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[AVPen]

Didn't really want to post these on my ME3Explorer thread, but I did want to get writing advice and thoughts on the new emails that I'm working on for my Massive Email & War Asset Mod. Basically, I want to use this thread to get opinions from the members of this group as to what they think about the new emails and the edited versions of the MEHEM emails that I'm using for my mod.

 

First up is the new Kai Leng email, which replaces the original one after the "Priority: Thessia" mission - the goal of this is to make the character more in line with how he was presented in the ME: Retribution novel:

 

Weak

 

From: Unknown Sender

 

Looks like the asari have finally met an enemy they couldn't defeat by bending over and spreading their legs apart. Have to say, watching the homeworld of those blue whores burning to ash and rubble was oddly relaxing. 

 

I can't comprehend what the Illusive Man still sees in you, Shepard. You may have survived our fight on Thessia, but you're still weak. Earth is dying right now because you lack the strength to win - because you chose to defend the aliens over your own kind. After this war is over, when your so-called allies betray you and make all of humanity their slaves, history will remember the name Shepard as its greatest villian.

 

You're a traitor, Shepard... you've betrayed Cerberus and everything that humanity stands for against the evils of the other species. Next time we meet, your head will roll on the ground from my blade.

 

-Leng

 

I've also create email variants of his email based on who Shepard's alien LI is:

Tali LI:

Looks like the asari have finally met an enemy they couldn't defeat by bending over and spreading their legs apart. Have to say, watching the homeworld of those blue whores burning to ash and rubble was oddly relaxing. 

 

I can't comprehend what the Illusive Man still sees in you, Shepard. You may have survived our fight on Thessia, but you're still weak. Earth is dying right now because you lack the strength to win - because you chose to defend the aliens over your own kind. After this war is over, when your so-called allies betray you and make all of humanity their slaves, history will remember the name Shepard as its greatest villian.

 

You're a traitor, Shepard - you've betrayed everything that humanity stands for against the evils of the other species. But that's no surprise, given that you share your bed with an alien. If I ever run into your little quarian pet, I'll make sure to smash in her visor and let her suffocate on unfiltered air before putting a bullet in her head.  

 

I'll be sure to leave your corpse next to her when this is finished.

 

-Leng

 

Garrus LI

Looks like the asari have finally met an enemy they couldn't defeat by bending over and spreading their legs apart. Have to say, watching the homeworld of those blue whores burning to ash and rubble was oddly relaxing. 

 

I can't comprehend what the Illusive Man still sees in you, Shepard. You may have survived our fight on Thessia, but you're still weak. Earth is dying right now because you lack the strength to win - because you chose to defend the aliens over your own kind. After this war is over, when your so-called allies betray you and make all of humanity their slaves, history will remember the name Shepard as its greatest villian.

 

You're a traitor, Shepard - you've betrayed everything that humanity stands for against the evils of the other species. But that's no surprise, given that you share your bed with an alien. If I find myself face-to-face with your turian bastard, I'm going to skin him alive before taking his head clean off his shoulders with my blade.  

 

Don't worry, I'll leave your head beside his when this is all done.

 

-Leng

 

Liara LI

Looks like the asari have finally met an enemy they couldn't defeat by bending over and spreading their legs apart. Have to say, watching the homeworld of those blue whores burning to ash and rubble was oddly relaxing. 

 

I can't comprehend what the Illusive Man still sees in you, Shepard. You may have survived our fight on Thessia, but you're still weak. Earth is dying right now because you lack the strength to win - because you chose to defend the aliens over your own kind. After this war is over, when your so-called allies betray you and make all of humanity their slaves, history will remember the name Shepard as its greatest villian.

 

You're a traitor, Shepard - you've betrayed everything that humanity stands for against the evils of the other species. But that's no surprise, given that you share your bed with an alien. But your blue sl*t won't be able to seduce me like other weaker humans. If I come across her again, I think I'll remove both her arms and legs and drop her limbless body back on Thessia while it burns to nothing.  

 

I hope to see you burn soon as well.

 

-Leng

 

Thane LI (original game version - Thane fights Leng on Citadel and dies)

Looks like the asari have finally met an enemy they couldn't defeat by bending over and spreading their legs apart. Have to say, watching the homeworld of those blue whores burning to ash and rubble was oddly relaxing. 

 

I can't comprehend what the Illusive Man still sees in you, Shepard. You may have survived our fight on Thessia, but you're still weak. Earth is dying right now because you lack the strength to win - because you chose to defend the aliens over your own kind. After this war is over, when your so-called allies betray you and make all of humanity their slaves, history will remember the name Shepard as its greatest villian.

 

You're a traitor, Shepard - you've betrayed everything that humanity stands for against the evils of the other species. But that's no surprise, given that you share your bed with an alien. Or should I say shared instead... Krios was much weaker than I expected him to be. A pity.

