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[TheLittleBird]

Disclaimer: if this thread has already been made then I apologize, for I have must overlooked it then. If the mods don't want this thread being here or don't want it at all, feel free to move or close it.

 

So as I suggested in this post in the Twitter thread over in the Scuttlebutt section of the forum, I felt like it'd be a nice idea if we were to have a Dragon Age: Inquisition 'Party Banter' thread, in which people can just put custom party banter between companions in the games. For fun, and a way to pass the time until the game or new news comes out

 

 

We should make a thread where people submit banter between companions in Dragon Age: Inquisition. We really should.

 

So, by all means, submit your made-up companion banter! Allow me to kick things off.

- - - - - - - - - -

 

Cole / The Iron Bull

 

Cole: Say Bull, how did you get your name?

 

Iron Bull: *jumps* What the hell was that?!

 

Cole: I'm right here

 

Iron Bull: *draws weapon* Show yourself, demon!

 

Cole: *facepalms*

[Just My Moniker]

Dorian: "Seriously, in what deities name did you think that outfit was a good idea?'

 

Solas: "Its comfortable and suits my needs."

 

Dorian: "That is no excuse for dressing like an abomination! I promise you I WILL correct this one day."

 

Solas: *Sigh*

[OctagonalSquare]

Viv: Elf, we really should get you out of those... whatever you call them....

 

Solas: My name is Solas. And my clothes are fine.

 

Viv: If by "fine" you mean "a dirty pile of rags".

 

Solas: A dirty pile of rags must be more comfortable than that flashy nonsense.

 

Viv: This is the height of Orlesian fashion.

 

Solas: The "height of Orlesian fashion" is getting you creepy looks from Bull.

 

IB: *laughs* What can I say? I haven't seen horns like that since I left Par Vollen.

 

Viv: Peasants....

[The Qun & the Damned]

Viv staring at Iron Bull's horns

• Solas: Someone's a little jealous of our dear Bull's built in headwear.
• Viv: I am not jealous. If anything I pull them off twentyfolds better than him.
• Solas: Alright, if you say so.
• Viv: Of course I say so, my word is final.
• Solas: Your word may be final but his horns are forever.
• Viv: I hate you. And your vest looks stupid.

[Cespar]

Varric/Cole/Vivienne/Inquisitor 

 

Varric: So, you're saying that I will probably forget you after this Conversation?

 

Cole: Probably … people always forget … me.

 

Varric: Cheer up, Ghost boy. I can't forget you with that hat.

 

Cole: The scary lady … told me that it will make me stand out.

 

Vivienne: Dear, I only yelled because you had it on the wrong way. Think of it as a nice yell.

 

Inquisitor: Don't worry, Cole. Vivienne scares all of us.

 

Vivienne: Ahem. 

[Faerah]

Viv: Elf, we really should get you out of those... whatever you call them....

 

Solas: My name is Solas. And my clothes are fine.

 

Viv: If by "fine" you mean "a dirty pile of rags".

 

Solas: A dirty pile of rags must be more comfortable than that flashy nonsense.

 

Viv: This is the height of Orlesian fashion.

 

Solas: The "height of Orlesian fashion" is getting you creepy looks from Bull.

 

IB: *laughs* What can I say? I haven't seen horns like that since I left Par Vollen.

 

Viv: Peasants....

I have never had an urge for an NPC to call people peasants as much as I do now. Petition for Vivienne calling everyone peasants. 

[Wolfen09]

Cassandra:  Varric, that story you wrote "Hard in Hightown," who was that guard based on

 

Varric:  Oh you know, a little of donnic, a little of brennan, a lot of hawke, and a little about a guy named John Mcclane (bruce willis in die hard)

 

Cassandra:  I remember you mentioning donnic, brennan, and hawke in your recount of kirkwall, but you never mentioned Mcclane

 

Varric:  Lets just say hes a cowboy i met who like to say yippie kay yay

[A.Kazama]

YES! This thread is AWESOME!

[TheLittleBird]

Cassandra / Varric

 

Varric: Say, Seeker, did I tell you about my new book? 'Seeking the Champion', I called it. Sounds great, huh?

 

Cassandra: Let me guess... is it about me?

 

Varric: Of course! But you will never get to read it, don't worry.

 

Cassandra: Oh? And why is that?

