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[Silent 1]

Meanwhile Cullen randomly died...

Our heroine decided to devote herself to traveling the land spreading news and awareness of a new realm beyond the Fade she discovered by sticking her head in an Eluvian. This new realm was The Internet. Naive as she was she wandered into a land called tumblr and made it her mission to help others discover this wonder...

[UC SIM]

Realising that she had totally broke immersion for all the people of Thedas who did not want to know about the internet she set out on a new quest.

She would hack and attack until the internet was set for a reset...

The killing blow came quick slicing through the thick of it. The Internet was no more! Now lets get back to the lore!

[Little Princess Peach]

The lore was in place and the elves came face to face with the Inquisition, "oh looks shiney armor" one said and the elder of the tribe asked the femquistion if she wanted some pie, little did she knew it was veggy pie the worst kind in all of the realm

[TKavatar]

Luckily it happened to be the Inquisitor's favourite kind of pie, and she took it with thanks.
But she got dizzy all of a sudden - the pie was poisoned!

[Reznore57]

One elf came to the rescue screaming "She's too hot , we can't let her die!".
He started to give her mouth to mouth.

[Lotion Soronarr]

And she vomited into his mount. The elf, having swallowed the poison food died.

Then a man on a horse appeared. Or was it a woman?
The Inquisitor asked: "Who are you?"

And the stranger replied: "Why, I am <Charname> of <Background>, the Hero of Ferelden!"

The Inquisitor was perplexed. "Wasn't Ymir the Hero of Ferelden?"

[Reznore57]

"Don't ask" the horse replied and signed.
The Inquisitor sat on a rock and began to cry."I don't even know what the Inquisition is all about!"

Seeing that the elves were busy building a pyre , The Anonymous Hero of Ferelden screamed "Dry your tears , we need to fight".

Not wanting to fry ;the horse ran away without a goodbye.

[maliluka]

with her head spinning, and her stomach churning the femquistior rose unsteadily to her feet wiping the tears from her cheeks she looks at her new savior The Anonymous Hero of Ferelden, with a shaky smile she starts to speak.

"I want my Mommy" the Femquistor cries, then busts out into tears all over again.

And then Elvis walked by

Modifié par maliluka, 25 octobre 2013 - 01:56 .

[Girtuoklis]

Mommy? you want mommy hissed disgusted hero of Ferelden and spit femquistior into face.

[maliluka]

"YES, I want my mommy" yelled back the femquistor.. " She is the third cousins, cousins, cousins, sisters, brothers, nephews, uncles, mothers twice removed cousin, distantly related great-aunt, of none other than Flemeth and she has my goddamn new sword."

[Versus Omnibus]

The Femquisitor shot the Hero of Ferelden the most furious gaze she can. In rage, the Femquisitor raises her thumb to her mouth, bit into it, and in a bright yellow light transforms into a female Titan. The giant roars and swoops the former Warden off the ground.

"Wait! Stop!!" [charname] pleads, but the Titan bites down on the hero's neck.

The Femquisitor chews and swallows [charname] before turning her monstrous gaze upon the elves!

[mousestalker]

"You there, what's your name?" she barked at the cowering flat ears.

"Leah, ma'am" the elf whimpered.

"Leah, take the two other useless elves with you. I want all these grapoes washed and peeled. When your done, bring the boys back oiled and shirtless. The dark one can fan me while the other feeds me grapes. You will read me this book!"

Leah left immediately, crying because she knew that she could not read.

"Now, where was I?" mused the femquisitor.

[UC SIM]

'Wine is fine all the time!' Thought the Inquisitor

'You there, what's your name? - my... my name is shane - ha that rhymes with pain! Do you see these grapes? - yes Ma'am - I wish for you with your own two feet to mush and mash them and after you may take a seat'

And so the elf went without a doubt, working tirelessly as he knew fire was her new curiosity.

An hour went then followed a few.

'Maa' NM M -M'lady I think these be done'

The Inquisitor smiled like a child such was her glee, she set about bottling it up as she went down on one knee.

Modifié par UC SIM, 26 octobre 2013 - 03:01 .

[Versus Omnibus]

She takes a sip of her wine, and sighs in satisfactory over the delicious taste. Leaning back against a nearby tree, the Femquisitor summons another elf with a whistle.

"You: the ginger elf with green eyes! I have a task for you!"

The elf nervously stands at attention. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Have you any warriors in your clan?"

"My lady, we are simply escaped captives from a Tevinter--"

"Excellent! I am in need of allies to fight the invading demons! You're clan's warriors can join me on my noble quest!"

[UC SIM]

The night was upon them, shadows grew ever more bold.
She was sure shades hide in the dark after all this is her art.

Amusingly the Inquisitor had grown quite fond of Tombal and Rhombal
silly names to be sure but they acted as a perfect lure

Acting as bait sealed their fate, alas it was too late!
She had not expected it to be her date.

'Oh Shane! the pain!' The Inquisitor let out invain
when all confusion had subsided they suddenly stood divided...

two weeks later in a distant jungle on the run from what was formally her elven party now possessed by demons... 'HMMMM next time I'll enslave dwarfs and force them to follow me?'

[maliluka]

meanwhile Marilyn Monroe walked by. The King of Ferelden declared the hokey pokey the national dance and Empress Celene' declared that the newest fasion trend was not to wear birds in your hair but to have a peacock on your shoulder....

Now back to the story

[Versus Omnibus]

Meanwhile, deep underground, the Architect stands next to a blackboard before a crowd of recently Awakened Darkspawn.

"Now, repeat after me: hello, how was your day?"

The Darkspawn merely sit there; one even scratching it's head like a monkey. This causes the Architect to pinch his nose in frustration.

"I should be payed for this. Alright, let us try again-"

A loud boom fills the air, the ground shaking under the Architect's feet. Confounded, the talking darkspawn orders his minions to search for the source of the noise.

[Silent 1]

Meanwhile everyone in Thedas got convenient plastic surgery using ancient Tevinter artifacts called "Frostbite Engines." Now the Ugly Era had ended, ushering in a golden age of people who don't look terrible... In the streets everyone rejoiced. Peace was found across the land as Elves, Humans, Dwarves, Qunari, Nugs, Mages, and truly all people found the truest peace... Of Truthiness! Then Everyone in Thedas began to romance everyone...

Meanwhile Hawke... Eh Who cares about Hawke...

[Lotion Soronarr]

Menawhile the Femquisitor, who was now backpedaling a bike and leading an "army" of elven "warriors" ran into another sexuality and facially ambigous stranger on a horse.

"Hello, I am <Charname> of <Background>, Hero of Ferelden."

The femquisitor was baffled. "Didn't I kill you?"

"I reloaded. Besides, there, like.. a million of me going around. At least."

[maliluka]

the femquistor decided now would probably be a good time to write down all of her "odd" exploits lest she forget them as surely no one would ever believe them as well.

[Lotion Soronarr]

And the sexually and facially ambigous Hero of Ferelden started giving her gifts and returning every 5 minutes to talk to her....as if he/she was expecting something to pop up.

[maliluka]

+ 10 approval

[TKavatar]

...after some time...

+ 50 approval

The feminquisitor suddenly started having feelings for the Hero, and kissed him/her full on the lips.
Then the Hero slapped her.

[Lotion Soronarr]

"ups..sorry about that. Wrong mouse click.!"

[maliluka]

not understanding the mixed signals the hero was putting off, first lavishing her with all of these ridiculous and useless gifts. Coming back to talk to her every 5 minutes when clearly she had nothing to say....
Uhm yes could we just move on...

disapproves - 20