


Alistair: hey he was my dad

Fiona: see look you made the king cry!!

That royal wench made Ali cry!   Ger her Fiona!
Good one, West! 

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 14 janvier 2010 - 02:39 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

MarcusDeVarro wrote...



 She was slender in figure, with black hair, freaky eyes and covered in what appeared to be what was left of an outfit after it got mauled by a mabari warhound.

Hilarious, Marcus!   I laughed when you tried to start a fire with rocks and she kept pestering you to let her use her magic instead.

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 14 janvier 2010 - 03:12 .

[Tirigon]

1. So much to read... I have not enough time....


2.

westiex9 wrote...
Fiona: you missed out the part about his great hair and winning smile !!!

Thorin: and poor choice in  women 

Haha, Tirigon approves of Thorin    +Chickenburger


3. Time for a new Tirigon show.
A Kind warning to all of you: The next one will be hosted mainly by Genitivi, and I´ll play only a background part, while playing with Shianni in the background, so, expect some cannibalism, necrophilia, roasted dwarfs, corpses, worms etc....
If you have a weak stomach I advise you to watch the children-friendly HelloKitty advertisement instead.

[amethyst_rose2009]

Tirigon wrote...



3. Time for a new Tirigon show.
A Kind warning to all of you: The next one will be hosted mainly by Genitivi, and I´ll play only a background part, while playing with Shianni in the background, so, expect some cannibalism, necrophilia, roasted dwarfs, corpses, worms etc....
If you have a weak stomach I advise you to watch the children-friendly HelloKitty advertisement instead.

Oh my! 

I may have to pry Alistair away from his golem girlfriend for this. I'm going to need a strong manly shoulder to shield my eyes from those things. lol.

[MarcusDeVarro]

[/quote]




If you have a weak stomach I advise you to watch the children-friendly HelloKitty advertisement instead.

[/quote]

while i do love HelloKitty as much as the next manly adventurerer,
i am eager to watch the next Tirigon Show
and amethyst, you can get alistar, if i get Zev lol jkjk

[Sialater]

Zev's spoken for.

[MarcusDeVarro]

oh really huh lol
he is open to both so i guess we could share if not then
hmmm
i guess that leavs only Cullen, Teagan, Cailen, and possibly Duncan lol
oh but i got dibs on Leliana if she ever shows up anywhere

Modifié par MarcusDeVarro, 14 janvier 2010 - 04:57 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

MarcusDeVarro wrote...

i guess that leavs only Cullen, Teagan, Cailen, and possibly Duncan lol

Oh, Cailan.....*swoons*  Why oh why did they make us watch Cailan get squished by an ogre?  He was way too pretty to get squished!  Sword through the heart or something, but not squished.  Ewwww.

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 14 janvier 2010 - 05:04 .

[MarcusDeVarro]

not to mention the oger spit on him

yuck

[Tirigon]

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...
Oh, Cailan.....*swoons*  Why oh why did they make us watch Cailan get squished by an ogre?  He was way too pretty to get squished!  Sword through the heart or something, but not squished.  Ewwww.

Genitivi is sad about that, too. He said squished people loose their taste, and Cailan smelled so good, he always wished to take a bite, but when he was squished he tasted just like cheap soup. Not good anymore.

[amethyst_rose2009]

Tirigon wrote...


Genitivi is sad about that, too. He said squished people loose their taste, and Cailan smelled so good, he always wished to take a bite, but when he was squished he tasted just like cheap soup. Not good anymore.

Ewwww.  Just Ewwww.

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 14 janvier 2010 - 06:36 .

[Tirigon]

So, Ladies and Gentlemen... Well, I should rather say "Wicked perverts and sadistic wh*res", I think, as all the ladies and gentlemen are watching Hello Kitty and not this one, be welcome to another episode of the Tirigon Show!