 

Varric: Well, I won't let you butcher it with a knife this time.

 

- - - - - - - - - -

 

Iron Bull / Vivienne (wearing her horned hat) 

 

Iron Bull: Did you see that last demon we fought? It killed those innocent farmers!

 

Vivienne: Bull, calm down, please.

 

Iron Bull: How can I calm down when that just happened right in front of me?!

 

Vivienne: Look at my hat! Look at it!

 

Iron Bull: But... *sigh* Fine. Okay, I am looking.

 

Vivienne: Now, repeat after me: "Mine are better. Mine are better."

 

Iron Bull: Mine are better. Mine are better. Mine are better!

 

Vivienne: Good! How are you feeling now?

 

Iron Bull: Fine. Thank you, Madame.

 

- - - - - - - - - -

 

YES! This thread is AWESOME!

 

 

We haven't had that many replies, but thank you 

[Just My Moniker]

Varric: "So, Cole...where exactly do you go when you're not...here? When youre all...ghosty?"

 

Cole: "I alternate between your chest-hair and Blackwall's beard."

 

Varric: "Hah!"

 

Blackwall: "Please tell me youre joking. Oh please Maker be joking..."

[setrus86]

Iron Bull: "..."

 

Cole : "...hello?"

 

Iron Bull: "So...what are you?"

 

Cole: "I'm Cole."

 

Iron Bull: "Yes, but what."

 

Cole: "Erm...I'm Cole?"

 

Iron Bull: "Right, good talk, I'll stay...over here now, far away...sorry, you creep me out."

 

Cole: "I get that a lot."

[KC_Prototype]

Sera/Cassandra

 

Sera: So Cassandra, I saw you reading that book last night

 

Cassandra: What book? You'll have to be more specific

 

Sera: You know, the one that has all the dirty pictures in it

 

Cassandra: What?! I would never read such smut, especially not that book! It's full of filth!

 

Sera: So you do know the book...Explains all the moaning I hear

 

Cassandra: *Blushes red* Why you....Let's not talk about this...ever....

[TheLittleBird]

Because we got more information about Cole today

 

Vivienne / Sera

 

Vivienne: Say Sera, have you by any chance seen my shoes?

 

Sera: Which ones?

 

Vivienne: A pair of embroidered, black ones. Given to me by the Nevarran ambassador, worth a fortune.

 

Sera: Probably "it" again, I think.

 

Vivienne: *sigh* I really need to have a word with the Inquisitor about him.

 

Sera: Better you than me.

[KC_Prototype]

Varric/Sera *Male Inquisitor*

 

Varric: So Sera, why is it you aren't throwing yourself at the Inquisitor? Everyone else seems to be

 

Sera: Varric, I thought you knew...He's not my type

 

Varric: Not your type? That's nug-crap, he's a handsome and a charming man to boot, how couldn't he be your type?!

 

Sera: Varric...He...lacks something that I really like...something big...

 

Varric: Oh that?! Well, not everyone can be as virile as me but doesn't mean you shouldn't give him a chance

 

Sera: Varric! He isn't a she! I only like women!

 

Varric: Oh, ok...Well you should of just said that in the first place girl

 

Sera: 

[Silver Moone]

Iron Bull: So you're a Templar then

 

Cullen: ...er...yes

 

Iron Bull: So where was you based before you became part of the Inquisition

 

Cullen: Oh I was in Kirkwall

 

Iron Bull: *nods*... Ah yes the home of the Blooming Rose...an excellent brothel

 

Cullen: *blushes* ...ah...er... I...that's ...I wouldn't know

 

Iron Bull: Really?...I used to see Templars there all the time...you never took advantage of the...many delights

 

Cullen: *bright red*... what!!...no..never....I wouldn't...it's...

 

Iron Bull: So you've never had a woman...or a man?

 

Cullen: *overwhelmed* ...wha...I...you...that's... 

 

Iron Bull: *chuckles* ... well that was an interesting reaction...you might want to work on your conversation skills 

[KC_Prototype]

I really need to watch my spelling and wording...

[Silver Moone]

Qunari Inquisitor: *approaches horse nervously* You're going to be a good horse aren't you?

