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[amethyst_rose2009]

Tirigon wrote...

Iowan and Goldanna.........

Poor Ferelden if they ever have kids. Will be a plague worse than every Blight.

LOL.  I never thought about that.  I might have to rethink my next show.


Yeah, Sia, so many she doesn't even know exactly how many.

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 21 janvier 2010 - 06:18 .

[Tirigon]

Lol.



How could a woman like Goldanna ever find a man?



There must be men who can´t afford 30 silvers for the Pearl if Goldanna gets one

[NvVanity]

 Announcer: Live from our studio in Gwaren this is Ferelden News Network! With our crack team of investigative journalists we shall bring you the truth 24/7.

Drake: Good evening I'm Drake Envus and tonight we have a lot to discuss. Our top story tonight! King Cailan had an affair? We're going live to Denerim Correspondent in the Situation Room Hal Blister. Hal what do we know so far.
Hal: well Drake the royal palace hasn't commented yet however an anonymous person has filled us in i'm streaming the interview through lyrium vein now.

--------------------------------------------
Location: The Pearl.
Hal: Okay Mr. Teryn log.....
?: No it's Taryn Logan, i'm not to be confused with that brilliant strategist and hero that is Loghain Mac Tir.
Hal: Okay so Logan what can you tell us about this alleged affair?
?: Cailan is definitely cheating on her I have letters to prove it.
Hal: And is it the Empress of Orlais as rumors suggest?
?: Only partially. I have letters proving he had an affair with the beard of Duncan of the Grey Wardens.
Hal: He cheated on his wife with a beard?
?: Yes! Sometimes I peek through his door and I see him staring at himself in the mirror rubbing his cheeks moaning "Oh yes Duncan I'll slay that archdemon for you".
Hal: Now you shipped us these documents two days ago and when we showed them to Duncan he said "Why is the seal of Gwaren on this paper? As well as Teryn Loghain's signature slightly rubbed out?".
?: (I got to stop doing that!) Uh I have no idea what your talking about. Duncan obviously drew them on!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hal: So as you can see everything in the interview is 100% true.
Drake: I could not agree more Hal. Wait! We have breaking news! King Endrin is dead! We're going live to Nancy Dace in Orzammar.
Nancy Dace: Drake i'm standing in the Diamond Quarter where the assembly is gathered in an emergency meeting. King Endrin died last night of unknown causes and the herbalists are working hard to determine the cause.
Drake: So we're confirmed he's dead?
Nancy Dace: Yes. Though we're not quite sure. It's been confirmed but we're not quite sure. I've asked a guard and he claims he is dead while a dwarven merchant disagreed.
Drake: How so?
Nancy Dace: Well he didn't confirm that King Endrin's dead.
Drake: Yes. I got that.  But what did he say?
Nancy Dace: He asked me if anyone's seen his lunch. Unfortunately due to King Endrin's death no authorities have been able to assist him and i'm afraid if his lunch isn't found soon he might miss the meal.
Drake: Oh yes well, tragic. <_< Any word on who will succeed him?
Nancy Dace: So far the two contenders are the king's advisor Lord Harrowmont and the king's son Prince Bhelen. 
Drake: And what is the peoples opinion on them?
Nancy Dace: I'll find out. Excuse me! Little dwarf boy! Do you think Prince Bhelen or Lord Harrowmont would be a good king.
Bodahn: Sandal don't just stand there say hello!
Sandal: Hello.
Nancy Dace: Hello! As I was saying do you think Prince Bhelen would be a good king or.....
Sandal: Enchantment!
Nancy Dace: There Drake! As you can see Prince Bhelen is the right choice as according to the people he's "enchanting".
Drake: Oh yes and would you look at that we're all out of time. Thank you and goodnight Ferelden and remember! The Orlesians will flatten your fields and rape your wives so support Teryn Loghain today!

[westiex9]

lol Nv that bit with loghain is hilarious!

