2138 réponses à ce sujet

[Ryzaki]

Yeah I feel it's probably bi Vivienne and (hopefully) Solas. Hopefully both race gated.

[Andraste_Reborn]

That, plus I don't think Gaider likes the idea of dwarf romance, I believe he described it as 'eww' which is fair enough.

 

He's okay with walking goat-bull people though haha so idk what to think

 

1) According to David Gaider, that was taken out of context. (There were some threads about it in the Scuttlebut forum a while ago.)

 

2) That doesn't necessarily mean there won't be a dwarf romance, in Inquisition in some future game. There are other writers on the team, after all. We still don't know for certain about Varric.

 

(That said, as someone who has been waiting fifteen years for a romanceable dwarf, I'll believe it when I see it.)

[aTigerslunch]

@Puppylove, just don't break your keyboard while banging your forehead into it.

 

 

@Princess_Threat (sorry didn't put the X's there, this laptop wont quote)  There is, and its definitely sad. Glad you helped there.

[Puppy Love]

I had a long response to something but decided not to post it...  I think I was asking a bit much with it.  Is what I truly believe ultimately but still.  By the time I was done I was practically ready to try and organize a revolution, and well, seeing as I was almost too scared of a moderator to post that earlier message, I sooooo am not revolution leader material, lol, I better stop chasing waterfalls.

[aTigerslunch]

Waterfalls are easier to catch than water drips.

 

 

 

EDIT: ok, yes.... that was just reaching, at first it sounded good, then the second time it sounded weird.

[dekarserverbot]

One of the problems a lot of gay kids have is that they never ever see themselves represented in kids media because 'oh my god think of the children'...

 

OBJECTION!

 

what about Spongebob Squarepants? The main villian is an heterosexual diminute man who is married to her own developed software girl, and the hero is someone who is less man than Wade... this is a bad move against the average heterosexual man. I sometimes think is some kind of payback for the "womanlish" shredder from teenage mutant ninja turtles (80's series).  Even if the media balance is incredible unbalanced we have series that portrait gay people too. And the first openly gay character that made into the media was Beast from the X-Men, and he is not THAT NEW, also the product was delivered for kids (at least where i live goes that way).

 

I don't want to be "the Syaoran" again... so don't try to label me as the evil hetero white male.

[aTigerslunch]

The 80s Shredder was girlish?!  uh....ok. He looked normal guy to me.

[dekarserverbot]

The 80s Shredder was girlish?!  uh....ok. He looked normal guy to me.

 

Not at all, he acted like a mom towards both Bebop and Rocksteady, also he used to deal and try to calm a grumpy brain that was screaming orders at him all the time... When I grew up realized that Shredder was just a "housewife".

[Allan Schumacher]

i have no issues with someone living their life how they choose to do so....I also have no problem with all groups and walks of life being represented.  I am glad that these games represent everyone and I have no issue with that. I accept everyone for who they are or want to be...who am I to judge.

 

When it stops being about just merely representing people to then being shoved down my throat and pushing for more and more and more I do have a problem with that. 

 

What exactly is the line by which something is shoved down your throat?  Do you think this is a concern for DAI?

 

 

i think I was very understanding and respectful in my first post in the thread (which was made today)

 

I very plainly said I take no issues with how people want to live their life.  I don't see why I put walls/defenses up with people.  In my mind I never attacked anyone.  Just shared my opinion on a line of thought that a developer of the games was on.

 

At this point, if it's not an issue with our games, I am going to have to join in on why you bothered to ask it?

 

Because, unfortunately, you opted to use the exact same language that people that hate the content's very existence also use.

[aTigerslunch]

I took it as a guy that ordered his minions around, and was distasteful towards them. Brain, forgot his name, was grumpy and Shredder was acting out frustrations towards him. Didn't seem, as you put it, housewifey to me.  If want to use that term, which I think is derogatory there. Men cant order minions around widely? He's not the first nor last I seen or heard doing that, or having to put up with that brain. It would been more justified if he killed all three of them than put up with them, but in 80s, no cartoon character died for the most part in US shows. GI Joe, Transformers and such, till way later.

