If you want to get technical about it, everybody is 'using' others to get something, or in other words there is an exchange of something. We like some people more than others because they make us feel good, help us when we need it, etc. and we do the same in return. That's an even exchange, so it's good.
There are several problems with the relationship between Justinia and Leliana. For one, what Justinia asks Leliana to do hurts Leliana's psyche. Justinia is aware of it and regrets it, so she's not a monster. Problem number two: Justinia knows Leliana is suffering, but she does not do anything about it. Not while she's alive because she still needs someone to do her dirty work and Leliana happens to be competent and devoted to her. So there's that lack of courage that was pointed out before.
Third problem: Leliana is aware of what causes her suffering: her work. She is not 'blinded' per say, so why does she keep doing it? She feels she owes it to Justinia. Her devotion is not to the cause, it's to the leader of that cause and therein lies the main problem: Leliana doesn't have the courage to stand up to Justinia and refuse to do that work because of a sense of obligation. Justinia doesn't have the courage to let Leliana go.
So in a way, Leliana is being sacrificed for the greater good, but not really by her own choice. She's saying ''I will do this'' not because she herself believes it has to be done, but because Justinia tells her it has to be done.
What we have here is not an abusive relationship. It's an unhealthy relationship. They both know it, but they are trapped in it by the things they want: Justinia wants to change the world, and for that she needs people she can trust to act while she is the figurehead. Leliana wants to have a purpose and to be needed, and Justinia fulfills that role. So what we have here is a vicious circle of codependency: Justinia is afraid of being betrayed (as she was by Marjolaine), so she clings to the person she trusts the most, Leliana, to act on her behalf. Leliana is afraid of being abandoned, so she clings to the person who gives her purpose.
They are both hurting each other through this, and they know it, but neither has the courage to put a stop to it. At first Leliana refuses to acknowledge that Justinia could have failed her. She wants to take all the blame so that she can interpret Justinia's death as her own punishment. Why? Because if she is being punished, it means the Maker is still there. It means she is not completely abandoned. There is still someone looking at her, even in anger. That's why she put up with as much sh*t as she has over her life. She has a pathological need to be needed.
For Justinia the quandary was choosing between her goals and someone she cared about. She chose her goals, but what she was doing to Leliana still tormented her. That's why she had that post mortem message arranged for Leliana. It was her way to soothe her conscience over what she was doing.
TL;DR: Relationships are complicated and the greater good is a b*tch.
I get your point but one thing I can't agree with is pathologizing Leliana's emotions and her relationship with Justinia. (Justinia "hurting Leliana psyche", "Leliana having a pathological need to be needed").
I get that she had a trauma and feels the need to be aknowledged and craves affection but it makes it sound like she has no agency and that she is just a victim. And that's not how I view Leliana's character and can't reduce her to that.
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Magnificent as Zevran would say.
