Part 18
Moira woke up alone in the bed and sat up. At first, she was startled, groggily looking around, wondering what was missing and where was she? The events of last night came back and she giggled to herself again over Cullenâs noisy deflowering. And then remembered Zev holding her to keep her warm. She flopped back down on her back and covered her face with her hands. Sheâd made this choice already, what in the Makerâs name was wrong with her? There was a reason she was wearing one of Alistairâs shirts, for Andrasteâs sake! Sheâd woken a couple times in the night to feel him at her back, his arms cradling her. She pounded her fists and heels into the bed, angry with herself.
She needed to get her head on straight before she actually broke her friendâs heart. Again. She wasnât stupid, she knew it had hurt him when sheâd told him it would never work between them. But heâd remained friendly anyway. She supposed it had helped that she hadnât gone directly to Alistairâs bed after breaking up with Zevran. Alistair had still been ridiculously shy and adorably awkward about his feelings for her, asking Wynne and Lelianna how to approach her when he thought she wasnât listening. Zevran had been hard and harsh with her despite her seeking her fellow elfâs comfort at night, telling her about the effects of poisons and his escapades as an assassin. It had been thrilling but frightening to her with her Tower-sheltered existence. She was beginning to realize now that heâd just been pushing her away, though. And sheâd obliged him. But now, he was not behaving like a friend, as he had all this time since the day sheâd left him, since the Blight had ended. He was acting like a man in love.
She climbed down out of the bed, shucking off Alistairâs shirt and throwing it up on top of the covers. She padded over the cold wood deck to her chest with all the dresses in it. Black would suit her mood today, she was definitely feeling irritated. She was irritated at Alistair for leaving without her. She was irritated at Zevran. She was irritated at Isabella and Cullen, too, for good measure. And of course, the dress she wanted wasnât on top. Or even the second one to the top. She finally found it on the bottom of the trunk. As she stood up, she heard the door shut gently, and she spun, clutching the dress to her chest. The door was closed, but a steaming bowl sat on the table. Zevran. She threw the dress on over her head, and reached back to hold it closed, rushing out the door to catch him before he went back on deck.
She found him in the passageway and wordlessly, dragged him back to the cabin. She spun to face him. Heâd put a blue woolen tunic over the pants heâd slept in. âWhy didnât you say something? How long were you there?â
The assassin grinned, âMy dear Warden, I didnât wish to disturb your getting dressed.â
She thought about making him talk to her about how he felt, but decided that was only going to make things worse. She just smiled back at him, âThank you for breakfast, Zevran. Would you mind tying me up?â She lifted her hair and presented her back to him. She knew what sheâd said; she was trying to make him laugh.
âOh, you mean the dress? How cruel,â he chuckled. She felt his strong deft fingers begin to tighten the laces.
âHas Cullen made it to the land of the conscious, yet?â She draped her hair over her shoulder and pulledthe dress around her torso so he could tighten it enough.
âNot since I came down here. Remind me to not get dresses with stays anymore, please?â he tugged roughly on the laces.
She grunted, âDonât buy me anymore dresses,â she reminded him.
âNot quite what I meant, my Warden,â he finished the last loop and tied the laces together. She felt his lips brush her bare shoulder before he released her.
She spun to look at him, angry, âWhat are you doing?â
Zevran was startled, and his mind went blank, unable to conjure a jest that would diffuse her temper. He rarely gave in to impulse and now, with her, heâd done it twice. Had seeing her crouched over the trunk in her underwear affected him so greatly that he had no self control? She swung her hair back off her shoulder with a practiced twist of her head and advanced on him, her finger poking him in the chest until he backed up against the wall.
âWhat are you trying to do, Zev? As you once told me, you are no cheat. And neither am I. I belong to him, with him. We are rushing to save his life, remember?â He couldnât answer her. Her blue eyes flashing in anger, her raven hair cascading down her back, her cheeks flushed with anger, all of it made him speechless and made his mouth run dry. But she was right, Alistair was his friend, too. His oaths may have only been to Moira, but he did owe Alistair his friendship. He stayed pinned against the wall, staring at her, struggling to keep his face blank. She shook her head at him and stormed out of the cabin, slamming the door behind her, her Mabari at her heels. Zevran slid down the wall into a crouch, putting his face in his hands, trying to regain his composure, his hard-won coldness. Block by block, brick by brick, he rebuilt his walls, but even then, he knew they were merely a façade, an easily toppled, easily undermined sham.
Moiraâs stomach reminded her sheâd forgotten her breakfast in her cabin. Isabella greeted her, dismissing her crewmen she was giving orders to. âI trust you slept well, Sweetness?â
âI trust you didnât,â Moira grinned, though it was short-lived.