[aTigerslunch]

Allan, I thought he answered that for Puppylove?  well... first question, not second one.

[Allan Schumacher]

So what should I do then? Be one of those who supports insulting and hating the majority? Sorry, I can't do that. I've been subjugated to enough ill will in my life for every reason there is, and will not inflict that onto others. That makes me no better than those who made my life hell. 

 

Be one of the people that tells the majority to stop picking on the minority.  Enough people do it and the minority becomes the majority.

[Hanako Ikezawa]

Be one of the people that tells the majority to stop picking on the minority.  Enough people do it and the minority becomes the majority.

Well, I tell everybody to stop picking on everybody, so I have that covered.

[Fialka]

In regards to privilege and what that means, from someone who has white privilege and straight privilege (not going to touch the race issue, as this isn't the place). Yes, every individual has different experiences, but I recognize that I am part of a privileged majority, at least when it comes to my orientation and gender identity (i.e. being born female and not having to struggle with whether that fits who I am).

 

In recognizing it, I realize there are negative experiences common to LGBT people that I will never experience - but that doesn't make it okay for me to negate those experiences or to not feel compassion. I realize that I have a certain power, and responsibility, to inform other straight people when they express ignorant views or behave in a way that isn't okay. I recognize that I can be ignorant of certain issues myself, and I make the effort to keep an open mind and ask questions and educate myself. It means, to me, that I should challenge my own views on our society and how any group of people is represented. 

 

It's not an easy thing to do - to recognize that things I've said or believed or accepted are wrong. I believe that's why people who hold certain views tend to defend them so passionately in the face of being challenged. However, not everyone is like that, and villifying an entire group just for being the majority solves nothing - especially when there are plenty of members in said majority who are trying. 

[Andraste_Reborn]

And the first openly gay character that made into the media was Beast from the X-Men, and he is not THAT NEW, also the product was delivered for kids (at least where i live goes that way).

 

Wait, what? Is there an alternate universe version I'm not familiar with?

 

Northstar is gay. Mystique is bi, and Destiny was a lesbian. Colossus is gay in the Ultimate universe. Rictor and Shatterstar are finally an item, and Karma finally came out. There are also newer character like Anole, Graymalkin and Bling. I can even make a good argument for Storm and/or Gambit being bisexual, so one way and another the mutant Pride Parade float isn't looking so sparse these days. But 616!Beast and Movie!Beast and Ultimate!Beast and all the cartoon versions I can think of are straight.

[aTigerslunch]

My tabletop group is learning to be more ok with these issues. Generally cause of the creation of a certain character pushed these to the front to be considered. I don't think if I hadn't chosen the character I have, some of these matters would never came up. Now the group was presented with differing representation of sexuality that would not of done otherwise. There are lesbians, due to my character, along with gay, asexual, pansexuals and bisexuals. Most of the group are straight white males, only one straight female.

[aTigerslunch]

There is talk of Superman and Batman sharing a kiss. I never heard of Beast being gay though.

[Allan Schumacher]

Yes, but the video addresses how baseless and silly the term really is. Real 'Academic' discussion will not use terms like 'white privelaged shitlord', they'll approach arguments with reason, diplomacy and understanding.

 

The might not use the term "shitlord" but "White Privilege" is indeed a term that exists in Academia.

http://scholar.googl...dt=1,5&as_sdtp=

 

It refers to the advantages, typically unrecognized, that a white person has (particularly in the West).

 

 

People misconstrue the term to mean "Always superior to anyone that is less privileged" or that "Your life can't be bad."  This is not true.  They all too often assume that the benefits are specifically financial.

 

To be clear, though, any individual person's life can be awful.  There's nothing stopping a white person from having a poorer life than a black person.  There's nothing stopping a white person from being poor, bullied, and their life can be complete utterly miserable.

