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[SarusShepard]

 This is my Mass Effect 4 summary.  I am currently writing it into a script format-in my spare time.  I would like feedback, though I expect it to be harsh, I’d like to know what others think of this story outline before I begin doing some serious writing.
~
Fighting the Reapers was just a test. Shepard now faces the real war beyond our universe…

• ·        
  After Shepard’s choice is made (ME3) he/she does not die, but finds himself/herself on a technologically advanced ship and is in the presence of a personage that looks like Shepard’s love interest.
• ·        
  Shepard is told that he/she passed the one and only true test and that the Reapers are just a shadow of what lies beyond…
• ·        
  The real war for Shepard has just begun.
• ·        
  Shepard suddenly finds himself/herself back on the Normandy on a medical table.  Dr. Chakwas relays that she found Shepard in the back area of the med bay when getting supplies.
• ·        
  The crew fears that Shepard is a clone at first, but later accepts him/her, and soon he/she is back to his/her duties as Commander.
• ·        
  Admiral Hackett informs Shepard of reports of an advanced ship on the edge of deep space and after seeing the images of the ship Shepard knows it’s the one he/she was on.
• ·        
  Shepard discovers he/she has advanced biotic abilities after Alliance testing.  He/she is made a general and decorated for service during the war against the Reapers.
• ·        
  Admiral Hackett then sends Shepard to investigate the advanced ship and on the way there stop any remaining Cerberus groups.
• ·       While in his/her quarters Shepard, after a brief encounter with this past love interest, is confronted by the personage that resembles Liara (or current love interest).  Her name is Zaieil.  She tells Shepard there are multiple universes, and that there are ways to travel to some of them.  There is a strong connection from her universe to Shepard’s, and because of this she is able to manipulate the laws of Shepard’s universe easily.  She is the one who gave Shepard his/her advanced biotic abilities.
• ·        
  Zaieil tells Shepard that because of her powers that he/she is invincible in his/her universe.
• ·        
  Zaieil tells Shepard that her people have been waiting to find someone like him/her and that he/she is the only who can save Zaieil’s universe.
• ·        Zaieil’s people have watched and allowed the Reapers to destroy civilizations over and over until our universe was ready to fight the war in Zaieil’s universe.
• ·        
  Zaieil’s people traveled to an infected universe and brought back creatures that only cause destruction and ciaos.  They call them the Orthax.  In hours three Orthax infected an entire planet and indoctrinated all life there. Their indoctrinated conscious and intelligent slaves are called the Trayzor…named after the planet that was infected and lost.
• ·        
  Zaieil’s people cast a very powerful barrier between the infected planet and the rest of their universe-many of her people died in this process.
• ·        The strength of the barrier has slowly been weakening, and reports of Trayzor attacking other planets is starting to multiply.  The barrier can only keep out the Trayzor and their leaders the Orthax for so long.
• ·        Zaieil tells Shepard they are fighting a losing battle with the Trayzor, and that she is the only one who can defeat them; however, even after the Trayzor are destroyed, the planet of Trayzor itself is now sentient, and a weapon.
• ·        Zaieil hints that Shepard will eventually be faced with the Trazyor and their leaders the Orthax one way or another…
• ·        We meet two new members of the crew a handsome rare male bodied asari named Andrew Gray who is a gifted engineer and Alexis
  Feilding a short perky blond with a fiery personality and who knows how to handle a blow torch.
• ·        
  In the teams seemingly easy first mission they encounter a Trayzor at a Cerberus facility, and realize that the war is already at their doorstep.
• ·        
  The war outside the veil of our universe has just begun and Shepard is the only one who can lead the battle against the Trayzor.

If you are interested in more here is a link to my blog post sharing, in story format, the encounter of Shepard and her team with the Trayzor.  Of course I will re-write this to fit a script format and for a male/female Shepard role.

http://social.biowar...41/blog/233256/

Thank you for your time and consideration.  I appreciate your opinions, ideas, and thoughts…even if they might be hard to read. 


Story is King  
[*]If I've put this in the wrong place let me know.  I can move it.  I'm new to the forums.  Thanks. 

[NOD-INFORMER37]

I like it, it sorta reminds me of the version of ME4 that I'm making. =D (especially with the multiple universes)

[Bizinha]

good!

Also think of how various dimensions. I think the ME3 end leads us to think that way.

[Arcian]

Some issues:

Mass Effect, for its scientific inaccuracies and the "Rule of cool"-driven plot devices in ME3, has always strived towards a modicum of realism that most other popular sci-fi franchises have not even bothered with. I believe that realism is thrown out the window with the existence of alternate universes, aliens who can dominate our laws of physics, connections between universes, a sentient planet used as a weapon, etc... such tropes are acceptable in really soft sci-fi, but not in ME. That's what I feel, anyway.

