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[Farci Reprimer]

Okay.. now for your wish: Granted! Buuuuut all of a sudden you wont remember the Finnish language!

Oh no! You couldnt! Then I wouldnt be able to enjoy my favorite native comedy show! The Pasila! I wouldnt understand a word Repomies says:

 

Those of you who are curious what a heck they are saying the scene and the dialogue are roughly translated like this:

(The one with the yellow coat is police officer called Kyösti Pöysti and he is a main character of the show. Dont ask why he keeps a baby's dummy. It is one of the mysteries of the series. The other one is his boss; police chief Rauno Repomies)

Pöysti: (picks up the phone)

Repomies: Pöysti, There is about to happen a bank robbery in the dockstreet. And the snipers of the Karhu Team (Special Operations Unit of the Helsinki police department)  is present. Big happening. Absolutely dont go there.

Pöysti: Then why did you call?

Repomies: So you wouldnt go there.

Pöysti: Why tell me this whole story if you dont want me to go there.

Repomies: Oh dammit! Why DID I tell you this everything?... Have I remembered to take my meds? Yes, just took the-OH DEAR.  These are fish food after all. GOD DAAMMIT!! Fish food I just ate!

What did I give to the fishes? Meds I gave to fishes. Fish I feeded with meds....

Pöysti: Rauno, TAKE those meds already

Repomies: I dont eat the meds of the fishes... PÖYSTI dont go that bank. Others take care of it.

Pöysti: Well, I have had a good day. maybe I deal with it as a final lightening.

Repomies: No lightening. NO! PÖYSTI!

Meds! EMty. Everything I gave to fish. Whole medication took the fish. SOLUTION: EAT THE FISH!

[geth47]

Granted. But it´s totally unrelated to the first ones. Tarantino and Uma have nothing to do with it, and in fact they despise the new movie. 

 

I wish I could master the Japanese idiom.

[Just My Moniker]

Granted, but after mastering it you lose your ability to speak and write, nullifying your new skill.

 

I wish I could discover the lost city of Atlantis.

[bEVEsthda]

Granted. But someone else beat you to it by ten hours and ten newsteams.

 

 

I wish none of my school days' friends, classmates, buddies, had died or become drug addicts.

[Gorthaur the Cruel]

Granted, your good looking neighbor goes gay. He gazes lustfully at his new lawn care guy, Rodrigo, while totally ignoring you.

 

I wish I could speed up the boring parts of life at will

[The Spirit of Dance]

Granted, you cannot slow time back down.

 

I wish I had enough money to live a comfortable life without ever having to work again

[Just My Moniker]

Granted, he turns straight again...only to stare lustfully at his new maid, Rodriga and totally ignores you.

 

I wish that I had a little fairy that guided me in my life (Like the fairy companion from The Legend of Zelda)

[Gorthaur the Cruel]

Granted, but your little fairy is possessed by a demon of sloth. Because of his guidance you're now homeless, broke, hungry, and quite possibly the most lazy person alive. You and him used to live out of a trash can underneath a bridge, but a homeless hermaphrodite named bill schulz kicked you out and claimed it for his own, so now you're both stuck sleeping out in the mud.

 

I wish I could spend my entire life looking and feeling like I am in my twenties.

[Gravisanimi]

Granted, but medical sciences can't tell if you are having any underlying health problems because you always look in your twenties, even if your heart is actually 80 and falling apart from hundreds of heart attacks. AKA: You look and feel in your 20s, but you still age beyond perception.

 

I wish that fire couldn't burn me, and water couldn't drown me.(Technically 2 wishes, so if you feel like it, cherry pick your favorite.)

[bEVEsthda]

Granted. Unfortunately, you still die of Carbon monoxide poisoning in any fire, and of hypothermia or torn lungs under water.

 

I wish a distant relative would have testamented an unknown, but brilliant, Van Gogh to me.

[Just My Moniker]

Granted, a distant relative leaves you millions of dollars...of monopoly money. (Your distant relative was a bit of a joker)

 

 

I wish that I was full Irish (Sadly Im only half  )

[Just My Moniker]

A big conglomerate of northern Europe: Swedish,German, English, Scottish, and French. Being full Irish just seems cool to me.

 

Granted, but like a failed GTA cheat, the genie drops it on top of your house. Destroying both the house and the car.

 

I wish that I had the power to stop time.

[geth47]

Granted. The entire universe, including you, are now frozen forever, since you never requested to be immune to the effects of the process.

 

I wish I could be Kate Upton´s personal physician. 

[Gorthaur the Cruel]

Granted, but before she hires you as her physician Kate Upton puts on about fifty pounds and decides to become a man. You are now Karl Upton's personal physician.

 

I wish I could put the entire american government into a giant cannon and launch them off to the moon.

[Nate Assassin]

Granted, but you are put into the cannon and are on the moon yourself.

 

I wish I could smoke weed legally.

[geth47]

Granted, but you smoke legally in the terrible third world country where you´ll spend the rest of your life.

 

 

I wish I could eat fried foods without placing my health in danger.

[Beerfish]

Granted but the surgeon general bans all fried foods the day before your wish was granted.....enjoy your cale sandwich!

 

I wish I could grow raspberries as big as basketballs.

[Beerfish]

Granted!  But it is me doing a striptease wearing a french maids outfit.

 

I wish the sky was green and grass was blue.

[Just My Moniker]

Granted, but only you see it that way. You start telling others about the green sky and the blue grass. They think that youre crazy. You end up in a mental hospital.

 

 

I wish that I could play the violin expertly.