 

Don't worry. You'll be seeing your drell again soon.

 

-Leng

 

Thane LI (ThaneMod version - Thane does not fight Leng on Citadel)

Looks like the asari have finally met an enemy they couldn't defeat by bending over and spreading their legs apart. Have to say, watching the homeworld of those blue whores burning to ash and rubble was oddly relaxing. 

 

I can't comprehend what the Illusive Man still sees in you, Shepard. You may have survived our fight on Thessia, but you're still weak. Earth is dying right now because you lack the strength to win - because you chose to defend the aliens over your own kind. After this war is over, when your so-called allies betray you and make all of humanity their slaves, history will remember the name Shepard as its greatest villian.

 

You're a traitor, Shepard - you've betrayed everything that humanity stands for against the evils of the other species. But that's no surprise, given that you share your bed with an alien. Unfortunate that your drell lover went into hiding, I was actually looking forward to fighting an assassin such as Krios. But he turned out to be a coward in the end. Like the rest of his pathetic species.

 

He won't be able to save you from my blade, Shepard.

 

-Leng

[Deager]

Probably not what you're looking for but this is such a huge improvement over that lame email from him in the original game. I do like the tone. It's harsh and even though I didn't read Retribution, he's easily a very hard person as seen in ME3 alone. This fits much better.

 

I'm usually a fan of streamlining in general, but not sure if you can really cut down what you have to get all the points across. Plus, a longer email makes him seem really angry and nasty which is good in this case.

[AVPen]

Next up are the LI emails, which are just a little email from each love interest after you "lock in" a romance with that character (meaning the player will only get one LI email per game based on who the "TrueLove" flag applies to) and are based on the character Mail messages from the defunct ME: Datapad app:

 

Tali email

Yep, totally worth it

 

From: Tali'Zorah

 

I'll try and keep it professional in public, Shepard - at least until the other admirals are off the ship. But glad to know your feelings haven't changed. I had a wonderful night. Thank you... and thanks for waiting.

 

I expect we'll be having more sleepless nights before this is over... eh, not the good the kind of sleepless nights, I mean. Whatever happens, though, I am with you till the very end.

 

Love,

Tali

 

Garrus email

Our calibrations

 

From: Garrus Vakarian

 

And before you say anything, I know that was a cheap joke. Last time I listen to Joker for pick-up lines.

 

Just needed to say even with all this craziness, you're still a beautiful sight. Let me know whenever you want to show me a few more vid moves... or more target practice. Hope you're still flexible.

 

Love,

G

 

Liara email

Thank you, Shepard

 

From: Liara T'soni

 

It was nice to take some time away from this war, even for a few moments. I enjoyed our walk through the Presidium... and I look forward to many more together with you, whatever happens.

 

I will always believe in you, Shepard.

 

Love,

Liara

 

Kaidan email

Hey

 

From: Kaidan Alenko

 

I'm so happy. That's all. 

 

How can the future be so unsure, yet so bright at the same time? I'm not exactly sure, but you're the reason for the bright part, that much I know.

 

Yours,

Kaidan

 

Steve email

Enjoyed the drinks and dancing

 

From: Steve Cortez

 

I don't get why Joker was saying earlier that you're a terrible dancer. Maybe you just hadn't had the right partner yet.

 

Don't know if I'd have been able to go through this war without you here beside me. Whatever happens, I believe you'll win this, Shepard.

 

Love,

Steve

 

Samantha email

Getting clean

 

From: Samantha Traynor

 

Thanks for inviting me up, Shepard. And thanks especially for letting me use your shower. Very refreshing.

 

Oddly, though, I'm still feeling kind of dirty...

 

Samantha

 

Jack email

Hey there perv

 

From: Jack

 

Just finished blowing up an entire Reaper base, brought the whole damn thing down. Made me think of you. Rodriguez managed to rip a husk's head off - maybe there is some hope for her yet.

 

Thanks for helping me out earlier with shore leave. By the way, you're still a crappy dancer. Good thing you're a better kisser and a better lay.

 

Jack

 

I haven't written up anything yet for Ashley or Miranda yet because, well... those two don't exactly have any real romance-messages on the Datapad app, so I'm trying to come up with little messages that the two characters would actually say, lol. 

[Deager]

I hope some people who actually review text for a living chime in as I could be wrong.

 

I think you don't need the comma when making statements like "Thanks for inviting me up, Shepard." I think those can read "Thanks for inviting me up Shepard."

 

Not sure why, but I think Tali's sentence goes better without the "eh." But that's pure opinion on my part.

I expect we'll be having more sleepless nights before this is over... not the good the kind of sleepless nights, I mean.

 

Basically, I do find these to be solid and true to character. I haven't nitpicked through Leng's emails yet but in general, everything looks good.

[AVPen]

Not sure why, but I think Tali's sentence goes better without the "eh." But that's pure opinion on my part.

