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[DRTJR]

Solas: So, Qunari why where you screaming before punching the Skyhold Dummy.
Iron Bull: The Dwarf says that calling out my attack adds to it's power.
Solas: Oh, Really?! Did it work?
Iron Bull: Wlee the Dummy broke after I yelled BUUULLL PUNCH!!!
Solas: Which attempt was the Bull Punch on?
Iron Bull: The fifteenth try. I really felt the power coursing through my arm as that dummy flew through the sky.
Solas: Well I will consider Varric's more...inspired choices if it works on a living opponent.

[Kreidian]

Here's an idea for a special set of banters that only happen if you've played the same class through all the Dragonage games ...

 

 

 

Warrior:

 

Varric: You know it's a funny thing. The Hero of Ferelden, The Champion of Kirkwall, and now the Leader of the Inquisition. All three of them are great Warriors.

 

Iron Bull: Haha! But of course, why would you expect anything less.

 

Vivienne: Admittedly it's a bit disappointed that the fate of the world seems to be driven constantly by such brutes.

 

Varric: Sure sure, but did you ever wonder why that is?

 

Vivienne: Not particularly.

 

Iron Bull: There's no puzzle here. A true warrior constantly challenges themselves. A true warrior armors their mind as well as their body. Such warriors strive to conquer the greatest opponents. Great Warriors will look the biggest dangers of Thedas straight in the eye and charge in every time. Who else would face these impossible challenges and prosper?

 

Varric: Huh, if you say so. Still it would make a better story if the hero wasn't a lumbering hulk of metal and muscle every time. No offense Bull.

 

Iron Bull: None Taken.

 

 

 

Mage:

 

Varric: You know it's a funny thing. The Hero of Ferelden, The Champion of Kirkwall, and now the Leader of the Inquisition. All three of them are powerful Magi.

 

Vivienne: Indeed they are. And it's no surprise really, when you think about it. 

 

Iron Bull: Hmph! I'm only surprised they haven't managed to blow themselves up.

 

Varric: Sure sure, but did you ever wonder why that is?

 

Iron Bull: Not particularly.

 

Vivienne: The answer is quite obvious. Mages create the impossible on a daily basis. Powerful Mages can exert their tremendous will on reality itself. Who else but a mage, then, would look upon the impossible task before us and not only imagine their success, but have the power and ability to pull it off?

 

Varric: Huh, if you say so. Still it would make a better story if the hero wasn't a fountain of raw magical power every time. No offense Viv.

 

Vivienne: Given your race's lack of magical talent, I suppose I cannot fault this particular lapse of imagination.

 

 

 

Rogue:

 

Varric: You know it's a funny thing. The Hero of Ferelden, The Champion of Kirkwall, and now the Leader of the Inquisition. All three of them are skilled rogues.

 

Iron Bull: Hmph! I don't find that particularly interesting.

 

Vivienne: Admittedly it's a bit disappointed that the fate of the world seems to be driven constantly by such scoundrels.

 

Varric: Sure sure, but did you ever wonder why that is?

 

Iron Bull: Not particularly.

 

Vivienne: But I imagine you're going to tell us anyway.

 

Varric: Well since you asked so nicely. I think when it comes down to it, rogues spend their whole lives going against the odds. Sure we may use every trick in the book, but the better you are, the father those tricks get you. Doing the impossible is just a matter of scale. Pound for pound we do more with less then anyone else in Thedas.

 

Iron Bull: If you say so. 

 

Varric: I do, it's why rogues always make the best heroes in a story. We don't have any fancy spells or big shiny armor to rely on. We have only our wits, and the skill to get things done regardless.

 

Vivienne: I believe that has more to do with the author's bias in this case, Varric. 

[cjones91]

Varric:So you and Ena.....

Sera:Me and Ena what?

Varric:I barely got any sleep because of you two.

Sera:Sorry to hear that,maybe your should take some herbs to remedy your sleeping problem.

Varric:You..have no idea what I'm talking about do you?

Sera;What?That me and Ena's tumble in the bed caused you to get less sleep?I heard you loud and clear.

Varric:So did everyone else last night.

[Clockwork_Wings]

Cullen: You have my shield, Inquisitor.

Dorian: And my staff.

Varric: And Bianca...Does anyone else feel like they've read this somewhere?

[BraveVesperia]

I don't know why, but I imagine Fade tears being kind of noisy? Lots of whooshing. This is based on the 'Enemies' trailer.

