@Amethyst: You need to add the links, otherwise it´s not half as funny. I especially love the sublime message to sell your soul.
Ferelden TV
Débuté par
amethyst_rose2009
, janv. 09 2010 06:51
Retour en haut
#102
Posté 14 janvier 2010 - 10:21
amethyst_rose2009
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Tirigon wrote...
@Amethyst: You need to add the links, otherwise it´s not half as funny. I especially love the sublime message to sell your soul.
What links? Email me.
Edit: Okay, checking on it. Bear with me.
Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 14 janvier 2010 - 10:33 .
#103
Posté 14 janvier 2010 - 10:23
MarcusDeVarro
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hey look theres my show on top!
#104
Posté 14 janvier 2010 - 10:28
amethyst_rose2009
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MarcusDeVarro wrote...
hey look theres my show on top!
I just hope it's all okay without the smiley faces. I was kind of bummed out they didn't copy and paste over to wordpress.
#105
Posté 14 janvier 2010 - 10:38
MarcusDeVarro
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its all good, just cant wait to see whats on tv tonight
#106
Posté 14 janvier 2010 - 10:52
amethyst_rose2009
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amethyst_rose2009 wrote...
Tirigon wrote...
@Amethyst: You need to add the links, otherwise it´s not half as funny. I especially love the sublime message to sell your soul.
What links? Email me.
Edit: Okay, checking on it. Bear with me.
Okay, I see what the problem is. I couldn't paste the link along with the text, so I will have to do that manually. It may take me awhile though, so bear with me. I expect another half-clad hunk pic though for doing this (maybe Zev this time or Kerridan suggests Bishop from NW2).
Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 14 janvier 2010 - 11:14 .
#107
Posté 14 janvier 2010 - 11:41
amethyst_rose2009
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Alright, Tirigon, all done.
I will be right over here eagerly awaiting my shirtless hunk pic.
I will be right over here eagerly awaiting my shirtless hunk pic.
#108
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 12:12
amethyst_rose2009
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MarcusDeVarro wrote...
“Hello young sir, are you a trader?”
“Enchantment?”
“What? No, I want to view your wares good sir.”
“Enchantment!”
“No I don’t want an enchantment I wanna buy some potions and injury kits, Dooo youuu haaaave theeem?”
“Enchantment.”
“Holy mother of God of all that is good and sacred! I don’t want an enchantment! Are you like stupid or something, good lord!”
ROFL! I just now got a chance to read your last post, Marcus. That was hilarious! I love Sandal, but I think he's had way too much lyrium!
#109
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 03:49
amethyst_rose2009
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Announcer: And now it's time once again for The Amethyst Show!!!!
*Mission Impossible theme music plays in background*
Amethyst: *clad in black leather catsuit, black leather gloves, and sexy black leather boots* *whispers to camera* We are joining you from camp this evening on a special undercover mission to rescue Alistair from the evil clutches of my betraying former best friend, Shale! *angry glare* Steal my man, you 7-foot-rock pile! I'll show you!
Zevran: *also all clad in black leather* And how, my sexy warden, are you planning to rescue your fair prince? You do have a plan don't you?
Amethyst: Not a clue......
Zevran: *lifts eyebrow cautiously* Alright, I have pledged my service to protect you always, but I do ask that you rethink this idea before an angry golem crushes us all to death, my danger-prone minx.
Amethyst: *whispers to Zev* I know what I'm doing.......I think. *looks at camera* Anyway, I am joined by my dear friend, Zevran, and a very reluctant dwarf who I threatened I would personally neuter if he didn't help. *glares angrily at Oghren*
Oghren: *scratching at his black leather catsuit* Do I have to wear this damn thing? It itches my delicate dwarven skin. Besides, it keeps riding up my......
Amethyst: Oghren!!!!
Oghren: What? You're the one who insisted I come along.
Amethyst: Because it was all your fault. You told Shale that Alistair was deeply in love with her and had been giving her fancy gifts like silky lingerie! Which by the way, was meant for me!!! Just wait til I get my hands on Bodahn for misdelivering my gifts! *angry glare*
Zevran: You seriously need to relieve some of that stress, my lovely warden. How about we go over here to my tent for a nice massage before the mission? *smiles slyly*
Amethyst: Well, my neck is kind of tense...... *flashes suspicious look* Wait, I know all about your massages, you sly assassin!
Zevran: You cut me with your suspicious words, my beautiful friend. Why I only wanted to relieve some stress from those tense shoulders of yours. The naughty thoughts that go through your mind!!! For shame, warden!
Amethyst: *blushes* Oh ........I......I'm sorry Zevran. I......I didn't know......
Zevran: Well, you might think twice before hurting an innocent elf with your thoughtless accusations next time.
Amethyst: *still blushing* I don't know what to say Zevran........
Zevran: My beautiful warden there is nothing left to say.... Just allow me to glance over your beautiful leather-clad body but for a moment. My, those really are tight leather pants, aren't they? How they cling to your every luscious curve...... *loud moan* Ohhhhh.......
Amethyst: Zevran!!!!
Zevran: Oh I'm sorry, my seductive mage. I must have gotten distracted. Ahhh, but you can't blame an elf for trying...*winks* *stares dreamily at Amethyst's tight leather pants*
Oghren: *loud belch* Don't mind me.........besides I like to watch! *naughty grin*
Amethyst:
Uhh........let's not forget why we are here, gentlemen. Now we need to sneak over to Shale's tent ......and Zev you find out if Shale's asleep.
Zevran: Golems don't sleep, my fair warden.
Amethyst: Damn! I forgot about that. Oghren, any ideas?
Oghren: *pulls at leather catsuit wedgie* Huh?
Amethyst: *sighs* Nevermind.
Zevran: If I may, my sexy minx, I think I may know of a way to help. Give me a few moments with Shale to explain the...... situation. I'm sure we can.......come to an understanding.
*Zev walks into the shadows as the soft glow from the campfire lulls lazily nearby*
*Amethyst and Oghren wait patiently nearby hearing giggling and moaning coming from the tent*
Amethyst and Oghren: *give each other strange looks*
*One hour passes as Amethyst and Oghren start to get really bored*
Oghren: Want some dwarven ale? Tastes like nug sweat! *naughty grin*
Amethyst:
Ewwww.
*Another hour passes in utter boredom*
Amethyst: *sigh* Give me the damn ale!
*A half-hour passes and Amethyst and Oghren start to feel sleepy from the ale and the warmth of the campfire*
*Two hours later*
*Amethyst and Oghren wake up in each other's arms and stare strangely at each other*
Amethyst: Oh my. *blushes* I must have drifted off.....
*Zevran and Alistair come out of Shale's tent bare-chested, holding their shirts in their hands*
Amethyst and Oghren: *stare strangely at half-naked Ali and Zev*
Alistair and Zevran: *notice Amethyst and Oghren lying on the ground in each other's arms*
*Suddenly a strange splashing sound is overheard coming from the stream*
*Shale and a shirtless Sten are seen coming from the stream on the other side of camp*
Shale and Sten: *stare strangely at Alistair and Zev and then Amethyst and Oghren*
Sten: Must be something in the air tonight, my darling Shale..... *smiles slyly*
Shale: I quite agree, my sexy Quanari. I thought it was Alistair I loved but it was you all along. That's why when we came back to camp I left him crying in terror in my tent while I went to find you instead. And those hours playing in the stream with you, Sten, were the happiest hours of my life.
Amethyst, Oghren, Alistair, and Zevran: Uhhhhh............
Amethyst: *glares angrily at Alistair*
Alistair: *sweat beads drip nervously down his temples* Uh........I can explain.......
Amethyst: Is that a golden earrring in your ear, Alistair?
Alistair: Uh......whaaa? Oh...uh....this? *stares dreamily at Zevran* ........Oh where did that come from? *nervous laugh*
Amethyst: Hey wait! I know that earring. Zev, that's the match to the earring you gave to me!