[amethyst_rose2009]

That was hilarious, NvVanity!

[Kohaku]

That was cute NvVanity. Just like Ferelden to have half ass news reports.

[NvVanity]

Thanks! Now if only Fox News would hire me.....

[MarcusDeVarro]

NvVanity wrote...

Thanks! Now if only Fox News would hire me.....

ssshhh do not speak of them
they have eyes and ears everywhere lol

[tallon1982]

I'm requesting a McOghren's commercial!

[MarcusDeVarro]

-----------------------------------------------------

*Shows a smiling, sexy, happy dwarven woman behind the counter*

"Welcome to McOghren's may i take your order?"

*shows a dwarf male*

"What can i get with this?"

*produces a silver*

"How about a meaty, melty McNug with all the aminities, with a pint of dwarven ale, and for the toy some fine dwarven crafts"

"Wow!" says the smilling customer as he hands over the silver.

Stop in now and take a look at McOghren's silver menu where you can get the famous McNug, McNuggets, a thirst quenching ale, a wench, a massage, betrayl, a picture with the broodmother, a mani/pedi combo, more ale, and even more ale

stop by today

Ba ba ba ba ba, I'm luggin it

----------------------------------------------------------------

my 30 second version of McOghren's

[tallon1982]

Lol



I'd be cruel in my commercial...My brain hurts atm so I can't write one myself...Then again...



------------

*Cue Dwarven music. Camera pans over to Oghren all decked out*



Oghren: Tired of the same ol sodding nug?



*shows kids flinging their nug patties at the wall*



Oghren: Then why not try out McNug Ribs for yourself and the tasty Mc Nug-gets for the kids?



*kids playing with their nug-gets while dwarf parents enjoy their McNug Ribs*



Kids: YAY! A bronto toy!



Oghren: And with every kids meal get a free upgrade on your meal...Just say Bronto size it!



*Leliana wanders in and taps Oghren*



Leliana: Um have you seen Shmooples?



Oghren: No...



*A cook in the back peeks out*



Cook: Um boss? What do I do with this collar thing?



*Leliana quickly snatches the collar and gets wide-eyed*



Leliana: Nooooooo! Shmooples! You...You... *chases Oghren around*



Oghren: Stop rolling that sodding camera!

[MarcusDeVarro]

lol

[tallon1982]

I told you I'm not right in the head atm lol

[MarcusDeVarro]

your tellin me

its like 1:20 am, i gotta be at work at 9 and I'm still working on my FF lol

[westiex9]

Its about time someone did something useful with that screeching bunny pig!



Westiex9 Approves =100+

[tallon1982]

Here's what I'd do to it...

Nug

Bless photoshop and being up in the wee hours of the morning for no reason whatsoever.

Modifié par tallon1982, 23 janvier 2010 - 07:48 .

[westiex9]

That is....AWESOME!!!



but seeing a nug tin has just made me hungry(runs to the pantry)

[Tirigon]

tallon1982 wrote...

Here's what I'd do to it...

Nug

Bless photoshop and being up in the wee hours of the morning for no reason whatsoever.

Wow that looks like something that is very likely to make you vomit after the first bite,

[amethyst_rose2009]

@ Tallon:   Oh no!  Not Leliana's nug!   Poor Leliana.  Isn't that just like Oghren to cook Leliana's pet at his restaurant? LOL.

Hilarious, Tallon and Marcus, kinda gross , but hilarious!

[Sialater]

Thank, Tallon, I needed that laugh!

[tallon1982]

I aim to please lol

It took a bit to change he ingredients lol

EDIT: Can't help it...

