91 réponses à ce sujet

[baldmop]

Command : Cerberus Team Bravo come in .

Trooper Bob : Go ahead command .

Command : There is a Drell in your area check him out .

Trooper Bob : Yea see him . He is doing some crazy kung fu stuff , funny thing is no ones there .

Command : Take him out !

Trooper Bob : Nemesis shoot him !
Command he is down ..........wait he is back up .
Nemesis fire! ........He is down . What the.
FIRE ! ........He is down.

Command : What is the situation ?

Trooper Bob : I think we got him . Atlas Jim and the Guardian Twins are coming to our position . Wait ..he is back up . Nemesis says he is pulling some funny contraption off his back and aiming at us ..................................(radio silence )....................

Command : Phantom Jill take Centurion Jim and Engineer Joe with you and see what happened to Bravo and be on the look out for a crazy Drell kicking air and funny things on his back .

[Passionario]

They have a krogan! Why don't we have a krogan?

[poonts]

commander, this cargo container on rio... u think it may cause issues down the line?

naaaaaaahhhhh

[Faust29A]

WTF? All but 6 of them have insta-kill grabs and every one of them has barriers. Plus what is this up to 5 powers, 2 guns, medigel hax, rocket launcher, ops pack ammo crap?

[Ratherdie]

"My buttlazors sometimes don't go through hard cover! Bioware fix pls"

- Praetorian

[dudemacha]

Why do i ever not get phasic rounds, fix the damn store bioware - nemesis

Melee tracking should be improved in the next game - scion

Projectile tracking is so much fun, thank you bioware - atlas

We geth are thankful to our constant buffs - every geth unit.......not fair - geth trooper

How come i not sync kill a juggy but sync a krolord who is almost the same size but he can sync me - phantom

Official petition for hunter mode signed by all geth

[vicwarrior]

Guardian: Why doesn't this shield block their goddamed bullets?

[SimulatedSnowman]

Fellow Cannibals:

After a successful day of killing and eating all the things, I realized about fifteen seconds into my meal of fellow Cannibals that we're doing it wrong. As I vacuumed up the shredded mess of what was once Frank/Tom/Bill, I realized that our science is flawed because even though Frank/Tom/Bill/Me was now slightly stronger, it did not improve my armor enough. Quarians, however, in addition to having dem hips, also ingest food during battle to replenish their armor and shields.

I suggest we make our next raid wherever the Quarians are making their soup. It sounds amazing and Frank/Tom/Bill/Me are hungry.

Love,

Frank/Tom/Bill/Me

Modifié par SimulatedSnowman, 02 avril 2013 - 12:37 .

[DS Monkfish]

SimulatedSnowman wrote...

Fellow Cannibals:

After a successful day of killing and eating all the things, I realized about fifteen seconds into my meal of fellow Cannibals that we're doing it wrong. As I vacuumed up the shredded mess of what was once Frank/Tom/Bill, I realized that our science is flawed because even though Frank/Tom/Bill/Me was now slightly stronger, it did not improve my armor enough. Quarians, however, in addition to having dem hips, also ingest food during battle to replenish their armor and shields.

I suggest we make our next raid wherever the Quarians are making their soup. It sounds amazing and Frank/Tom/Bill/Me are hungry.

Love,

Frank/Tom/Bill/Me

Dear Cannibals:

The secret ingredient in Quarian soup is "enemy spinach", i.e. that stuff you guys all refused point-blank to eat during Reaper Basic. We've got vats of the stuff lying around untouched. One last time - EAT YOUR GREENS OR YOU WILL DIE.

And for the love of Nazara stop eating Geoff.

Harby

[ThatOddGuy]

Cerberus Centurion -- "Umm.. Command? Jim, Bob, and Cam had all their heads blown off in one shot, and I can't even see where the bullet came from... Bob had a big steel shield, and Jim had shields!"

Cerberus Nemesis -- "Alright, I got a shot lined up." *shoots*. "Enemy shields down. Preparing killshot." *reloads Raptor after one shot. "Alright, I got my second shot lined up." *shoots*. "Enemy shields down. Prep--wait a minute. ...Command, why do you train us to fire one shot and reload? Doesn't it make more sense if we keep firing? It's semi-auto."

