398 réponses à ce sujet

[Sialater]

Uh... I think Zev would be very careful in that regard, Tirigon. He's all about self-preservation, after all.

[Tirigon]

That´s why he keeps his underwear on! Sia, you just discovered the reason for sex in Underwear!!!



Bioware want us to practice Safer Sex!



Sia, you are a genius!! Go tell it to the world, the masses need to know!

[amethyst_rose2009]

Oh my, the dark places this thread dares to go sometimes.

[Tirigon]

Why? We have just discovered Ferelden´s greatest secret! We need a show for that!!!

[amethyst_rose2009]

I don't think I'm gonna touch that show.  Nude oil paintings and drunken nights at camp are enough for me.

I do need to decide who I'm going to interview next though......

[MarcusDeVarro]

sounds like time for a new show about finding someone to interview

[Tirigon]

Ferelden´s next Superstar?!

[amethyst_rose2009]

Tirigon wrote...

Ferelden´s next Superstar?!

Oh no, not Ferelden Idol! I can see it now.......Teagan up on stage shaking his booty singing Beyonce's greatest hits.

[amethyst_rose2009]

MarcusDeVarro wrote...

sounds like time for a new show about finding someone to interview

I've got a few people in mind, but my hand hurts too much to type anything much right now.  I decided to play 'trip over the 4-year-old' and I lost. LOL.

[Tirigon]

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

Tirigon wrote...

Ferelden´s next Superstar?!

Oh no, not Ferelden Idol! I can see it now.......Teagan up on stage shaking his booty singing Beyonce's greatest hits.

No, I meant.... a casting of Forum users to see who fit´s to be in our Shows. The "old" Stars are pretty old-fashioned now. They are too 2009. 2010 Needs something new.

[MarcusDeVarro]

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

MarcusDeVarro wrote...

sounds like time for a new show about finding someone to interview

I've got a few people in mind, but my hand hurts too much to type anything much right now.  I decided to play 'trip over the 4-year-old' and I lost. LOL.

ive lost at that game before

[amethyst_rose2009]

Tirigon wrote...

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

Tirigon wrote...

Ferelden´s next Superstar?!

Oh no, not Ferelden Idol! I can see it now.......Teagan up on stage shaking his booty singing Beyonce's greatest hits.

No, I meant.... a casting of Forum users to see who fit´s to be in our Shows. The "old" Stars are pretty old-fashioned now. They are too 2009. 2010 Needs something new.

Well, we only have the DA NPCs to use or at least people who were mentioned like West did with Celene.  I thought about using the lesser important characters for my interviews, like Gregoir or the templar at the lake who Sten gives his cookies too.

[amethyst_rose2009]

MarcusDeVarro wrote...

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

MarcusDeVarro wrote...

sounds like time for a new show about finding someone to interview

I've got a few people in mind, but my hand hurts too much to type anything much right now.  I decided to play 'trip over the 4-year-old' and I lost. LOL.

ive lost at that game before

Oh, and it's such a fun game too for people who haven't tried it.  It involves one short toddler standing quietly behind you when you least expect it, and right when you turn around, wham, you fall to the floor screaming in pain.  Yep, lots of fun!

[MarcusDeVarro]

lol

[westiex9]

Live From Orzammar its time for a special edition of Late nights with west Live From dust town!

West: Hey folks! we decided it was time to do our social duty and bring some light to orzammars most neglected!

Thorin: thats right tonight we are filming in dust town's main square! We will be interviewing a number of locals and may give them some free colouring books if we feel like it!!

Fiona: but first lets get a general Feel of Dust town by interviewing some of its residents! So mam how do you find life in this part of town

Castless woman: oh the pain! don't look at me like that ain't you ever seen a cripple before! don't look at me! i was beautiful once Beautiful!!!

Fiona: Hehe....wow and i thought happy hour at tapsters was depressing

Thorin: how about you sir how do you live in dust town

Castless man: I....i live on the streets and beg for scraps...can't walk...legs got crushed by a rampaging bronto herd......

Thorin: Lady Daces daughters were out on the town again !