Alistair: *lifts eyebrow suspiciously* He gave to you?????
Alistair: *glares at Zev and then at Amethyst*
Zev: *smiles flirtatiously at Alistair and Amethyst* *gives sly wink*
Oghren: *loud belch*
Dog: *places paw over eyes and whines*
Alistair: *sweating nervously* Uh.......Amethyst my darling! *runs to pick her up into his strong bare arms* How I missed you! You just don't know what I've been through, my dear. It was torture without you...... *smiles nervously holding Amethyst close to his chest*
Zevran: *mumbles under his breath* Oh, it was torture all right. *smiles wickedly and quickly hides rope and whip*
Alistair: *While still holding Amethyst in his arms gives Zev a sly wink and a smile*
Amethyst: *gives Alistair confused, suspicious look*
Oghren: *Smiles and winks at Amethyst*
Amethyst: I think I've had too much ale. I feel faint all of the sudden.
Alistair: Ale?! Y.....yes that's it exactly. It's the ale! This is all just a very strange dream. Here let me help you to your tent, my dear.
Amethyst: But if I'm already dreaming, why are you helping me to my tent? Shouldn't I already be asleep in my tent? *confused, drunken look*
Alistair: Uh.....well..........
Zevran: But you're sleepwalking, my drunken warden.
Amethyst: *holds head in confusion* Oh...........
Alistair: *romantically lifts Amethyst into his arms and carries her to her tent* Goodnight gentlemen. *smiles at Zevran* Hope you have nice dreams.......
Zevran: Oh I will, trust me! *gives Alistair a wink*
Oghren: *loud belch*
*The next morning*
Amethyst: *wakes up in Alistair's strong protective arms* Oh, my head.........*feels ill* Ahhh, what happened last night? I feel like I've been run over by a charging bronto! Ugghhh, if Oghren ever offers me any more dwarven ale I think I'll gut him. *softly kisses the sleeping Alistair sweetly on the lips*
Good morning, sleepy head....... *suddenly Amethyst notices a strange sparkle on Alistair's earlobe* Zev's earring????
*A low moan stirs beside her as a small elven hand gently runs along the curve of her naked hip*
Amethyst: *turns quickly to see the handsome elven assassin lying beside her* Zev????
Oghren: *raises a bottle of dwarven ale from under the covers* Care for some more ale? *naughty smile*
Amethyst:
*Mission Impossible theme music plays in background*
Amethyst: *clad in black leather catsuit, black leather gloves, and sexy black leather boots* *whispers to camera* We are joining you from camp this evening on a special undercover mission to rescue Alistair from the evil clutches of my betraying former best friend, Shale! *angry glare* Steal my man, you 7-foot-rock pile! I'll show you!
Zevran: *also all clad in black leather* And how, my sexy warden, are you planning to rescue your fair prince? You do have a plan don't you?
Amethyst: Not a clue......
Zevran: *lifts eyebrow cautiously* Alright, I have pledged my service to protect you always, but I do ask that you rethink this idea before an angry golem crushes us all to death, my danger-prone minx.
Amethyst: *whispers to Zev* I know what I'm doing.......I think. *looks at camera* Anyway, I am joined by my dear friend, Zevran, and a very reluctant dwarf who I threatened I would personally neuter if he didn't help. *glares angrily at Oghren*
Oghren: *scratching at his black leather catsuit* Do I have to wear this damn thing? It itches my delicate dwarven skin. Besides, it keeps riding up my......
Amethyst: Oghren!!!!
Oghren: What? You're the one who insisted I come along.
Amethyst: Because it was all your fault. You told Shale that Alistair was deeply in love with her and had been giving her fancy gifts like silky lingerie! Which by the way, was meant for me!!! Just wait til I get my hands on Bodahn for misdelivering my gifts! *angry glare*
Zevran: You seriously need to relieve some of that stress, my lovely warden. How about we go over here to my tent for a nice massage before the mission? *smiles slyly*
Amethyst: Well, my neck is kind of tense...... *flashes suspicious look* Wait, I know all about your massages, you sly assassin!
Zevran: You cut me with your suspicious words, my beautiful friend. Why I only wanted to relieve some stress from those tense shoulders of yours. The naughty thoughts that go through your mind!!! For shame, warden!
Amethyst: *blushes* Oh ........I......I'm sorry Zevran. I......I didn't know......
Zevran: Well, you might think twice before hurting an innocent elf with your thoughtless accusations next time.
Amethyst: *still blushing* I don't know what to say Zevran........
Zevran: My beautiful warden there is nothing left to say.... Just allow me to glance over your beautiful leather-clad body but for a moment. My, those really are tight leather pants, aren't they? How they cling to your every luscious curve...... *loud moan* Ohhhhh.......
Amethyst: Zevran!!!!
Zevran: Oh I'm sorry, my seductive mage. I must have gotten distracted. Ahhh, but you can't blame an elf for trying...*winks* *stares dreamily at Amethyst's tight leather pants*
Oghren: *loud belch* Don't mind me.........besides I like to watch! *naughty grin*
Amethyst:
Uhh........let's not forget why we are here, gentlemen. Now we need to sneak over to Shale's tent ......and Zev you find out if Shale's asleep.Zevran: Golems don't sleep, my fair warden.
Amethyst: Damn! I forgot about that. Oghren, any ideas?
Oghren: *pulls at leather catsuit wedgie* Huh?
Amethyst: *sighs* Nevermind.
Zevran: If I may, my sexy minx, I think I may know of a way to help. Give me a few moments with Shale to explain the...... situation. I'm sure we can.......come to an understanding.
*Zev walks into the shadows as the soft glow from the campfire lulls lazily nearby*
*Amethyst and Oghren wait patiently nearby hearing giggling and moaning coming from the tent*
Amethyst and Oghren:
*give each other strange looks**One hour passes as Amethyst and Oghren start to get really bored*
Oghren: Want some dwarven ale? Tastes like nug sweat! *naughty grin*
Amethyst:
Ewwww.*Another hour passes in utter boredom*
Amethyst: *sigh* Give me the damn ale!
*A half-hour passes and Amethyst and Oghren start to feel sleepy from the ale and the warmth of the campfire*
*Two hours later*
*Amethyst and Oghren wake up in each other's arms and stare strangely at each other*
Amethyst: Oh my. *blushes* I must have drifted off.....
*Zevran and Alistair come out of Shale's tent bare-chested, holding their shirts in their hands*
Amethyst and Oghren:
*stare strangely at half-naked Ali and Zev*Alistair and Zevran:
*notice Amethyst and Oghren lying on the ground in each other's arms**Suddenly a strange splashing sound is overheard coming from the stream*
*Shale and a shirtless Sten are seen coming from the stream on the other side of camp*
Shale and Sten:
*stare strangely at Alistair and Zev and then Amethyst and Oghren*Sten: Must be something in the air tonight, my darling Shale..... *smiles slyly*
Shale: I quite agree, my sexy Quanari. I thought it was Alistair I loved but it was you all along. That's why when we came back to camp I left him crying in terror in my tent while I went to find you instead. And those hours playing in the stream with you, Sten, were the happiest hours of my life.
Amethyst, Oghren, Alistair, and Zevran:
Uhhhhh............Amethyst: *glares angrily at Alistair*
Alistair: *sweat beads drip nervously down his temples* Uh........I can explain.......
Amethyst: Is that a golden earrring in your ear, Alistair?
Alistair: Uh......whaaa? Oh...uh....this? *stares dreamily at Zevran* ........Oh where did that come from? *nervous laugh*
Amethyst: Hey wait! I know that earring. Zev, that's the match to the earring you gave to me!
Alistair: *lifts eyebrow suspiciously* He gave to you?????