-Modified from a funny movie…-

*Standing in front of McOghren’s the camera pans to Jay the reformed dwarf and his dwarf friend Silent Bob*

Jay the “reformed” dwarf: -singing- Smokin’ Nugs, smokin’Nugs./ Doin’ lyrium, drinkin’ ale/ Drinkin’ ale, ale, ale/ Rollin’ roots, smokin’ Nugs/ Who’s smokes the Nugs?/ We smoke the Nugs/ Rollin’ roots and smokin’…

Customer 1: Uh, let me get the Mc Nug-gets

Jay the ”reformed” dwarf: -singing- 15 silvers little man/ Put that ****e in my hand/ If that money doesn’t show/ Then you owe me, owe me, owe,/ My Elvish love, yeah/ Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe,/ I think I want to know ya, know ya,/ Yeah ,what?

*Customer 1 looks very confused and just wants some damn "nug-gets"-

Customer 1: What the hell are you singing?

Jay the “reformed” dwarf: You don’t know “Elvish Love?” That ****e is the mad notes. Written by the Maker himself and sent down to the greatest bard in the world.

*Customer 2 who is eagerly waiting his turn shakes his head and asks Jay*

Customer 2: You mean the one that traveled with that Warden?

Customer 1: Yeah, Leliana *rolls eyes*

Customer 2: Man, that ****e was so gay…sodding Exalted style…

*Jay and Bob look at each other in shock before they grab the Customer 2 and push them to the window angrily. The screen goes snowy then the familiar ‘Technical difficulties’ screen appears*

Modifié par tallon1982, 23 janvier 2010 - 05:14 .

[NvVanity]

Live from our studio in Gwaren! Saturday, January 23 9:30 DA this is Ferelden News Network!