Fiona: shocking !

West: very!

Fiona: did anyone see the proving?

west: nope!

Thorin: what happened?

Fiona: three armoured nugs took on a dragon

West: they let lady helmi compete?see i can do it too

Fiona: yeah yeah very funny! lets go to our first interview! shes drunk shes angry and she lives in dust town its ol ma Brosca!

Ma Brosca: yeah yeah! you think your so damn fancy with your shiny armour! wheres my beer!!

Fiona: so whats life like in casteless town?

Ma Brosca: Damn i all outta ale!!! i hate living here!!!! DAMN MY STUPID KIDS!!!!

Thorin: man this is like a bad re-write of angela's ashes

West: Quite Breaking the fourth wall!!

Fiona: awww come on!! we could get you  a new dress and shoes and maybe a perm and some makeup!! that'd cheer you up

(moments later a now stunning ma brosca stands in casteless central)

Ma Brosca: Man i need alcohol!!! i hate life!!!!

Thorin: errr Fiona that makeover doesn't seem to have changed her outlook much!

Fiona: yeah but her outward appearance is a vast improvement, shes like Anora pretty on the outside and a surly rotten conniving angry (expletive deleted) on the inside !!

West: errrr our next interview is with a brand new character its Natanka the casteless warden from my latest playthrough

Thorin: oh boy do i have a bad feeling about this one!

Natanka: sup west!

West: wow is that Legion of the Dead armour

Natanka: scaved it from a tomb figured the previous owner wudnt need it

Fiona: hey isn't that your ma over there

Natanka: hey why ain't she in the palace grumbling like a surly old blight victim?

West: long story short this is another dimension and BHELEN ISN'T KING!!!

Natanka: whatever! hey ma Pass the bottle or Go take a dive into the lava pool

Ma brosca: lousy no good kid!!!! i knew i shoulda drowned you!!!

West: Wow!!! thats too much this is a family program

Natanka: im gonna deck you you old Bronto!!!

Ma Brosca: Bring it ya lil accident!!!

Natanka:Take that ma!!!(knocks Ma Brosca cold)

Thorin: Why do i suddenly feel depressed

West: this isn't funny!!!!!

Fiona: Relax guys ill defuse the whole seriousness of the moment

(splats a custard pie in the unconscious ma brosca's face)

West: hehehehe suddenly i feel better

Fiona: Pie makes EVERYTHING BETTER

Thorin:  no im still feeling pretty depressed!!

Fiona: then this is the perfect time for me to try out this new Dennis Leary Therapy book out Thorin?

Thorin: yeah

Fiona: Shut the (expletive deleted) up and grow some balls

West: what did i tell you about Breaking the fourth wall DONT DO IT!!!

Thorin: errr our next guest is Zerlinda and she has baby troubles!

Natanka: pfffttt trust some upper caste Runt to start firin the loin monster cannon

Thorin: do you have anything nice to say!!!

Natanka: i like that necklace your wearing
(steals necklace )

Thorin: what Necklace?

Natanka: Exactly

Fiona: oh your good  i like you!

Natanka: well don't get too cosy Fire head cross me and ill cut ya capiche!!

Fiona: Awwww that must be how castless show affection

West: MOVING ON!!! zerlinda hows things

Zerlinda: Aweful....just Aweful  my father cast me out,my lover ran off and i have a kid to bring up on the streets

Thorin: (takes a fistful of valium) PRETTY COLORS 

Fiona: hey it can't be all bad look on the brightside

Natanka: yeah least you have a kid i sold mine to pay the bills

Fiona: Baby sale!!! i should get alistair to but me one too!!!

Thorin: what like madonna?

West: IDIOTS I TOLD YOU NOT TO KEEP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALLL!!!


(a strange cosmic event occurs)

Alaska, the makers secret Log cabin


Habren: why do i have to gather firewood, daddy always gets servants, its cold, i don't like these clothes

Andraste: Does she ever shut up!!!

Maker: Don;t look at me woman!! you wanted to give em another chance!!

