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[Reznore57]

I think the Iron Bull/Dorian fans have officially made me despise him and them right about now. Ooh, I am so angry my hands are shaking.

 

It's too early here to buy alcohol, so anyone found any new Dorian art? I just can't with this stupid forum right now.

 

Erff...I don't like the pairing much because I'm uncomfortable about some stuff about the Iron Bull.

Now you have to imagine people who loves the Bull and had a blast with his romance ,...,they're just as shaken and annoyed at reading the Bull is somekind of creep.

 

Anyway I won't go back to this thread, I think it gets everyone on edge ...then you get to the point where people are so angry there's no more communication.

And I remember the ME3 companions thread being locked because it was spiralling out of control.From what I gathered two big group of fans went into a fight and as a result everyone was punished .

I'd rather not have this happening in the DA forum.

[(Disgusted noise.)]

While I'm a bit annoyed (they had a little pow wow yesterday in the IB thread about how awful they think we are), I do think some people took it a little far with the criticism of IB. Occasionally it went from complaining about how Bull treats Dorian to complaining about Bull in general, and I think it's understandable in that they would get their hackles up in that case.

 

I'm mostly annoyed by the victim blaming because that has implications beyond two fictional characters.

 

Well, that and the fact that some people refuse to admit the effed-upped-ness of their dynamic. That has real world implications too. There aren't very many "shippers" from that I can tell on BSN, but there are a ton of them on Tumblr and a relationship that toxic should not be lauded as something desirable. So I'm glad that Gaider officially said it's not supposed to be "adorable" but I doubt that will steam the tide very much.

[d4eaming]

People can like what they like. I can understand people like the pairing even if I can't understand why. It's the dismissive attitude and the deliberate antagonizing of people who don't like it, and the following victim blaming that bother me.

 

I've never gone into IB's thread. I don't care for him that much at all, certainly not enough to read his thread. If they want to whine about how I or anyone else feels, then they can have at it. It's going into the general threads and doing it, throwing around victim blaming language, and insinuating that it's just so easy to walk away from abuse is where I have an issue. I don't think anyone posting against it was being unreasonable (but I am admittedly biased) yet the retorts are sometimes vicious, and usually dismissive. It's not that they can calmly explain why they feel that way- they instead target the emotions of the people they disagree with and try to shred them for feeling the way they do. Which only says to me they don't have a reasonable argument, and they know it.

 

Bah. Just so disgusted right now.

[Wanderlust14]

Yeah, it was the victim blaming that kept drawing me back to that thread, even after I was done. It was pretty disturbing and disappointing to see. Thing definitely went to far on that thread and it is probably best that we all separate and cool off. Though I will be quite frank with you, I didn't see that thread going well since I've seen how the Sera fans have reacted to some of the threads knocking her and I figured it would go in a similar direction. 

 

Also, I have also been watching the Bull Thread and it was very interesting the things they were saying about us. Though, I understood they were angry about their character being criticized in such a negative way. It would have been nice if they had realized we weren't criticizing the BDS&M lifestyle as a whole though, since that was one thing they were getting defensive of. 

[d4eaming]

Yeah, it was the victim blaming that kept drawing me back to that thread, even after I was done. It was pretty disturbing and disappointing to see. Thing definitely went to far on that thread and it is probably best that we all separate and cool off. Though I will be quite frank with you, I didn't see that thread going well since I've seen how the Sera fans have reacted to some of the threads knocking her and I figured it would go in a similar direction. 

 

Also, I have also been watching the Bull Thread and it was very interesting the things they were saying about us. Though, I understood they were angry about their character being criticized in such a negative way. It would have been nice if they had realized we weren't criticizing the BDS&M lifestyle as a whole though, since that was one thing they were getting defensive of. 

 

Lol, I don't even care about the BDSM aspect. The "I know what you need and we're done if you don't agree" is just... my elves would laugh in his face and be "see ya." It's the attitude that's the problem, not the kink. My personal space issues are mine, and don't mean that his kinks are wrong. It's just the attitude, the dominance, the ignoring obvious discomfort on Dorian's part.

 

I haven't even recruited him on my mage yet, and he's level 12. I'm not actively avoiding him, it's just... no idea. I don't think my mage will like him one bit, he's annoying me IRL right now, and it's culminating into "nope."

[Fredward]

Weird how even people who like the same game and don't even have much animosity towards the characters themselves can militarize into opposing camps.

[Ymirr]

Mind me asking what was seen as victim blaming?