Alistair: *glares at Zev and then at Amethyst*
Zev: *smiles flirtatiously at Alistair and Amethyst* *gives sly wink*
Oghren: *loud belch*
Dog: *places paw over eyes and whines*
Alistair: *sweating nervously* Uh.......Amethyst my darling! *runs to pick her up into his strong bare arms* How I missed you! You just don't know what I've been through, my dear. It was torture without you...... *smiles nervously holding Amethyst close to his chest*
Zevran: *mumbles under his breath* Oh, it was torture all right. *smiles wickedly and quickly hides rope and whip*
Alistair: *While still holding Amethyst in his arms gives Zev a sly wink and a smile*
Amethyst: *gives Alistair confused, suspicious look*
Oghren: *Smiles and winks at Amethyst*
Amethyst:
I think I've had too much ale. I feel faint all of the sudden.Alistair: Ale?! Y.....yes that's it exactly. It's the ale! This is all just a very strange dream. Here let me help you to your tent, my dear.
Amethyst: But if I'm already dreaming, why are you helping me to my tent? Shouldn't I already be asleep in my tent? *confused, drunken look*
Alistair: Uh.....well..........
Zevran: But you're sleepwalking, my drunken warden.
Amethyst: *holds head in confusion* Oh...........
Alistair: *romantically lifts Amethyst into his arms and carries her to her tent* Goodnight gentlemen. *smiles at Zevran* Hope you have nice dreams.......
Zevran: Oh I will, trust me! *gives Alistair a wink*
Oghren: *loud belch*
*The next morning*
Amethyst: *wakes up in Alistair's strong protective arms* Oh, my head.........*feels ill* Ahhh, what happened last night? I feel like I've been run over by a charging bronto! Ugghhh, if Oghren ever offers me any more dwarven ale I think I'll gut him. *softly kisses the sleeping Alistair sweetly on the lips*
Good morning, sleepy head....... *suddenly Amethyst notices a strange sparkle on Alistair's earlobe* Zev's earring???? *A low moan stirs beside her as a small elven hand gently runs along the curve of her naked hip*
Amethyst: *turns quickly to see the handsome elven assassin lying beside her* Zev????
Oghren: *raises a bottle of dwarven ale from under the covers* Care for some more ale? *naughty smile*
Amethyst:
Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 15 janvier 2010 - 03:28 .
#110
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 10:32
westiex9
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Live from Orzammars Exclusive Diamond Quarter Studios its late nights with west!
(opening music)
West: welcome to the show folks! as you can see our studio is fully repaired and thanks to a quick visit to Val Royeux
Thorin: if Plundering the Imperial palace of anything not nailed down is your idea of a "visit"
West: Anyway.....After a short visit to Val royeux we have renovated the studio and fixed the damage caused by our last episode! Thorin Whats tonights lineup!
Thorin: Tonight we have a Bizarre cast to say the least! Our first guest is convinced Horrible Creatures stalk the lands at night! our second guest claims she can talk to the nugs and our third thinks we are all secretly controlled by unseen powers
Fiona: Have Lyri-aid Sales really risen that much?
West: In any case lets welcome our first guest hes 19 comes from the village of waking sea and believes we are all doomed its Frayne Aldus!
Frayne: errrr hey all!!(nervously looks around) is it safe!!
West: what do you mean?
Frayne: well "they" might be in the audience!
West:(sniffs) is that...garlic...round your neck!
Fiona: (Facepalm) where do we get these weirdos!!!
Frayne: look im telling you this stuff Wards them off
Thorin: Who the heck are they!!
Frayne: Vampires!!!
Fiona: Vam what? the hecks one of those!
Frayne: They are pale skinned demons that stalk the night feeding on the blood of the living!!! they only come out at night because the sun burns them and they hate Garlic and Steak!!
West: must be vegetarians then!!
Fiona:
HAHAHAHAH......that is the single most stupid thing i have ever heard
Thorin: Yeah whats next? little grey midgets with anal fixations!!!!
(Mocking laughter from the audience)
Frayne: im telling you they are real!! they just want you to believe they don't exist
West: look buddy we scrape the bottle of the Proverbial talent barrel on a good day but i can clearly see your a complete imbecile!!! now get the heck of my show!!!
Thorin: pffffttttt Vampires thats not even a word
Fiona: Load of Hogwash!!
West: Now that guy was drinking or snorting lyrium for sure!!
Thorin: errr anyway our next guest is renowned for her supposed ability to communicate with our chief food source, she is the "Nug whisperer" ladies and gentlemen please welcome Mari Varten!
Mari: Hey peoples!!!
Thorin: woah is that nug dung i can smell
Fiona: and i thought the orlesians smelled funky!!
West: Justine.....(faints momentarily)....bring my incense....Makers Breath!!
(sister justine runs on waving an incense stick to mask the foul smell)
West: Soo....Mari....you claim you can talk to nugs...First of how do you go about achieving this feat
Mari: well simple!! nugs are nearly blind and smell is their primary sense so i just bathe in nug dung every morning and spend the afternoons rolling around in the muck, eventually they accepted me into their nug clan!!!
Fiona: errrr soo you bathe in nug feces...thats your secret!!!!
Thorin: hmmmm
so how do you speak there "tongue" do nugs have kings?
Mari: oh you know (proceeds to shriek off several vaguely nug like sounds)
West: Makers Breath my Ears!!!
Fiona:arrrrgggghhhh.....shes worse then schmooples!!
Thorin: im starting to think she can't talk to nugs afterall and is just a mad old lady who rolls around shrieking in dung and muck.....
Mari: (continues shrieking nug sounds now on all fours)
Fiona: oh enough already!!!
(pommel smack!)
Thorin: Thank the ancestors!
West: Well......Better call the teamsters!
(a group of Hairy Dwarf Teamsters march in and drag the "nug whisperers" body behind the curtain)
West: (whispering) for once i wish Fiona had killed a guest
Fiona: oh well at least Sir Fluffbert will get a meal tonight!
Thorin: i doubt even an 8-foot werewolf would want to eat a dwarf smeared in dung!
West: pressing on!! its our third and final guest! He is a mage Apprentice from Kinloch hold and author of the book "the hand that tugs our strings!" its apprentice Warren hale!
(clapping and applause)
Warren: hey folks good to be on the show!)
West: so tell us about your theory Warren!
Warren: well basicly we are all part of an alternate universe created by inter-dimensional beings called "developers" and they control our every movement and action!!
Thorin: Oh this i have to hear
Fiona: i can see this is our Nug Sh#$t Episode!!!
West: so right now when i move my hand its the will of a far off deity?
Fiona: and when Poor little nugs are violated at the pearl its the will of developers?
Thorin: and when cammens parents decided to breed it was the will of creators?
Warren: essentially...yes!
Fiona: im sorry but no Higher power could be that cruel not even the arch-demon would wish that useless turd on Thedas!!
Warren: But im telling you the truth!!
Thorin: sure you are! and i bet they have little mice to help them move about
Fiona: and our entire history was written by a group of Scribes one of whom was wearing cat ears!!!
West: and of course we arn't the first universe to be created....noooo!!! because these cat ear wearing deities are also responsible for numerous other universes clearly!
Warren: now your just mocking me
Fiona: this theory has more holes in it then a chasind mans underwear!!!
Thorin: do you really think the good people of thedas are that stupid? your just another mage high on lyrium trying to get a book deal to score some more dust!!
West: Now get the hell off my show!!!
warren: But im telling you morons the truth!!
(a kick sends warren flying down the exit staircase)
Thorin: what was that
?
Fiona: will of the developers
(everyone bursts into laughter)
West:Till next time folks!!
(end music: )
(later that evening the gang sits around a differance engine plotting)
West: new game idea guys!!
Thorin: what?
West: well its kinda set in an alternate universe in which you control an underpaid student and travel in things called cars and the world is called "earth"
Fiona: stupidest thing ive ever heard! lets just play strip poker.... oh and i just scored a royal flush
Thorin: (removing shirt) I..... Hate...you!!