 

I'm a straight white male that feels that he receives certain benefits in life simply because of that.  I can openly express love to a partner with very minimal concern over whether or not people will judge me.  This is a privilege that I have over many gay people.  I'm more likely to come away with a warning when I make a minor violation that draws the attention of police.  This is an advantage I have over First Nations (speaking contextually, within Edmonton area).  I can get a job and it's less likely that people will think I got it based on my physical attractiveness.  This is an advantage I have over women.

 

This does not mean that I will never be judged for expressing affection.  This does not mean that I will never be given a citation by the police.  This does not mean that I will never be assumed to have gotten a job because of how attractive I am.

 

This does not mean that a gay person cannot have even better success than I have at expressing affection without judgment.  This does not mean that a First Nations individual cannot have better luck getting out of tickets than me.  This does not mean that a woman can have better success than me at avoiding assumptions that her attractiveness factored in to getting a job than me.

 

It does mean that I think it's appreciably less likely however, when looking at the two groups as a whole.

 

 

A lot of people suffer through pain in their life.  On any individual case, any person can suffer completely earth shattering amounts of pain and suffering.  I've certainly suffered pain in my life, much of it a result of my brother being killed when I was 13 and the bouts of suppression and a complete failure on developing appropriate coping mechanisms.  I had zero coping mechanisms with failure and when my depression was now causing me to fail in public ways (i.e. out of University) and a support network that had collapsed upon itself (including a woman that shared a mutual hate with me literally told me I wouldn't be missed if I killed myself - culminating with me standing on the wrong side of a bridge railing at 3 AM wondering if a gust of wind would help me make my decision) and a host of other very unpleasant times in my life.  Fortunately, I'm at a place now in my life where I confidently state that I am content happy.  Though I do have some particularly unique challenges such as people typically judging me for not being married and other things like that, I am in a stage (thankfully) where my life is going along a path I am happy with now.

 

As a white man, it doesn't mean that I'm immune to pain.  It doesn't mean I automatically am always better than other people that aren't white men.  Depending on the degree of intersectionality, however, perhaps aspects of my life when I was down, and my recovery, could have played out differently.

 

While growing up, when we teased the kids we didn't like by calling them gay... they were never making fun of my sexuality.  I was hardly immune to the sexual awkwardness of growing up, but I never had to fear being ostracized (further) because I happened to find boys attractive instead of girls.  When we made fun of natives and called them names, I was never exposed to the harassment that would come from not being white in my community.  Upon my return to University, I had no problems hanging out in a building that was 95% male - I didn't have to deal with the same guy asking me out every day for a single semester (this literally happened to a friend of mine).

 

 

I realize that race is almost never an issue in my life.  Sex/gender is almost never an issue in my life.  My sexual orientation is... I think simply never, been an issue in my life.  Because of this, it can be misguided of me to treat people similar to myself, because it could mean treating someone who has had race be a serious issue in their life as though it wasn't an issue.  It could mean treating someone who has had sex/gender issues in their life as though it wasn't an issue.  It could mean treating someone who has had sexual orientation issues in their life as though it wasn't an issue in their life.

 

Most of my privilege is manifested in my ignorance and being oblivious to things being in a way that I don't think they are.  It meant that I was the guy arguing that 3 straight women and 1 straight man was a reasonable breakdown of romances in Baldur's Gate 2.  It meant that some guy being snarky at me for using ****** as a short form for Japanese meant I got on the defensive and challenged that I did anything wrong because I didn't intend to be racist!  To the point where I was almost arguing I should still be allowed to use the term despite it being pointed out because dammit, I wasn't wrong.

 

 

I'd say my life has been pretty good to me.  I'm grateful for that, and that even though I had some seriously tough patches 15-20 years ago, I can comfortably say I'm happy now.

 

But for all the badness I was experiencing when I was younger, I realize now that there's a good chance that it would have been worse if I also had to deal with the challenges of being First Nations.  There's a good chance it would have been worse if I wasn't cisgendered.  There's a good chance it wouldn't be as good if I was not a man.  Not guaranteed.  But I do think that those traits tend to stack the deck in subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, ways against people.