 

Cassandra: Inquisitor, quickly, seal the tear!

Cadash: How do I do that?!

Solas: Just use your Fade brand!

Cadash: And how do I do that? Is there some switch to activate it? It didn’t come with instructions!

Cole: Maybe you should wave your hand a little?

Cadash: Alright, Cole, I’ll just wave to the demons in Fade. It’ll be very friendly!

Solas: There’s more than simply demons in the Fade. In fact the name ‘demon’ is a complete misnomer.

Cassandra: Really not the time, Solas. Inquisitor, just wave your hand like the boy says.

Cadash: No! What if a demon reaches out of the Fade and rips off my hand?

Cole: That would be very rude!

Cadash: Exactly! I like my hands attached to the ends of my arms, thank you.

Cassandra: Just do it, before another wave comes! You’re the only one who can!

Cadash: No! I could get sucked in!

Solas: Oh, bugger this! *grabs Cadash’s hand and presses it up to the tear*

*the tear seals itself*

Cadash: Oh, would you look at that. 

Solas: See, nothing bad happened.

Cadash: I’ll say. Want to hold my hand every time I do it?

Solas: No, I don’t think so.

Cadash: You can hold something else if you prefer.

[BraveVesperia]

Solas: So, Qunari why where you screaming before punching the Skyhold Dummy.
Iron Bull: The Dwarf says that calling out my attack adds to it's power.
Solas: Oh, Really?! Did it work?
Iron Bull: Wlee the Dummy broke after I yelled BUUULLL PUNCH!!!
Solas: Which attempt was the Bull Punch on?
Iron Bull: The fifteenth try. I really felt the power coursing through my arm as that dummy flew through the sky.
Solas: Well I will consider Varric's more...inspired choices if it works on a living opponent.

Lol! I've been playing a few JRPGs lately, so this one's speaking to me on a spiritual level. 

[Wolfen09]

Varric:  Not these damn things again.

 

Cassandra:  Whats wrong varric?

 

Varric:  Its these damn mirrors, you remember me telling you daisy was trying to rebuild a demonic mirror?

 

Cassandra:  You mean merril?  So this is an eluvian.....

 

Varric:  Yeah, and if its like the other one ive met, it can do more than fall on you if it wants to kill you.

 

Cassandra:  But i thought you said it was her pride and desire to rebuild the mirror that lead to her clan's downfall, not that a demon came out and attacked everyone.

 

Varric:  A demon was involved, thats enough for me.

[QueenoftheUnicorns]

Vivienne: Solas, what are you wearing?

 

Solas: What's wrong with my clothes this time?

 

Vivienne: Where in Thedas did you get those? They're horrible!

 

Inquisitor: Hey! I got him those yesterday.

 

Varric: You looted them from a corpse in the middle of a swamp.

 

Inquisitor: ... 

 

Vivienne: Shriek.

 

Solas: Sighs.

[Wolfen09]

Varric:  Do you hear it?

 

Inquisitor:  Hear what Varric?

 

Varric:  The song!

 

Inquisitor:  What song?  Nobody is singing.

 

*comes upon a pile of red lyrium*

 

Varric:  Its the same stuff that drove my brother and that woman nuts!

 

Inquisitor:  Wait, so this is the stuff that made two people delusional?

 

Varric:  Yeah and no good will come of it.

 

Inquisitor:  Well, i dont know, but if i have enough alcohol i get delusional....  remember the other night when i tried to hit on all those cassandras at the bar?

 

Varric:  There was only one, not five... and remember afterwards when you woke up on the floor?  Yeah you didnt pass out, cassandra just flat out KOed you.

 

Inquisitor:  So how messed up will this stuff really get me, are we talkin running through val chevin naked screaming about speed griffons messed up, or are we talkin giant glowing red rock looking templar messed up?

 

Varric:  That last one is oddly specific, what made you think of that?....  There's one behind me isnt there?

 

Inquisitor:  Yeah and it doesnt look too happy that im eying its stash.

 

Varric:  Run first, make jokes later

[Rake451]

Been a while since I posted something here.  I'm going to do something a little different, though.  Instead of your standard banter, this is going to be the Inquisitor getting started with some Companion Quests.

 

First up, Solas:

 

(Solas burst into the Inquisitor's private chamber.  The Inquisitor is currently leaning over a table, studying a map and doesn't bother looking up)

 

Inq: *mumbles to self* Sure, Solas. Come right on in, I'm not doing anything important, like planning out our next move.

