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[Kaiser Arian XVII]

But if it helps: 45% of humanity was probably dead at that age 50 thousand years ago.

 

People in ultra-polluted cities don't live much longer!

[Eternal Phoenix]

So I just recently had a reality check, I pictured where my progress is in life, future plans, what to do next etc but then I thought about my age.  I'm now 20 years old, soon to be 21 this year in summer, I'm no longer a teenager but a young man. I have a girlfriend who herself mentioned some serious business about the possible future, currently half-way through my degree and little work experience and the next 10 years from now will almost definitely be the most life changing decade ever for not just me but those in their early twenties now.
 
During the 20-30 bracket, its very common for people to get partners and eventually have a child and even get married, finish degree and start their first career properly that will fund their start of a new life, funding a home, living independently etc.
 
Not only just this, the people who are in my life now will probably be replaced by a new bunch of people, the past people will of gone on with their own lives or perhaps died.
 
Time is going very fast, I have no idea what the future is, I could even be performing my last moments before I die.
 
Commitments, responsibilities, family and independence. Doesn't anyone find this incredibly daunting and intimidating?

 
I seriously think we're on a similar wave-length (once again).
 
I had this same reality check a few months ago. Only I'm 20 years old, out of college, no girlfriend (yeah I know, how does a sexy witty magnificent bastard like me end up forever alone?) and wondering where the hell I'm going and what I can/should do with my life.
 
And hell yeah do I find commitments, responsibilities and family daunting which is why I avoid them! I love my independence however and I can manage bills just fine. It's relationships and other bullcrap like that that I find daunting.

 

I've adopted the Crestfallen Warrior's philosophy though: "I don't really care anymore. I am simply crestfallen." So I'll just see whatever comes my way.

[Inquisitor Recon]

Nobody care OP.

 

22 not married, working down the career path college-free, living with my girlfriend of several years, owning a house, and have almost died ..*pause as I remember*. 17 times, and don't plan to have kids.

Well it must be great to be you then... doesn't take long before the braggarts start.

[Gravisanimi]

 

Well it must be great to be you then... doesn't take long before the braggarts start.

When did they get here?

 

Did I mention a list of mental disorders or the near-death experiences with PTSD?

 

Surface might be shiny, but life is life.

 

And life is s--t

[Liamv2]

I do find it kinda scary at times. No friends, no girlfriend, average at work college and I wasted an entire year of my life. I kinda worry where my life is going or if things are going to get better but theres nothing I can do about it really i just have to go on and see what happens. I think everyone worries about this sort of thing at some point.

[Gravisanimi]

Surface might be shiny, but life is life.

 

And life is s--t

 

Okay, going specify here so I don't bring down the tone of the thread.

 

Life is s--t.

 

But giving up is worse, so fight, work for what you want, even if it's impossible to everyone else, try.

 

Remember the good, learn from the bad, use the bad to make the good, and at the end, work at being at the top of the mountain you were born at the summit of.

[Sigma Tauri]

Jesus Christ, I can't believe you actually want to take life that seriously at your age. Reality check: You've got your mid to late 30s to worry about serious business. You should be having fun at your early 20s while building your career. Don't waste your 20s on that ****.

[Fast Jimmy]

I do find it kinda scary at times. No friends, no girlfriend, average at work college and I wasted an entire year of my life. I kinda worry where my life is going or if things are going to get better but theres nothing I can do about it really i just have to go on and see what happens. I think everyone worries about this sort of thing at some point.

In all honesty? I'll state what I always state - perception is reality.

The way we perceive ourselves is quite often how the world then perceives us. When we start to see little value in ourselves, it can spiral into a larger effect of the world acting as if this is correct, further reinforcing this mindset. It's very easy to have happen, but it is also very easy to reverse.

