36 réponses à ce sujet

[VampireSoap]

The coming of Varric the Paragon of Manliness was an event that had been prophesied in dwarven history: an event that would lead to the total destruction of the darkspawns and the reclamation of all the lost thaigs. The citizens of Orzammar, adapted to mere mortal masculinity, could not bear to look upon the sheer radiance of the Paragon. The city wept at the Light of Manliness, weeping collectively, every man, woman and child gathered in the streets, their pale faces staring at the strangers in their midst, as the stones were brightened by the sheer aura of manliness

Most wept as the healing and blissful light projected by the Paragon reflected off the streets into their faces. The Paragon's berserker guards walked in a slow, regal parade. The ground trembled, quite literally, with their rhythmic tread. They walked in great, grinding phalanxes, different formations wearing armor of black, of gold, of royal purple or charcoal gray. These men were giants among dwarves, towering above the tallest city guards, just as the guards towered above the citizens of Orzammer. Leading the giants was a sun incarnated in dwarven skin; a god in a dwarf's flesh; his manliness uncontainable in a sheath of flesh and bone. Those brave enough to look upon Him directly were blinded for daring to gaze at His raw sex appeal. Those afflicted spent the rest of their lives sightless but for the image of the living dwarven sex god flash-flamed into their dead retinas. At the end of the broad road leading to Bhelen's palace in the Diamond Quarter, the King stood, waiting for the Paragon to approach.

Pass the enormous stone gates of the glorious thaig of Orzammar, in the hall of our honorable ancestors, there stands a magnificent statue with an inscription so earnest that Endrin Stonehammer himself would be moved:

"And long there he stood, an image of the paragon of manliness in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world."
Nah, I'm just messing with you guys  I'm sooo interested in what's going to happen to Varric in DAI. He's like...the only cool guy in Hawke's merry band.

Modifié par VampireSoap, 20 septembre 2013 - 10:58 .

[Rawgrim]

They couldn`t make a statue. No rock was hard enough to portray his chest hair properly.

[KiwiQuiche]

It would be too intense. People would be blasted by the sheer aura of manliness the instant they stepped into the Hall of Heroes and would blind all visitors.


Besides, it would diminish the other paragons.

[Dio Demon]

 They did and then comes the start of inquisition. 

[VampireSoap]

KiwiQuiche wrote...

It would be too intense. People would be blasted by the sheer aura of manliness the instant they stepped into the Hall of Heroes and would blind all visitors.

Besides, it would diminish the other paragons.

Oh man! Ordinary mortals will have to put on safety goggles before entering the hall...

Modifié par VampireSoap, 19 septembre 2013 - 11:08 .

[Br3admax]

 We can't handle that much Varric, unfortunantly. The statue ripped from reality and caused the tear in the Veil. 

[azarhal]

I think some people missed that Varric was born top-side and as such have less value than a casteless to the dwarves...even his chest hair (beside it must be genetic, I bet there is a dwarven contest in Orzammar about chest hair).

[Star fury]

Varric is a dirty surfacer, thus doesn't deserve anything from true dwarves.

Modifié par Star fury, 19 septembre 2013 - 11:42 .

[Xilizhra]

I think "manliness" is a stupid concept and have never kept track of what allegedly indicates it, but the man's in an intimate relationship with a crossbow. Does that count?

[VampireSoap]

simfamSP wrote...

It would be too much too handle. Social reforms would ensue... sooner or later, the Temple of Varric will rise and retake the Thaigs with Crossbows of fire, each marked with trashy white-girl names. The chantry, overthrown, and the Maker shall be banished from this world in a new era of chest hair and ear-piercings.

Oh, maker have mercy upon my soul...I can't stop laughing

[Lotion Soronarr]

Xilizhra wrote...

I think "manliness" is a stupid concept and have never kept track of what allegedly indicates it, but the man's in an intimate relationship with a crossbow. Does that count?

To understand manliness you need to go no further than to gaze upon these paragons:














And of course, the essence of all manliness:

Modifié par Lotion Soronnar, 19 septembre 2013 - 12:34 .

[Fast Jimmy]

OP:

I would say... how do you know there isn't?

We haven't been to Orzammar since DA:O, after all.

[Xilizhra]

To understand manliness you need to go no further than to gaze upon these paragons:

So, muscular, stupid, overrated, insufferably smug and sometimes Republican shills? I don't think Varric fits that.

Modifié par Xilizhra, 19 septembre 2013 - 12:38 .

[Lotion Soronarr]

Varric isn't manly enough to sit at the table of the gods of manliness.

As for you Xil...

Modifié par Lotion Soronnar, 19 septembre 2013 - 01:16 .

[VampireSoap]

Lotion Soronnar wrote...

Varric isn't manly enough to sit at the table of the gods of manliness.

As for you Xil...

Varric's at least demigod level :wub: Mere mortals like you and I can only dream to have 1/10 of his manliness...

[Beerfish]

Okay next up on the docket is Varric, is he worthy of being a Paragon? What has he done.

- Consorted with the champion of kirkwall that did the following:
Helped blow up a chantry, fostered a war between mages and templars, got the Qunari all pissed off with the surfacers. Discovered Red Lyrium that makes every one go bonkers. Stirred up dark spawn during his expedition into the deep roads.

But he does have grand chest hair.

APPROVED!

[Dio Demon]

VampireSoap wrote...

Lotion Soronnar wrote...

Varric isn't manly enough to sit at the table of the gods of manliness.

As for you Xil...

Varric's at least demigod level :wub: Mere mortals like you and I can only dream to have 1/10 of his manliness...

Varric is the Maker Himself, everything resides in his Chest Hair, Thedas and even the Fade itself.

Note: For now on when regarding to Varric's Chest Hair the C and H must be capitalised. Bianca Verse 1 Stanza 11

[VampireSoap]

The dwarves will probably put it to a vote, and anyone who casts a dissenting vote risks being savagely hacked to death by his fellow deshyrs

[Cainhurst Crow]

VampireSoap wrote...

The dwarves will probably put it to a vote, and anyone who casts a dissenting vote risks being savagely hacked to death by his fellow deshyrs

Just another day at the aassembly. 

[DiebytheSword]

simfamSP wrote...

Lotion Soronnar wrote...

Varric isn't manly enough to sit at the table of the gods of manliness.

As for you Xil...

*snip*

Pfft. Barley a hair on that chest

By the time you had complained about the lack of hair to him, you would already be dead.

[Aolbain]

What do you think he's been doing since da2? Behlen blew the entire state budget on the biggest frakin' statue he could find.

Modifié par Aolbain, 19 septembre 2013 - 04:08 .

[Arthur Cousland]

I don't see Orzammar making a surface dwarf, who's never stepped foot in Orzammar, a paragon, not that I'd have a problem with it.