Well, it's manipulation. But then again, it's necessary if the person can be counted on. Wynne would walk away under the right circumstances. Leliana would too. Their beliefs about ashes or saving a few possibly gone bad mages are bigger than saving Thedas or Ferelden. Everyone one of them has a breaking point as far as I can see, which is pretty true in real life as well and why they need to be manipulated. People are just too damn petty. If you play it wrong you could end up with some of your best party leaving and that Cousland knew that people could abandon her when things got rough. She just watched full out betrayal by a supposed friend. So really it's not disingenuous. It's being smart and wise and knowing people can be petty and not always trusted to see the greater good. She wouldn't have to nod and agree and be polite all the time if people were capable of being adults, but generally they are not.
My female Amell is this way. Manipulative, and at times pragmatic (or lazy depending on your PoV) since she will sometimes take 'short cuts' to achieve her goals. She smiled, nodded at Wynne despite she had more in common with Morrigan (though she didn't care for Morrigan much either, finding in her a rival). Same with Leliana, being an anti-chantry type, she had just as many troubles with her. The only one she felt she could get along with was Zevran because he was (if she fine tuned her bullshit-ometer) pretty straightforward with her.
She romanced Alistair once she found out about the whole "king" thing and put him on the throne, acing Eamon out as Chancellor and being his Mistress so she had not only an official advisory position, but an intimate one too to control him. I'd have left him unhardened, but I can't do that to him OR Ferelden, and despite herself she did care about him.





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