 

 

Until a few years ago, I was very oblivious to all of this.  I'm less so now, and also have a lot more sounding boards and relationships with people willing to help me by providing perspective.  I also recognize that if I come down hard on people, it can be interpreted as just another example of a cisgendered, straight white male imposing his power.  It's actually possibly a valid critique (though I'm probably not qualified to make it, necessarily, since we're often poor judges of our own wrong doings).  So I do actually try to touch base with people (often a lot...) to provide a check on my power.  I touch base with others and go "am I misreading this?" and so forth.

 

 

It does mean, however, that I don't see a lesbian celebrating that Sera is a lesbian as equivalent to a straight man celebrating that Cassandra is straight.  You might think that I'm not being fair here, but I feel when analyzed within the greater cultural perspective of where we are right now as a group of societies, the celebrating can come across very differently.  No, that doesn't mean that lesbians have carte blanche to harass other people.  But it does mean that I'll have more empathy for lesbians, on the whole, that are denied Cassandra than I will for straight men that are denied Sera.  As such, the expressed disappointment I frame within that context.

 

As a guy (who happens to have learned that Sera is awesome!) sure it's disappointing.  But it's not a constant thing that I have had to endure in my video games and my entertainment consumption.  For me, it's a rarer anomaly for a romance to exist that isn't for me.  For a lesbian that happens to find Cass super interesting, it's yet another case of being denied something that they'd prefer.

 

Same goes with female/male representation and why I have much less concern for men that feel slighted because showing female protagonists than I will of women being slighted because of showing male protagonists.  They aren't equal and for a guy to get upset at that demonstrates a lack of perspective and empathy towards another human being that typically doesn't get the same amount of content focus as he does.

 

So when I hear discussions about how we need to make sure that we're still stroking the needs and speaking in a way that the privileged group has, it comes across as a tone argument and often belies speaking and acting in a way that maintains the status quo.  As a part of that privileged majority, I do feel that if I can come to grips with the fact that a more equitable distribution of content isn't cause to get upset, I am reasonably confident others can too.

 

It's also why I get uncomfortable when people co-opt terms.  Seeing someone suggest that now that LGBT people are getting what they want (note, LGBT people want what straight people have already been getting, so this isn't special treatment), now we can focus on the specific needs of the majority (or something).  Though realistically, if we're speaking in terms of fairness, getting LGBT to the place where they're getting the same as straight is reasonably fair.  I support LGBT representation because LGBT people are routinely targeted for that trait.  Someone advocating, for instance, more blond haired women to romance on the basis of representation is something that falls flat and, to me, devalues the term "representation."

 

 

Anyways, it's late and I have physio tomorrow, so I'll check in again tomorrow.

[phantomrachie]

By "shoved down my throat" I meant it as a literal term as in "forced me to to do it"

 

So you were wanting an example of what is too far for me.....If I go into a location and everyone there is a gay male and I get constantly hit on and see guys kissing and stuff and I am forced to go and see/do this every play through.  If I play a game and my character is gay and I have love scenes like with Shepard and Kaiden, but its forced on me "shoved down my throat" I take issue with that.

 

 

So like you have to go to a gay club in the game? If you knew it was a gay club would that matter.

 

I'm only asking because I'm trying to understand how walking into a club where there are gay people kissing is different from all the clubs that games bring you into were straight people are kissing.

[aTigerslunch]

Spoiler

The might not use the term "shitlord" but "White Privilege" is indeed a term that exists in Academia.

http://scholar.googl...dt=1,5&as_sdtp=

 

It refers to the advantages, typically unrecognized, that a white person has (particularly in the West).

 

 

People misconstrue the term to mean "Always superior to anyone that is less privileged" or that "Your life can't be bad."  This is not true.  They all too often assume that the benefits are specifically financial.

 

To be clear, though, any individual person's life can be awful.  There's nothing stopping a white person from having a poorer life than a black person.  There's nothing stopping a white person from being poor, bullied, and their life can be complete utterly miserable.