 

Sol: Sorry to barge in like this, but I've discovered something extraordinary! Are you busy?

 

Inq: Incredibly so, but that's never stopped you in the past.  So go ahea-

 

Sol: Excellent!  Our dig site outside of the Dales recently uncovered a tomb where they discovered an ancient text regarding what we know as the Fade and a powerful entity that once threatened the Elven empire.  In the text- 

 

(Solas goes into a 10 minute dissertation about the text, his research, the Fade, and all manner of spirits.  He shows no signs of slowing down.)

 

Inq: SOLAS!

 

Sol:  Er, yes?

 

Inq: Pretend I have no idea what your talking about and that I'm very busy and that I haven't slept in 3 days. Bottom line it for me, buddy.

 

Sol: Oh, very well then.  I believe this text refers to another ruined city where the ancient elves drove this entity into the Fade and imprisoned it. And also, the entity may in fact be this Elder One the Venatori are worshiping.

 

Inq: Wow, alright that sounds pretty important then.  Next time, lead with that part.  I would have actually paid attention.

 

(Solas smiles)

 

Sol:  I'll keep that in mind, though, I will admit that a good portion of that theory is conjecture.

 

Inq:  Well, ok.  But how many world ending "gods" could there be out there.

 

Sol:  You'd be surprised.  There is another reason I'd like to see these ruins, as well.

 

Inq:  Yeah?

 

Sol:  If I've translated this text correctly, these ruins may have been the site of several experiments conducted on the Veil by the ancient Elves.  If the results of these were recorded, and those records still exist, they could justify the past 10 years of my research and open up new paths of understanding!

 

Inq:  Uh huh.  Two question then.  Are these possible records that important to you, and do you believe they can help the Inquisition?

 

Sol:  Yes on both accounts.

 

Inq: Alright, I'm sold.

 

Sol: Really?

 

Inq: I trust your expertise on this.  Hell, I trust you most of the time.  Except that one time you pissed off that army of demons...

 

Sol: That was an accident, and I did apologized.

 

Inq:  Sure, sure.  So, where are these ruins?

 

Sol:  Here (indicating on the map) deep in the Brecilian Forest.

 

Inq:  Hmmm.  Reports say that the Dalish have moved back into the area, so they may take some offense to us going in and mucking around.  We'll have to negotiate something.  But, hey, I'm in.

 

Sol: Excellent! Let me know when you're going.  I expect we'll find great things.

 

Inq:  That or more demon infested ruins, but that's really kind of an average trip for us.

[Wolfen09]

*wandering the hinterlands

 

Varric:  You know, in all my time in kirkwall and the surrounding areas, im pretty sure we never saw any bears.  Is that a Ferelden thing like the dogs or what?

 

Inquisitor:  Im pretty sure that they were all just hiding from hawke, you know killing legendary demons, wyverns, and mages just makes a bear seem insignificant in comparison.

 

Varric:  Well if its the mages of kirkwall, im pretty sure the bears wouldnt be intimidated.... especially by that De Launce kid.

 

Inquisitor:  You mean the Comte?

 

Varric:  No, his son Emille.....

 

Inquisitor:  Oh, i see your point now.... kid was always a little loose in the head.

 

Cassandra:  Isnt emille the one you said you caught in the tavern trying to impress girls by telling them he was a blood mage?

 

Varric:  Yep, and was trying to get laid doing it....  hehehe, you should have seen the look on hawke's face when he had the gall to try and hit on her.
  She looked more p*ssed off than she did when the arishok was burning the city.

 

Solas:  How does all this relate to bears?

 

Varric:  It doesn't, learn to keep up baldy.

[Freedheart]

At Stronghold, the Inquisitor and Josephine are poring over some documents, a random NPC strolls through, wearing gorgeous armor.

 

Josephine: Inquisitor, I hate to question your judgment, but don't you think you are spending too much on armor for the soldiers here at the Stronghold? Resources are spread rather thin as it is...

 

Inquisitor: Oh, no, we didn't pay for that.  Every so often, he goes out with a group and they come back with the most amazing armor & weaponry.  Stingy bastard won't share any of it though...or even let me go with.  (Grumbling) Herald of Andraste my ass....

[Wolfen09]

Inquisitor:  You know, we keep sending these same four people out on missions (multiplayer) and they are kicking some serious ass, but i dont think ive actually ever met them in person.

 

Varric:  Well, we're busy saving the world, they're busy killing things....  these things just get missed sometimes....

