To the West
Aedan led the wardens westward for the best part of two days as their wounds healed and they recovered their strength. Late the second day Philippe halted their march and stepped forward to catch his attention. Aedan had been lost in reverie again and looked up surprised when the older warden tapped his armoured shoulder.
Just as Philippe said, “Commander, do you not feel…” he felt it and glanced to the south. Darkspawn. All the wardens were aware of the taint and Aedan mentally shook himself. His eyes passed over Yrisa and he remembered that she was not yet a warden, even though they had been treating her as such. A situation he needed to rectify, much as he loathed the idea of risking her life.
He signaled and as one they drew their weapons and left the road. The darkspawn were moving ahead of them and it was dusk by the time they caught up. It was a short fight and they walked a further hour from the carnage before making camp.
Philippe was hovering at his side that evening and he got the feeling the man wanted to talk, so he invited him to share first watch. He wondered if it was time to tell Philippe why they were heading west and his stomach roiled at the thought of sharing the ritual with yet another person. As soon as the other wardens were settled and the night had turned quiet, Aedan turned to him and said, “What is it you want to talk about, Philippe?”
To his consternation and relief, Philippe replied with, “You need to put Yrisa through the Joining.”
Aedan let his shoulders fall a little as he admitted his fear to the older warden, “I know, Philippe. I am afraid…” he looked up and saw only sympathy in the man’s eyes as he continued, “I wish there were another way…the thought that she might die is sometimes too much to contemplate. We have lost so many people to the darkspawn already.”
Philippe nodded his understanding, but answered, “Aedan, she could die tomorrow, or in our very next battle. She fights valiantly alongside us every time we meet the darkspawn. You should remember it is an honor to be chosen and she would see it as such.”
Aedan sighed softly and nodded his agreement. “You are right, Philippe, of course.” He looked up again, meeting Philippe’s eyes and saying, “Forgive me Philippe…I am too preoccupied to do my duty. Ferelden deserves better.”
Philippe clapped him on the shoulder without saying anything and they spent the rest of their watch in a reflective silence.
The following morning Aedan drew Yrisa aside and took a short walk with her. She seemed to sense his mood and kept her expression neutral as he talked with her about what was expected of a Grey Warden and invited her to take the Joining. When they returned to camp, the other wardens were ready and they all bowed their heads as Aedan spoke the few words that preceded the ritual.
Aedan wanted to close his eyes as he handed the cup to Yrisa, but forced himself to remain calm as she took her sip. He took the chalice from her as she dropped to the ground and held his breath until she stopped twitching and opened her eyes again. She lived.
Aedan felt little relief. He’d only doomed her to a life no one should have to endure. He couldn’t speak for a few moments and could only watch as Taren and Philippe stepped forward to help her up and welcome her formally. With a deep sigh he collected himself and took her hands, welcoming her as a sister and asking after her well being.
As they allowed Yrisa the opportunity to rest and recover the wardens pulled out their gear and engaged in some light sparring matches. They ended up spending the entire day in and around the camp as Aedan realized the wardens needed the opportunity to rest as much as Yrisa did. He brooded.
The wardens continued their journey west the next morning, but were continually pulled south as they sensed darkspawn. They encountered three small bands, the last of which consisted of only four genlocks. Aedan’s growing frustration every time they turned south did not escape Philippe’s notice and when they made camp that evening the senior warden asked him about it.
“What lies in the west, Commander?” The Frostbacks were not currently visible above the tree tops, but it was obvious to all that Aedan was driving them there.
Aedan tried not to growl as he wrestled with the notion of telling Philippe why he needed to go to Haven. His hands were starting to tremble again as he thought of Morrigan and he clamped his lips shut and shook his head, gesturing to Philippe that he needed a moment. He finally ground out, “The answer…” and then shook his head.
He stood up and stalked away from camp, not slowing until he was out of ear shot of his companions before he gave way to some of his anger, kicking at several trees as he passed them. He paused for several minutes, catching his breath, and then returned to camp. Philippe was engaged in conversation with the other two warriors, so Aedan crawled into his bedroll and curled up tightly, feigning sleep until it actually claimed him.
They managed to keep their westerly heading for less than half of the next day before sensing a band of darkspawn to the north this time. They tracked the band until nightfall, but had still not caught up with them. It was a largely sleepless night with the wardens on watch fully armoured and those trying to rest half armoured with weapons clasped loosely in their hands. They finally caught up with the darkspawn not long after dawn and Aedan gave way to his irritation by falling upon the first hurlock before coordinating the rest of the wardens. They were a well seasoned group and they all knew what to do, but he didn’t miss the disturbed looks many gave him when the fight was done.