 

I'm a straight white male that feels that he receives certain benefits in life simply because of that.  I can openly express love to a partner with very minimal concern over whether or not people will judge me.  This is a privilege that I have over many gay people.  I'm more likely to come away with a warning when I make a minor violation that draws the attention of police.  This is an advantage I have over First Nations (speaking contextually, within Edmonton area).  I can get a job and it's less likely that people will think I got it based on my physical attractiveness.  This is an advantage I have over women.

 

This does not mean that I will never be judged for expressing affection.  This does not mean that I will never be given a citation by the police.  This does not mean that I will never be assumed to have gotten a job because of how attractive I am.

 

This does not mean that a gay person cannot have even better success than I have at expressing affection without judgment.  This does not mean that a First Nations individual cannot have better luck getting out of tickets than me.  This does not mean that a woman can have better success than me at avoiding assumptions that her attractiveness factored in to getting a job than me.

 

It does mean that I think it's appreciably less likely however, when looking at the two groups as a whole.

 

 

A lot of people suffer through pain in their life.  On any individual case, any person can suffer completely earth shattering amounts of pain and suffering.  I've certainly suffered pain in my life, much of it a result of my brother being killed when I was 13 and the bouts of suppression and a complete failure on developing appropriate coping mechanisms.  I had zero coping mechanisms with failure and when my depression was now causing me to fail in public ways (i.e. out of University) and a support network that had collapsed upon itself (including a woman that shared a mutual hate with me literally told me I wouldn't be missed if I killed myself - culminating with me standing on the wrong side of a bridge railing at 3 AM wondering if a gust of wind would help me make my decision) and a host of other very unpleasant times in my life.  Fortunately, I'm at a place now in my life where I confidently state that I am content happy.  Though I do have some particularly unique challenges such as people typically judging me for not being married and other things like that, I am in a stage (thankfully) where my life is going along a path I am happy with now.

 

As a white man, it doesn't mean that I'm immune to pain.  It doesn't mean I automatically am always better than other people that aren't white men.  Depending on the degree of intersectionality, however, perhaps aspects of my life when I was down, and my recovery, could have played out differently.

 

While growing up, when we teased the kids we didn't like by calling them gay... they were never making fun of my sexuality.  I was hardly immune to the sexual awkwardness of growing up, but I never had to fear being ostracized (further) because I happened to find boys attractive instead of girls.  When we made fun of natives and called them names, I was never exposed to the harassment that would come from not being white in my community.  Upon my return to University, I had no problems hanging out in a building that was 95% male - I didn't have to deal with the same guy asking me out every day for a single semester (this literally happened to a friend of mine).

 

 

I realize that race is almost never an issue in my life.  Sex/gender is almost never an issue in my life.  My sexual orientation is... I think simply never, been an issue in my life.  Because of this, it can be misguided of me to treat people similar to myself, because it could mean treating someone who has had race be a serious issue in their life as though it wasn't an issue.  It could mean treating someone who has had sex/gender issues in their life as though it wasn't an issue.  It could mean treating someone who has had sexual orientation issues in their life as though it wasn't an issue in their life.

 

Most of my privilege is manifested in my ignorance and being oblivious to things being in a way that I don't think they are.  It meant that I was the guy arguing that 3 straight women and 1 straight man was a reasonable breakdown of romances in Baldur's Gate 2.  It meant that some guy being snarky at me for using ****** as a short form for Japanese meant I got on the defensive and challenged that I did anything wrong because I didn't intend to be racist!  To the point where I was almost arguing I should still be allowed to use the term despite it being pointed out because dammit, I wasn't wrong.

 

 

I'd say my life has been pretty good to me.  I'm grateful for that, and that even though I had some seriously tough patches 15-20 years ago, I can comfortably say I'm happy now.

 

But for all the badness I was experiencing when I was younger, I realize now that there's a good chance that it would have been worse if I also had to deal with the challenges of being First Nations.  There's a good chance it would have been worse if I wasn't cisgendered.  There's a good chance it wouldn't be as good if I was not a man.  Not guaranteed.  But I do think that those traits tend to stack the deck in subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, ways against people.