(opening music)
West: welcome to the show folks! as you can see our studio is fully repaired and thanks to a quick visit to Val Royeux
Thorin: if Plundering the Imperial palace of anything not nailed down is your idea of a "visit"
West: Anyway.....After a short visit to Val royeux we have renovated the studio and fixed the damage caused by our last episode! Thorin Whats tonights lineup!
Thorin: Tonight we have a Bizarre cast to say the least! Our first guest is convinced Horrible Creatures stalk the lands at night! our second guest claims she can talk to the nugs and our third thinks we are all secretly controlled by unseen powers
Fiona: Have Lyri-aid Sales really risen that much?
West: In any case lets welcome our first guest hes 19 comes from the village of waking sea and believes we are all doomed its Frayne Aldus!
Frayne: errrr hey all!!(nervously looks around) is it safe!!
West: what do you mean?
Frayne: well "they" might be in the audience!
West:(sniffs) is that...garlic...round your neck!
Fiona: (Facepalm) where do we get these weirdos!!!
Frayne: look im telling you this stuff Wards them off
Thorin: Who the heck are they!!
Frayne: Vampires!!!
Fiona: Vam what? the hecks one of those!
Frayne: They are pale skinned demons that stalk the night feeding on the blood of the living!!! they only come out at night because the sun burns them and they hate Garlic and Steak!!
West: must be vegetarians then!!
Fiona:
HAHAHAHAH......that is the single most stupid thing i have ever heardThorin: Yeah whats next? little grey midgets with anal fixations!!!!
(Mocking laughter from the audience)
Frayne: im telling you they are real!! they just want you to believe they don't exist
West: look buddy we scrape the bottle of the Proverbial talent barrel on a good day but i can clearly see your a complete imbecile!!! now get the heck of my show!!!
Thorin: pffffttttt Vampires thats not even a word
Fiona: Load of Hogwash!!
West: Now that guy was drinking or snorting lyrium for sure!!
Thorin: errr anyway our next guest is renowned for her supposed ability to communicate with our chief food source, she is the "Nug whisperer" ladies and gentlemen please welcome Mari Varten!
Mari: Hey peoples!!!
Thorin: woah
is that nug dung i can smellFiona: and i thought the orlesians smelled funky!!
West: Justine.....(faints momentarily)....bring my incense....Makers Breath!!
(sister justine runs on waving an incense stick to mask the foul smell)
West: Soo....Mari....you claim you can talk to nugs...First of how do you go about achieving this feat
Mari: well simple!! nugs are nearly blind and smell is their primary sense so i just bathe in nug dung every morning and spend the afternoons rolling around in the muck, eventually they accepted me into their nug clan!!!
Fiona: errrr soo you bathe in nug feces...thats your secret!!!!
Thorin: hmmmm
so how do you speak there "tongue" do nugs have kings?Mari: oh you know (proceeds to shriek off several vaguely nug like sounds)
West: Makers Breath my Ears!!!
Fiona:arrrrgggghhhh.....shes worse then schmooples!!
Thorin: im starting to think she can't talk to nugs afterall and is just a mad old lady who rolls around shrieking in dung and muck.....
Mari: (continues shrieking nug sounds now on all fours)
Fiona: oh enough already
!!! (pommel smack!)
Thorin: Thank the ancestors!
West: Well......Better call the teamsters!
(a group of Hairy Dwarf Teamsters march in and drag the "nug whisperers" body behind the curtain)
West: (whispering) for once i wish Fiona had killed a guest
Fiona: oh well at least Sir Fluffbert will get a meal tonight
!Thorin: i doubt even an 8-foot werewolf would want to eat a dwarf smeared in dung!
West: pressing on!! its our third and final guest! He is a mage Apprentice from Kinloch hold and author of the book "the hand that tugs our strings!" its apprentice Warren hale!
(clapping and applause)
Warren: hey folks good to be on the show!)
West: so tell us about your theory Warren!
Warren: well basicly we are all part of an alternate universe created by inter-dimensional beings called "developers" and they control our every movement and action!!
Thorin: Oh this i have to hear
Fiona: i can see this is our Nug Sh#$t Episode!!!
West: so right now when i move my hand its the will of a far off deity?
Fiona: and when Poor little nugs are violated at the pearl its the will of developers?
Thorin: and when cammens parents decided to breed it was the will of creators?
Warren: essentially...yes!
Fiona: im sorry but no Higher power could be that cruel not even the arch-demon would wish that useless turd on Thedas!!
Warren: But im telling you the truth!!
Thorin: sure you are! and i bet they have little mice to help them move about
Fiona: and our entire history was written by a group of Scribes one of whom was wearing cat ears!!!
West: and of course we arn't the first universe to be created....noooo!!! because these cat ear wearing deities are also responsible for numerous other universes clearly!
Warren: now your just mocking me
Fiona: this theory has more holes in it then a chasind mans underwear!!!
Thorin: do you really think the good people of thedas are that stupid? your just another mage high on lyrium trying to get a book deal to score some more dust!!
West: Now get the hell off my show!!!
warren: But im telling you morons the truth!!
(a kick sends warren flying down the exit staircase)
Thorin: what was that
?Fiona: will of the developers
(everyone bursts into laughter)
West:Till next time folks!!
(end music: )
(later that evening the gang sits around a differance engine plotting)
West: new game idea guys!!
Thorin: what?
West: well its kinda set in an alternate universe in which you control an underpaid student and travel in things called cars and the world is called "earth"
Fiona: stupidest thing ive ever heard! lets just play strip poker.... oh and i just scored a royal flush
Thorin: (removing shirt) I..... Hate...you!!
Modifié par westiex9, 15 janvier 2010 - 11:12 .
#111
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 02:14
Tirigon
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Oh Maker, you´re doing it wild, Amethyst. And you didn´t invite me and Shianni to the fun. 
:crying:
I thought we were FRIENDS!!:crying:
*sobs*
Genitivi: And me neither. Though I´m so damn manly....... Besides, I´m hungry. I could have eaten Shale for her deeds. Dwarf is tasy........
:crying:I thought we were FRIENDS!!
:crying:*sobs*
Genitivi: And me neither. Though I´m so damn manly....... Besides, I´m hungry. I could have eaten Shale for her deeds. Dwarf is tasy........
#112
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 02:31
amethyst_rose2009
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Tirigon wrote...
Oh Maker, you´re doing it wild, Amethyst. And you didn´t invite me and Shianni to the fun.
I thought we were FRIENDS!!
*sobs*
Genitivi: And me neither. Though I´m so damn manly....... Besides, I´m hungry. I could have eaten Shale for her deeds. Dwarf is tasy........
LOL!
It was the dwarven ale, I swear!
#113
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 03:16
Tirigon
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amethyst_rose2009 wrote...
Edit: Check out these great pics. This is where I got my inspiration for that post. LINKS TO PICTURES THAT ARE NOT SUPPOSED FOR EVIL PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND THEREFORE REMOVED.
Thanks Aimo, you rock!
Nice. And so hot... So much DAO-porn here, but not a single one with my Shianni....
:crying:Why, oh cruel world, why?!
So, it was the Ale, yes? Do you think I can´t ... get up ... to .. that kind of thing... after drinking Ale? You could still have invited me........
:crying:
Modifié par Tirigon, 15 janvier 2010 - 03:36 .
#114
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 03:19
amethyst_rose2009
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Tirigon wrote...
Nice. And so hot... So much DAO-porn here, but not a single one with my Shianni....
Why, oh cruel world, why?!
Gasp! Not porn. It's very tasteful and beautiful.
Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 15 janvier 2010 - 03:44 .
#116
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 03:21
amethyst_rose2009
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Sialater wrote...
LMAO @ Amethyst!
Thanks Sia. Who knew dwarves could be so sexy?
#117
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 03:21
Tirigon
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amethyst_rose2009 wrote...
Gasp! Not porn. It's very tasteful and beautiful.
