79 réponses à ce sujet

[coelacyanth]

In the spirit of the OP, i'll start with few. Discretion advised

 

 

Why did Destroyer's Girlfriend leave him?

Because every time before 'making love' he'd yell "devastator mode engaged!" but then proceed to shoot too damn quickly.

 

 

Why did the warlord fail his gold solo?

Because he couldn't HACK with his hammer.

 

 

So a warlord and vorcha hunter decide to 'get some action' and visit the firebase giant's consort service. Seeing vorcha being a little unsure about it, warlord says "stop whining! it's fun!" and proceeds to enter a room. After a while he comes out, spent and happy! Vorcha sees him and says "OKAY i GO IN NOW!" and proceeds to enter the room warlord just came from. He comes out scared and yelling "BIG MACHIINE". 

 

 

 

I m sure we can think of better ones!

 

 

 

 

[Tokenusername]

...I don't get it.

[Dr. Tim Whatley]

...I don't geth it.

 

FTFY

 

Edit - Yay, 6000 posts.

[coelacyanth]

...I don't get it.

My "lolenglish" gets in the way of making funny jokes  . But I am sure you can dish out good ones!

[stysiaq]

 

I m sure we can think of better ones!

 

 

Can't disagree on that one

[Derpy]

[image spam removed]

[coelacyanth]

Can't disagree on that one

I know!!   

[Pearl (rip bioware)]

Pugs

[Sailears]

<snip>

Why did the warlord fail his gold solo?

Because he couldn't HACK with his hammer.

 

Stupid machine!

[Derpy]

This is the truth behind Volus.

 

Why do you think the volus live in those suits... Sure they say it's preasure but in reality it's just cause they constantly watch and replay episodes of MLP.

Exactly which is why they all sound similar to one another if not always the same, they all use a standard voice modulator to hide themselves in addition to the suits. And so we now have confirmation that biotic volus, as i always suspected, are secretly unicorns.

 

This has all been proven on Ancient Aliens.

[Moby]

The in-game one-liners are way more funny.

"I've been playing since launch, I know what I'm doing."
Said the guy who Vanguard glitched wave two and quit wave three.

"Guys I have over eight thousand shields, I can't die."
Said the guy who got pummeled by two Phantoms and Primes over and over and over.

"OVERLOAD ALL THE ARMOUR!!"
Personal favourite.

[Teh_Ocelot]

Pugs

^

[ClydeInTheShell]

Q: Why did the Paladin have to walk to the grocery store?

 

A: Because the Phoenix Smash'd the whip. 

 

I'll be here all night, folks. 

[Tokenusername]

My "lolenglish" gets in the way of making funny jokes  . But I am sure you can dish out good ones!

Grudge more, It's the best joke in this thread so far.

[Pearl (rip bioware)]

A Salarian Engineer and a Geth Infiltrator are discussing tactics. "...and while you have a cloak, I have a decoy." said the SE. The GI tilted it's head, then replied "This one has three."

[coelacyanth]

Grudge more, It's the best joke in this thread so far.

This ones even worse than the three I made in the op! Thanks for contributing!

 

 

 

Pugs

 

 

The in-game one-liners are way more funny.

"I've been playing since launch, I know what I'm doing."
Said the guy who Vanguard glitched wave two and quit wave three.

"Guys I have over eight thousand shields, I can't die."
Said the guy who got pummeled by two Phantoms and Primes over and over and over.

"OVERLOAD ALL THE ARMOUR!!"
Personal favourite.

true..

[DrunkenRonin]

^

Truth. Dropped into a gold haz reactor match w/ 2 puggernauts and a phoon destroyer. One jug had a mic and was grumbling about the destroyer ks his endless melees. About wv 9/10 the jug just lost it, when the killfeed was solid typhoon and the destroyer hit 75kill medal. Destroyer was silent, until extraction wave.

It got better. Destroyer dropped a cobra on a spawn heading towards the LZ. That sent irate jug, to apoplectic damn near incoherent heights. The destroyer then preceded to burn every cobra he had, jug got so distracted yelling he forgot to keep moving and missed extraction. I almost didn't make it myself cause I dying lmao.

The destroyer mics up after match talks back to the jug who is still srsly bent. Jug gets even more twisted by the taunting destroyer and challenges him to a points deathmatch next game. Pug russian roulette win.

[Jaded4Chaos]

FYI... these are all stolen

 

A human, a turian, and a quarian walk into a bar. The volus just walks under it.

A krogan, a turian, and a salarian walk into a bar. Only the krogan walks out of it.

An asari walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why so blue?"

Why don't geth wear shoes?
Because the last time a geth asked about a sole, it started a war.

Why don't asari wear miniskirts?
They like going commando.

How many salarians does it take to make a sandwich?
Depends on the krogan's appetite.

How do you win a duel with a vorcha?
Wait.

What's the difference between a geth and a ginger?
Only one of them has a soul.

 

How many asari does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer 1: None. They're all too busy screwing something else!
Answer 2: Only two, but how do you fit them inside the lightbulb?
Answer 3: It only takes one asari to screw anything!

And lastly, the elcor paradox:
An elcor says, "False statement: This is a lie." Is the elcor lying?

[Nitrocuban]

I posted it a couple of times but I kinda have the feeling this one gets better the more often it is told:

 

A Salarian comes in a bar and say "I have a decoy". Right next to him a Geth uncloaks and says "I have 3, LOL."

:3

[Derpy]

A QME walks into a bar and asks for soup.

[Losing You to You]

How many asari does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer 1: None. They're all too busy screwing something else!
Answer 2: Only two, but how do you fit them inside the lightbulb?
Answer 3: It only takes one asari to screw anything!

 

[dudemacha]

A turian, human and a geth infiltrate a Cerberus base and neither was successful at retrieving the package. Why?... because one always spooks the guards... The other refuses to go in and the other complains about it being too bright

[Tokenusername]

[/font][/color]An elcor says, "False statement: This is a lie." Is the elcor lying?[/size]

Not really a paradox, It's just a double negative.

I loled at geth shoe joke though.

[chcknwng]

Pugs leaving me to crutch a wave, going on mic "you might as well use a rocket".

[Tokenusername]

The drone will come to me.