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[Marioninja1]

This is my first Fanfic, so...yeah. Bioware pretty much owns everything in this Fanfic.
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Chapter 1

I always knew I'd end up being king. I didn't, however, know the twists and turns that road of avoiding it would take me on. I am Bryce, son of Alistair and the legendary 'Warden.' My full name is Bryce Duncan Theirin-Cousland. My Mother named me, and she tends to get her way, so when she wanted my name to be Bryce-after my grandfather- Father couldn't say no.

The legends of my Mother are many and varied. They say many things; here is the few truths: she is a human noble with pale skin and brown hair, she loves my Father, and saved many lives. But back to me, the main character. I frequently skip studies, as nobles and to-be-kings tend to. The oddest things have happened when I was caught, however, such as my Parents buying me a Mabari.

I love my Mabari, although his name is terrible: Morrigan is a very feminine name (I don't know who the namesake is, but I have a feeling the name wasn't given in adoration.) I was playing fetch with that same hound when I was called for. My Mother wanted to see me.

Walking to the garden, specifically made with elegance in mind, with a table surrounded by Andraste's Grace, Roses, and various other flowers, I automatically felt the nobility disgust me. Mother was sitting with a red-headed woman, chatting and laughing at old stories.
"Hello, Mother. I am here." I said with a bow to each lady, and then brushing the long brown hair out of my eyes.
"What a tall young man! He'll soon put Sten to shame!" The red-headed lady said. "I am Leliana." She said, courtsied, and sat back down.
"A pleasure." I said. "Excuse me if I'm too bold, but are you here with the Orlesian royalty?" I asked.
"Why, yes, I am. I teach the princess how to sing. I'm a-or, well, was-a bard." Leliana said.
"I have heard of you, now that I think of it. It is said your singing voice is the best there is." I said, and was surprised when someone started singing. It was a young woman's voice, full of energy. It sounded experience, but there was an edge of naive. It sang a well-known tale, but only a small fraction of the final part. Here is what was sung:

"The Archdemon lay dead
but the Warden still lived.
The taint, 'twas transfered
to an unborn child.
This cursed child is kin to a Witch
that still roams the Thedas Wilds."

Mother's face turned red until she saw who was singing. I turned to see that it was Princess Stephanie who was the singer.
"M'Lady, how I love that ballad! You are using your training well." Leliana praised, clapping.
"Thank you Leliana. Greetings, Lady Cousland-Theirein." Stephanie curtsied, and then looked at me. "Servant, fetch me some water."
"Excuse me?" I said. I realized that I probably did look like a servant, with my long hair and covered in dirt.
"You heard m-" Stephanie began, and Mother said "That is the Prince."
"Oh, a thousand pardons! I did not recognize it was you!" Stephanie said.
"It's okay." I said.
"Bryce, don't you think you should go bathe? It is almost time for lunch." Mother said.
"It is?" I said, bowed to everyone, and ran off to bathe.
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First Fanfic Chapter done. What do you think?

Modifié par Marioninja1, 23 janvier 2010 - 01:41 .

[AdorableAnarchist]

I like the idea of seeing the characters from their progeny's viewpoint. One thing that jarred me several times was the fact that your verb tense kept changing. You'd be describing things in the past tense and then suddenly switch to present. I want to see where you go with this because of the unique viewpoint.

[Marioninja1]

Chapter 2



"We will kill them!" The Dark-haired Dwarf yelled to his eager crowd that had no idea why he was so angry. The crowd was eager because every single well-paid Mercenary and Criminal was full of booze and was surrounded by women of the night. "I have sacrificed my family to ensure our first attack on human nobles will be a string of victories!" After Baralt said this, a Desire Demon walked in through the Fade that had been weakened by Baralt's sacrifices.

"You made a deal with a demon?! You ba-!" A Mercenary began to say, before his skin melted off his bones. Everyone in the room, except Baralt and the Desire Demon, began to melt and reform into a new breed of Darkspawn.

"Now for your transformation, Baralt." The desire demon said. Baralt was engulfed in flames, and was soon ash. From the ashes an Ogre stood. It had skin as dark as the ashes that it was born from, and from where it's eyes would have been were flames. It had a casteless brand on it's right cheek and a grin. Baralt's new form unleashed a roar that shook the Deep Roads' Cavern walls.