 

Viviene:  I fail to see how spending 5 hours harvesting blood lotus and elf root in a swamp counts as saving the world.

 

Varric:  We are trying a new angle, "Saving the world with herbs."

 

Inquisitor:  Im still stuck on our last angle, "Saving the world with booze."

 

Varric:  We can try for multiple angles, im not willing to give up on that one just yet either.

[Wolfen09]

Was really tired when i came up with this one

 

 

Inquisitor:  Solas doesnt know how good he has it.

 

Cassandra:  What do you mean?  Elves have it pretty tough, so do mages... put them together and you dont have a lot to smile about.

 

Inquisitor:  Really, cause i think he has it pretty good when he can nap on the battlefield and claim its to help the inquisition.

 

Varric:  Im with the inquisitor on this one, getting paid to nap was one of anders's dream jobs back in kirkwall.  I hear it pays pretty sh*tty though.

 

Cassandra:  *sarcastically* Your insight is incredible varric.  Speaking of sleep, inquisitor, when was the last time you had time to sleep?

 

Inquisitor:  Remember when we were at camp right after fighting that dragon?

 

Cassandra:  Yes, that was a day and a half ago.

 

Inquisitor:  Yeah, about a week before that was when i last slept.

 

Cassandra:  For the love of andraste, go lie down now!

 

Varric:  I cant tell if shes coming on to you inquisitor or if shes genuinely p*ssed off at you.

 

Inquisitor:  Well obviously shes not angry, why would she be angry about me not sleeping?

 

Varric:  Probably cause you have a history of leading us into dragon's dens, templar camps, and demon nests when you havent had any sleep....

 

Inquisitor:  I dont always do that when i havent slept....  i also do that when im drunk.......

[setrus86]

Iron Bull: So that's how I got my third tavern wench into bed that day...

 

Varric: Hehehe, well aren't you...oh, hello, Inquisitor. Horns here is just regaling me with his conquests...mostly off the battlefield.

 

---

Diplomatic Inquisitor: As long as it's not anyone in our organisation, Bull? We have enough drama as it is.

 

Iron Bull: Heh, no promises...

 

Varric: No drama? Inquisitor, you can't run a band of misfits like this without it, they'll go mad!

+

Amour Inquisitory: Fine, but I, as commander, gets first dib on any "drama".

 

Iron Bull: I...guess? Wait, did you just...?

 

Varric: Nobody expected the inquisition in this territory, friend...

 

---

 

Aggressive Inquisitor: *staring at Iron Bull for a good while before speaking* You must have on amazing personality.

 

Iron Bull: Ha! That's not all that's amazing about me, Inqy.

 

Varric: Mess with the bull and you get the horns? I'd check your bedroom before going to sleep, inquisitor.

+

Amour Inquisitory: Maybe I will...*smirking at bull* maybe I'll find something.

 

Iron Bull: *smirking back* Well flattery does get you places...

 

Varric: *chuckling*  What just happened?

 

---

 

Charming Inquisitor: Well darn, I guess we have to compare stories later on then!

 

Iron Bull: Oh, that sounds like the making of a drinking contest.

 

Varric: You say that about everything.

+

Amour Inquisitor: Sounds fun, maybe we can even compare battle-scars...if you win.

 

Iron Bull: Well, can't say I'm not motivated now.

 

Varric: ...I think I just figured out a title for my next book. 

[Bors the Dwarf]

This is not really a banter, but more an event in Skyhold, where my male Dwarf Inquisitor is having a drinking contest with the Iron Bull.

 

 

 

 

"Drink, drink, drink! *Varric and Sera encouraging Cadash.*

"Come one, Bull! This dwarf can't defeat you!" *Blackwall and Cullen encouraging the Bull.*

 

After several barrels of beer later, Cadash begins to feel a little dizzy, while he needs to drink the last mug of beer to win the contest.

 

"Come one, Inquisitor, don't back off now!" *Sera shouted enthousiastic.*

"Only one beer to go! Or else I owe you 5 sovereigns!" *Varric teasing while patting the Inquisitor's shoulder.*

 

Cadash looked up and glares at Iron Bull, smirking and enjoying the Inquisitor's drunken situation. But then in one move, Cadash grab the mug and drinks until there was no drop of beer left. Cadash smashed the mug on the table.