 

 

Until a few years ago, I was very oblivious to all of this.  I'm less so now, and also have a lot more sounding boards and relationships with people willing to help me by providing perspective.  I also recognize that if I come down hard on people, it can be interpreted as just another example of a cisgendered, straight white male imposing his power.  It's actually possibly a valid critique (though I'm probably not qualified to make it, necessarily, since we're often poor judges of our own wrong doings).  So I do actually try to touch base with people (often a lot...) to provide a check on my power.  I touch base with others and go "am I misreading this?" and so forth.

 

 

It does mean, however, that I don't see a lesbian celebrating that Sera is a lesbian as equivalent to a straight man celebrating that Cassandra is straight.  You might think that I'm not being fair here, but I feel when analyzed within the greater cultural perspective of where we are right now as a group of societies, the celebrating can come across very differently.  No, that doesn't mean that lesbians have carte blanche to harass other people.  But it does mean that I'll have more empathy for lesbians, on the whole, that are denied Cassandra than I will for straight men that are denied Sera.  As such, the expressed disappointment I frame within that context.

 

As a guy (who happens to have learned that Sera is awesome!) sure it's disappointing.  But it's not a constant thing that I have had to endure in my video games and my entertainment consumption.  For me, it's a rarer anomaly for a romance to exist that isn't for me.  For a lesbian that happens to find Cass super interesting, it's yet another case of being denied something that they'd prefer.

 

Same goes with female/male representation and why I have much less concern for men that feel slighted because showing female protagonists than I will of women being slighted because of showing male protagonists.  They aren't equal and for a guy to get upset at that demonstrates a lack of perspective and empathy towards another human being that typically doesn't get the same amount of content focus as he does.

 

So when I hear discussions about how we need to make sure that we're still stroking the needs and speaking in a way that the privileged group has, it comes across as a tone argument and often belies speaking and acting in a way that maintains the status quo.  As a part of that privileged majority, I do feel that if I can come to grips with the fact that a more equitable distribution of content isn't cause to get upset, I am reasonably confident others can too.

 

It's also why I get uncomfortable when people co-opt terms.  Seeing someone suggest that now that LGBT people are getting what they want (note, LGBT people want what straight people have already been getting, so this isn't special treatment), now we can focus on the specific needs of the majority (or something).  Though realistically, if we're speaking in terms of fairness, getting LGBT to the place where they're getting the same as straight is reasonably fair.  I support LGBT representation because LGBT people are routinely targeted for that trait.  Someone advocating, for instance, more blond haired women to romance on the basis of representation is something that falls flat and, to me, devalues the term "representation."

 

 

Anyways, it's late and I have physio tomorrow, so I'll check in again tomorrow.

I ran out of likes and wanted to like your post.  I agree with you on preferences of backing LGBT over straight males myself.

[WildOrchid]

That was an interesting post, Allan.

[carlo angelo]

Damnit! **** went down and people responded brilliantly to posts I wanted to respond to (but it's too late now since the times gone).

[CrimsonN7]

Goddamn this topic gets heavy fast, so am how bout dem gays eh?

 

So like you have to go to a gay club in the game? If you knew it was a gay club would that matter.

 

 

Gay nightclubs are hella fun tbh, I'm finding it hard to see a problem here.

[phantomrachie]

 

Gay nightclubs are hella fun tbh, I'm finding it hard to see a problem here.

 

so much fun  .

 

In my experience clubs that cater to a perceived minority tend to be more fun since less people tend to be dicks cos they know its one of the few bars in town to their tastes.

 

At least that is what I've found in Dublin, for a great night out you need to be in a gay bar, goth/industrial club or a rock bar.

[JadePrince]

Spoiler

The might not use the term "shitlord" but "White Privilege" is indeed a term that exists in Academia.

http://scholar.googl...dt=1,5&as_sdtp=

 

It refers to the advantages, typically unrecognized, that a white person has (particularly in the West).