[Hazegurl]

Ah, yeah. The IB fans have gotten pretty rowdy in that thread. I haven't even checked out the IB thread and I most likely never will so I don't care what they have to say in it as long as they don't bring it here. 

 

A part of me wonders if the victim blaming has to do with Dorian being a male and therefore should be strong enough to handle anything. The thread is filled with too many "He's a grown man/big boy/not a flower" comments.  As if a male or a otherwise strong person can't end up in an unhealthy relationship.  They must be a weak willed puddle of goo to make it remotely plausible.

 

And let's not forget the "agenda guy" apparently everyone has an agenda that is somehow very clear.   Reminds me of why I stopped going to Tumblr.

[_Aine_]

haha i made matching armours also.    Would I do such a thing in real life?    Not a chance. lol 

 

Made matching armor colors and staffs for Quizzy and Dorian. Maker help me. lol!!

*Although mine magically vanished in the cut scene

 

[Wanderlust14]

Mind me asking what was seen as victim blaming?

People on the other thread were saying things like if he found it abusive he would just leave so he must be happy with it, he is a big boy who can take care of himself and this is how some people are so you must accept the way they love and not be concern about unhealthy dynamics. It was one of those things that it was starting to get off topic as they would argue about why we shouldn't find it uncomfortable, probably not realizing that such arguments make it seem like all people in abusive relationships are staying because they are happy and like what is happening, ignoring how difficult leaving can be

 

Weird how even people who like the same game and don't even have much animosity towards the characters themselves can militarize into opposing camps.

Yeah, it is pretty unfortunate, but it is part of being on the internet. It is just so easy to take things out of context, read things not the way someone intended, that it just escalates. Ah well, hopefully things will settle down soon. 

. 

[Shark17676]

Ah, yeah. The IB fans have gotten pretty rowdy in that thread. I haven't even checked out the IB thread and I most likely never will so I don't care what they have to say in it as long as they don't bring it here. 

 

A part of me wonders if the victim blaming has to do with Dorian being a male and therefore should be strong enough to handle anything. The thread is filled with too many "He's a grown man/big boy/not a flower" comments.  As if a male or a otherwise strong person can't end up in an unhealthy relationship.  They must be a weak willed puddle of goo to make it remotely plausible.

 

And let's not forget the "agenda guy" apparently everyone has an agenda that is somehow very clear.   Reminds me of why I stopped going to Tumblr.

 

We're doing fine in Iron Bull's thread, thanks.  We admittedly did discuss the debate very briefly, but have since moved on, since we realized it was pointless to bring it into the actual character thread, which is supposed to be a fun place to celebrate our favorites, not drag down with drama from other threads.  So now it's back to business as usual with loving our favorite Qunari.

 

By the way, this was never a Dorian fans vs. Iron Bull fans issue (especially since there are a number who, like myself, like both) and it'd be nice to keep it that way.

[Wanderlust14]

We're doing fine in Iron Bull's thread, thanks.  We admittedly did discuss the debate for a bit, but have since moved on, since we realized it was pointless to bring it into the actual character thread, which is supposed to be a fun place to celebrate our favorites, not drag down with drama from other threads.

 

By the way, this was never a Dorian fans vs. Iron Bull fans issue (especially since there are a number who, like myself, like both) and it'd be nice to keep it that way.

Yes and I would rather not get into that argument here, but I am going to explain the situation to people wondering and this thread should be a  safe place for people to vent their feelings about the situation, like what happened on your thread yesterday, but that is it. If you wish to discuss further, PM me. 

 

And you are correct, it was never a Dorian fans vs Bull fans situation, especially since most people here don't hate the Iron Bull. 

[Shark17676]

Yes and I would rather not get into that argument here, but I am going to explain the situation to people wondering and this thread should be a  safe place for people to vent their feelings about the situation, like what happened on your thread yesterday, but that is it. If you wish to discuss further, PM me. 

 

And you are correct, it was never a Dorian fans vs Bull fans situation, especially since most people here don't hate the Iron Bull. 

 

I've always appreciated your level-headed approach to these matters, even if we share differing views on certain things.  It's far too easy to get emotionally charged and ultimately just make everything worse.  I know I'm guilty of it (though I firmly stand by my opinions).

[Wanderlust14]

I've always appreciated your level-headed approach to these matters, even if we share differing views on certain things.  It's far too easy to get emotionally charged and ultimately just make everything worse.  I know I'm guilty of it (though I firmly stand by my opinions).

