Granted, you ask a drug dealer what "smack" is. He offers to show you but only if you pay him upfront, you accept, and a squadron of policemen tackle you to the ground and arrest you for trying to acquire illegal narcotics from an undercover drug dealer.
I wish everyone's name was replaced by a pornstar name. Like Ruck Sexton, Dixon Dickus, or Major Johnson.
Granted. Your new name is Slurpy Hotdog.
I wish I could get that name out of my head.
Guest_OneWomanArmy_*
Granted! Instead you now think of the name "Butt naked" all the time!
I wish that I had a butler!
Granted, but he is magnificently awful at doing his job to the point where he never turns up at all.
I wish for a pet rabbit.
(Sloppy: ) Granted, you now have a rabid pet.
I wish for more happiness.
Guest_OneWomanArmy_*
Granted! But it will only last for a few seconds and then you will be more miserable than ever before!
I wish for space travels.
Granted, but the elevated radiation levels prove to be lethal.
I wish I could make all old DOS and Windows games run on my current pc.
Granted, your current PC is now, - miraculously, suddenly -, an old PC.
I wish I had time to fix a few things.
Guest_Stormheart83_*
Granted. Now you're blind because of the brightness.
I wish I had a sakura tree.
Guest_OneWomanArmy_*
Granted! But it will now turn alive with HUGE arms which will grab you, lift you up and eat you ALIVE!!!
I wish that something good was on tv right now.
Granted, but a power surge blacks out your entire neighborhood.
I wish I had the resolve to write this fanfic.
Granted, but a power surge blacks out your entire neighborhood.
I wish I had the resolve to write this fanfic.
Granted, its universally panned.
I wish I could learn Japanese or Chinese.
Guest_OneWomanArmy_*
Granted! You will speak those languages fluently buuuut..... unfortunately... you will suddenly have forgotten all other languages.. and you will now not be able to communicate with your loved ones 
I wish that I had the money to travel the world!
Granted by your hard work, but that same factor costs you the health to do so.
I wish I had a megazord.
Granted, but the government takes it away because you can't afford the insurance.
I wish there were more caves in my area.
Granted, but now you're house suffers from sink-hole damaged.
I wish I could write the story for the Godzilla sequel.
Granted, though the only words that you'll be writing for the story are: 'RAWRRRR... The end.'
I wish I could move into my new flat already.
Granted, but the murderers currently hiding out in your new flat didnt expect anyone to come to the flat so soon. Suffice to say, they dont let you leave.
I wish that everything I wrote was considered a literary masterpiece.
Granted. I'll just delete the last few days of your memory... done.
I wish I could afford to buy and insure a megazord.
Granted, you can afford to...but you decide to do something else with your money.
I wish that I could finally make a character in Fallout: New Vegas that actually looked pretty/beautiful.
Granted. Now some weird Asian guy wants to marry your character.
I wish I could sleep.
Granted. You're now narcoleptic.
I wish I had a personal jumbo jet.
Granted. *Genie flies jumbo jet into your house* *Massive explosion*
I wish that every 1 dollar bill in my wallet turned into a real, authentic 100 dollar bill.
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