Cerberus Command -- *shrugs* "I dunno, can't you just ask Bill to rush them? He is a Dragoon, after all.

Nemesis #2 -- "Look at me! I'm like the greased up deaf guy! You're never gonna catch me! Might as well go home!"



Husk -- "I need a hug."
Marauder -- "Cold Shoulder."
Cannibal -- "I need a hug."
Marauder -- "Elbow."
Brute -- "HUG!"
Marauder -- *SoulStriker's avatar*
Ravager -- "Don't hug me, or I'll go into labour!"
Reaper -- "Anyone want a hug?"
Husk, Cannibal, Brute -- *SoulStriker's Avatar*



Geth Trooper -- "Why can't my Pulse Rifle fire full-auto like theirs do?"

Rocket Trooper 1 -- "Enemy Shield gate is OP. I can't fire rockets fast enough to kill anybody!"
Rocket Trooper 2 -- "Learn to reload cancel"
Rocket Trooper 1 -- "Nooooooooo it's an exploit!"

Geth Hunter -- "I was #%$^&*&%$^%^%$^^ing cloaked!" *ragequit*

Geth Pyro -- "Enemy keeps walking backwards..."

Geth Bomber -- "Why do I have to fly so high up in the air to fly over low cover? Biowerplz"

Geth Prime -- *sees Juggernaut climb ladder* "Enemy has executed evasive maneuvers" *Forever alone*

Geth Drone -- "Trollolololl"
Geth Turret -- "Hey, Mr. Cloakie... I can see you!" *pewpewpewPWND!*



Abomination -- "Still waiting for my 72 virgins..."

Collector Trooper -- "Trollolloll learn to Collector Assault Rifle noob N7's!"

Collector Captain -- "Seeker swarms keep flying away... all I want is some DR!"

Seekers -- "We got nerfed harder than Krysae! BIOWER!"

Scion -- *strike one! swing and a miss*

Praetorian -- "Wallhax laser only penetrates cover sometimes. Biower?"

Harbinger -- "Shouldn't have made our troops' heads so big..."

[boomshaquanda]

 All factions sans Cerberus: If the humans are going to help us by killing eachother could they at least stop getting so wasted and passing out?

[Faust29A]

Dear Reaper Overlords:

Great job with the indoctrinations...though the Cannibal habit never seems worth the risk. I was just wondering, though, is there any way you can indoctrinate some Vorcha?

[Ledgend1221]

Phantom: "These PUGS are horrible! They don't even understand basic teamwork and insist on bringing terribad weapons to bronze."

[Invisible Juggernaut]

Trooper 1: Hey Gary?
Trooper 2: Yah?
Trooper 1: Why the hell do we get only three grenades, when that Batarian gets 8 flame grenades that set everything on fire?
Trooper 2: The same reason we don't get homing grenades, or the big bursts of blue nades, he**, we don't even get grenades as good as their NORMAL trooper, let alone that N7 a** in the space suit with a wrist mounted grenade shotgun, which gets six rounds.
Trooper 1: What's the reason Gary?
Trooper 2 (Now looking to the left) : Because of them.
Trooper 1 (Looks over): Ah.
Trooper 2: Damn Geth Bombers strealing all the grenades from the boxes.
Trooper 2: GO BACK TO PLATINUM NOOBS!!!

Modifié par Invisible Juggernaut, 03 avril 2013 - 03:03 .

[Nydus Templar]

Phantom: "Hey! Banshee! Long time no see. Not since that one weekend op where you were like everywhere."

Banshee: "Yeah, I've been sticking to my own team, helping them out. Was a blast seeing how everyone else was doing business. Looking forward to it in this Platnium difficulty. What's new with you?"

Phantom: "We got a new unit. Dragoons."

Banshee: "Oh? We didn't get a new unit. I heard something about Adjutants, but then something about lore conflict. Blah blah. How are they working out?"

Phantom: "Mixed reviews. They just spawn and then run straight at the enemy, flailing around like idiots."

Banshee: "So you mean like those Ex-Cerberus guys who keep slapping me?"

