Random, but I read your post and then my eyes immediately went down to your sig and I burst out laughing
Your sig is perfect.
Lol! I like to creep....... with great respect. IT IS GLORIOUS! 
Under your trench coat though you are doused in head-to-toe Cullen fanfic 
But I am clothed under the fanfic, yes? Because that could be awkward.....
Customer: What is that one about? *points at fanfic*
Me: The dashing and witty Inquisitor has to save the brave and handsome Commander from the monstrous clasp of an abomination. P.S - they bang. *winks*
Customer: OK! I'll take it!
Me: Erm. You can't.
Customer: What? Why not?
Me: You just can't, OK?
Customer: But why even have it on display if you aren't selling it?
Me: Because if I give it to you I will have nothing to cover my nipple, OK? Happy now?! *stomps off*
I need a more interesting life.