And I agree that having the choices you make throughout the course of the series have virtually NO effect on the endings, and having the choice between endings not be particularly significant, are two major flaws with the endings. But for one thing, MEHEM doesn't fix this, and for another, this doesn't have anything to do with whether Shepard dies or not. They could've made the endings more customized to your game choices, and still have Shepard die in all of them.
It is true that MEHEM doesn't fix this. Modding limitations being what they are. But what it does do is offer one more option: To install the mod and play out the new endings. If it could be thrown into the mix and keep the original endings, I'd be all for it.
But what you don't seem to understand is that people want a voice in the fate of their character avatar. His/her ultimate fate is a major plot point. Making it the same regardless of chcoie is a slap i nthe face to those trying to craft their own Shepard's stories. Sure there are those who llike tragic ends, but there are those who like happy ones too. WHy should they be denied? Why should they only cater to one subset?
Well, there's realistic within the logic of a sci-fi/fantasy universe and realism in general- clearly a story involving aliens and monsters isn't realistic in the latter sense. But victory requiring sacrifice and loss is a pretty consistent theme within the trilogy- save the council, lose the ships. Save Kaiden, or save Ashley. Cure the genophage, or placate the Salarians and allow Mordin to live. Etc.
And this victory does require sacrifice and loss. It's unavoidable. But why does it require this loss? Why must the player give up their character (and yes, we were told "These are your Shepards") to make it a "true" sacrifice? All the examples you gave involve choice. Save this person or that person. Save those people or these other people. Where's the either/or with Shepard? Where's the choice?
"Counterproductive" only if you think that the only productive result for quality art/storytelling are warm and fuzzy feelings. Many people, including many many artists, would vehemently disagree with you. Myself among them. I'd far rather read a story that made me feel strongly negative than one that made me feel mildly pleasant. This simply comes down to the different taste and expectations regarding art that I mentioned earlier.
And clearly, many, many people who played Mass Effect 3 disagree with your assessment. If Bioware is trying to broaden their audience, they have clearly failed. Tehy should have found a way to offer both kinds of endings. And yes, it can be done. They managed it just a few short years ago.
All this about "control" is a red herring in this context. The point is simply that some people prefer a story that makes them feel happy, than one that makes them feel anything else, even if this would require removing powerful narrative elements, such as the death of a beloved character. Are you perhaps slightly more attached to a character whom you've controlled throughout the course of the story? Probably. But the point remains the same either way.
And as I said before, there is no reason both could not have been offered. None.
I'd imagine I'm hardly the only one to whom the imaginary deaths of digital NPCs that you never even meet doesn't have any serious significance. And nobody can claim that the significance is on the same order as the death of the protagonist or other central characters. Its simply apples and oranges.
So, what, your "feels" have a greater priority than my "feels"?
On the contrary. If the journey involved so much loss, then it is implausible and anti-climactic to suppose that the achievement of the goal would be relatively painless. It sort of cheapens "all that other sacrifice".
On the contrary, I'd say it validates it further. Their sacrifice means less loss later.
Ok, but why? Why would it be reasonable to think that its as simple as choosing to have everything work out perfectly? Why would anyone ever choose otherwise?
Because different people have different definitions of "work out perfectly" Seriously, check out Dragon Age: Origins
Because people roleplay different Shepards, who make different choices, and expect different outcomes. Some where Shepard would live, and others not.
What's getting lost here is that Mass Effect was supposed to be a role-playing game. A game where we, as the players, tell the story of Commander Shepard. And not just of one Commander Shepard, but many. And with many choices, many strategies, one expects many outcomes. Both good and bad.
Believe it or not, people rigged the Suicide Mission many different outcomes, including suboptimal bloodbaths, just to see the outcomes.
That's where you get complexity. Not just taking differnt paths to the destination, but arriving at different destinations