The task of dealing with him fell to Philippe once again as senior warden. As he approached, Aedan scowled and tried to deflect him, “I didn’t lose control Philippe. I’m still here and very aware of my actions.”
Philippe raised a brow and answered, “You are close, Commander, very close.”
Aedan felt his gut twist and wanted to throw his sword in the dirt and stamp the ground like a child. Instead he said, “Where are they all coming from, Philippe? Why are the darkspawn not returning to the Deep Roads?” As he finished his voice was nearly at a yell.
Philippe answered, “Perhaps only you know the answer to that question.” He paused and gazed at Aedan thoughtfully a moment before asking again, “What lies in the west, Commander?”
Aedan did throw his sword down then, thrusting it point first into the earth before spinning on his heel and stalking off with a low howl. He circled the dead darkspawn before stepping back to reclaim his sword. As he yanked it out of the ground he said to Philippe, his tone level, “My greatest regret, Philippe. My biggest mistake…” the sword came free and he swung it up, causing the older warden to flinch. “My greatest failure!”
Aedan sheathed his sword, grimacing as the dirty blade screeched home and turned away from Philippe.
The darkspawn led them north again the next day and Aedan lost the last vestiges of his control as they cut down a band of hurlocks and genlocks in a small clearing. After uttering his war cry and flying at his first target Aedan felt time slip away from him, only to come to a standstill when Philippe once again knocked him senseless.
As he nursed yet another headache Aedan was not surprised to see fear in the faces of his companions, and deep concern. He did not know which was worse. He felt he was constantly battling himself and losing. He could barely let his thoughts begin to wander in Leliana’s direction without feeling his heart would break. She’d been gone from his life for over three weeks now and he seemed no closer to being reunited with her. He hardly dared to hope she had been found, a possibility that seemed more remote as the days passed. And always in the back of his mind was the drive to go west, to find Morrigan, to right a wrong. Rationally he knew he needed to pull himself together, the wardens needed a leader, but he found it increasingly hard to care.
Kayley sought him out first, stepping away from the huddled wardens to crouch by his side and help him to his feet. Always plain spoken, she said what needed to be said, “Aedan we are all worried about you, but you this self indulgence must stop. We need our Commander.”
Aedan looked down at her, she was by far the slightest member of their order and yet right now she was the bravest. She didn’t even flinch has he raised a hand and dropped it onto her shoulder. He simply replied, “You’re right.” He turned away from her and strode off.
Beckoning Philippe he led the senior warden some distance away before facing him. He looked the older warden in the eyes and tried to start speaking. His voice cracked and he had to clench and unclench his fists before trying again. “The reason I did not die when I slew the arch demon lies to the west Philippe.”
Philippe waited as Aedan continued, “It is a woman, and she is soon to bear my child.”
Philippe’s brows were drawn down in confusion now and he opened his mouth to speak, but Aedan raised a hand and continued, “A child with the soul of an old god.”
Philippe took a step backward, away from him, his confusion turning to horror as he whispered, “What foul magic have you wrought?” Then he added, his eyes widening, “This is not Leliana’s child?”
Aedan shook his head sadly, “No…Morrigan’s. The wilder witch who accompanied us to the Siege of Denerim.”
Aedan rushed on, “So you see why I must head west. I have to finish this. I have to kill…” he paused, feeling slightly sick as he tried to force the words out, “I have to kill this child before it is born and calls to the darkspawn.”
Philippe paled and asked, “Why would you agree to such a bargain? To what purpose?”
Aedan spread his hands and shook his head, “I ask myself that every day, Philippe, every day.” He sighed heavily and said, “At the time it just seemed the right thing to do. I can’t say as I ever cared much for Morrigan, but I trusted her. She promised me the child would not be evil. What can I say, Philippe, I saw a way to guarantee that Alistair…and I…would survive the arch demon.”
Aedan did not add that he saw it as a way to keep Alistair on the throne, or to preserve Ferelden’s only two surviving Grey Wardens. He was not sure if he believed those reasons any more.
Philippe was not taking the revelation well. When he looked at Aedan again, it was as if he no longer knew him. The bewilderment in the older man’s face hurt more than he had thought it might. He had not realized how much he had come to rely on Philippe’s good opinion.
Philippe dropped his head and Aedan stood still, trying not to fidget. He drew a breath and was about to start apologizing to yet another person for his failures when Philippe looked up again and said, “This explains much.”