Father was pretending to fall asleep while the Revered Mother said the Chants before the feast. Mother would always elbow him in the ribs when his snores started to alert the people who were praying, but he kept going back to snoring. I was looking around the elegantly decorated room, noticing the two armored people walking into the room. One was a tall, muscular Human. He was bald, had a long scar that ran down his creamy-blue right eye, a small horizontal scar under his brown left eye, and a scar shaped like a 'y' on right side of his top lip. He seemed to project an aura of gloom around him, draining the life and color of the decorations around him.

The Elf was a woman, with her long, dark hair tied in a pony-tail, her bright blue eyes ecstatic with cheer. Both seemed out of place with each other, but drawn to each other also. They went straight for my Father.

"King Alistair?" The Human said. His voice was deep and dry. My Mother began to breast-feed my little sister while looking at the two talking to Father.

"I thought I escaped this when I left the Chantry." Father muttered as he looked at the two.

"I am Asher, and this is Bell. We are Grey Wardens. We have an important message for you." The Man, Asher, said.

"Can this wait until after the Feast? I prefer troubling news after my meal." Father said.

"It is extremely urgent and life-threatening." Asher said.

"It can wait, then?" Father said.

[Marioninja1]

Chapter 3
"Now, what is it?" Father said.
"We would like your...experience on the subject of this. A whole fort was destroyed by Darkspawn. What should we do?" Bell said.
"Chop off the heads and throw everything in a fire." Father said.
"No, these Darkspawn can't be killed! They grow back." Bell said.
"What? Of course. Only when I'm King... Send a lot of Grey Wardens to burn them before they grow back." Father said.
"Eh...we've heard of your son's ability with a sword, and his...discontent in the castle..." Bell said hesitantly.
"You have plenty of Wardens, all good with their weapons and all willing to die." Father said. "Why have my son?"
"We want to show him battle, get him out of this castle." Asher said. "Everyone needs experience."
"I think it's a good idea. In a demented way." Mother said.
"I love how I'm right here and nobody asks my opinion. Gives me warm, fuzzy feelings." I said sarcastically. I recieved cold glares from everyone and a couple laughs from Father.
"He won't be like that after the battle." Asher said, as if that would make everyone agree I should go.
"I agree with your plan. He should go." Mother said.
"And you, King?" Bell asked.
"Well...he does like fighting. If he wants, he can go." Father said.
"Ah, difficult decisions. Why not go?" I reasoned.

"What the hell kind of Darkspawn are these!?" A Grey Warden asked. Hundreds of Darkspawn were rushing towards us, all on fire.
"The fire isn't working! Unleash the Hounds!" Asher commanded. I scratched behind Morrigan's ear, not releasing him. It was suicide!
"Mages! Use Ice!" Bell yelled, shooting a Darkspawn with a crossbow. It hit straight into it's eye, but it just cracked the end off of it and shoved it the rest of the way through.
'Why am I here?' I thought. 'I wasn't a Warden, nor was I my parents. What kind of fool am-!'
A blood-freezing roar issued from behind us.
"They're everywhere!" A soldier screamed, and was taken down by arrows when he tried to abandon us.
"Everyone! We're going to try to escape through that small passage." Asher said, pointing to a wooden square. It was opened, revealing stairs going down into complete darkness. "I will hold them off with my team. Follow Bell, and do NOT stray from her. The path weaves a wicked web, and should you lose your way fate will finish you off." Asher said, kissed Bell on the head, and watched her run into the shadows. "Go! Go! Go!" Asher yelled, hitting the final Wardens and Soldiers running into the passageway. "Tell Alistair I died with honor." Asher said to me, and closed the wooden door behind me. I heard Asher yell to cover the door with anything heavy they had, and I ran after the torchlight in front of me.

"Hell, hell, hell, hell." I muttered. I turned right after seeing an orange light. Or was it right? Where was I?! "AAAAGH!" I screamed, and heard my anger echo down the tunnels. I heard some scraping behind me, and turned. "Hello? Are you a Darkspawn?"
"He is, apparently, daft, delirious, or tired" A young woman's voice said from the darkness. I could see only a few feet in front of me, but it was only useful to avoid running into every wall.
"He looks...familiar. Who are you, child?" A woman's voice said from the darkness, but this time it was behind me.
"Bryce. Bryce Cousland-Therein." I answered. "Son of the King and-"
"Yes, we know who the King is. I told you, Mother. Daft." The young woman's voice said.
"Not as daft as his Father, possibly." The older woman said, and a bright orange light flickered on the walls from her hand. She was beautiful by any standard, with pale skin and dark hair. She had golden eyes, and the younger, beautiful woman beside her had dark blonde hair and the same eyes.
"I am Morrigan, and this is my daughter, Talitha." The older woman said.
"It's a ple-" I began, but the younger woman knocked me out cold with magic.