I expect we'll be having more sleepless nights before this is over... not the good the kind of sleepless nights, I mean.

Yeah, I was thinking the same think last night after I finished that post. Actually, I was even rewriting a few of the messages in the middle of typing up my post, lol. 

[JohnP]

Actually, in proper grammar, you do use a comma before a name when addressing that person.

 

e.g. "Hello, Deager."    "Your minions have failed, Shepard."

[Deager]

Actually, in proper grammar, you do use a comma before a name when addressing that person.

 

e.g. "Hello, Deager."    "Your minions have failed, Shepard."

Another example of why I typically say "I think" since, well, you never know.

[AVPen]

Ok, these emails next up for review are the edited versions of the MEHEM emails that I'm planning on using for my mod. If Fob is reading this thread, I'd really like your opinion on these changes, as I'm incorporating changes suggested by RPGenius in his editing that he sent you, but I also made changes of my own - improving grammar, rewriting a few things to try and making the authors more like their character personalities, and shortening a few emails to be more in line with how emails in ME3 are written up (I'm also planning on sending frypan a list of these changes for his approval). Again, these are just how I'd have the emails written for my MEWAM mod:

 

 

"Emily Wong on Earth" news article (tried rewriting it to be more in line with how news emails in ME3 are written, streamlined a few areas):

 

FCC News Broadcast: New Article on "War on Earth"

 

From: FCC News, via Alliance News Network Information Partners

 

Earth - Good news today in the fight against the Reapers as human forces fight back in Los Angeles: a small force of resistance fighters recently penetrated a Reaper-processing facility, freeing many captives and eliminating a significant number of enemy forces.

 

This report comes from reporter Emily Wong, who has been found alive and is now embedded with the Los Angeles resistance. Wong, a popular news figure on the Citadel, was last reported as MIA on Earth after the Reapers began their assault of the planet. This is her first broadcast on release from the hospital and came just before the successful attack on the processing facility:

 

"It's great to be back folks and I apologize for my extended absence: the fighting has been intense, but rescue crews and mobile hospitals made up of non-combatants are everywhere and they've done a great job helping me get back on the air. Resistance groups have sprung up across the globe and are penetrating many cities using old underground networks and systems. Overall, morale is good and news that the galaxy is finally rallying to meet the threat have hopes high among civilians that rescue will eventually come. We're about to set off, I will continue to report as opportunity allows and wish everybody the best in this fight. This is Emily Wong, signing off from the front."

 

Several sources within the Allaince report that overall the resistance is making headway and, after the shock and high casualties of the initial attack, the Reaper advance has slowed as citizens have begun to get organized. We will continue to provide updates as more reports come in.

 

Gianna Parasini email (edited a few areas to make her more professional or as I saw her in ME/ME2, removed the Rachni reference because I doubt even she would've found out about them in ME and because I removed the Rachni as part of her conditional, toned down the 'drunkard' writing,):

 

Hey Shepard

 

From: Gianna Parasini

 

It's Gianna here and you wouldn't believe where I am right now. After following up on some suspicious funds transfers, I managed to get on the Crucible Project as part of an internal security force. After they caught onto my investigation, they almost locked me up, but it's amazing where a person can get by mentioning your name.

 

The trouble is, there's pretty much nothing to do. No corporate crime, no featherbedding, nothing that I'm normally used to dealing with. People are focused on getting this thing running over anything else. The asari, who seem to know a bit about the protheans, are really pitching in with analysis of the Crucible design. Usually you have to ferret information out of them, but they're making it easy this time. Everybody is doing their part, and not one of them seems interested in old grudges or private gain.

 

Even the volus are getting in on the action - usually, I'm just arresting them for corporate fraud, but a group of their scientists learned about some old Crucible inscriptions held in a Reaper-controlled system. On the off-chance that the writings might help, they sent in a biotic strike team. They did the math, knew it was certain suicide... and they still went in. They managed to get the information out before their comms went off-line, but it's certain they didn't make it out alive. I've never seen such courage from those little bean counters. It's enough to make a cop go all soft, if it wasn't for the urgency of our mission.

 

Anyway, it's nice to share and all, but I was hoping you might help me out once again. See, I like to keep informed, and there's something juicy going on that nobody is sharing with us security types. But... we've got no booze – those technical officers just can't stay quiet without a few drinks in them. Send me a dozen cases of top-shelf levo and half a dozen cases of mid-shelf dextro, then I should be able to find out what they are hiding.

 

Hope you can help out. It's not like you're out saving the galaxy or anything.

 

Gianna

 

Sha'ira email (shortened a few sentences here and there, improved grammar)

 

Your Destiny

 

From: Sha'ira

 

Greetings Commander Shepard,

 

Darkness is upon us all and I am unsure to what end it leads. It is known, however, that the smallest actions can send ripples across the universe. This is always so for one who stands at the convergence of great events - and you are this person, Shepard. This is something that was known to me from the moment you first arrived on the Citadel.