If I had anymore likes, I would have liked your post. Thank you for that, but I know I am guilty of that as well and this an emotional topic, between talking about favorites and such a sensitive topic, it is bound to upset people (especially since it can be hard to get emotions across on the internet and what seems like civil conversation to one person may come across as rude or even an attack to another). No one is going to budge from their opinions on this one, so it truly isn't worth arguing over. 

[Hazegurl]

We're doing fine in Iron Bull's thread, thanks.  We admittedly did discuss the debate very briefly, but have since moved on, since we realized it was pointless to bring it into the actual character thread, which is supposed to be a fun place to celebrate our favorites, not drag down with drama from other threads.  So now it's back to business as usual with loving our favorite Qunari.

 

By the way, this was never a Dorian fans vs. Iron Bull fans issue (especially since there are a number who, like myself, like both) and it'd be nice to keep it that way.

[Dr. Doctor]

This is just my thoughts, but the culture that Bull comes from is a lot less ritualized when it comes to relationships. What the physical aspect of a relationship is outside of the Qun is something akin to going to the chiropractor within it. Preferences don't really have much bearing because you go in, get what you need done done and there's no judgement or scrutiny around it.

Dorian's a big ball of anxieties because of how his culture and family have rejected him for preferences that they consider to be "deviant". He's uncomfortable even with the Inquisitor because he's constant fear that the metaphorical rug is going to be pulled out from under him. He defends his relationship with the Inquisitor to the rest of the party because a lot of what defines it is their mutual emotional support.

Bull on the other hand is more walled off, he's seen an done a number of things that his Ben-Hasserath helps him keep locked away. For people like him opening up completely isn't something that's easy to do, even an Inquisitor who romances Iron Bull doesn't get the entire picture. He's a nice guy, but that mercenary captain swagger and confidence might give Dorian what he physically needs, but not the emotional side of things at this stage.

A lot of the embarrassment on Dorian's part seems to be that he's been in a position where he has to hide who he really is and now he's among people who either view his preferences as an eccentricity or where it isn't a factor at all. He's got issues to work through before he can be more comfortable with himself and right now Bull isn't being the most accommodating partner.

[d4eaming]

Ahhh, they removed my post from the other thread. That's just cool. Some of those posts were borderline too, but whatever. They could have removed the offending line and left the rest. That's okay, let's not bring real world feelings into the issue where abuse victims have been dismissed. Nope.

 

No, not bitter or angry at all.

[Shark17676]

 

Classy.

[Hazegurl]

Yay! I've used my ignore function for the first time.

[sandalisthemaker]

No fighting in here, please.

 

Take that to the Bull/Dorian thread if it must happen.  

[d4eaming]

Yay! I've used my ignore function for the first time.

Where is that? I keep looking but can't find it.

[Wanderlust14]

No fighting in here, please.

 

Take that to the Bull/Dorian thread if it must happen.  

Gah, not having likes is so annoying, but yes, I totally agree. I'd rather see that thread locked than this one. 

 

Ahhh, they removed my post from the other thread. That's just cool. Some of those posts were borderline too, but whatever. They could have removed the offending line and left the rest. That's okay, let's not bring real world feelings into the issue where abuse victims have been dismissed. Nope.

 

No, not bitter or angry at all.

 

And I can't dislike things here...but dislike.

[(Disgusted noise.)]

Classy.

Well, you did feel the need to bring the conversation in here. To my knowledge, no one has butt in about it in the Bull thread.

[Hazegurl]

Where is that? I keep looking but can't find it.

I had to click on my own user name at the very top of the page and in the pop up menu you'll find "Manage Ignore Prefs" Then copy and paste the user name of the person you want to ignore in the line and save it.

 

I swear this forum needs an ignore button to make it much easier.

[(Disgusted noise.)]

Ah, yeah. The IB fans have gotten pretty rowdy in that thread. I haven't even checked out the IB thread and I most likely never will so I don't care what they have to say in it as long as they don't bring it here. 

 

A part of me wonders if the victim blaming has to do with Dorian being a male and therefore should be strong enough to handle anything. The thread is filled with too many "He's a grown man/big boy/not a flower" comments.  As if a male or a otherwise strong person can't end up in an unhealthy relationship.  They must be a weak willed puddle of goo to make it remotely plausible.

 

And let's not forget the "agenda guy" apparently everyone has an agenda that is somehow very clear.   Reminds me of why I stopped going to Tumblr.

I just saw this. Personally, I think that's a big part of it and why Bull disrespecting Dorian is "just teasing." I brought up in the actual thread, and of course everyone ignored it, that if it was Bull/Cassandra and he told her "quiet woman, men are talking" rather than topping from the bottom, I doubt people would respond the same way.