 

Horse:.... *eyes widen and tosses it's head*

 

Qunari Inquisitor: What's with the big eyes and the head shaking

 

Horse: *looks the BIG Inquisitor up and down and shakes it's head again*

 

Qunari Inquisitor: Damn it...I'm not that big

 

Horse: *Nods head and runs off into the wilderness*

 

Qunari Inquisitor: Get back here...you...grrrr..ah sod it...at least Iron Bull likes me 

[Eveangaline]

Iron Bull: So you're a Templar then
 
Cullen: ...er...yes
 
Iron Bull: So where was you based before you became part of the Inquisition
 
Cullen: Oh I was in Kirkwall
 
Iron Bull: *nods*... Ah yes the home of the Blooming Rose...an excellent brothel
 
Cullen: *blushes* ...ah...er... I...that's ...I wouldn't know
 
Iron Bull: Really?...I used to see Templars there all the time...you never took advantage of the...many delights
 
Cullen: *bright red*... what!!...no..never....I wouldn't...it's...
 
Iron Bull: So you've never had a woman...or a man?
 
Cullen: *overwhelmed* ...wha...I...you...that's... 
 
Iron Bull: *chuckles* ... well that was an interesting reaction...you might want to work on your conversation skills

I am 100% sure Iron bull will bang every companion you don't (except sera and the straight male)

[Silver Moone]

Hehe...yep...but I'll be first on his list   

[Blue Gloves]

Damn-  I really like this thread, but I just sat here for, like, five evahs and cannot come up with a single piece of good banter.  My respect for the writing team and people who can put together clever comics (like aimo ) grows.

[Eveangaline]

With Sera refusing to talk to Cole, I imagine when she needs to she will just loudly announce things into the air

Cole: Sera? I found those lost shoes of yours
Sera: IT SURE WOULD BE GREAT IF MY LOST SHOES WOULD BE FOUND. MAYBE ON THAT TABLE TO THE LEFT
Sera: NO, THE OTHER LEFT

[Aner91]

Here is one i did in one of the Romance threads (we got a lot lol):

 

 

IB:"But i may make you walk funny afterwa...."

 

INQ: "Don´t worry Iron bull!, i killed that dragon with my bare hands did i not?"

 

IB: "...fair point, okey then..."

 

*afterwards*:

 

INQ "...holy maker, i can´t feel my legs!"

 

IB: *Smug smile*  "Told ya...."

 

please don´t hate me lol

[Cespar]

Dwarf Quizzy/Iron Bull/Varric/Blackwall.

 

Varric: I don't think you can out drink me, Bull.

 

Iron Bull: Oh, is that a bet Varric? I had my shares of drink.

 

Dwarf Inq: We dwarves tend to drink when we first come out of the wound.

 

Varric: Speak for yourself, Inquisitor.

 

Iron Bull: *Laugh* That would explain all the drunken dwarves that I came across in my adventures.

 

Varric: Wait until we are back at the keep. I should have many stories to tell after.

 

Blackwall: I could out drink the both of you.

 

Iron Bull: It's always the smart ones that would surprise you.

 

Blackwall: *Laugh*

[The Ascendant]

Qunari Inquisitor and Cassandra.
C: Tell me what brings a Qunari to this corner of Thedas?
Q: The tolerant people and lovely weather of course. And I am as much Qunari as you are an elf.
C: So you're a Tal'Vasoth then?
Q: So it is true humans can tell the difference. There maybe hope for your kind yet.
C: You didn't answer my question.
Q: Which?
C: Sigh.

[The Qun & the Damned]

A dwarven male Inquisitor, Solas, Varric, and Cassandra during battle against REDACTED, a very fearsome creature. Cassandra drops a book and as soon as she ends the battle impaling it in its many eyes, she realizes she's one item short of the usual weight she carries.

Varric smirks.

• C: Uh, I can explain that.
• V: Huh, no knife hole in it. That's progress.

He stares at the cover, a picture of an unkempt male hugging the leg of a red headed lioness of a woman, realizing Solas had recognized it as well

• S: Ah, out of all the friend-fiction, that one was my favorite. This passage in particular had me howling. *clears throat* "Her breasts strained against the leather jerkin, like two wild stallions corralled against their will. She pounced, the smooth moves of a jungle cat, and locked her thighs around Donnic's waist. He-"
• C: Please. Stop. Talking.
• DI: I knew there was a reason you wore hearts on your armor.
• V and S: (laughter)
• C: Ugh, Andraste kill me, but not before I kill all three of you.