John Shepard
Colonist/War Hero/infiltrator
Time to get some of those family issues out of the way, so it's off to the Migrant Fleet. Upon arrival, the Quarians refer to Shepard as "captain", Shepard likes these people. They are at least better than the Alliance, after all, Shepard saved the Council and Citadel, and what did they do? Promote Anderson instead! Anyways, on to more pressing matters, like killing some Geth! Turns out something happened on Tali's father's ship and now there are Geth everywhere. John misses the good old days when every other mission meant frying some toasters, so he is locked and loaded for storming the ship, mowing down some flashlights, saving Tali's dad, and on the whole being a big damn hero.
Oh, and proving Tali's innocence as well, that's pretty important too, though the admirals seem more concerned about Geth than her trial. At least he hopes that killing the Geth will be enough, because John never took the BAR, and wants to get a verdict before they figure out he is not licensed. But John is confident, he has never met a problem that can't be solved at muzzle velocity
Things don't turn out that well. The Geth put up a fierce resistance, by which I mean the hunters have a lot of shields and can't always be stopped before getting in their gun's range. And Tali's father is dead. She is pretty upset about that. John hugs her, because what heartless machine wouldn't, and avenges her father in the most appropriate way he can think, killing more Geth. Thankfully they find evidence to acquit, unfortunately, that means exposing Rael as a war criminal. Luckily, John tries talking his way out of the problem and it works! Tali is thankful, they have a heartfelt talk, chitchat with the admirals and good old Reegar (who sadly doesn't want to come along), and then leave the fleet. The Quarians look like they are getting ready for war. John won't stop it, he's seen no evidence at this point to think the Geth are anything other than genocidal reaper worshippers, but he does hope they fight smartly, because the migrant fleet will be needed when the Reapers arrive.
Back on the Normandy, Tali expresses her interest in Shepard, John returns the feelings, and Tali wants to think on it, so John decides to take a trip to Omega in the meantime. Samara comes along and they track down her rogue daughter to the VIP section of afterlife. They don't let John in, I guess being a galactic hero with direct access to Omega's queen doesn't cut it. Just for giggles he comes back, tells them he's Solomon Gunn, shows them the cover of "Badass Weekly", but that doesn't seem to work either. So he investigates a murder, and gets the name for the VIP section.
Morinth is easily enough to attract, and invites John to her apartment. She rather blatantly alludes to the fact she is about to mind-crush Shepard, but he plays along, then she goes in for the kill.
But guess what Morinth?
Wow, it feels good to be on the giving end of that. After being led into so many blatant and failed traps, John is excited to show them how it is done, and it goes off without a hitch. Samara has movie-level timing, and after a standoff with Morinth, Shepard breaks the Ardat-Yakshi's concentration. Now all that's left is to deliver a Bond one liner.... Shepard is drawing a blank and Samara is about to break her neck .... "Find peace in the embrace of the Goddess", Shepard knows it's now or never and blurts out the first thing that comes to mind "oh, and say hello to Saint Peter for me.... or, you know, whoever has his job, but in Hell".
....nailed it.