It's possible you're overestimating how much power a queen-regent has during wartime, especially when the soldiers are more loyal to their general (and Howe's to Howe) than to their dead king's wife. There was never any indication she had any control over the military, and legally she was not the ruler of Ferelden at all and had even less power with Cailan dead, so what did you think she could or should have done, without adding to the threat of civil war?
Besides removing herself from her father's lackey's clutches and delivering herself into your hands, and offering you aid.
When she does do something, like try to protect her own dad from execution or try to stop you from screwing her over by screwing you right back, people get all offended. It's rather delicious.
My view on Anora also takes into account the fact that she was the de-facto ruler of Ferelden during Cailan's rule which implies right there that she has legitimate power within her own right. Yet, she never exercises any of the power if she had any. If she never had that power or it was taken away by her father, it wasn't really anything substantial then. In which case, why does she insist on being queen?
I'm not just talking about the military aspects either. Anora's strength clearly lies in diplomacy which has a lot of strong assets in ruling and governing a country. If Anora truly had a strong amount of influence, then she could have impressed upon the bannorn the importance of a unified front against the Blight and attempted to broker a working compromise. Maybe it wouldn't work, but at least she would have tried.
How about using her position as queen to invoke a Landsmeet and let the people formally choose who would lead them? If the Landsmeet chooses someone else as commander of the army until the Blight is over, then Anora should lend her support to said ruler.
What about using her influence to directly annul the bounty on the Grey Wardens? I doubt that she shared Cailan's fascination with the wardens, but she should be smart enough to know that the Blight can't be beaten without the wardens. The bounty was only sporadically enforced anyway with a lot of lords and captains who pretty much ignore it and has a conversation with said-wardens. The word of the Queen should be enough to completely destroy the bounty's legitimacy no?
But no, she won't support the wardens unless they agree to support her bid for the throne or agree to let Loghain off the hook for his numerous acts. Acts, that again, she was complacent in allowing to happen without even making a token effort to oppose them. Don't even tell me that she knew nothing of Howe's actions or of the Tevinter slavers until the Landsmeet.
I'm not even personally offended by the character and I'm sure that she has her pluses. It's just that as a ruler of a country, you have certain responsibilities to your people and Anora just fails on all accounts during the Blight. Trying to get your father off the hook for his crimes is inexcusable, understandable since that's her father, but inexcusable for the ruler of a country. My interactions with Anora always leave me doing everything possible to be able to win the Landsmeet in the event that Anora betrays me.
As for the whole "She's screwing you in response to you trying to screw her" argument? The Warden is attempting to save the country by uniting it under a leader who won't pointlessly antagonize the country's only hope for survival. Only one warden is actually an implicit threat to Anora's rule and that's a Female Cousland whose romancing Alistair and even with that in mind, Anora shows her lack of perspective in the situation. She only really wants to be Queen because she's convinced herself that she's the best possible ruler for Ferelden despite a year's lack of inaction and/or powerlessness in the face of a Civil War, her crazy father and the Blight. A real leader would at least acknowledge that they screwed up and either attempt to make amends or step aside for someone better.
It's like she wants to be sole ruler of Ferelden without accepting any of the responsibilities that go along with it. At least a hardened Alistair will stomach your decision to recruit Loghain and at least become co-ruler of Ferelden. Sure he had a hissy fit over Loghain being recruited, but from his perspective it's way more understandable and identifiable than "I want a known traitor and co-conspirator with a complete monster to be completely off the hook from punishment."
So again, not a big Anora fan. I'm sure that she's not as bad as her father and she's a great administrator which would make her great as a co-ruler with Alistair or Male Cousland. But there is nothing to convince me to trust Anora as sole ruler of Ferelden. Because there's nothing to suggest that she doesn't give a damn for anyone but herself.
Even Loghain says as much, "Anora's only real loyalty is to herself. She's capable and determined, but she'll sacrifice anything for her goals. Remember that."