âI donât know where you find these boys, my dear, but please hook me up with your supplier,â Isabella stretched, self-satisfied. She noticed Moiraâs expression, âLet me guess, your assassin is up to his old tricks?â
âOld tricks?â Moira asked, looking around for somewhere more private than right outside her cabinâs windows. She began walking toward the prow of the ship. âNo, Iâve seen his old tricks. Heâs not acting like himself.â
Isabella nodded, but waited till they were out of earshot of the cabin to reply, âI saw that. And I apologize for my part in that. And Iâm sure, as soon as he can walk,â the amusement in her voice was plain, âCullen will, too.â They reached the prow and the two women turned to look at one another, leaning on the railing. Isabella brushed an errant curl out of Moiraâs eyes. It was an odd gesture, but Moira let it pass for now. Isabella continued, âBe careful with him, Moira.â Moira blinked at the use of her given name, she thought Isabella hadnât really known it, hence the constant âSweetness.â âIâm not sure he knows which end is up right now.â
Moira nodded, looking out to the horizon. She didnât suffer from seasickness, fortunately, but the bobbing horizon was slightly unsettling. âIâm trying to. But weâre sharing a cabin.â
âWell, Iâd offer to let you sleep in mine, Sweetness, but Iâm having too much fun with your Templar,â Isabella laughed.
âPlease stop calling him that,â Moira said, her mouth twisting in irritation. âHeâs not âmine.ââ
âHeâs your recruit, is he not? Then heâs yours. Whether you take him to bed or not,â Isabella pointed out.
Moira squinted into the early morning sunlight, âWell, I think I have enough problems in the âtaking men to bedâ area, Isabella. I donât need more.â
Isabella leaned on the railing with both elbows, looking out at the horizon, âI almost envy you, my dear. Many people go their whole lives never finding even one person to fall in love with who loves them back. And you have two. â
âI donât â Iâm not â,â Moira began.
Isabella waved her hand, interrupting the mage, âYes, you do and you are. I had fun with your Alistair and you, and Zevran was a joy in the brief time he was with me, despite him killing the husband I didnât love. However, Alistair barely looked at me while were all together and Iâve never seen Zevran watch anyone the way he watches you. By the way, you really are worth watching in that color. And where did you get that dress?â
Moira felt her cheeks redden, âZevran bought this and a few other dresses for me in Highever.â
Isabella laughed, âThat man does have it bad, if heâs buying you clothes! He has excellent taste, by the way. In clothes and women.â
âSpeaking of clothes, I donât suppose you have any pants and shirts I could borrow? He hid all mine,â Moira told her ruefully, changing the subject; it had taken a turn for the uncomfortable. Sheâd hoped Isabella would have been able to aid her in figuring out what to do with her friend, but the captain hadnât been of any assistance. Hopefully, the pirateâs exertions with Cullen would prove more helpful.
âYouâre joking! â Isabella replied, âNo, I can see youâre not. Iâve got a cabingirl about your size, Iâll see if she has any spare clothes. Weâll be docking in Antiva City, soon, though. We need supplies and cargo for Minrathrous. You can buy new clothes there.â
Moiraâs stomach grumbled loudly and the Mabari whined, âI donât suppose thereâs still breakfast left? And a bone for Perrin?â Antiva City, great. She wondered if the old contract was still out on her and Alistair.
Isabella turned her head at the change in subject and the noise Moiraâs stomach made, âI see the Grey Warden appetite is not false, then.â
Moira put her hands to her stomach, âNo, itâs not. Mabaris either.â
Isabella and Moira went to get the Grey Warden some more breakfast and to find a bone for Perrin. Safely sitting cross legged on deck out of the way of the busy crew, Moira and Perrin ate their breakfast. She was still seated, however, so that she could see the door to the cabins. She was waiting to see if Zevran would come out so she could apologize for getting so upset. However, Zevran wasnât the first to emerge into the swiftly growing daylight. Cullen stepped out into the bright morning sunlight, squinting. She smiled, watching Isabella hurry over to greet him. The pirate captain ran her fingers up along the young manâs jawline and into his hair and pulled his mouth to hers for a good morning kiss. Moira felt compelled to look away, though, as Cullen pulled the older woman close to him, his hands on the small of her back and Isabellaâs other hand travelled down to grab Cullenâs ass. She scratched Perrin behind the ears, studiously ignoring her friendsâ display of open lust.
She ate the last bit of porridge in her bowl and set it aside as a shadow fell on her. She looked up, squinting into the sunlight. Zevran stood in front of her, hands on his hips, scowling down at her. She stood up, to meet him on equal ground, before he could crouch down to her level. âIsabella told me weâll be stopping over in Antiva City for supplies and cargo.â
He cursed in Antivan, âAnd I suppose youâll want to disembark there, then?â It was going to be a nightmare protecting her in the heart of Crow territory. Especially since Cullen wasnât yet up to either of their standards.
Moira shrugged, âI need clothes other than dresses, Zev. I canât train in a dress and I am sorely out of shape.â
Zevran blinked. âThen I apologize for getting rid of your clothes.â
Moira didnât want him to apologize for kissing her, either time. She knew heâd come out here to apologize, but she was going to sweep everything under the carpet. She was getting to be better at that than he was. She wasnât sure what she really wanted from him, other than his friendship, but an apology for how he felt wasnât called for in the least. âIâve arranged to borrow some clothes from one of Isabellaâs crew. We can at least get some practice in before we dock in Antiva City.â
Zevran turned to look at Cullen and Isabella still kissing their good mornings, âI see Cullen enjoyed his education last night.â
Moira laughed humorlessly, âIsabella said he was a good student.â