Today, we will feature Genitivi in the main part. I´ll only hang around back there and watch the perversions shown today while Shianni gives me a ******... You know, it turns her on. NOT ME. I´ll ... close my eyes. Though I will of course have to pretend watching. So, if you see me with an expression of sick fascination, it is ONLY ACTED for Shianni´s sake. I DISAPPROVE OF CANNIBALISM AND NECROPHILIA!

So. that said, i´ll give the micro to Genitivi.

*Tirigon hands the micro over and goes to Shianni*


Genitivi: So, my Undead brothers and sisters, all my vampire friends, and you perverted, but good-tasting, living ones too, I kindly greet you today. Have a snack, they´re fresh!

*he points at some fingers roasting in a huge pan*

Genitivi: So, you surely have noticed already that this show, while pretending to be a common family-talkshow, is in fact nothing but a maelstrom sucking you deeper and deeper into the pits of hell. We even tell you how to sell your soul, via sublime messages like this one!
So, I talked with Tirigon and we decided to bring this all a step further. We already touched some of today´s subjects in our previous shows, but today it will be ALL about the many joys of being dead, or Undead, or making people dead. Yes, that´s funny. And you like it, too, so don´t look appalled. Most of you sleep with Zevran, and he tried to kill you. So don´t tell me you DON´T like death.
Our first guest will be MORRIGAN!!!!

*Morrigan comes in*

Morrigan: Shut up, foul walking corpse. Yes, I AM an evil witch and daughter to an abomination, but I´ll not talk to demons or undead, though everyone thinks this would fit to me.

*Genitivi wants to answer, but Morrigan casts Crushing Prison on him*

Morrigan: I said SHUT UP, FOUL CORPSE!!!! That´s a magical saying that causes you to, well, shut up. So listen to me, ok?

*Genitivi frees himself and says:*

Well, that´s not what I planned... Anyways, Loghain´s next. Show him in and free me of that witch.

*Loghain comes in*

Loghain: So, what is it this time? Do you want to eat me, behead me, rape me or just make fun of me? i´m used to it, don´t worry.

Genitivi: I´d like to eat you, but not today. We´re cooking an elf together, later. A well-fed one, even. You are here because you said you´d rather sleep with your dead wife than with Morrigan. While I totally agree with this feeling - your dead wife is hot as hell, hehe - it definitely qualifys you as necrophiliac.

Loghain: So, does it? Well, as long as the corpse is not Orlaisian, I´m not very picky, that´s true. I´m not a sissy after all, I´m a War-hero. As such I am used to dying and killing and all, and of course there is a lack of women in every army camp...

Genitivi: So you say you frequently did it with Undead women?

Loghain: No, I´m the General, I get real women. The common infantrymen, however.... Well, you don´t want to know it, that´s for sure.

Genitivi: Hey, I´m chewing on an elf´s finger, so I DO want to hear that!!!!!!

Loghain: Well, I´m not telling. There are so many people still thinking I was NOT a traitor, I can´t prove them wrong by telling filthy secrets. But I can tell that the templars didn´t mind. THEY don´t ever get women, either, after all.

Genitivi: So you are saying that TEMPLARS dabble in such things as Necrophilia?!

Loghain: Well. A group of men who live in celibate and spend all the time killing people or practicing that? What do you think, man? Did the worms eat your brain, or what?

A Corpseworm: Yes. It tasted fine, though it was rather small....

Loghain (*facepalm*): Forget I asked. I´m going home.

*He stands up and leaves*

Genitivi: Well, that´s it. Time for the break. We´ll be back soon with more wicked things. And with "How to cook an elf". I´ll enjoy that.

*the advertisements start; the first is for food, then for condoms. How well that fits to this show´s topic.....*

Modifié par Tirigon, 14 janvier 2010 - 06:52 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

Oh Tirigon..................*runs to puke*

I should've stuck with Hello Kitty, I guess.

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 14 janvier 2010 - 07:02 .

[Tirigon]

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

Oh Tirigon..................*runs to puke*

I should've stuck with Hello Kitty, I guess.

Eh, Loghain´s wife *IS* hot, you can´t argue with that, right?

I hate it so much, why do the evil ones always get the girls?