 

 

People misconstrue the term to mean "Always superior to anyone that is less privileged" or that "Your life can't be bad."  This is not true.  They all too often assume that the benefits are specifically financial.

 

To be clear, though, any individual person's life can be awful.  There's nothing stopping a white person from having a poorer life than a black person.  There's nothing stopping a white person from being poor, bullied, and their life can be complete utterly miserable.

 

I'm a straight white male that feels that he receives certain benefits in life simply because of that.  I can openly express love to a partner with very minimal concern over whether or not people will judge me.  This is a privilege that I have over many gay people.  I'm more likely to come away with a warning when I make a minor violation that draws the attention of police.  This is an advantage I have over First Nations (speaking contextually, within Edmonton area).  I can get a job and it's less likely that people will think I got it based on my physical attractiveness.  This is an advantage I have over women.

 

This does not mean that I will never be judged for expressing affection.  This does not mean that I will never be given a citation by the police.  This does not mean that I will never be assumed to have gotten a job because of how attractive I am.

 

This does not mean that a gay person cannot have even better success than I have at expressing affection without judgment.  This does not mean that a First Nations individual cannot have better luck getting out of tickets than me.  This does not mean that a woman can have better success than me at avoiding assumptions that her attractiveness factored in to getting a job than me.

 

It does mean that I think it's appreciably less likely however, when looking at the two groups as a whole.

 

 

A lot of people suffer through pain in their life.  On any individual case, any person can suffer completely earth shattering amounts of pain and suffering.  I've certainly suffered pain in my life, much of it a result of my brother being killed when I was 13 and the bouts of suppression and a complete failure on developing appropriate coping mechanisms.  I had zero coping mechanisms with failure and when my depression was now causing me to fail in public ways (i.e. out of University) and a support network that had collapsed upon itself (including a woman that shared a mutual hate with me literally told me I wouldn't be missed if I killed myself - culminating with me standing on the wrong side of a bridge railing at 3 AM wondering if a gust of wind would help me make my decision) and a host of other very unpleasant times in my life.  Fortunately, I'm at a place now in my life where I confidently state that I am content happy.  Though I do have some particularly unique challenges such as people typically judging me for not being married and other things like that, I am in a stage (thankfully) where my life is going along a path I am happy with now.

 

As a white man, it doesn't mean that I'm immune to pain.  It doesn't mean I automatically am always better than other people that aren't white men.  Depending on the degree of intersectionality, however, perhaps aspects of my life when I was down, and my recovery, could have played out differently.

 

While growing up, when we teased the kids we didn't like by calling them gay... they were never making fun of my sexuality.  I was hardly immune to the sexual awkwardness of growing up, but I never had to fear being ostracized (further) because I happened to find boys attractive instead of girls.  When we made fun of natives and called them names, I was never exposed to the harassment that would come from not being white in my community.  Upon my return to University, I had no problems hanging out in a building that was 95% male - I didn't have to deal with the same guy asking me out every day for a single semester (this literally happened to a friend of mine).

 

 

I realize that race is almost never an issue in my life.  Sex/gender is almost never an issue in my life.  My sexual orientation is... I think simply never, been an issue in my life.  Because of this, it can be misguided of me to treat people similar to myself, because it could mean treating someone who has had race be a serious issue in their life as though it wasn't an issue.  It could mean treating someone who has had sex/gender issues in their life as though it wasn't an issue.  It could mean treating someone who has had sexual orientation issues in their life as though it wasn't an issue in their life.

 

Most of my privilege is manifested in my ignorance and being oblivious to things being in a way that I don't think they are.  It meant that I was the guy arguing that 3 straight women and 1 straight man was a reasonable breakdown of romances in Baldur's Gate 2.  It meant that some guy being snarky at me for using ****** as a short form for Japanese meant I got on the defensive and challenged that I did anything wrong because I didn't intend to be racist!  To the point where I was almost arguing I should still be allowed to use the term despite it being pointed out because dammit, I wasn't wrong.