So? It´s still porn. Or Hentai, because it´s drawn. There is quite tasteful porn, you know? Unless you go to youporn, of course. That is like
:sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick:
#118
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 03:25
amethyst_rose2009
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Now, now, no need to gross people out naughty boy. *wags finger*
Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 15 janvier 2010 - 03:28 .
#119
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 03:28
Tirigon
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amethyst_rose2009 wrote...
Now, now, no need to gross people out naughty boy. *wags finger*
Can it do this again? The waggling of its soft, wet little finger is confusing, yet fascinating in a strange way.
(To quote Shale.)
#120
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 07:23
Tirigon
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So necrophiliacs, cannibals, Loghain-fans and people who simply enjoy watching an undead scholar talking sh*t, be welcome back. Once again will the curtains open to reveal the depths of human wickedness and perversion to your lewd glares. And while you are enjoying to look at half-rotten boobs, remember always to buy and use the only original Orlaisian high-quality condoms. They are - scientifically proven - so efficient that a corpse will NEVER get pregnant if you commit the evils of the flesh with them pulled over your Staff of Joy and Manliness.
So, here we go:
*Genitivi comes in, followed by Loghain and his dead, but hot, wife; Tirigon and Shianni are in another corner of the stage; Shianni is cooking something while Tirigon stares at her backside and dreams...
*
Genitivi: Welcome to another episode of the GENITIVI SHOW!!!!!
Tirigon (from behind): Eh! It´s still the TIRIGON SHOW, ******!
Loghain:
Actually, you are not doing anything, so it might well be the Genitivi show. He does not do anything of importance, but at least he talks sh*t. You are only dreaming of anal sex with your girlfriend.
Tirigon: Heyheyhey, be fair, please! I´m NOT dreaming of Sex with Shianni, I did her just a few minutes ago backstage, I´m dreaming of sex with your wife.
Loghain´s wife: And I´m dreaming of sex with your mother.
Tirigon: Well, ehm, what shall I say....
Shianni: What about "Your mother dreams of sex with my mother!"? That´s what the average idiot responds in Denerim.
Tirigon: Well, I´m NOT an idiot....
Loghain:NO COMMENT.
Genitivi: Turn Tirigon´s and Shianni´s micro off. And take care of our elf, Shianni! Don´t let it burn!
So. With that done, we can start, I hope.... We wanted to talk about afterlife, seeing the Light at the end of the tunnel and the sex-life of Undead Couples. That´s why Loghain and his wife are here.
Well, actually they are an old-fashioned couple, so the wife is only here because we need some boobs in this Show. Shianni refused to strip when it´s me and not "Tiri-darling" who is host. Only Loghain will talk.
Loghain:You dream on, dead man. I shall close my eyes and think of Ferelden.
Genitivi: Ehm, you know, you shouldn´t lay her, you should TALK about it........
Loghain:I refuse to talk about private matters. Let´s instead talk about my plans for Ferelden.
Genitivi: They do not matter. You are dead, and you might be executed AGAIN soon.
Loghain: I know. That´s why I´m planning to become Commander of the Undead Fereldan Forces, aka the UFF. The UFF is a special task unit that will consist of Undeads.
Genitivi: Well, that is not interesting at all, let´s rather talk about your sex life.
Loghain: I am Dead. I do, therefore, not have a "sex LIFE".
Genitivi: You are telling me you are married to such a hottie and you don´t have fun with her?! Oh Maker, could you borrow her to me then?
Loghain: Not now. I do not need money for a war at the moment. I shall come back on this idea when all elves are sold.
*Shianni is crying something, but you can´t hear it because the micro is off*
Genitivi: So, Loghain´s wife, my dear, I´ll just talk to you then. But first, how are you called?
Loghain´s wife: I am Nightflower.
*Loghain facepalms*
Loghain:He meant your real name, not your "Gothic" - whatever that is - pseudonym.
Genitivi: Not that I´d care, as long as I can eat someone today. And join her in her tent, of course.
*Loghain facepalms again*
Loghain:Wife, go backstage with this ... person. I need to talk to the Fereldan Citizens without interruption.
*Loghain´s wife and Genitivi disappear backstage; not without grabbing a spectator who was stupid enough to climb on stage, however. They are hungry*
*Tirigon and Shianni are crying something, but the micro is off, sooooo*
Loghain:So, let´s get back to the Undead Ferelden Forces UFF. To strengthen Ferelden I have proposed a law that forces all Dead citizens to join the army for 50 years. The very best ones will make up the UFF..........
*he starts to talk about military things and a war against everyone and all that stuff, but a quick-thinking technician turns his micro off, turns Tirigon´s on instead and switches the Camera to Tirigon and Shianni*
Tirigon and Shianni (crying): ******! The elf in the pot was ready since minutes! It´s all burned now! NOONE would eat that crap now, because you DUMBF*CKS didn´t watch it!!!!!
*they realize they are on TV now*
Shianni: Uh, ehm, I didn´t want to have a full-screen shot of me today. I don´t wear my good stuff, you shouldn´t see me like that, wearing my all-day clothes that look as if everyone could afford them......
*Tirigon facepalms*
Tirigon: Oh Maker. Now I allow this brainless corpse to make another Show and he can´t handle it....... NO PEOPLE FOR YOU TO EAT THIS YEAR ANYMORE, GENITIVI!!!!!!
Shianni: Well, nice, but... what about the soup? And what about my clothes?
Tirigon: Sell the soup at BurgerPresident. Everyone able to eat that will eat a badly-cooked elf too.
And then we´ll go shopping and I´ll buy the most expensive clothes I can find for you. As if you´d need it. Money has spoilt you. You USED to be sexy as hell in your old, rugged, Alienage-clothing. But now you need to wear stuff for 1000 sovereigns or you won´t go out of the house. It´s sad.
Shianni: Well, we are rich now.........
Tirigon (
): We won´t be anymore if you don´t stop to wear bras for 10000 sovereigns......
Shianni::crying::crying: Don´t you like my breasts anymore?
*she runs off crying*
Tirigon: Oh Maker. How I miss the old days as Warden. No troubles except for killing darkspawns, surviving assassination-attempts and convincing Leliana that I did only talk when I was in Morrigan´s tent...:wub:
Nothing of that stuff with corpses and money and sex all the time...
*Loghain has realised that he is not on TV anymore, walks to Tirigon and picks up Shianni´s micro*
Loghain: So, as you didn´t listen, once again: The UFF will be trained by templars to protect from magic. They will wear the best armor. As Undead they are nearly invulnerable anyways. So they will become unstoppable. First I will conquer Orlais and slay that b*tch Celene, then we will beat the Qunari and finally invade Tevinter. We will rule all of Thedas!
Sten: Kadan, Ferelden is a curious country. Even the dead talk more than I do in a week.
Tirigon: You silence them, my friend from the Beresaad. I need to go after Shianni.
Sten: Kadan, Shianni is not good for you. She distracts you. I could solve that.
*he reaches for his sword*
Tirigon:
:blink::blink: Ehm... rather not. I will solve it myself. You silence Loghain.
Loghain: .... and when all of Thedas is Ferelden we will invade....
*Sten draws his sword and attacks Loghain, who continues talking*
A random guy from the stagecrew feeling cool: <3WOOHOO! I GOT THE MICRO! I am the MASTER!!!! And today, babies and pendlemen, we will show you the fight of the Titans! Sten versus Loghain!!!!!<3
*another stagecrew guy who does NOT feel like gettig eaten by Undead turns the camera off*
*The usual "AND NOW THE COMMERCIALS!" is displayed. FereldenTV is becoming like MTV - more advertisement than programme......*
So, here we go:
*Genitivi comes in, followed by Loghain and his dead, but hot, wife; Tirigon and Shianni are in another corner of the stage; Shianni is cooking something while Tirigon stares at her backside and dreams...
