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You'll get what you didn't want
You'll never get what you want
You'll always be just short on credits so you can't buy the pack you want
You'll always get nothing in your packs when you do have the credits
except ammo, mostly just explosive and cryo rounds
and some stability consumables, which are somewhat more useful
Sometimes, your pack will bug out and you'll get nothing
not that you would have gotten anything anyway
You'll have to wait at least 30 seconds before opening new packs
because of the arsenal pack and reserves pack
even when you don't buy them
In General
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If a player has no medi-gel, they'll get matched up with you
They will also have no rockets
And no Ops Packs
But they will have thermalclips maxed out, and no, they will not use a grenade class
The pizza will always fail to reach the EZ
Sometimes it will enter another dimension
Other times, someone goes afk with it
The escort drone will fall through the map
If it doesn't, it will go through no less than 3 enemy spawns
And it will take its time and go in circles
(do you like the infinite enemies?)
The hack will always be in the worst place possible
between three spawns right outside the hack
And you can't block them all
Devices will always be in areas where you can be shot from an infinite number of angles
you will be downed
even in cloak
even if you make it, no amount of rage-rockets will mend your pride
Random players will always bleed out
without tapping the "ACTION!" button
Random players will never use rockets
or medigel
or soft cover
People will use explosive rounds only and ready up
or drill rounds with projectile weapons
or cryo rounds
You will die from lag.
even on-host
and your medigel key will bug out
and you'll bleed out instantly
And something you never even saw will have somehow mysteriously executed you
You will never have a good enough connection to the host to use projectile weapons off-host
ever, at all, as it will always go down the tubes when you need your shots to hit
Your PUGs will always be dead
You will spawn in, and everyone will be dead
including you, as you'll already have bled out
There will always be 8 enemies
You will be sync-killed upon joining in a game in progress
Because you deserved it
By a Geth Prime
On wave 3
The enemy always has ungodly accuracy, even when shooting from the hip
They never miss
but you will
Your missile will go through the floor
or do no damage
or fail to launch
or be blocked by a teammate
Your Ops pack will fail to save you
at least you look pretty on the floor
Your thermal clip pack will work
but only when you're at full ammo and grenades
except if you're a talon :'(
The host will always leave, and everyone will disconnect, leaving you alone
at least you keep your consumables, right?
most of the time
and no one will join in
You will be disconnected.
on wave 11
if not, it will be after you finish an objective
You will be downed in the EZ as you finish your sprint to it
and there will be only 2 seconds left
and you will rage-gel, animation cancel, and get sync-killed so it was all for naught
The player with a fancy banner will get downed early at least one time
on wave 1
Enemies will spawn right behind you
and immediately fire even if they aren't fully spawned in
You will get an invincible enemy
And nothing will stop it
Cerberus
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That trooper will drop a grenade at his feet when you start your heavy melee
Not using melee? Perfectly timed grenade goes off without an indicator at your feet anyway
And then all of them will rush to stomp you
That centurion exists only to validate the existence of smoke defeating mods
and to frustrate you
only hit indicators will help you
Combat engineers will always deploy a turret
especially at chokepoints
often they will place multiple turrets
Not that it matters, since one unseen is overkill anyway
Combat engineers will also bum rush you
and they will take you by surprise
Nemesis snipers will be annoying
except when there's three of them and all of them fire
then you have a bad day
Atlas mechs will always spawn in your way
their four shot burst often misses
if it does, then they'll use their rockets on you with their DoT
which never misses, ever.
and you will suffer
Phantoms do everything
like kill you, and kill you some more
dat palm cannon
if you get close, they'll start a slash and interrupt it for an immediate sync-kill
Taking down even the toughest krogan because reasons
if you ops pack, she'll just slash and stagger you to death if you don't evade
Then you will be downed
And the phantom will camp your body
And teabag
And you'll rage-gel to kill the phantom
And then get sync-killed for real
Think you can shoot that phantom? Nope, cartwheel and ninja flip!