Aedan rubbed his head and winced as the pounding in his temple only increased. “What I did was wrong. I wake up every day knowing I should not be here and neither should that child. Please, Philippe, we have to go to Haven. Help me make it right.”
Philippe turned toward the mountains, their peaks just visible from the clearing. He gazed at them a long while before turning back toward Aedan. Finally he said, “Though we have tracked south and north, we are still heading west. The darkspawn also appear to be converging on the Frostback Mountains.”
Aedan looked up in surprise and studied the distant peaks. He realized they were indeed closer, “Yes, you’re right, though this only confirms my conviction.”
Philippe nodded, “Yes, it does. What shall we tell the other wardens?”
Aedan allowed his grief and shame to surface and gasped, “Do we have to tell them anything?” before he realized that yes, they had to tell them something.
They settled on an abbreviated version, with Philippe saying only that the witch the Commander believed responsible for the current darkspawn incursion was located in the Frostbacks. Although Kayley and Taren gave him considering looks, the rest of the wardens seemed to attribute his increasingly irrational behavior to the loss of his wife.
Philippe approached him at camp again that night and Aedan tensed. He did not want to discuss the ritual further. He did not want to see any more loss of respect in his senior warden’s eyes. However, it seemed Philippe had something else in mind. He indicated a quiet spot away from the fire and asked Aedan to join him.
“Aedan,” he began and with the use of his given name rather than ‘Commander’, Aedan turned his head to look at Philippe as the man continued, “We need to talk about your attitude in battle, I can’t keep knocking you to the ground.” Philippe’s tone was gentle, but firm.
Aedan felt like a child being talked to by his father and he looked down at his hands before responding, “I am trying, Philippe, but it’s like I have two battles to fight, the one out here and the one in there,” he looked up and tapped his sore head.
Philippe was chewing on his lip, he nodded as if he understood and then said, “You’ve had to make a lot of really hard decisions, but you need to stop blaming yourself for them. You need to stop fighting the battle in there.”
“Who
do I blame then?” Aedan asked.
“It’s not always about whose fault it is, Aedan. It’s what you do next.”
Philippe paused for a moment before continuing, “You have experienced more loss at your age than most men my age. But you should remember that you are not necessarily alone.” Here he swept a hand out to indicate the men and women clustered about the campfire, and then went on more softly, “You can always talk to me, Aedan, and I will always listen.”
Aedan thought wistfully of the last person he’d been able to talk to, Wynne. Before that it had been his father. His father had always had time for every petty concern. The ache in his head intensified and transferred to his chest. They were all gone now, his mother, his father, his wife. He may have even lost Alistair due to his inability to control this anger. He felt the now familiar sting of tears at the corners of his eyes and closed them, not willing to give in to his sorrow.
He heard Philippe shift and looked up to see the older man watching him carefully. Aedan rubbed at his eyes and the movement hurt his head again. Then he started talking. Once he started, he found it hard to stop. Philippe listened to it all.
+++++
Philippe proved right and the darkspawn were heading west. Though the wardens continued to follow small bands back and forth through the forest, by the time they reached the foothills, their path had narrowed. As they climbed the mountains, they had a two day respite from battle, but the taint was all around them. It was so pervasive they could no longer discern direction. The terrain did not lend itself to battle with the steep ground, often covered in loose rock, or the many gorges and sheer cliffs. So they pressed on toward the village of Haven and the darkspawn moved with them.
Aedan began to dream of Morrigan nightly as they climbed the mountains. She was always asleep, but he was aware of her around him and the way her body felt. She slept on her side with her hands curled around her round abdomen. By Aedan’s count she was now close to eight months along and he could feel the stretch of skin about the baby. The dreams left him unsettled. He did not dream of her the night before they arrived in Haven however, and when he awoke, this disturbed him even more. Had she left? Had whoever was coming found her?
The day the wardens arrived in Haven they had awoken to the oppressive feel of the taint. They were everywhere all around them, even if they were as yet unseen. It was on the final approach to the village that they first heard the sounds of battle.
Aedan turned back to Philippe, his eyebrows raised and said, “Do you hear that? Who are the darkspawn fighting?”
Philippe’s expression was equally puzzled as he answered, “Have the brutes fallen upon themselves?”
At Aedan’s signal the wardens drew their weapons and prepared to fight. They split off into their familiar groupings and crept toward the crest of the final hill. The sight that awaited them was nearly enough to cause Aedan to drop his sword. So many darkspawn, and they were not fighting each other. The Orlesian wardens were there and fully engaged in battle.
Modifié par Sisimka, 18 février 2010 - 01:56 .
I'm so happy shes fine! Bah I want to kill Damien *narrows eyes*
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