(several fireballs crash into the cabin)

Natanka: what the heck just happened

Fiona: weeee lets break the fourth wall again!!!

Thorin: Pretty colors!! i love you guys

West: YOU IDIOTS!!!

Maker: AWWW HELL NO!!! PACK YO BAGS ANDRASTE WE ARE MOVIN TO KANSAS!!!

West: Lets see ill have to break the third wall to get us back, (starts yelling out thedas lore) LADY DACE SUCKS, NUGS ARE VIOLATED AT THE PEARL AND HABREN IS A SPOILT ****!!!


(Dust town)

Natanka: good going egg head we are back were we are meant to be!

Fiona: Awwww

Thorin: (strips and does a belly dance)

West: well folks we survived our most depressing interview yet!! and we got to introduce our third co-host!! now i believe its time to end the show

Natanka: CUT!!! (whispers) your purse strings Trust fun boy hehehe

[amethyst_rose2009]

westiex9 wrote...

Fiona: yeah but her outward appearance is a vast improvement, shes like Anora pretty on the outside and a surly rotten conniving angry (expletive deleted) on the inside !!

That was priceless, West!

[AdorableAnarchist]

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

Oh, and it's such a fun game too for people who haven't tried it.  It involves one short toddler standing quietly behind you when you least expect it, and right when you turn around, wham, you fall to the floor screaming in pain.  Yep, lots of fun!

I'll see you your "Falling over the Four-Year Old" and raise you the "Oh Carp, It's Dark and I Found the Missing Lego Piece" game. Yeah, I said some very bad words last night at 3AM when I got up. I stepped on the lego, whirled into the wall... Le sigh.

Kids, you gotta love 'em...

[Sialater]

I find dog bones, drooled on, well-chewed dog bones at 5:30AM when I get up.



And let's not mention the avoid-stepping-on-the-black-dog's-paw/tail-in-the-pitch-black-bedroom game.

[amethyst_rose2009]

AdorableAnarchist wrote...

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

Oh, and it's such a fun game too for people who haven't tried it.  It involves one short toddler standing quietly behind you when you least expect it, and right when you turn around, wham, you fall to the floor screaming in pain.  Yep, lots of fun!

I'll see you your "Falling over the Four-Year Old" and raise you the "Oh Carp, It's Dark and I Found the Missing Lego Piece" game. Yeah, I said some very bad words last night at 3AM when I got up. I stepped on the lego, whirled into the wall... Le sigh.

Kids, you gotta love 'em...

Yep, lego piece on barefeet in the middle of the night - ouch!   I've had that happen too.  The pains of having kids.

[amethyst_rose2009]

Announcer: And now time once again for The Amethyst Show!!!!

*Silly lounge music plays as the camera pans around the stage from the band to Amethyst and her co-hosts checking themselves out in a large mirror*

Amethyst: Hello everyone and welcome to The Amethyst Show.  Are we not just the prettiest adventurers in all of Thedas or what, huh?  Look at Oghren with his cute little braids and ribbons in his beard......awww, isn't he just adorable?

Oghren: *face turns as red as his beard* Nug's dung, woman!  What are you trying to do, embarrass me? *continues admiring himself in the mirror* 

Amethyst: Aww, I embarrassed him.  Isn't that cute?  Like a little dwarfie warfie plushie dollie. Awww. *kisses Oghren on the cheek*

Oghren: Woman, I ain't no plush doll!  I'm a fearless, dwarven warrior, killer of darkspawn and bandits everywhere!  Uhh.....you forgot the other cheek.

Amethyst: *kisses Oghren again as the dwarf smiles and blushes* 

Alistair: Hey, what about me?  The make-over was my idea, after all.

Amethyst: Oh, I have something for you .......later on.........after the show. *wink*

Alistair: *blushes* Oh........alright then.  Carry on.

Amethyst: Isn't he just the most handsome prince in all of Ferelden with his blue velvet clothes and cape? 

Alistair: Um.......I'm actually the only prince in Ferelden.

