with the new DLC many people are talking about the ending of ME3 again. Would anyone be interested in sharing their emotional reaction to it (back then - before the Citadel DLC) ? I was quite surprised how strong my emotions were, so I wrote down a (rather long - sorry) personal account.
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When I started playing Mass Effect 3 I didn't realise what I was in for, emotion-wise. Almost everyone cried during a film at some point in their lives or felt sad when a long-running TV series ended. However, these feelings usually only last the moment or a day - except you're a huge fan and emotionally connected to a community, etc.
With games this is different as they have the potential to 'suck' you into their world far deeper than other entertainment media. Especially with the Mass Effect games and their decision-making feature, which lets you 'take your story choices with you' when starting the sequel.
Just because of that I played the second part all over again in order to have my preferred decisions in the third instalment.
So, finally back with my favourite game series. Every time I started the game I was very much looking forward to meeting the characters and naturally I talked to every single one of them after every single mission to make sure that I wouldn't miss any comments or dialogues.
Due to me re-playing the second part and because I re-started Mass Effect 3 after half of the game - as I realised another important story choice - the series was part of my life for quite a while (6 months). Consequently, I was emotionally far more attached compared to a two-hour movie.
My restart of the third part already showed that. As a male Shephard I had started a relationship with Steve Cortez (the shuttle pilot), before realising that Kaidan (who I had saved in part 1) would have been 'available' as well.
It felt unthinkable to me that I could 'not choose' Kaidan after all the two (Shephard and him) had been through. This reaction shows clearly how strongly I felt about the characters and how emotionally attached I was to them due to the "shared" story, experiences and adventures - even though those were mere fiction.
I guess, it's similar to emotions you feel with regards to your favourite cuddly toy, because of a certain 'background story' and time spent together.
The interactions in a game, in particular with its characters - even if on a limited scale - takes the player far deeper into the game's world as other media are able to (books, theatre, film, TV).
This I would soon feel as the game moved towards the end.
Out of curiosity I kept playing both versions in order to try out other decisions (without the need to save and load). Thus, I played the big finale in my Steve Cortez version first. Slowly I started to realise that my time with Mass Effect and its characters would be ending soon. The final battle, the final decisions and choices at the Citadel: Ahh! The game will be over soon! How terrible!
A deep sadness started to emerge, aided by the strange and sad ending. My 'test run' of the ending was through and now I would have to make a definite decision on how I would like to end the game. Which ending should I choose for my Kaidan version? What an extremely hard decision!
With the 'test run' I destroyed the reapers and with it EDI and the geth. The cryptic final breath of the N7 armour at the very end, was no comfort at all (> "perfect" ending).
However, it was not only Shephard's death that was so sad. No, also in general, because it was clear that I could never return to the other characters in the same way. The story would end, nothing would continue, no new adventures (as DLCs would always be prequels).
This sadness felt very similar to the hurting of farewell, almost as if someone had died. I was fascinated by these feelings and at the same time shocked that fictitious, virtual characters triggered these emotions in me.
The following night I needed an hour more to fall asleep as there were so many thoughts going through my mind. 'Which ending to choose?' Those weird sad feelings. 'Tomorrow it'll be the last battle with them - the very last one.'
The next day I put my wondering aside and decided to follow my emotions. So, Kaidan had to accompany Shephard during the final battle. He should be there until the final bit, when Shephard and I would have to leave him behind.
Hats off to BioWare: I'll never forget this scene and the expression on his face (the goodbye on the ramp of the Normandy, just before Shephard runs towards the beam). And I mean both versions! First I had the 'friendship version' with James - similarly heart-breaking.
And then the final choice. There was no way that I could sacrifice loyal EDI after all the human values she had "learnt". The geth I couldn't kill, too, after Legion's heart-breaking sacrifice (tears of mine included back on Rannoch).
It was clear, I would give Shephard's life and jump into the middle (synthesis - green). Phew, so an even more definite goodbye regarding Shephard - in comparison to the whole game and its characters. Although I never identified myself with him a 100%, he had become very 'close to my heart'. He'd been there all the time, constantly and consistently. He had experienced everything I had experienced. He represented all the emotions, the choice and decisions, the interesting dialogues, the battles, etc.
Would all of this disappear with him into the abyss?
Naturally, my eyes didn't stay dry during the crew's farewell scene (Shephard plaque on the wall of the fallen).
However, I know (after another night of thinking about it) that the experiences I 'shared' with these characters and my memories of them will survive - as unique characters and a special story that have touched me deeply.
Epilogue – fiction v. reality
"That's all just fiction and virtual! Get over it!" some may think now.
Everyone has to decide for themselves how they define 'reality'. I don't define it just by seeing and hearing (senses) or via facts and science. There's a reason for saying "something feels real". My emotions are real and therefore my emotional connection to these fictitious characters is real as well.
And this makes emotional sense to me. The characters, the story, were created by other human beings. Authors, artists, musicians, creative people in general are rarely unemotional and cold. They put emotions, passion, enthusiasm and a bit of love into their work. That's why you say 'made with love'. It's only natural that these feelings, the commitment, the loyalty and this love are conveyed and transferred through the game and its characters.
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So what was it like for you guys? Did anyone have similar feelings or am I a bit too emotional?
I think it's very intriguing how games can affect you more than other entertainment media.
I haven't played the new DLC, yet....I hope it's kind of a nice reunion with the characters.
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