Naming the evil aliens Trayzor is something I would advise against. Mostly because it can and probably will be confused for Traynor.

Is there a reason for Andrew Gray's human name?

You mention Zaieil's people have watched our universe fight and lose against the Reapers for countless of cycles, waiting for us to become strong enough to partake in the war in their universe. How have Zaieil's people managed to survive all this time against the Trayzor and their masters? Why do they even need Shepard and the people from his/her universe if they've managed to survive alone thus far?

Good luck with the project.

[Aarch_Aangel]

I agree with Arcian about the male asari's name, it's too human. Same thing about Trayzor sounding too close to Traynor. Otherwise, your writing is far better than anything I could come up with.

[MrStoob]

Indeed, the asari would have an asari name, regardless of 'gender'.  I'd hope that gets fleshed out somewhat, culturally.

Are the nation of Traynors going to hit our galaxy?  What reason has our galaxy to throw itself into an inter-universal/dimensional war in the wake of the Reaper war?  I don't personally have a problem naming them 'Trayzors' but then again, I can differentiate between an 'N' and a 'Z'...

Modifié par MrStoob, 09 juin 2013 - 10:40 .

[Aarch_Aangel]

MrStoob wrote...

Indeed, the asari would have an asari name, regardless of 'gender'.  I'd hope that gets fleshed out somewhat, culturally.

Are the nation of Traynors going to hit our galaxy?  What reason has our galaxy to throw itself into an inter-universal/dimensional war in the wake of the Reaper war?  I don't personally have a problem naming them 'Trayzors' but then again, I can differentiate between an 'N' and a 'Z'...

Yea yea, I was thinking of those who have that rare hearing impediment where 'Z' sound like 'N'

[ilego]

One of my friends on Xbox Live came up with this great idea for ME4 do it as a prequel to ME1 Where you play as the first 3 council races and see how they started out as well as how they got there and found the Citadel. I then suggested we make the DLC be all the wars for example: Turian unification war, quarian/geth morning war, Krogan Rebellions and Rachi War. These are just a few I like the idea, but personally I LOVE Tali so much as long as I get to romance a quarian female or play as a quarian I don't care.

[frito_tha_3rd]

I love sarusshepards story and idea and as for the rest of you I agree to 99% of what you guys want and feel should be in the new mass effect. But..... one thing that I feel that bioware is right and yet wrong for doing is not making Shepard the main character ...that is actually a good thing however taking him completely out of the new story is dead wrong... I think they should make him a counselor so he could still be in the story. Mass effect without Shepard ' s envolvement is the worst thing they could do. Now if he/she was to be brought in as a counselor in which the player could create to resemble their own Shepard from previous and then bring in a whole new set of now 100% creatable characters of not just a human but all races in the galaxy. Make @sarusshepards story be the new story or plot with the minor changes add 2 player co-op campaign in which a person can play with a friend plus a follower to command at there choosing from their recruited team and the second player can join and do the same. Make the recruiting roster bigger as to making the game more realistic now if you have a follower they can be injured, critically wounded, or killed in action. If critically wounded then they are put on recovery time for a certain amount of time. Relationships should be beefed up for both sees customizable and upgradable armor, weapons, and vehicles. We should be able to purchase other vehicles and ships as well. I have a long list of things to add but I would like to know what others think of this so far.

[EffectStyle]

For the next Mass Effect parallel view on the war where we can input aware chose from ME1, 2 and 3. So we can see them for a person effected bye thews chooses we make in the sires.

For the Ending make it so only we can input the destroy ending like a real the rest of them are reaper plot so they will win.

In the Series we have some kind Race Nationalistic ideals of all recess so make it the Council vote the be disbanded and new organization take over but whit the ideal of equality of all races, and the human push for this after the epic fail to recognize the threat of the reapers. The Humans are the only ones who push for united front to fight the reapers (all other race try to make something on they one and fail). The new Council can have his one fleets not answer in from the other races ore governments but supported bye them.

Made of man who works in common purpose not agents a shared enemy(I`ts easy to come together for a comment enemy what i`ts hard i to come together for common goal).

The first part you may ignore i`ts just a idea but the second part i thing is the important.

Mass Effect i`ts was hard Science and i like this but in 3 was a bit soft, the only thing that was fantasy was the Mass Effect Field.

Also in the Series was full whit whit cliches and i do like this bocce it was good made and in the 3 was some good but most of them war very bad and not prophet for the situation.I have not see what was wrong to have a cliche for a ending like Star Wars Episode VI - Return of The Jedi 1983, Babylon 5 - 4x06 - Into The Fire, Far Scape - The Peacekeeper Wars (2004), Stargate - The Ark of Truth was a good version on this things ore something like this, appropriate ending for the seating of the universe bio ware made.