For instance, "no friends." This is often not the case. I couldn't tell you the number of times in my life I have been out in public and people I feel like I barely knew came up to me and stating how great it was to see me and asking things about my life. While my memory of them was not of being close knit, sometimes we can make an impression on people that lasts long beyond what we realize. Also, some people are more introverted and don't have a lot of friends, but often connect deeply with the few people who they can have a kindred spirit in and becomes fiercely loyal to a small group of friends, rather than a social butterfly across a larger one. No way is the right or wrong way and always know that for all the people you see talking and chatting in public, know that they are likely one or two social connections away from feeling as alone and exposed as we do when we feel we have no one to talk to.

Also, college was not something I enjoyed. I was not excited about my classes and found it very hard to be engaged, or even in attendance a lot of times. I was under the impression that I could just slug through it and I would be magically awarded with a stable life and job afterwards. This was not the case - my years of not enjoying what I was doing was welcomed with complete uncertainty about my life after college. I was also working during this time at a dead end job that I did out of habit more than anything. It was not a rewarding time for me and my perception of myself and the world reflected that.

I hopped around from one dead-end-job to the next, never feeling fulfilled. Ultimately, it was my car breaking down that was the biggest turning point in my life. Dead broke and with no other options, I had someone tow it away for free as payment for taking it off my hands. Thankfully I lived close enough to my work to walk two and a half miles each day to go to and from there. It gave me a lot of time to focus on what I was doing and why I was where I was. I wasn't passionate about anything I was doing, yet I saw others around me being happy with what they were doing. So, faced with no other option, I began to save my money carefully for a new car and budgeting not just my wallet, but my time and attention. If helped me become more disciplined and long-term focused.

I was able to save up for a car and began to look hard at the job I was working. There were opportunities for advancement if I worked hard and applied myself. And there was an opportunity for me to, ironically enough, go back to school and get an MBA. Yet this time school didn't feel like a chore I wanted to skip, but rather a chance to learn. I had been working at enough places to think "I could do this better" and I was now taking classes to help me do just that.

Six years later, I'm married, with my MBA, a wonderful daughter that makes me smile every day and a job that I a constantly challenged with (and does just a little bit better than paying the bills). Point being - nothing about me changed in this time. I didn't suddenly become smarter, or better looking, or richer... I simply had the motivation to start thinking long term about the steps I needed to take to get me to where I would want to be. I needed to perceive the world - and myself - differently.

And that's all anyone needs to do to have a different life. I just hope it doesn't take your engine block blowing up for you to learn it like I did.

[Kaiser Arian XVII]

I do find it kinda scary at times. No friends, no girlfriend, average at work college and I wasted an entire year of my life. I kinda worry where my life is going or if things are going to get better but theres nothing I can do about it really i just have to go on and see what happens. I think everyone worries about this sort of thing at some point.

 

You'll become a monk like me soon... until you can find a way to improve your situation!

[Gravisanimi]

I plan to spend my 20s as I have my teens.

 

Playing games, binging anime, reading manga, working out and watching the weirdest, nastiest, most outrageous porn I can find.

 

Pretty accurate of how I live my life.

 

But add in art, writing, and game designing. Work too, but who cares about that?

[Liamv2]

*Snip* 

 

Some of this helped a lot especially the whole work and collage parts. The whole no friends thing is still hard though. I spend all of my time alone. The only time I really talk is if I need help with something or if I get asked a question and the people in my group I want absolutely nothing to do with.

[Jukaga]

Don't post in OT much here at Bioware, but I'll just say it's good you're thinking about this stuff at age 20, otherwise...

 

I'll let Pink Floyd say it:

 

and then one day you find

ten years have got behind you

no one told you when to run

you missed the starting gun

[Liamv2]

Making friends isn't something you do passively, you have to go out there and find people with similar interests. Don't know where you're from, but it's obviously going to be MUCH larger than where I'm from. This means you have a whole load of choices in front of you. Scratching your balls isn't going to make you friends.

 

However, this 'group' of yours, maybe you should adapt. It's very easy for me to say, because I'm naturally adaptable to almost anybody I meet, so even then, it's perhaps better to cut ties with them and keep them at acquaintances. Still I have no idea about the circumstances involving them so I'll not run my mouth more.