Think you can hit her with powers? Nope, bubble of awesomeness
at least then you can shoot her
unless she does both
at the same time
Going to try that hitscan weapon on host? You already lost.
Dragoons will always sprint at you
Firing the entire time
even while stunned or rolling
and dead
They will whip you and smash cancel
while shooting you at the same time
downing you in a short period of time
and then insta-stomp you
Collectors
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Collector troopers will hit you and ignore shield and healthgate with their insane DPS and RoF
This includes captains
especially posessed versions
posessed captains have the highest DPS in the game
Abominations will always explode
and it will hit at least one person
all because they have that stupid gait that makes it harder to hit their heads
Posessed abominations will always wander into the hack zone
or any zone where everyone is at
and you'll all die
Scions will hit you due to splash damage
Thank your teammate's generosity
Posessed scion's grenade volleys will detonate on impact
Unless you're off-host, then you won't see anything
Then you'll just die!
Praetorians will survive your rocket
especially that posessed one
It's eye beams will get you through cover
and you will instantly die
Its homing rockets will also do that
but they'll never ever miss
Its bubble will always get activated
and block your powers
It will also stagger you to death with its melee denying any chance of survival
it will also interrupt itself to sync kill you: two different ways
with its rear end, because logic
it will also shoot everything else out its rear end
and every other point on its body as well
Collector Webs will always be in your way
Seeker swarms and seeker plagues will follow you and kill you
up ladders
through walls
out of the map ( I wish)
on the extraction shuttle
into space
traveling through time
also you won't be able to roll out of the splash damage range
Geth
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The trooper's gun is always better than your best assault rifle
despite the fact that the Geth Pulse Rifle leaves much to be desired in your hands
The rocket trooper will always fire a rocket at you
most often more than two at once
as soon as it spawns
from across the map
with perfect accuracy
and you will be stunlocked
and shot to death
The Hunter will always sneak up on you
It will always double shot
usually preceded by an elbow of doom
if you survive that, the pyro will get you
The Pyro will burn you to death
even though you won't notice it when it's too late
especially off-host
and also because the attack is longer than the animation
You will most often get shot by a hunter when trying to escape
Bombers will drop grenades next to you
Why? Because your PUG buddies can't hold the fort without you
Oh, and they spawned behind you for lulz
Enjoy the tazer
Primes will always spawn turrets through walls
on top of each other
They will also shoot you with aimbot accuracy, like every other Geth
The turret will still kill you faster
Think you're safe because you ran away from both of them?
Go, go, Prime Drone!
And then you get stunlocked
And then destroyed
Reapers
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Husks will always hump you when least convienent
Like when a cannibal chucks a grenade at your feet
or the ravager is aiming at you
Or a brute is charing you
Or all three!
Cannibals will always be out to lunch
otherwise they lob perfectly aimed grenades
Marauder Shields will always elbow you, shoot you and insta-stomp you
He will also save you from the banshee
And then insta-stomp you before you can medigel
He will always appear when you least expect it
Like, around corners and stuff
Ravagers will always take aim at you when you least realize it
not that it matters as you'll probably die far more often to their goo
Which is supposed to stop your shields from regenerating, not just kill you outright
oh well... I suppose the avenger is deadly on full auto, right?
Swarmers will get you
Period.
They are the true Reaper boss.
So, you'll commit suicide.
Brutes will crush you after they die
Even though their death animation finished a while ago
It will also healthgate you
And swarmer will get you
Banshees do what they want when they want
mostly off-host only
You will get magnet grabbed off host too
You will never be able to dodge the banshee's blue balls
They will go through walls
Do complete 180 degree turns
as well as infinite degree turns just to get you
across the map
Even though they weren't looking at you
You will also hear their screams even when not playing the game
in your sleep
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Feel free to post your own below!
Modifié par OperatingWookie, 13 juillet 2013 - 11:20 .
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