Phantom: "Yeah, but slightly less effective. They burn the whole wave budget and the Guardians barely gets any play time because of them."

Banshee: "Wow, that's rough. Oh, Hey Prime. How are you?"

Geth Prime: "This unit is performing at acceptable levels."

Banshee: "Okay, that sounds...good? Anything new with the Geth?"

Geth Prime: "Affirmative. Geth forces have been reinforced with new Bomber units."

Banshee: "Oh...yeah. New unit for you guys too? That's...cool. What do you think?"

Geth Prime: "We are building a consensus on unit effectiveness. Geth Bomber unit's predisposition to flanking is within acceptable perimeters. Grenade dispersal over targets has increased Geth stun-locking performance by an adequate value. Additional stun-locking via energy discharge also proving to be effective at terminating opponents."

Phantom: "Wait. Your entire faction is based upon flanking and stun-locking, and you received a new unit which...flanks...and stun-locks?"

Geth Prime: "Affirmative."

Banshee: "Well...maybe they are planning on...wait, who's that?"

Praetorian: "Sup, baby. Want to see me shoot a laser out of my hind end?"

Phantom: "Who are these guys?"

Banshee: "Collectors?! Wow. I thought you were all dead."

Praetorian: "Yeah, but we got remade."

Banshee: "Great! I guess you'll be joining our Reaper forces..."

Praetorian: "Nope, sorry babe. We're our own faction. Complete with Collector troops, Scions, our own explosively awesome Abomination-type husks, the ability to throw grenades, and generate swarmers which mess up powers and weapon accuracy. We can randomly get possessed by Reapers directly making us super powerful."

Phantom: "Are you serious? That's a load of crap. We got shafted."

Geth Prime: "This unit detects a new faction capable of enraging players at a greater rate than geth. We are building a consensus on this matter."

Banshee: "Reapers never possess me. Its like they just send us out like cannon fodder. I think I need a hug. =("

Praetorian: "Oh, yeah, and our troopers have really accurate weapons on the move. Also, Scions have this wicked arm cannon which keeps shields and barriers from regenerating and kills almost anyone in three hits while stun-locking them. Sweet, right?"

Banshee: "..."

Phantom: "..."

Geth Prime: "..."

Next day on forums -

PhantomDancer: "GG. Dragoons drained our spawn budget and wiped on Wave 11. Give them a brain. Biower plz."

ScreamQueen: "Any word on Adjutants? We really could use some love over here in the Reaper faction. Aren't we supposed to be the big bad guys? </3"

1001111101010: "We have reached a consenus. Creator Bioware, apply nerf on Collector faction."

BrotheanBaws: "Hahaha, faction noobs. L2P."

(Also, see my signature, its more-or-less related.)

Modifié par Nydus Templar, 03 avril 2013 - 05:06 .

[BronzTrooper]

(Vorcha solos Cerberus on Gold with N7 Valiant equipped on Hydra)

Centurion: One guy versus all of us? Too easy.

Trooper: Wait. Where is he??

Nemesis: idk. Let's go to the other side of the area.

Centurion: Ok.

(Cerberus heads over to the area opposite from the LZ)

Trooper: Where is he?

(three Troopers get shot in the head and their heads explode)

Centurion: WTF?!?!

(Centurion gets shot in the head once and his shields get dropped)

Centurion: Sh*t!! My shields!!

Nemesis: Take cov--

(Centurion gets shot in the head and dies)

Nemesis: Nevermind. Wait. I see him! He's out of the map! WTF?!?! He sees me! Better roll!

(Vorcha launches a submission net at the Nemesis and it catches her mid-roll)

Nemesis: Can't... move...

(Vorcha launches an Incinerate at the Nemesis and it sets off a Tech Burst. Killing the Nemesis)


(5 waves later)

Atlas: I got him. (fires rocket)

(Vorcha steps back and the rocket hits the ramp in front of him)

Atlas: What the hell?!?!

(After match is over)

Troopers: Bioware!! Fix Hydra so people can't do that anymore!!!! It's not fair to us mooks!!!

Vorcha: Noobs.

[N7NJA982]

Ya got ballz son.