*Genitivi: Welcome to another episode of the GENITIVI SHOW!!!!!
Tirigon (from behind): Eh! It´s still the TIRIGON SHOW, ******!
Loghain:
Actually, you are not doing anything, so it might well be the Genitivi show. He does not do anything of importance, but at least he talks sh*t. You are only dreaming of anal sex with your girlfriend.Tirigon: Heyheyhey, be fair, please! I´m NOT dreaming of Sex with Shianni, I did her just a few minutes ago backstage, I´m dreaming of sex with your wife.
Loghain´s wife: And I´m dreaming of sex with your mother.
Tirigon: Well, ehm, what shall I say....
Shianni: What about "Your mother dreams of sex with my mother!"? That´s what the average idiot responds in Denerim.
Tirigon: Well, I´m NOT an idiot....
Loghain:
NO COMMENT.Genitivi: Turn Tirigon´s and Shianni´s micro off. And take care of our elf, Shianni! Don´t let it burn!
So. With that done, we can start, I hope.... We wanted to talk about afterlife, seeing the Light at the end of the tunnel and the sex-life of Undead Couples. That´s why Loghain and his wife are here.
Well, actually they are an old-fashioned couple, so the wife is only here because we need some boobs in this Show. Shianni refused to strip when it´s me and not "Tiri-darling" who is host. Only Loghain will talk.
Loghain:
You dream on, dead man. I shall close my eyes and think of Ferelden.Genitivi: Ehm, you know, you shouldn´t lay her, you should TALK about it........
Loghain:
I refuse to talk about private matters. Let´s instead talk about my plans for Ferelden.Genitivi: They do not matter. You are dead, and you might be executed AGAIN soon.
Loghain:
I know. That´s why I´m planning to become Commander of the Undead Fereldan Forces, aka the UFF. The UFF is a special task unit that will consist of Undeads.Genitivi: Well, that is not interesting at all, let´s rather talk about your sex life.
Loghain:
I am Dead. I do, therefore, not have a "sex LIFE".Genitivi: You are telling me you are married to such a hottie and you don´t have fun with her?! Oh Maker, could you borrow her to me then?
Loghain:
Not now. I do not need money for a war at the moment. I shall come back on this idea when all elves are sold.*Shianni is crying something, but you can´t hear it because the micro is off*
Genitivi: So, Loghain´s wife, my dear, I´ll just talk to you then. But first, how are you called?
Loghain´s wife: I am Nightflower.
*Loghain facepalms*
Loghain:
He meant your real name, not your "Gothic" - whatever that is - pseudonym.Genitivi: Not that I´d care, as long as I can eat someone today. And join her in her tent, of course.
*Loghain facepalms again*
Loghain:
Wife, go backstage with this ... person. I need to talk to the Fereldan Citizens without interruption.*Loghain´s wife and Genitivi disappear backstage; not without grabbing a spectator who was stupid enough to climb on stage, however. They are hungry*
*Tirigon and Shianni are crying something, but the micro is off, sooooo*
Loghain:
So, let´s get back to the Undead Ferelden Forces UFF. To strengthen Ferelden I have proposed a law that forces all Dead citizens to join the army for 50 years. The very best ones will make up the UFF..........*he starts to talk about military things and a war against everyone and all that stuff, but a quick-thinking technician turns his micro off, turns Tirigon´s on instead and switches the Camera to Tirigon and Shianni*
Tirigon and Shianni (crying): ******! The elf in the pot was ready since minutes! It´s all burned now! NOONE would eat that crap now, because you DUMBF*CKS didn´t watch it!!!!!
*they realize they are on TV now*
Shianni: Uh, ehm, I didn´t want to have a full-screen shot of me today. I don´t wear my good stuff, you shouldn´t see me like that, wearing my all-day clothes that look as if everyone could afford them......
*Tirigon facepalms*
Tirigon: Oh Maker. Now I allow this brainless corpse to make another Show and he can´t handle it....... NO PEOPLE FOR YOU TO EAT THIS YEAR ANYMORE, GENITIVI!!!!!!
Shianni: Well, nice, but... what about the soup? And what about my clothes?
Tirigon: Sell the soup at BurgerPresident. Everyone able to eat that will eat a badly-cooked elf too.
And then we´ll go shopping and I´ll buy the most expensive clothes I can find for you. As if you´d need it. Money has spoilt you. You USED to be sexy as hell in your old, rugged, Alienage-clothing. But now you need to wear stuff for 1000 sovereigns or you won´t go out of the house. It´s sad.
Shianni: Well, we are rich now.........
Tirigon (
): We won´t be anymore if you don´t stop to wear bras for 10000 sovereigns......Shianni:
:crying::crying: Don´t you like my breasts anymore?*she runs off crying*
Tirigon: Oh Maker. How I miss the old days as Warden. No troubles except for killing darkspawns, surviving assassination-attempts and convincing Leliana that I did only talk when I was in Morrigan´s tent...:wub:
Nothing of that stuff with corpses and money and sex all the time...
*Loghain has realised that he is not on TV anymore, walks to Tirigon and picks up Shianni´s micro*
Loghain:
So, as you didn´t listen, once again: The UFF will be trained by templars to protect from magic. They will wear the best armor. As Undead they are nearly invulnerable anyways. So they will become unstoppable. First I will conquer Orlais and slay that b*tch Celene, then we will beat the Qunari and finally invade Tevinter. We will rule all of Thedas!Sten: Kadan, Ferelden is a curious country. Even the dead talk more than I do in a week.
Tirigon: You silence them, my friend from the Beresaad. I need to go after Shianni.
Sten: Kadan, Shianni is not good for you. She distracts you. I could solve that.
*he reaches for his sword*
Tirigon:
:blink::blink: Ehm... rather not. I will solve it myself. You silence Loghain.Loghain:
.... and when all of Thedas is Ferelden we will invade....*Sten draws his sword and attacks Loghain, who continues talking*
A random guy from the stagecrew feeling cool: <3WOOHOO! I GOT THE MICRO! I am the MASTER!!!! And today, babies and pendlemen, we will show you the fight of the Titans! Sten versus Loghain!!!!!<3
*another stagecrew guy who does NOT feel like gettig eaten by Undead turns the camera off*
*The usual "AND NOW THE COMMERCIALS!" is displayed. FereldenTV is becoming like MTV - more advertisement than programme......*
#121
Posté 15 janvier 2010 - 10:15
westiex9
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Aimo might be checking out our profile, i frggin love her art! thats too...Awesome(head explodes)
(hours of repair by sister justine later)
err as i was saying that would be awesome
(hours of repair by sister justine later)
err as i was saying that would be awesome
#122
Posté 16 janvier 2010 - 01:46
amethyst_rose2009
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Announcer: And now time once again for the Amethyst Show!!!!
*Silly lounge music begins to play as the camera pans around the stage showing the complete renovation of the Ferelden TV studios after the previous show's.......um......problems and a certain mage's fiery and danger-prone temper*
Amethyst: *face completely red* Umm.......y....yes, hello I'm *nervous cough* your.....host.
Producer: Are you alright? You sound a bit nervous today.
Amethyst: Well......uhhh.......I didn't know the cameras were still rolling in camp last night after I drank that damn ale and......I.......I ....... *flees backstage from utter embarassment, holding her warm face*
Alistair: *looking hopeful* That's my cue. Alright Zev and Oghren the show is all yours. Try not to do anything too raunchy or disgusting, okay? *gallantly walks backstage to comfort his distraught lover*
Zevran: *face lights up and he grins mischieviously* Oh, don't worry, fair Alistair. Just go and give Amethyst some love. Oghren and I will be fine. You can trust us.
Oghren: *gets out his bottle of dwarven ale and joins Zev on stage with a wide grin* Oh this is gonna be fun!
Zevran: *big flirty smile* My own show.......if my poor mama could see me now......*small tear apears*
Oghren: Did Amethyst say our......err........adventures.......last night were all caught on film?
