Cassandra Pentaghast - Walking Tall
#32801
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 11:22
This story tries to do number 3, but it falls short, since the Inquisitor comes off as a clueless dude-bro, and the revelations aren't particularly compelling (Cass and Josie are upset about Blackwall).
That being said, the story isn't bad. It's definitely far, far, from terrible. It has the kernel of a good idea, but it needs to be expanded upon by making the revelations well...more relevatory.
(And I'm sorry, Merela, if you think I'm horning in here. I thought you threw this out for a general response. Feel free to completely ignore me.)
- AWTEW et Siha aiment ceci
#32802
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 11:27
Hello, I'm just wondering whether any of you can give me a bit of advice? I'm planning on making a male warrior to romance Cass on the next playthrough (up to now I only play female characters as rogues & mages). Do you have any advice on which specialization/weapon type (2H or SnB) to compliment Cass' SnB Templar? I was thinking at first of doing a SnB Champion (Trevelyan) but probably two SnB in a team isn't the best combination?
Also, any advice on particular specialization/race dynamique with Cass? I mean for example Cullen x Templar!quizzy or Cullen x Mage!Quizzy get special dynamics that are very interesting. Is there any particular dynamic with Cass?
Thanks in advance ![]()
#32803
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 11:35
I think Sword and Shield Champion works well with Cassandra. Sure, it takes an inordinate amount of time to kill some creatures like High Dragons but good luck even scratching their health, especially if your also place some points into Battlemaster.
- Boomshakalakalakaboom, Cerulione et AWTEW aiment ceci
#32804
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 11:42
Thanks ![]()
So does SnB works as well as 2H warrior with Cass' dynamic? Because well, if I romance Cass I'll want to have her all the time XD
(she's already in my regular party by now even if I don't romance her, best tank, best banters)
#32805
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 11:55
Nothing really happens. Short one-shots should be one of 3 things, IMHO: Pwp, fluff, or it should provide us with new, insightful revelations about the character(s).
This story tries to do number 3, but it falls short, since the Inquisitor comes off as a clueless dude-bro, and the revelations aren't particularly compelling (Cass and Josie are upset about Blackwall).
That being said, the story isn't bad. It's definitely far, far, from terrible. It has the kernel of a good idea, but it needs to be expanded upon by making the revelations well...more relevatory.
(And I'm sorry, Merela, if you think I'm horning in here. I thought you threw this out for a general response. Feel free to completely ignore me.)
This^
Although I wouldn't use the term dude-bro.
#32806
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 12:15
Does anyone think Cassandra's resentment of her uncle is somewhat displaced?
Clearly, she didn't want to be pampered or fussed over, much less be involved in a political marriage and she found the Mortalitasi practices distateful and pointless but, with the information we now have from WoT 2, we know he saved her life, took care of her and actually pullsed some strings to get her accepted into the Seekers.
He seems like a decent man despite being a necromancer. I wouldn't mind meeting him.
- The Elder King, Andres Hendrix, Loremich12 et 1 autre aiment ceci
#32807
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 12:19
People often carry their grudges with their parents/parental figures, even if what they did was for their sake.Does anyone think Cassandra's resentment of her uncle is somewhat displaced?
Clearly, she didn't want to be pampered or fussed over, much less be involved in a political marriage and she found the Mortalitasi practices distateful and pointless but, with the information we now have from WoT 2, we know he saved her life, took care of her and actually pullsed some strings to get her accepted into the Seekers.
He seems like a decent man despite being a necromancer. I wouldn't mind meeting him.
- AWTEW aime ceci
#32808
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 12:35
Nothing really happens. Short one-shots should be one of 3 things, IMHO: Pwp, fluff, or it should provide us with new, insightful revelations about the character(s).
This story tries to do number 3, but it falls short, since the Inquisitor comes off as a clueless dude-bro, and the revelations aren't particularly compelling (Cass and Josie are upset about Blackwall).
That being said, the story isn't bad. It's definitely far, far, from terrible. It has the kernel of a good idea, but it needs to be expanded upon by making the revelations well...more relevatory.
(And I'm sorry, Merela, if you think I'm horning in here. I thought you threw this out for a general response. Feel free to completely ignore me.)
I was aiming for some fluff at the beginning but it took a different direction during the redaction, though the end is the one I was aiming for so I was fine with that. I rarely make plan of what I'm going to write: I just have a global idea of where I want to go. Which is why the revelations likely fall short, since they were not supposed to be revelations at all. I'll keep that in mind for my future stories. I like that kind of critics - better than false praise.
I'm not exactly happy about Fjalar being called a dude-bro, but I guess it's better than boring Gary Stu.
#32809
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 12:38
So does SnB works as well as 2H warrior with Cass' dynamic? Because well, if I romance Cass I'll want to have her all the time XD
(she's already in my regular party by now even if I don't romance her, best tank, best banters)
Cass goes well with anything.
I never play SnB myself because I got her already and enjoy 2H more. But to Cass it doesn't matter either way.
- Cerulione aime ceci
#32810
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 12:55
And I dunno. This is just what I thought. I'm not exactly a good writer myself or anything. Just my first reaction as a reader. Maybe someone else will be able to help further?
But like I said, I did think it was a good idea. Cass, and Josie's feelings of betrayal by Blackwall would be interesting to explore in more depth. Josie, for example-why is she so upset? Does she think she was just being played for a fool by a ruthless killer? Did her feelings actually grow beyond the chaste, courtly love she says they had? (I vote for yes.).
