In practice these two things end up contradicting each other, though, because the player can simply reload. The situations in which the player feels responsible for a loss but chooses it anyway are situations where an alternate, better option was unavailable (or were players simply refuse to reload). Players are still ultimately seeking the optimal end-state at any cost, even if it requires meta-gaming a playthrough to get it. They aren't actually interested in the emotional resonance of feeling responsible for loss. Video game stories have a long way to go, but so do players' attitudes towards videogames.
I include myself in that category since I reload when something goes wrong. I would actually love to play a game where you simply were not allowed to reload. The best alternative is a game like Dragon Age 2 that buries certain decisions in the length of the game (such as Isabela only returning based on her strength of opinion).
There's also a difference between personalized playthroughs and playthroughs where you control what happens. And I also reject the notion that if a game doesn't have varied endings then it isn't fulfilling it's potential as a game.
I reload when I want to hear dialogue options, because I like dialogue and want to hear it all. If someone really wants to play a game in a specific way, not being able to reload won't stop them, you just google or look at the walk through, I know this from experience. 
Yes, the first time I played ME1 it took me a good 5 minuets to decide who to leave behind and now it just takes a minuet or so, but I still regret and morn whoever gets left and in ME2 the first time through I forgot where I put Legion and lost part of the crew but after the first time you play - anything you do is going to be a choice based on what your brain knows about the game and how you want your character to act. (Thought I did love ME2 because I had so many options.)
I play a lot, (My husband says I need intervention) New characters who have new personalities, new names, new looks and different plans for how to do the job, so I have plenty of time to pick different options and see where they lead or decide things like my current Shepards (with the MEHEM mod): Abby Shepard loved Kaiden but left him behind on Virmire because to her, it was necessary. Karria however, saved him because, bottom line, she loved him and he was the higher rank. In ME2 Abby may side with Miranda because she's not sure how stable Jack is where Karria was able to get everyone to focus on the job because she is rather charismatic.
On the 360, I had over 20 Shepards and that did not include the ones I lost when my 1st 360 crashed. I had a Shepard all set to die in ME3 because she was so focused on the job she didn't get anyone to co-operate and lost a part of the crew and as one ending I could have played and enjoyed it. But I need balance in my life and in my games. For the Shepard who dies or who takes control or who hates that Edi and the geth died and is emotionally drained so she picked synthesis - I need one Shepard who survives, really survives not lies waiting for someone to find her/him. And because BW gave me this in the past and because the walk through book uses the word survives I expected something more than the body and mona lisa smile which was actually added later. (even KOTOR with two endings had a celebration and depressing endings).
I have played a few games where there is just one ending. I play them and sell them and get something new. I don't do that with BioWare games. I still play Jade Empire, KOTOR, DA:O and DA:2, and the others I've still got. I've loved all of their games and expected so much more from them.
I loved Mass Effect, i was invested in the characters, the story and the universe. They did a great job of building this world. And that is my reason for being so disappointed in what they gave me as the survival ending of Shepards story. I really don't get why some people don't understand this. I can understand why they don't care, but so many of them don't understand why some of us do care. That is frustrating.