Zevran: *proud smirk* Got it right here on special edition Blu-Ray! We can watch it later during the show. *smiles at audience* And you lovely people can own your very own copy for only $19.95. Operators are standing by. But shhh, don't mention this to Amethyst. *winks*
Oghren: Heh, I like your style Zevran. *laughs and gulps down some ale* Would you care for some fine dwarven ale, my sly elven friend.
Zevran: Uh, no offense, my friend, but.....uh.....I don't think I have the stomach for such an .......exoctic brew. Besides after the things it made our lovely and usually-tame friend Amethyst do last night *naughty grin*.......well let's just say I better not. We have a show to do after all. *whispers to Oghren* Maybe after the show.......*winks*
Oghren: Alright, that just means more for me then! *laughes loudly and burps*
Zevran: It seems we have a special guest with us today. It says on the list here that our guest is the "Teagan of his world". Hmm, I wonder what that means? Is he from the Fade or something? Anyway, Amethyst apparantly owes him a huge favor for uh.......let's see.......a certain exotic drawing of Alistair.......and Sten!!?????
Oghren and Zevran: *look in shock at picture*
Zevran: *angry glare* Hmph, I guess that was a party we weren't invited too! *crosses arms*
Oghren: *takes a gulp of ale letting it spill down his thick red beard* Ha, Sten ain't got nothin' on my fine dwarven hammer! *smiles proudly and laughs* Branka can tell you that! Oh and I guess our lovely elven warden can too.....now *naughty grin*
Zevran: *confused look* Err......that wasn't her, my blind dwarven friend! *glares at Oghren*
Oghren: Oh.................*shrugs and takes another gulp of ale*
Zevran: *sighs* You really know how to make a guy feel special, Oghren!
Oghren: *loud belch* Huh?
Zevran: *rolls eyes* We had better get to our special guest, no? Please welcome to our show a talented artist whom the ladies just can't get enough of ........*sighs* Seriously who writes this stuff anyway? Anyway, visiting from another realm known as the Bioware universe......here is Reuben.
Oghren: What's Bioware?
Zevran: The hell if I know!
*The band starts playing sexy James Bond theme as a suave and handsome young man wearing a James Bond style tux comes out on stage carrying a martini glass in his hand and takes a seat beside Zevran and Oghren*
Zevran: So .....err......thank you for being here, I guess. Sorry I'm new at this interview thing.
Reuben: Is your name Alistair, by chance? The entire time I was getting dressed in my dressing room a woman in the next room kept calling out the name Alistair and banging against the wall. It was kind of annoying.
Zevran: *naughty grin* That would have been our two sexy gray warden friends......how do you say........kissing and making up.
Reuben: There was a lot more than kissing going on in that room.
Zevran: Yes well, enough about them. So you are an artist? Amethyst wrote that you were going to paint something for us today.......before we get to our feature presentation Blu-Ray movie.
Reuben: Feature presentation Blu-Ray???
Zevran: *wicked smile* Oh yes.... *eyes glaze as naughty images appear in his mind * Oh sorry, where was I? That will be later and you're welcome to stay and watch the movie with us. I brought popcorn.
Reuben: I brought my art supplies and am ready to paint a portrait if I may have a volunteer from the audience.
Zevran: I've a question, if I may..... Why would an artist such as yourself be dressed as you are? A little fancy for painting, no?
Reuben: *sly smile* You'll see.......
Oghren: *gulps down some more ale and releases loud belch* Alright ladies, you heard the man, we need volunteers to have your portrait painted. Now, now, don't be shy......
Zevran: Uh, Oghren *points to other side of the stage as a group of about 200 beautiful women run excitedly toward the suave, sexy artist*
Oghren: Holy nug dung!!!! That's too much estrogen for one dwarf to handle!!!
Reuben: But it's not even nearly enough for a suave artist like me *flashes suave, sexy smile*
*The women swarm around Reuben, running their hands through his thick dark hair and leaving bright lipstick marks all over his handsome face and crisp white shirt collar*
Zevran: *crosses arms and frowns jealously* Hmph, you would think he was freakin' James Bond or something....... *glares angrily at Reuben*
Reuben: Don't worry, there's more than enough women to share.
Zevran and Oghren: *big naughty grins*
Zevran: Well now, suddenly this show just became a lot more interesting.
Reuben: So which of you lovely ladies would like to be painted in the nude?
Zevran and Oghren: This just keeps getting better and better.
*The ladies scream in excitement as they all want to be the object of Reuben's affection but Reuben reluctantly only chooses one from the crowd - a seductive red-head with a sexy Orlesian accent*
Reuben: *prepares his paints and canvas* Just stand over here my lovely lady.....
Leliana: *rips off her chantry robe and poses erotically* How's this?
Zevran and Oghren: Leliana?????
Zevran: *mumbles under his breath* Hmph, innocent chantry girl, my a**!
Reuben: Nice......very, very nice... Now just lean a little more that way and bring your hips around like this...ohhhh, just right.
Zevran: *moans* Ohhhhh.......
Oghren: *gulps down the last of his ale and belches* Zev, you okay there?
Zevran: Oh, yes........*stares dreamily at the naked Leliana, her soft fair skin glistening in beautiful pastel colors underneath the warm glow of the studio lights*
Oghren: As we wait for Reuben to finish Leliana's portrait, now would be a good time to check out this special edition Blu-Ray movie from our.....uh......adventures back at camp.
*Oghren starts the movie as really bad love songs from the seventies play in the background*
Zevran and Oghren: *tilt heads to get a better look* Oooooooooh........Ahhhhhhh..........
*Amethyst and Alistair come from backstage wrapped happily in each other's arms, Amethyst clearly over her previous embarrassment*
*Loud moans and screams fill the speakers as the movie continues to play*
Amethyst and Alistair: Maker's Breath!!!!!!
Amethyst: *stares horrified at the giant studio tv screen* I......I........Ahhhhh!!!!! *flees in embarrassment backstage with her hands over her hot, flustered face*
Alistair: *glares at Zev and Oghren* You guys said you would behave!!!!
Zev and Oghren: *point to the naked Leliana getting her portrait painted*
Alistair: Uhhhhhh........*drools*
Amethyst: *crying from backstage* Ali? Aren't you coming with me?
Alistair: Uhhhhhhh......*drools*
Amethyst: Ali!!!!!!!! Don't forget I'm a mage and can send a fireball up your........
Alistair:
Yes, dear........*walks slowly backstage making adorable pouty face* See you later, guys.......
Reuben: Alright, I'm finished with Leliana's portrait. What do you guys think?
Zevan and Oghren: It's a masterpiece!!! Can we hang it in the studio? We'll put it right behind Amethyst's desk. She can thank us for it later.
Reuben: I'm glad you like it. Now ladies who's next?
*Before any of the ladies can respond, Zev strips off his leather armor and poses erotically in front of the handsome artist, smiling wickedly*
Zevran: I'm ready for my portrait, you sexy picasso of a man. *flirty wink*
Reuben: *gulp*
*Silly lounge music begins to play as the camera pans around the stage showing the complete renovation of the Ferelden TV studios after the previous show's.......um......problems and a certain mage's fiery and danger-prone temper*
Amethyst: *face completely red* Umm.......y....yes, hello I'm *nervous cough* your.....host.
Producer: Are you alright? You sound a bit nervous today.
Amethyst: Well......uhhh.......I didn't know the cameras were still rolling in camp last night after I drank that damn ale and......I.......I .......
*flees backstage from utter embarassment, holding her warm face*Alistair: *looking hopeful* That's my cue. Alright Zev and Oghren the show is all yours. Try not to do anything too raunchy or disgusting, okay? *gallantly walks backstage to comfort his distraught lover*
Zevran: *face lights up and he grins mischieviously* Oh, don't worry, fair Alistair. Just go and give Amethyst some love. Oghren and I will be fine. You can trust us.