 

I'm just saying, that making friends is easier than what you might think. It's just a matter of getting out there. Even if you're an introvert, or socially awkward, human beings are just too individual to categorise them and generalise. If you saw me in real life, I'd never fit in to the 'otaku' image, however, if you'd talk to me and say "hey do you watch anime" we'd probably end up either in bed or binging Legend of Galactic Heroes the next week xD

 

My problem with this is I have no idea where people with similar interests are or how to find them, hell I grew up around people I shared no interests with whatsoever. The group that i'm in well they bullied someone with aspergers to the degree they left college. I'd rather be lonely than be associated with them.

[Inquisitor Recon]

When did they get here?

 

Did I mention a list of mental disorders or the near-death experiences with PTSD?

 

Surface might be shiny, but life is life.

 

And life is s--t

It's pointless to compare ists of mental disorders but I fail to see how near-death experiences are a bad thing.

 

And of course life is ****, still waiting for a damned refund. So the OP should stop asking foolish questions.

[Fast Jimmy]

Some of this helped a lot especially the whole work and collage parts. The whole no friends thing is still hard though. I spend all of my time alone. The only time I really talk is if I need help with something or if I get asked a question and the people in my group I want absolutely nothing to do with.

I've always thought it was hard for gamers to band together in real life. In a world that is constantly seeking to integrate our digital existence with social media and real people, it is a bit of irony that gaming is still a very solitary activity, even if we are playing digitally with millions of others.

A friend and I have been toying around with an idea for a place that let's people come in and game, so people can test out things like an Oculus Rift, or a PC version of a game, or a next gen console, or a brand new title without having to pony up the cash to buy it themselves. The main goal being to build community and give people a place to be gaming needs and geeks without any form of stigma or shame.

But regardless - it can help to cut the cord once a week or so and just resolve to do something, ANYTHING, where you get out in public and make a concerted effort to have a conversation (not just "hi" or "funny weather we're having" but a real conversation) with one or two people once a week. If they are of the opposite sex, bonus points.

[Fast Jimmy]

My problem with this is I have no idea where people with similar interests are or how to find them, hell I grew up around people I shared no interests with whatsoever. The group that i'm in well they bullied someone with aspergers to the degree they left college. I'd rather be lonely than be associated with them.

What exactly do you mean by "group?" I was picturing a study or school project group, but is it a group of friends? If so... I'd say they aren't really friend material. And all too often, we fall into the lowest common denominator of our friends, so I'd be worried if so hung out with these guys, I'd start becoming a little more abrasive and jerkish myself.

[Sigma Tauri]

My problem with this is I have no idea where people with similar interests are or how to find them, hell I grew up around people I shared no interests with whatsoever. The group that i'm in well they bullied someone with aspergers to the degree they left college. I'd rather be lonely than be associated with them.

 

Do you live in a small town in the middle of nowhere? I think you'll find someone who you won't mind opening up to. Friends are really easy to make. I've found them at work and in school. Sometimes, you'll be surprised that the person you won't be friendly with will turn out to be a really good friend. You'll also find out that there's at least one thing in common you and this potential individual will be passionate about.

[Nate Assassin]

I am going to spend the rest of my life getting laid, smoking weed, drinking alchohol, raving, street racing, and running a gang.

[Liamv2]

What exactly do you mean by "group?" I was picturing a study or school project group, but is it a group of friends? If so... I'd say they aren't really friend material. And all too often, we fall into the lowest common denominator of our friends, so I'd be worried if so hung out with these guys, I'd start becoming a little more abrasive and jerkish myself.

 

It's a work group. We're on the same course and do the same work. Beyond that I stay away from them.

[Liamv2]

Do you live in a small town in the middle of nowhere? I think you'll find someone who you won't mind opening up to. Friends are really easy to make. I've found them at work and in school. Sometimes, you'll be surprised that the person you won't be friendly with will turn out to be a really good friend. You'll also find out that there's at least one thing in common you and this potential individual will be passionate about.

 

Kinda the town I live in has just over 20 thousand people i've just never met anyone I have anything in common with. Anyways I should probably stop derailing the thread. Thanks everyone for the advice i'm going to take it on board.