I really shouldn't have wandered out of the Cullen thread today. Thought I'd go find a Solas thread to lurk but ran across a topic titled "do the elves really need a homeland?" and I'm just... Mad. And sad. How is this even a question for anyone? And the justifications! Their logic! Andraste's t!ts! Every example of "justification" and "proof" against the elves can be traced back to the initial aggression by humans. I'm just... Yeah.
So... Dat Cullen.
Cullen: "Varric?" *shifts from foot to foot*
Varric: "Yes Commander Catnip?"
Cullen: *grumble* "I asked you not to call me that."
Varric: "My mistake, your smighteyness. What's the problem?"
Cullen: *sigh* "The new bedroll I requisitioned..."
Varric: *feigns dismay* "Oh don't tell me it's not soft enough."
Cullen: "Er... No, it's soft enough."
Varric: "Too soft? Lumpy? Is the casing too scratchy?"
Cullen: "No! All that is fine."
Varric: "Then what?"
Cullen: "It's too big now. I barely have room to walk around it. Are you sure it isn't Iron Bull's?"
Varric: "Oh no. It's yours."
Cullen: " But it's big enough for two! I don't need - "
Varric: "Oh you will. Trust me. You will."
Cullen: *blinks* "I don't..."
Varric: *walks away* "You forget, I used to be in the business of anticipating Hawke's needs. This is MY area of expertise, Commander Catnip."
Cullen: *stares at the Dwarf's retreating back* "Varric..."
Varric: "Oh look! A ball of yarn!" *pulls yarn from pocket and tosses it over his shoulder* "Fetch!"
Cullen: "Varric...!" *absently catches ball*
Varric: *cackles and disappears around a corner*
Your Smighteyness? I AM IN LOVE!





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