Oghren: *gets out his bottle of dwarven ale and joins Zev on stage with a wide grin* Oh this is gonna be fun!
Zevran: *big flirty smile* My own show.......if my poor mama could see me now......*small tear apears*
Oghren: Did Amethyst say our......err........adventures.......last night were all caught on film?
Zevran: *proud smirk* Got it right here on special edition Blu-Ray! We can watch it later during the show. *smiles at audience* And you lovely people can own your very own copy for only $19.95. Operators are standing by. But shhh, don't mention this to Amethyst. *winks*
Oghren: Heh, I like your style Zevran. *laughs and gulps down some ale* Would you care for some fine dwarven ale, my sly elven friend.
Zevran:
Uh, no offense, my friend, but.....uh.....I don't think I have the stomach for such an .......exoctic brew. Besides after the things it made our lovely and usually-tame friend Amethyst do last night *naughty grin*.......well let's just say I better not. We have a show to do after all. *whispers to Oghren* Maybe after the show.......*winks*Oghren: Alright, that just means more for me then! *laughes loudly and burps*
Zevran: It seems we have a special guest with us today. It says on the list here that our guest is the "Teagan of his world". Hmm, I wonder what that means? Is he from the Fade or something? Anyway, Amethyst apparantly owes him a huge favor for uh.......let's see.......a certain exotic drawing of Alistair.......and Sten!!?????
Oghren and Zevran:
*look in shock at picture*Zevran: *angry glare* Hmph, I guess that was a party we weren't invited too! *crosses arms*
Oghren: *takes a gulp of ale letting it spill down his thick red beard* Ha, Sten ain't got nothin' on my fine dwarven hammer! *smiles proudly and laughs* Branka can tell you that! Oh and I guess our lovely elven warden can too.....now *naughty grin*
Zevran: *confused look* Err......that wasn't her, my blind dwarven friend! *glares at Oghren*
Oghren:
Oh.................*shrugs and takes another gulp of ale*Zevran: *sighs* You really know how to make a guy feel special, Oghren!
Oghren: *loud belch* Huh?
Zevran: *rolls eyes* We had better get to our special guest, no? Please welcome to our show a talented artist whom the ladies just can't get enough of ........*sighs* Seriously who writes this stuff anyway? Anyway, visiting from another realm known as the Bioware universe......here is Reuben.
Oghren: What's Bioware?
Zevran: The hell if I know!
*The band starts playing sexy James Bond theme as a suave and handsome young man wearing a James Bond style tux comes out on stage carrying a martini glass in his hand and takes a seat beside Zevran and Oghren*
Zevran: So .....err......thank you for being here, I guess. Sorry I'm new at this interview thing.
Reuben: Is your name Alistair, by chance? The entire time I was getting dressed in my dressing room a woman in the next room kept calling out the name Alistair and banging against the wall. It was kind of annoying.
Zevran: *naughty grin* That would have been our two sexy gray warden friends......how do you say........kissing and making up.
Reuben: There was a lot more than kissing going on in that room.
Zevran: Yes well, enough about them. So you are an artist? Amethyst wrote that you were going to paint something for us today.......before we get to our feature presentation Blu-Ray movie.
Reuben: Feature presentation Blu-Ray???
Zevran: *wicked smile* Oh yes.... *eyes glaze as naughty images appear in his mind * Oh sorry, where was I? That will be later and you're welcome to stay and watch the movie with us. I brought popcorn.
Reuben: I brought my art supplies and am ready to paint a portrait if I may have a volunteer from the audience.
Zevran: I've a question, if I may..... Why would an artist such as yourself be dressed as you are? A little fancy for painting, no?
Reuben: *sly smile* You'll see.......
Oghren: *gulps down some more ale and releases loud belch* Alright ladies, you heard the man, we need volunteers to have your portrait painted. Now, now, don't be shy......
Zevran: Uh, Oghren *points to other side of the stage as a group of about 200 beautiful women run excitedly toward the suave, sexy artist*
Oghren: Holy nug dung!!!! That's too much estrogen for one dwarf to handle!!!
Reuben: But it's not even nearly enough for a suave artist like me *flashes suave, sexy smile*
*The women swarm around Reuben, running their hands through his thick dark hair and leaving bright lipstick marks all over his handsome face and crisp white shirt collar*
Zevran: *crosses arms and frowns jealously* Hmph, you would think he was freakin' James Bond or something....... *glares angrily at Reuben*
Reuben: Don't worry, there's more than enough women to share.
Zevran and Oghren:
*big naughty grins*Zevran: Well now, suddenly this show just became a lot more interesting.
Reuben: So which of you lovely ladies would like to be painted in the nude?
Zevran and Oghren:
This just keeps getting better and better. *The ladies scream in excitement as they all want to be the object of Reuben's affection but Reuben reluctantly only chooses one from the crowd - a seductive red-head with a sexy Orlesian accent*
Reuben: *prepares his paints and canvas* Just stand over here my lovely lady.....
Leliana: *rips off her chantry robe and poses erotically* How's this?
Zevran and Oghren:
Leliana?????Zevran: *mumbles under his breath* Hmph, innocent chantry girl, my a**!
Reuben: Nice......very, very nice...
Now just lean a little more that way and bring your hips around like this...ohhhh, just right.Zevran: *moans* Ohhhhh.......
Oghren: *gulps down the last of his ale and belches* Zev, you okay there?
Zevran: Oh, yes........*stares dreamily at the naked Leliana, her soft fair skin glistening in beautiful pastel colors underneath the warm glow of the studio lights*
Oghren: As we wait for Reuben to finish Leliana's portrait, now would be a good time to check out this special edition Blu-Ray movie from our.....uh......adventures back at camp.
*Oghren starts the movie as really bad love songs from the seventies play in the background*
Zevran and Oghren: *tilt heads to get a better look* Oooooooooh........Ahhhhhhh..........
*Amethyst and Alistair come from backstage wrapped happily in each other's arms, Amethyst clearly over her previous embarrassment*
*Loud moans and screams fill the speakers as the movie continues to play*
Amethyst and Alistair:
Maker's Breath!!!!!! Amethyst: *stares horrified at the giant studio tv screen* I......I........Ahhhhh!!!!!
*flees in embarrassment backstage with her hands over her hot, flustered face*Alistair: *glares at Zev and Oghren* You guys said you would behave!!!!
Zev and Oghren: *point to the naked Leliana getting her portrait painted*
Alistair:
Uhhhhhh........*drools*Amethyst: *crying from backstage* Ali? Aren't you coming with me?
Alistair:
Uhhhhhhh......*drools*Amethyst: Ali!!!!!!!! Don't forget I'm a mage and can send a fireball up your........
Alistair:
Yes, dear........*walks slowly backstage making adorable pouty face* See you later, guys.......Reuben: Alright, I'm finished with Leliana's portrait. What do you guys think?
Zevan and Oghren:
It's a masterpiece!!! Can we hang it in the studio? We'll put it right behind Amethyst's desk. She can thank us for it later. Reuben: I'm glad you like it. Now ladies who's next?
*Before any of the ladies can respond, Zev strips off his leather armor and poses erotically in front of the handsome artist, smiling wickedly*
Zevran: I'm ready for my portrait, you sexy picasso of a man. *flirty wink*
Reuben:
*gulp*
Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 16 janvier 2010 - 05:33 .
#124
Posté 16 janvier 2010 - 02:06
ReubenLiew
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- Members
- 2 674 messages
Man that Reuben sounds like a stand up kinda guy!
Wish I could be just like 'em
Wish I could be just like 'em
#125
Posté 16 janvier 2010 - 02:09
amethyst_rose2009
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- Members
- 1 300 messages
ReubenLiew wrote...
Man that Reuben sounds like a stand up kinda guy!
Wish I could be just like 'em
But you are!!!! You're just being modest. Don't you know that the ladies just wuv you!!!!