And Cassandra--why is she so upset, specifically? Is it because Cass's morality tends to be black/white and the new revelations about Blackwall shake that and make her want to see in more shades of grey, which she is resisting? Is she having a personal crisis as a Seeker--first she bought Varric's lies, now she bought Blackwall's...maybe she's questioning if she's a good judge of character, and can she do her job, etc. etc.
Those are some of the things I would've liked to have seen you get into.
But if you started the story out as fluff, I can definitely see how it took the final form it did. Sometimes the characters refuse to obey what you want them to do, and it ends up as a completely different story than what you intended.
- Merela aime ceci
#32811
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 01:06
Yeah, dude bro was probably a bad turn of phrase. I didn't mean excessive macho or bro-ish, more just like very clueless about emotions and such.
And I dunno. This is just what I thought. I'm not exactly a good writer myself or anything. Just my first reaction as a reader. Maybe someone else will be able to help further?
But like I said, I did think it was a good idea. Cass, and Josie's feelings of betrayal by Blackwall would be interesting to explore in more depth. Josie, for example-why is she so upset? Does she think she was just being played for a fool by a ruthless killer? Did her feelings actually grow beyond the chaste, courtly love she says they had? (I vote for yes.).
And Cassandra--why is she so upset, specifically? Is it because Cass's morality tends to be black/white and the new revelations about Blackwall shake that and make her want to see in more shades of grey, which she is resisting? Is she having a personal crisis as a Seeker--first she bought Varric's lies, now she bought Blackwall's...maybe she's questioning if she's a good judge of character, and can she do her job, etc. etc.
Those are some of the things I would've liked to have seen you get into.
But if you started the story out as fluff, I can definitely see how it took the final form it did. Sometimes the characters refuse to obey what you want them to do, and it ends up as a completely different story than what you intended.
I see what you mean and it's really interresting. Well, maybe I can try to write an enhanced version? The same but with more things inside (and no bugs). ![]()
#32812
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 01:10
Classic.
Timeless.
- AWTEW aime ceci
#32813
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 01:49
I see what you mean and it's really interresting. Well, maybe I can try to write an enhanced version? The same but with more things inside (and no bugs).
I suggest ,writing wise, starting your inquisitor from scratch.
#32814
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 01:58
I see what you mean and it's really interresting. Well, maybe I can try to write an enhanced version? The same but with more things inside (and no bugs).
Enhanced and no bugs? You shooting for the moon, Merela? I can't think of a single thing that's ever been "enhanced" without enhancing bugs.
#32815
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 02:04
Enhanced and no bugs? You shooting for the moon, Merela? I can't think of a single thing that's ever been "enhanced" without enhancing bugs.
Just look, I'm gonna do it! ![]()
I suggest ,writing wise, starting your inquisitor from scratch.
I'm not exactly sure about what you means. ![]()
#32816
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 02:11
That's probably why you'll improve as an author and I never will.
So good for you. Seriously.
- AWTEW aime ceci
#32817
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 02:59
#32818
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 03:21
Just look, I'm gonna do it!
I'm not exactly sure about what you means.
Err well. Hmnn try keeping the 'base' of your Inquisitor, but instead of applying 'blue paint' first, try 'red paint' instead.
#32819
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 03:43
I mean he's like...8 in the books
#32820
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 03:45
I read it too now. I will comment under the spoiler tag (for easy skipping if desired) but as a fair warning: I have a hard time sugar coating. Maybe it reads harsh, so you can skip if you wish. If it does that's not actually intended though. Overall I agree with the others, it is by no means bad. I liked the writing style itself, and I've read far worse.
- Merela et AWTEW aiment ceci
#32821
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 04:09
Hello, I'm just wondering whether any of you can give me a bit of advice? I'm planning on making a male warrior to romance Cass on the next playthrough (up to now I only play female characters as rogues & mages). Do you have any advice on which specialization/weapon type (2H or SnB) to compliment Cass' SnB Templar? I was thinking at first of doing a SnB Champion (Trevelyan) but probably two SnB in a team isn't the best combination?
Also, any advice on particular specialization/race dynamique with Cass? I mean for example Cullen x Templar!quizzy or Cullen x Mage!Quizzy get special dynamics that are very interesting. Is there any particular dynamic with Cass?
Thanks in advance
Be a reaver and make her worry. lol XD
- Lady Artifice aime ceci
#32822
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 04:55
I read it too now. I will comment under the spoiler tag (for easy skipping if desired) but as a fair warning: I have a hard time sugar coating. Maybe it reads harsh, so you can skip if you wish. If it does that's not actually intended though. Overall I agree with the others, it is by no means bad. I liked the writing style itself, and I've read far worse.
Spoiler
Eh, thanks for the comment! It was an interesting read and my feelings are fine!
I think I see what the problems are and I'm planning to try and fix them (without adding any bugs, mark my words Br3ad!). By the time I'm done, I hope I'll have as many stings tied up as possible, I'll have a few things cut and Fjalar will be cute and lovable like a baby llama! ![]()
- AWTEW aime ceci
#32823
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 05:13
I'll have a few things cut and Fjalar will be cute and lovable like a baby llama!
When I said I didn't like him that didn't mean he needed to change.
I'd prefer a strong character, doesn't necessarily need to be a likeable one.
That he had considered his options and possible implications when judging Blackwall actually made up for other shortcomings.
#32824
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 08:12
So I tried to fix and enhance my fic. Hopefully, it's better. (And bugs-free!)
#32825
Posté 04 mai 2015 - 10:34




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