 

 

I'd say my life has been pretty good to me.  I'm grateful for that, and that even though I had some seriously tough patches 15-20 years ago, I can comfortably say I'm happy now.

 

But for all the badness I was experiencing when I was younger, I realize now that there's a good chance that it would have been worse if I also had to deal with the challenges of being First Nations.  There's a good chance it would have been worse if I wasn't cisgendered.  There's a good chance it wouldn't be as good if I was not a man.  Not guaranteed.  But I do think that those traits tend to stack the deck in subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, ways against people.

 

 

Until a few years ago, I was very oblivious to all of this.  I'm less so now, and also have a lot more sounding boards and relationships with people willing to help me by providing perspective.  I also recognize that if I come down hard on people, it can be interpreted as just another example of a cisgendered, straight white male imposing his power.  It's actually possibly a valid critique (though I'm probably not qualified to make it, necessarily, since we're often poor judges of our own wrong doings).  So I do actually try to touch base with people (often a lot...) to provide a check on my power.  I touch base with others and go "am I misreading this?" and so forth.

 

 

It does mean, however, that I don't see a lesbian celebrating that Sera is a lesbian as equivalent to a straight man celebrating that Cassandra is straight.  You might think that I'm not being fair here, but I feel when analyzed within the greater cultural perspective of where we are right now as a group of societies, the celebrating can come across very differently.  No, that doesn't mean that lesbians have carte blanche to harass other people.  But it does mean that I'll have more empathy for lesbians, on the whole, that are denied Cassandra than I will for straight men that are denied Sera.  As such, the expressed disappointment I frame within that context.

 

As a guy (who happens to have learned that Sera is awesome!) sure it's disappointing.  But it's not a constant thing that I have had to endure in my video games and my entertainment consumption.  For me, it's a rarer anomaly for a romance to exist that isn't for me.  For a lesbian that happens to find Cass super interesting, it's yet another case of being denied something that they'd prefer.

 

Same goes with female/male representation and why I have much less concern for men that feel slighted because showing female protagonists than I will of women being slighted because of showing male protagonists.  They aren't equal and for a guy to get upset at that demonstrates a lack of perspective and empathy towards another human being that typically doesn't get the same amount of content focus as he does.

 

So when I hear discussions about how we need to make sure that we're still stroking the needs and speaking in a way that the privileged group has, it comes across as a tone argument and often belies speaking and acting in a way that maintains the status quo.  As a part of that privileged majority, I do feel that if I can come to grips with the fact that a more equitable distribution of content isn't cause to get upset, I am reasonably confident others can too.

 

It's also why I get uncomfortable when people co-opt terms.  Seeing someone suggest that now that LGBT people are getting what they want (note, LGBT people want what straight people have already been getting, so this isn't special treatment), now we can focus on the specific needs of the majority (or something).  Though realistically, if we're speaking in terms of fairness, getting LGBT to the place where they're getting the same as straight is reasonably fair.  I support LGBT representation because LGBT people are routinely targeted for that trait.  Someone advocating, for instance, more blond haired women to romance on the basis of representation is something that falls flat and, to me, devalues the term "representation."

 

 

Anyways, it's late and I have physio tomorrow, so I'll check in again tomorrow.

 

Thank you, Allan. You honestly give me hope that people CAN change, that people can become more aware and more empathetic to the situations of people who are different than them. I went through some of the same realizations about race a few years ago (becoming aware of my own invisible privilege being white, and making a conscious effort to be aware of how my experiences differ because of it). You really hit the nail on the head when you made the point that while a straight, white, male person can still experience difficulties, it is likely that those difficulties would be magnified or harder to overcome (or a support system might be harder to access) if you were non-white or non-straight or not a cisgender male. 

 

Thank you for sharing some of your own personal experiences. You didn't need to open yourself up to us like that, but you did and I appreciate it, and feel I maybe know you a little better because of it. 

 

I know not everyone will read or take to heart the things you post, but I am thankful you post them anyway. It makes me feel like we've got someone in our corner. So thanks.