Well, I'm just saying that based on what Cole said, it really made it sound like - to me at least - Rainier only heard the voices of the children when the attack was already underway. Additionally, Callier may have had some bodyguards with him. The codex didn't make clear if there were or weren't (his employer certainly said that Callier would be alone - but with bodyguards at most). Now if Callier actually did have some bodyguards traveling with him and his family, then they may have engaged Rainier's men.
At which point, it really, really would have been too late. Would it have been great if he had stopped them? Sure, great for everyone involved if Rainier could have made that call and they could have sneaked off, but we're kind of dealing with a few unknowns. And there's really no way to say for certain unless he wants to talk about it in detail. We only know that he regretted it and certainly had thoughts about stopping it, but it just didn't work out that way.
And as for the other stuff, he's never going to forget - he certainly doesn't want to forget either, but at the same time hanging on to the past so tightly/obsessively is also a kind of a crutch for him. I think the others around him see this and - once they work out their anger (and all of them are mad at him at first) - just want him to know that they do believe he's changed even if he himself doesn't truly believe it. Oh, there are some of them who will be permanently mad at him (like Vivienne), but I think most of them seem to work it out with him in the end.
The way I see the attack going down from the info we have is something like this. Rainier and his men waited in the spot Rainier was told that Callier was going to go through with his guards. Then sure enough there is a carriage with some way of identifying it as Callier's and surrounded it in a spread out pattern was his guards. So everything seemed to be on the up and up, so Rainier launched the attack. They deal with the guards in battle that was far enough away or in a quiet enough manner so that those in the carriage don't notice and thus continue as if nothing is wrong. Then Rainier and his men move in on the carriage and that's when he hears the nursery rhyme and has his whole "Do I continue the attack or call it off, causing my men to know they were lied to" moment that Cole brings up, and he chooses the former.
Would you agree with this as a possible scenario for how the event took place? I just want to try to establish the scene so we can discuss it while seeing it from the same neutral viewpoint.
As for holding onto the past being a crutch, I think he needs to. Especially if he isn't actually punished by either Orlais or the Inquisitor. I'm not saying that because I want him to be punished, but rather because he wants himself to be punished. He gets angry at you when you pull strings to basically give him a 'get out of jail free card', so having that being held over him, even if he is doing it to himself, lets him feel like he is receiving some repercussions for his actions.





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