OK, lore and religious arguments aside, I just ask people to note some differences you can see for yourself.
1) There has been no spirit possession that occurred involuntarily. Kristoff was dead and Justice was forced into his body by the Baroness. Justice and Anders' later joining was voluntary, even if it didn't work out so well (producing Vengeance). It appears to me spirits never try and forcibly possess anyone, whereas demons do (particularly mages). (BTW, as I've said, though, I don't think Vengeance was/became a demon, nor did Anders become an abomination.)
2) We've encountered several demons. Has there even been a situation where they ever offered "aid" or "assistance" (stat boosts, items, whatever) without trying to get something else in return (like freedom from a magic binding, or something? -- that something often being to the detriment of another person.)
Whatever elves or Andastrians do or don't believe, seems to me they both act differently. That's my observation as a player.
I don't think anyone disputes there are differences among the denizens of the Fade (the Beyond). Merrill even points out they are all different, just like humans can differ greatly: "Spirits differ from each other, just as you and Hawke and Isabela are all human. More or less..." It's not as though Merrill argues there are no differences, just that those differences don't change the fact that they are spirits, as well as dangerous.
Even the Chantry says demons are spirits in the codex entry: "History claims they are malevolent spirits, the first children of the Maker, angry at their creator for turning from them and jealous of those creations He considered superior."
There's also no WoG confirmation, one way or another. When this issue came up, Gaider addressed he never said spirits and demons were fundamentally different, instead leaving it ambiguous.





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