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Mass Effect Group Story: The Battle at London Discussion Thread


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#1851
sH0tgUn jUliA

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Kel, that's not the point. What we've written is barely in the rough draft stage. For an exercise I put all of my stuff together and tried to make a cohesive story out of it. I fit some of yours and some of Redbelle's in it and of course gave credit where credit is due. Then I did finished the story. I downloaded the demo of Smart Edit and did some serious editing for the duration of the demo. I added a few things to flesh out my protagonist, and smoothed out some chapter transitions, and it's a 138,000 word story from start to finish. It's with my beta readers right now being read, edited again and proofread. I think I got all of the major stuff. I fixed all of the overuse of certain phrases, words, and things like that so that the narrative flows better. I fleshed out descriptions, and did all that stuff as an exercise. This is still a rough draft. When I get it back and fix the mistakes it will be a semi-final draft. Unfortunately that's where it's going to remain when it gets published on fanfiction.net. 

 

Don't get me wrong. I had a lot of fun doing this. It was an education of what it takes to write a story. This was not easy.

 

Mass Effect 1-3 were final published copies. But why does that happen in ME3? It's the intro through when you arrive on The Citadel. It's horribly written for the most part with the exception of Mars. Mars has a couple of glitches they hope you don't notice: 1) If you're playing femShep none of the Cerberus soldiers are female so how does Shepard expect Cerberus to buy that? They don't. 2) You and Liara stand and watch Ashley get the crap beat out of her and do nothing. Liara could have at least thrown a Stasis on Eva. Cutscene Derp. In fact why didn't Liara throw a stasis as soon as Eva got out of the shuttle? "Finish her!" Choppy unconvincing dialogue at The Citadel. Extremely bad editing.



#1852
Kel Riever

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I guess I'm still kind on some fronts as opposed to others.  ME1 was enjoyable, and the best in the series, despite everything.  Now, you would expect things to improve from that point.  I don't think ME2 was better, but it had really fun moments and I made the excuse, "Well, it isn't as good, but they could bounce back from that if they learn something."  And then...well, we know what happened in ME3.

 

And yes, I don't think it is really sticking yourself out on a limb to say that the writing could have been done better than plenty of people with at least average skill when it comes to that ending.  But I'm going to point my gun squarely at that.  I don't really think, honestly, with writing like that, the authors can handle a complex criticism...it is beyond a certain capacity.

 

Let me move back to our story, though, which is way more important to me.

 

To me, I wanted to get something done for the weekend, which would have been unusual, but fun.  Of course that is exactly what didn't happen and likely won't.  My goal is to get those missiles launched asap which will take 1 or 2 entries, and that is it.  BUT let me please clarify...the thanax missiles as far as I can tell fired from Shepard bring down a destroyer or Harbringer?  I thought a destroyer.  and I'm talking canon here, not what we are going to do.  Honestly I don't want to even YouTube it to find out, just want to know.

 

Thanks.  And yes, I'm going to do my best to have this thing go awesomely.



#1853
sH0tgUn jUliA

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Thanix missiles take out the destroyer. What I'm guessing is that you guys are going to provide one hell of a distraction. I'm not buying the "you have to draw the reaper closer" bull****, because they're forgetting that the missile guidance systems are shielded, unless they weren't due to the rule of derp as an excuse for the final boss fight against a horde of reapers while dodging reaper fire. So...you distract it and get it to open it's ocular beam, and we'll fire those missiles and kill it. It's been firing its secondary weapons up until now. So provide a real threat, and I'll have Shepard's team take it out. EDI is right there and can lock use her advanced AI for better accuracy.

 

Once the reaper is down it is going to really cause Harbinger to focus on that action. Now it's up to you guys if Harby calls in another reaper to focus on Steiner and crowd, but I've got an idea that is going to get us out of that stupid Normandy/Shuttle scene. Then you knew I would. See your PMs.



#1854
sH0tgUn jUliA

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Redbelle, this was my inspiration for Wyld going to the beam..., but do it the way you're going to do it. 

 

machete-o.gif



#1855
Redbelle

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First, Naomi vent's her frustrations on Zia.....

 

Next?

 

Harvy!



#1856
Kel Riever

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Go kill that dragon!

#1857
Redbelle

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Redbelle, this was my inspiration for Wyld going to the beam..., but do it the way you're going to do it. 

 

machete-o.gif

I think what I have is similar but relies more on utter stupidity and manic resolve to acheive the same effect, ala swordfish.



#1858
Redbelle

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I'm sitting down to put the girls in mortal jepody later. Wylds going to be getting high dealing with it <Tease>



#1859
Kel Riever

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One more entry for missile launch, sorry. 



#1860
Redbelle

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Not a problem. I'll fit the rush in where-ever it comes.

 

Not been able to write alot today. So much to do. I might be putting a hammock in the back garden tomorrow



#1861
Redbelle

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Next part up and Wylds back. And a reunion with her squad is immenant. 50 km above the Earths surface



#1862
Kel Riever

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I like todays entry.

 

So for me, the more 'days off' I have...this one meaning yesterday, today, Easter and Monday.

 

The less time I have to concentrate to write.  So thanks to those 'holidays' I won't get around to BAL until Tuesday.



#1863
Redbelle

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That gives me time to bring the trio back down to Earth..... but there's a problem.

 

Who was Wyld talking to when she said, 'Your in charge......'? She never got to finish the sentence.



#1864
Redbelle

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More from Wyld later this week. Beingt he last day of the holiday I've been packing work into the day. I now have seeds sown!



#1865
Kel Riever

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well, I'll be getting my next part of BaL tomorrow. Did CS today...it was a quick one.



#1866
Redbelle

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The girls have escaped, I'm tempted to go for a Lucy post next.



#1867
sH0tgUn jUliA

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Reaper flambee.



#1868
Redbelle

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Quick post



#1869
Redbelle

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Ground control reporting. The Wyld has landed! I repeat! The Wyld, has landed!



#1870
sH0tgUn jUliA

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Wyld to the beam?



#1871
Kel Riever

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tomorrow ill get something else up



#1872
Redbelle

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Me too. I'll be putting CS to bed for a bit so I can focus on the Wyld rush.

 

Meanwhile, in CS, I give you the gift of piano.



#1873
Kel Riever

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Yes I saw that and pm'd you my compliments

#1874
Redbelle

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It's a good thing I have Kelly Chamber's down as a character on the Citadel to work with because Wyld and Zia are fast developing...... issues.



#1875
Redbelle

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Aaaaaand Baldurjacks back.

 

This wasn't quite how I envisioned bringing him back into the fray, but needs must. And now he's giving Wyld a quick lift to the front lines. Where's he's always wanted to go :)