Amethyst: And then of course, there's Zevran in his new assassin garb with a dashing black silky cape and sparkly black mask.  He looks ready for the ball, but you might want to watch your back if he asks for a dance.

Zevran: I feel like we're on Ferelden's Top Model or something.  I would win, of course. *flashes charming smile*

Amethyst: And of course, check this out girls and guys. *Amethyst twirls around in her new fancy Orlesian dress* And hey girls, check out the bling... *excitedly shows off sparkly new ring and blushes* A gift from the prince.

Zevran: Whoa, let me see that, my dazzling minx.....

Amethyst: Get away from the bling, rogue!

Zevran: Ah, my lovely warden, you cut me with your words.

Amethyst: I'll cut you with more than words if you try to steal my new ring.

Zevran: I'll steal much more than your ring if you would let me. *wink*

Amethyst: *blushes* Oh, well..........needless to say we look and feel like a million sovereigns today!

*A scuffle is overheard from behind the curtain as Goldanna rushes on stage with Sten following close behind*

Sten: Get back here, wench!  I said you weren't on the list!

Alistair: G......Goldanna?  What are doing here?

Goldanna: Oh, what am I doing here?  You and your little elven wh*re over there....

Amethyst: *glares at Goldanna*

Goldanna: just prancing about up here on stage showing off your new fancy clothes and your new fancy jewelry when there are those of us out there with ten mouths to feed........

Amethyst: *glares suspiciously*  Ten????  You told us you had five kids not two months ago!

Goldanna: *stares threateningly at Amethyst* Elven B*tch!  Five, ten, what difference does it make?  Anyway, I've lost count.  I got all these kids at my dinner table each night

Alistair: Y...you don't know how many kids you have?

Goldanna: *rolls eyes* Sometime kids just show up at my house......I don't know.  You're supposed to be my brother, aren't you?  Brothers are supposed to believe their sisters, no matter what!

Alistair: Oh.......well.......of course I believe you, Goldanna.  You're right, it doesn't matter how many kids you forgot you told us you had.  You obviously have too many to count.  Do you need more money?

Amethyst: *rolls eyes* Alistair!  You can't tell me you believe this swindling harlot!

Goldanna: What did you just call me, you elven wh*re?!  I wash laundry day in and day out for what? *uncontrollable sobs*  My kids, however many there are, are starving and.......and .......here you are *sobs* calling me names *more sobs* and my brother here *stares at Alistair with sad puppy dog eyes* just sits there and allows you to talk to me like that. *sniff*  Why, I even brought you my famous Mince pie and you treat me this way!

Amethyst: *angry glare*

Alistair: Mince pie?  *tears fill eyes*  Oh, Goldanna, we feel just terrible.  I......I don't have any sovereigns on me at the moment, uh.....Amethyst

Amethyst: *stares at Goldanna indignantly*  What? *through clenched teeth*

Alistair: Why don't you give her your new ring that I gave you earlier?  She and her five, ten, or however many kids she has needs it more than you do.

Goldanna: *smiles and stares at Amethyst*  He's too good for you, wench!

Amethyst: *Furious glare*  You want me to give away my ring that you gave me? You told me it was a symbol of our love!

Goldanna: Like my brother could ever be in love with an elven wh*re!  He's just using you to warm his bed, girl! Wake up!

Amethyst: Oh, you mean like half the men in Denerim use you to warm their beds. *evil glare*

Goldanna: You're giving me that ring, b*tch!

Amethyst: Over my dead body!!!

*Furious struggle ensues as Goldanna claws at the ring on Amethyst's finger*

Alistair: Maker!!!!  Ladies please! *Struggles to pull the women apart*  Zev, Oghren......a little help, guys!

*Zevran and Oghren continue admiring themselves in the mirror oblivious to the on-stage scuffle*

Zevran: So Oghren, do you think I look better with or without the silky black bandana?  I don't want anything to cover up too much of my beautiful golden hair.

Oghren: With.   It adds a certain mystique.  Zev, do you think I look better with or without these ridiculous ribbons in my beard?

Zevran: Considering how many kisses you've been getting with them, I would say with.