 

My people tell me you have found a great weapon against the enemy, a weapon that may be the salvation of us all. For such a powerful thing to lie hidden, until the moment it is needed, can be no coincidence. That it comes after you advanced our knowledge of the ancients so much can be no accident either.

 

Think upon this, Shepard - this weapon lay hidden for thousands of years, placed when humans were but children, beneath the notice of the great and terrible forces of deep space. Yet so soon after your passage across the galaxy, it is revealed to us beneath ruins that look out over your people's birthplace. I cannot help, but see a guiding hand here - perhaps the will of ancients long gone or a destiny of which we know little.

 

Perhaps it is just coincidence. The cosmos is vast and we know so little of its secrets.

 

You have been there at every turning point, Shepard. You defeated Saren and Sovereign, only to disappear until all thought you were lost. Yet you returned when you were needed once more, to strike a blow against the Collectors and prevent the Reapers from another swift return. For some reason, you have been placed at the center of these events and I believe that you may yet have another part to play. 

 

Take care, stay true to your values. You may yet deliver us from the darkness.

 

Sha'ira

 

Liara's time capsules email (mostly improved grammar)

 

CC Time Capsules

 

From: Dr. Liara T'Soni

To: Lt. Jeff Moreau

CC: Cmdr. Shepard

 

Joker,

 

I am attaching all the necessary documentation on the time capsules we talked about earlier to this email. EDI also has been briefed on the details. Glyph and I have aquired help from Engineer Adams to incorporate the capsules into the Normandy's planetary probes. This way, we can easily deploy a large number of them during our travels.

 

Once deployed, the probes are programmed to drill into the crust of any planet they are fired at, so that the capsules are stored underground. Beacons will remain on the surface, but they will only emit a very weak signal. Should the worst come to pass, we have to assume that they must remain undetected by the Reapers for a very long period of time. Fortunately, the Normandy's stealth drive allows us to spread them all over the galaxy without attracting attention.

 

No one outside the Normandy's crew knows about this project, and given the dangers of Reaper indoctrination, it is imperative that we keep this secret as closely guarded as we can. You were on board during the Collector attack, weren't you? We have to make sure that the Reapers will never get a hold of this ship or its crew again. Let us hope that all these precautions will be unnecessary, but how does the human expression go again? "Hope for the best, but plan for the worst?"

 

Liara

 

P.S.: As per your request, I included a section on the "daredevil pilot" of the Normandy, although I am afraid, should anyone receive these messages in 50.000 years, they will be confused by the comparison to whoever this "Evel Knievl" is.

 

Kahlee Sanders last email (rewrote and edited a few areas, shortened or removed some sentences, improved grammar)

 

Final progress report

 

From: Kahlee Sanders

 

Commander Shepard:

 

This will probably be my last transmission before we go into battle, so I wanted to thank you for all your work in bringing our teams together.

 

The effects of using the Crucible are still largely unknown, but we've placed firewalls on certain interfaces and entirely isolated the sub-systems that seemed suspicious to our techs. While we cannot be sure that the Reapers did anything to the schematics, we've been extra careful to try and keep what looks like weapons-tech while eliminating anything we don't understand. How effective we've been remains to be seen, but at least we've done everything we can to ensure there are no nasty surprises for us.

 

Even though we've done our best in this regard, the Crucible is still a highly complex and delicate structure, vulnerable to even the slightest damage. Luckily, I just have to look out the window at the fleets massing to feel some confidence that we can deliver it intact. I only hope that there are enough of them out there to do the job.

 

A few of the science teams have volunteered to stay on board until the Crucible docks with the Citadel... and I think I might join them. That way, we can continue to adjust the interfaces until the last minute and maybe deal with any latent trickery by the Reapers. Special Forces teams will be there for protection and to help with evacuation, although we have no idea if that will even be possible once the thing fires up.

 

The courage of the teams involved is humbling and makes me proud to be a part of this undertaking. David was right to place his faith in you – your ability to hammer out a resolution to conflict and forge an effective team from disparate species has been an inspiration to all. Once again, thank you for all that you have done. So much of this has been possible due to your efforts and no matter how things turn out, we all owe you a debt of gratitude.

 

Kahlee Sanders

Project Lead, Systems and Synthetic Intelligence Team

[Deager]

How goes the project? Selfishly, I'll be at ME3 soon on my trilogy run and would love to give it a go.

[AVPen]

It's still going, though going pretty slow - a lot of stuff has been going on which has been keeping me from doing mod work, plus I've been away from ME3 trying some other PS4 and Wii U games (plus redoing a brand new 'canon' playthrough of both DAO and DA2 to prepare myself for the release of DAI, lol)