Modifié par Marioninja1, 21 janvier 2010 - 11:30 .

[Marioninja1]

Chapter 4
I groggily awoke to a small argument between Morrigan and Talitha.
"The Warden in your quest was unconscious!" Talitha said to Morrigan.
"Yes, but the Warden was also a woman." Morrigan said.
"I'm not even a Grey Warden." I said, sitting up and feeling the cramps in my back from laying on rock.
"'Tis a good point. I suppose you want to go home?" Morrigan said.
"Yes, I do." I said, standing up and hearing my joints pop.
"I would advise being nice to our guest, Talitha." Morrigan said, interrupting what Talitha was about to say. "We are going to accompany him to his home."
"I won't try to dissuade you. I will go pack my things." Talitha said, sighing.
"Good girl." Morrigan said.

We left the maze with little supplies. It would take three days to get to my home, so I decided to vocalize my concerns.
"No, it would take you three days to get to your home. We know these woods. We were born in these woods. We are the-" Talitha was cut off.
"There's a shortcut I know of." Morrigan said.
"That's good. My parent's probably think I've died." I said.
"'Tis a shame, then, that they will be disappointed." Talitha said.

Camp was set up and Talitha was asleep.
"If it's not too bold, who is her father?" I asked.
"'Tis too bold, young adventurer." Morrigan said. "If not too bold, how much do you know about the quest of your parents."
"Next to nothing. All books about it are taken from me, all guards and mades told not to tell the tale, all bards told to stop the ballad around me...you get the idea." I said.
"Would you like to know?" Morrigan asked.
"I would, but sometime when I wasn't so tired I would fall asleep." I said, and yawned.
"Then rest well, Soldier." Morrigan said as I drifted to sleep.

Modifié par Marioninja1, 23 janvier 2010 - 01:43 .

[Marioninja1]

Chapter 5
"What has happened?" King Alistair asked.
"King Alistair, the ground has been lost. We could not hold them back, they got behind us and...many were lost. Asher held the line so we could escape. Your son was the last to go into the maze, and we-we...he has gotten lost in the maze. We believe him to be another casualty." Bell said. She had just arrived and had wasted no time in telling what happened. She had not slept for nearly four days.
King Alistair was holding back tears, and the Warden failed.
"How many of my kin must I lose?" The Warden muttered, and then left the room, crying.
"We...must discuss this. Later. We are now in mourning." King Alistair announced, and then followed his love.

"How long until we get to my home?" I asked.
"Ask that one more time and I will burn you alive!" Talitha said.
"You apparently inherited Alistair's annoying traits." Morrigan said. "We will be there in an hour."
"So..." I began.
"We are not there yet!" Talitha yelled.

"Is it true?" King Alistair said, running past guards and hitting open doors. Instead of the formal 'slow-walk-to-your-apparently-not-dead-son', the royal family chose to run as fast as possible to the courtyard. When King Alistair saw his son he ran and hugged him, a kind of hug that was more of a tackle. Alistair was happy until he was the Witches of the Wilds accompanying his son.
"Morrigan." Father scowled.
"Alistair, 'tis great to see you. Shall we be there for the feast?" Morrigan asked sarcastically.
"Hello, Morrigan." The Warden said to the Elder Witch of the Wilds.
"I believe the relation between you and I is much warmer than Alistair's?" Morrigan said.
"I do not know about that." Father said.
"You know each other?" I asked.
"Uh, son? Why do you think I named your Hound 'Morrigan'?" Father said.
"You named him? But Mother gave him to me." I said.
"Who do you think bought him?" Father said.
"You did not teach Bryce about the Blight? 'Tis an amazing, difficult feat to hide that-" Morrigan began.
"Shut it, Witch." Father said.
"Father? I think I should know about that quest now." I said. Father and Mother looked at each other.
"We'll think about it." Mother said.

Modifié par Marioninja1, 23 janvier 2010 - 02:18 .