Drake: Hello everyone welcome today's broadcast as you can see I now have a co-host! Do introduce yourself dear.
Niara: Uhh hello i'm Niara and i'm from the Denerim Alienage.
Drake: Yes you are knife-ears and buying you, er wait, I meant to say hiring you was a good idea. Hehehe:bandit: Anyways we're going live to Hal Blister at Kinloch Hold where he has uncovered some nasty doings from the Templars! Do tell Hal!
Hal: Kinloch Hold known as the Circle Tower to many stands over on the other side of Lake Calenhad here is where The Circle of Magi trains their mages under the watchful eye of The Templars. I managed to get info on their corruptness.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hal: Excuse me sir can I ask you a few questions?
Sten: No.
Hal: (crap.) Are you sure?
Sten: Parshaara can we move on?
Hal: Look I just want to ask some...
Sten: Fine, what do you want?
Hal: From what the barkeep of the Spoiled Princess Inn tells me you managed to get into The Circle Tower on your own along with your companions how did you accomplish this breach of security.
Sten: I gave the Templar some cookies.
Hal: Really? And how did you acquire these cookies?
Sten: I relieved them from a child in a village.
Hal: Interesting!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hal: So as you can see Templars will easily take bribes and even those of stolen goods.
Drake: Hard to believe they can get away with this...
Niara: My child was taken from me by Templars because she had magic.
Drake: Did I say you could talk woman? Wait! I mean that's horrible. Right Hal anymore on this?
Hal: Well they wouldn't let me in after getting across the lake so I called in one of our correspondents to take care of that. Shane tell them about yourself.
Shane: I'm a tranquil.
Hal: Excellent now tell us what you've uncovered.
Shane: Many of the Templars are addicted to lyrium. They like to snort the stuff and it causes them to do unwise activities. This clip will demonstrate what happens.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alistair: Ahh! My tounge is stuck!
Templar: Ahahahaha! He actually licked the lampost look at him he's so stupid!
Alistair: Can someone get me off this thing!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Drake: How horrible. Licking lamposts in winter just from snorting lyrium. 
Shane: Yes it's very tragic as you would say.
Drake: Wait. All these horrible things are happening and you don't even feel sad!
Shane: I'm a tranquil.....
Drake: NO NO NO NO! I WANT YOU OFF THE SHOW IMMEDIATELY COMPLETELY UNPROFESSIONAL!   DO I WALK AROUND ALIENAGES WITH THAT ATTITUDE TALKING ABOUT ALL THE POOR ELVES?
Shane: I was only stating the information.
Drake: ALL WELL IT'S USELESS NOW ISN'T IT?
Shane: I suppose so.
Drake: FOR ANDRASTES SAKE YOU AMATEUR! Hal! You got anything to say to this guy? Hal!?
Meanwhile in the circle tower.
Hal: So I snort it like this?
Gregoir: Yeah just like that!
Hal: Whoah whoah whooooaaaah! It burns but it feels so good!
Gregoir: Look at Cullen! He's snorting five lines at once!
Cullen: OOOOOH YEAAAAH! "Falls over and has a seizure"
Back at the studio
Drake: Look your a nice guy!
Shane: I can't feel emotion.
Drake: But your completely unprofessional! Your fired! Niara do we have any other stories?
Niara: Nancy Dace is covering the trial of Prince Trian's murder in Orzammar.
Drake: Okay. Nancy what do we have.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Inside the Assembly Chamber
Nancy: Drake I'm standing inside the Assembly Chamber where the lords of Orzammar have gathered for the case of Prince Trians murder. The case is Duran Aeducan vs Bhelen Aeducan. Oh and Duran's lawyer has arrived!
Duran: Oh thank god! Wait. OGHREN?
Oghren: (completely drunk) yeah I got a lawyer job from some guy I think his name was Ballen?
Duran: Craaaaaaaaap! Okay no need to panic just read what I write and everything will be fine.
Steward Bandelor: All rise for the honorable judge Bhelen!
Duran: Wait what!
Steward Bandelor: Usually it is the king's responsibility to be judge but due to his sudden illness Bhelen has been appointed judge.
Duran: I'm doomed.
Steward Bandelor: The prosecutor may now stand.
Vartag: Thank you Steward. For my first witness I'd like to call the scout.
Scout: Yes sir.
Vartag: Do you swear to answer the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Scout: Yes sir!
Vartag: Now what can you tell us about Duran?
Scout: He's a bad man!
Vartag: I agree! For my next witness I call......Prince Bhelen!
Duran: You can't call the judge as a witness!
Vartag: Yes I can with permission from the royal family. I have documentation signed by Prince Bhelen himself.
Duran: I hate politics.
Vartag: Okay Bhelen now tell us what happened?
Bhelen: My brother Trian was murdered!
Vartag: Is the killer in this room?
Bhelen: Yes!
Vartag: Can you point to him?
Bhelen: (points to duran) THATS HIM THAT'S THE ONE!
The entire room is filled with gasps.
Duran: Oghren, read this please before this gets any worse.
Oghren: Uh okay. Eh hem Lords and Ladies of The Assembly Prince Duran is a dwarf of honor, integrity and one who would lay down his life for Orzammar! He is a man that is most definitely, most certainly, extremely guilty!
Duran: Turn the page over you idiot.
Oghren: Oh! He is a man that is most definitely, most certainly, extremely guilty of only doing his duty of fighting the darkspawn to one day reclaim the rest of the deep roads!
Steward Bandelor: Has the jury reached a verdict?
Jury Man: Yes we have! We find the defense guilty!
Sandal: Enchantment!
Oghren: Oh asschabs!
Duran: I hate the justice system.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Drake: What a great victory for justice.
Nancy: I couldn't agree more.
Drake: Well that's our show tune in next time for all you need to know about whats going on! This is Drake Envus!
Niara: And Niara...
Drake: Your not important silly. And we're signing off!

Modifié par NvVanity, 23 janvier 2010 - 06:48 .

[amethyst_rose2009]

That was funny, Nv.    I liked the lamppost bit, hilarious!

[amethyst_rose2009]

I love the McOghren's commercials, guys.  Too funny.  Keep em coming.  I would attempt to write one, but I just love those cute little furry nugs too much to turn them into.........Mc Nug-burgers.

Modifié par amethyst_rose2009, 23 janvier 2010 - 08:20 .

[tallon1982]

Aww you know you want to give in to your dark side