Oghren: But the ladies keep calling me a dwarven plush doll.

Zevran: *sly smile* Yes, but a dwarven plush doll with lots of hugs and kisses, no?

Alistair: *rolls eyes*  Thanks for the help, guys!

Oghren: Okay, Zev, you have a point.  I'll keep the ribbons, then.

Alistair: *heavy sigh*  Alright ladies, that's enough. 

*Alistair reaches down and takes the ring off of Amethyst's finger and hands it to Goldanna*

Alistair: Here Goldanna, you need this more than we do.

Goldanna: *kisses Alistair on the cheek*  Thank you, dear brother, my eight adorable kids thank you for this.  It means more than you will ever know.

Amethyst: Eight????  You lying little b*tch!!!!  I'm getting my ring back!!!  Guys, you better stand back.  A storm of the century's about to hit this place!

*Amethyst holds her hands high in the air as lightning, fire, and ice circle around her*

Producer: Oh crap!  Not again.  Run for the exits people!

*The audience screams and runs for the doors*

Alistair: Amethyst, my dear, please!

Amethyst: Oh, after I'm done with Goldanna, I'm saving a lightning bolt especially for you.  Symbol of our love, my a**!!!

*The studio erupts into beautiful dangerous lights*

Alistair: Ahhhhh!!!! Cut to Commercials!!!!

*Lights and stage props start crashing to the floor as Amethyst chases Alistair and Goldanna backstage*

*1 Hour Later*

*A bloodied and burned Amethyst walks back out onto the stage with a torn Orlesian dress and wild hair admiring a sparkly ring on her hand*

Amethyst: You coming?

Alistair: *terrified* Wh......where did Goldanna go?

Amethyst: *sly smile*  Didn't you see that pile of ash backstage?

Alistair: *gulp*

Amethyst: Now, are you ever going to steal my ring again?

Alistair: N......no!

Amethyst: *kisses Alistair on his scorched lips* Good boy.  Now let's see, I was going to go back to camp and thank you properly for my ring, right? *smooch*  Unless of course, you're too upset about Goldanna.......

Alistair:    G.....Gold who???


*Somewhere in the Market District*

Goldanna: Crazy elf!  I just barely made it out in one piece.

Jowan: Maker, my lady, are you alright?  You smell of sulfer.

Goldanna: Are you a mage, by chance?

Jowan: Why.....yes, I am........but I'm not exactly legal according to the Chantry.

Goldanna: *Big scheming smile*  You don't say........*bats eyelashes*  Oh, I feel faint, could you help me back to my bed.  You're such a big, strong, handsome boy. *wink*

Jowan:  Of course, whatever the lady wishes. 



*To be continued*

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 21 janvier 2010 - 06:13 .

[MarcusDeVarro]

AdorableAnarchist wrote...

amethyst_rose2009 wrote...

Oh, and it's such a fun game too for people who haven't tried it.  It involves one short toddler standing quietly behind you when you least expect it, and right when you turn around, wham, you fall to the floor screaming in pain.  Yep, lots of fun!

I'll see you your "Falling over the Four-Year Old" and raise you the "Oh Carp, It's Dark and I Found the Missing Lego Piece" game. Yeah, I said some very bad words last night at 3AM when I got up. I stepped on the lego, whirled into the wall... Le sigh.

Kids, you gotta love 'em...

ill take your "Oh Crap, It's Dark and I Found the Missing Lego Piece" and go with "Where's my bear, i can't sleep with out my bear" routine

[amethyst_rose2009]

MarcusDeVarro wrote...


ill take your "Oh Crap, It's Dark and I Found the Missing Lego Piece" and go with "Where's my bear, i can't sleep with out my bear" routine

LOL   Been there.

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 21 janvier 2010 - 06:17 .

[MarcusDeVarro]

its such a fun game to play at 10 pm on a school night

[Tirigon]

Iowan and Goldanna.........



Poor Ferelden if they ever have kids. Will be a plague worse than every Blight.

[Sialater]

Doesn't she have enough kids?