Besides, I warned you.

Here, to get your poor mind clean again:

[amethyst_rose2009]

*swoons*  Ok, Tirigon, for that gorgeous pic we forgive you for turning our stomachs into knots like a kitty with a ball of yarn.

[MarcusDeVarro]

mmmmmmm
elf

[Tirigon]

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

*swoons*  Ok, Tirigon, for that gorgeous pic we forgive you for turning our stomachs into knots like a kitty with a ball of yarn.

You know, it wasn´t ME who did all that evil stuff. I was getting a ****** by Shianni and looked at Loghain´s hot wife.
Come on, not so much hate for the Dead please. Judge unbiased:




Admit it: She´s hot. (Though I admit the visible ribs are a slight minus:crying:)

[MarcusDeVarro]

*Plays theme music*
My names MarcusDeVarro, I’m a Grey Warden, I’ve climbed the Frostback Mountains, and slain an Archdemon and now my challenge is to survive the Korcari wilds. Hundreds of Fereldens come here looking for fame and/or treasure. What they don’t know is how quickly it can turn deadly, I’m gonna show you the skills you need to survive
----------------------------
 Its my last day on the road to Ostagar. So far on my trip I have run into snakes, evil bears and a crazy forest girl, no problem. Everything is going smoothly but I’ve noticed I’m low on supplies such as health potions and injury kits.

“A good tip to know is that anytime you can buy health potions and injury kits.”
 While Ostagar isn’t to far ahead I don’t want to take any chances. Thankfully though my luck is beginning to turn.
 
“Up ahead I can see a wagon, and what appears to be a blonde haired dwarf, maybe I can get some supplies from him.”

I made my way up to the wagon as the dwarf turned to face me.
 
“Hello young sir, are you a trader?”

“Enchantment?”

“What? No, I want to view your wares good sir.”

“Enchantment!”

“No I don’t want an enchantment I wanna buy some potions and injury kits, Dooo youuu haaaave theeem?”

“Enchantment.”

“Holy mother of God of all that is good and sacred! I don’t want an enchantment! Are you like stupid or something, good lord!”

“Hey why are you yelling at my boy!” another dwarf came into view, he had red hair and a red goatee.

“W-wait, your son. Oh, I do apologize I thought he was doing it on purpose.”

“Of course not, who replies to questions with ‘enchantment’? He’s a little slower but he’s a good boy.”

“I’m not saying he’s not a good son, but I mean really, why would you leave him in charge of  your cart.”

“What are you saying, that I’m a bad father!”

“Oh no! no-no-no I’m not.”

“You’ve got some nerve, commin here to my cart, yelling at my son. Look he’s even starting to cry.”
 Of course my luck would lead me to this.

“Please don’t cry, please. Here have this.” Marcus said as he gave the boy a small King Cailen action figure.

*1 hour later*

 Well I’ve gotten out of another bad situation. I made my way down the trail I’ve been following for a few more miles and finally saw something that made my heart leap.

 “You can see in the distance that there are the ruins of Ostagar. Its just a beautiful sight see, epically in this light , with the sun in twilight. Its just breath taking.”

I thought my trip was ovar, but then I heard something that made my heart sink.

*in the distance in the ruins of Ostagar you can hear the sound of war drums, horns and men yelling*

“You have got to be s**ting me!”

*We’ll be right back after this commercial break*

Modifié par MarcusDeVarro, 14 janvier 2010 - 09:46 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

I promise to free Alistair from Shale soon.  Just been working on something else today.  Hopefully, I will have time to do another Amethyst Show tonight.

In the meantime guys, I have made an archive listing for all of our shows and commercials so you don't have to scroll through all the pages if you want to read your favorite show.  Like what Kerridan did with the Mister Ferelden thread.

I will also post this link on the first page for everyone's convenience.

http://amethystrose2009.wordpress.com/


I prefer reading the actual posts here because at wordpress they won't let you do smiley faces which a lot of times make our posts so much funnier, but at least this organizes our posts more.