I understand the way it's being taken, but it's not what I meant. I mean it kind of is, and kind of isn't. Is really confusing me to tell the truth. I'm not big on the mob or Italian culture myself. Was used for the reasons I said, to literally mean a girl of import in the dwarven mafia who is perfectly capable in high class feminine circles. Like I said, I do not know the first thing about italian mafia culture. I suppose I'm sorry for misusing a negative term and getting defensive. No offense was meant, and I kinda reacted like I was being made out to be a bigot or something.
Once upon a time I used the term "******" one time to refer to a Japanese person (in the context of WW2 video game to boot) without any ill intent. It was simply a contraction because I was discussing troop movements for both Japanese and American units. So I contracted one to ****** and the other to US, just to save on space.
Turns out that ****** is a racist slur (spawned out of WW2, appropriately...). I didn't intend for it to be offensive, but it's not my place to say if it is or is not offensive. When called out on it I was initially defensive, because I knew that I didn't believe I was racist. I still don't. But the idea that I made a racist remark made me have to reconcile that reality because how could I say something racist if I wasn't a racist! Stating it didn't make me a racist, but after being informed of it and reconciling it for a bit, I opted to use a different term (I learned that "Japn" was acceptable, and still a lot faster than writing "Japanese" dozens of times).
It happens and people make mistakes without realizing it.
Cheers.