 

"Yeah, we've won!" *Sera shouted in joy, and gives the Inquisitor a brief hug.*

"Now you owe us 5 sovereigns, Horns! *Varric said with a smirk while pointing to the Iron Bull.*

"Yeah...hic... yeah, well played."*Bull said sarcasticly with an angry gaze to the dwarf.*

"Well Inquisitor, you did well, congratulations on your vic... Makers breath, are you allright?! *Blackwall said with a worried face.*

 

Cadash was feeling nauseous and with a single burp, he barfed! Covering Cullen in a wave of... uhm... you know what I mean.

 

"Andraste's flaming knickers! NOOO!!! Now i need a new suit of armour!" *Cullen said angry.*

"I'm... (gulp) sorry." *Cadash trying to apologize while Sera and Varric are carrying him to the balcony*

"We better clean this up before the seeker comes back!" Blackwall shouting to Bull while he is holding a mop*

"Ugh... I didn't ecpect THAT of our Inquisitor!" *Bull said disgusted while he is helping the warden cleaning the place.*

 

To be continued...

[Wolfen09]

Varric:  You should have seen the look on the seekers face when i told her about how hawke defeated the arishok in a duel.  She was blushing something fierce.

 

Sera:  hahaha, i would have loved to see that.

 

Cassandra:  Would you shut it dwarf?!

 

Varric:  Awww cmon seeker.  Now that i think about it, did you swoon the same way when you heard the hero of ferelden's story when he defeated the arch demon?

 

Cassandra:  *blushing*  Of course I didn't!

 

Sera:  Awww isnt that cute, next thing you know she will be swooning all over the inquisitor after he saves the world.

 

Varric:  Well, on a scale of 1-10 the epicness of this story, if we pull this off, is gonna be off the charts, so there's a good chance she will.  And we have our dear inquisitor to thank for dragging us right into the middle of this tale of epicness.

 

Inquisitor:  *walks in* I heard varric say the words inquisitor and epicness, what awesome thing did i do now?

 

Varric:  You have impeccable timing as always, right seeker?

 

Cassandra:  Oh just shut up.

[cjones91]

Iron Bull:Hey Little Lady.

Janka:What did you just call me?

Iron Bull:Little Lady of course,it's my nickname for you.

Janka:Just because I am a dwarf doesn't mean you have to give me a nickname because of my size.I can kick your sodding giant arse any time and place.

Iron Bull:Oh?I smell a challenge,let's see if you can back it up.How about a friendly spar in the training yard?

Janka:Very well!I'll teach you a thing or two about how the dwarf defeats the giant.

Iron Bull:(Laughing)We will see about that.

 

20 minutes later.....

 

Iron Bull:How...how did I lose?She packs quite a punch for something so small.

[Inquisitor Julianos]

Inquisitor/Cassandra/Varric, The Party is looking for a powerful relic.

 

Inquisitor: "So Varric, the relic is supposed to be just through this canyon?"

 

Varric: "That's right, my sources say it should be in some ruins just through here."

 

Inquisitor: "Alright than, if your source says so."

 

*the party moves through the canyon to the ruins, and a dragon lands*

 

Cassandra: "That is not a relic."

 

Inquisitor: "No... That is most definatly a dragon"

 

Varric: "...So run and come back later?"

 

Inquisitor/Cass: "Agreed"

[Freedheart]

" Varric: "...So run and come back later?" "

 

And you have just summarized my battle strategy lol

[Basement Cat]

Inquisition and Inebriation: Drunken confessions!

 

Cassandra: I wish the Inquisitor rode a white horse. Then it would be like in the stories.

 

Iron Bull: There are days I would rather just read a good book. 

 

Sera: I wish Cassandra would cuddle with me.

 

Cole: I feel strange.

 

Vivienne: Sometimes I worry I'm not the most fashionably dressed in a group.

 

Dorian: I hate my mustache. I grew it just to annoy my father.

 

Varric: Sometimes I think I should grow a beard.

 

Blackwall: Sera's cooking tastes worse than the joining mixture.

 

Josephine: Cullen can be annoying at times.

 

Leliana: I'd like to have a pillow fight with Josie and Cullen.

 

Cullen: I love being surrounded by gorgeous women at the war table.

 

Solas: *snore*

[Basement Cat]

From the Cassandra thread:

 

Inquisitor: So, you killed 4 dragons. That's the official count, right?

 

Cassandra: If you wish to call it that, but yes. I wasn't alone though.

 

Inquisitor: Right right... Did you eat any of them?

 

Cassandra: *thunderstruck* What? Of course not! Why would you think that?

 

Inquisitor: Well, most hunters eat what they kill, right?

 

Cassanda: That's... true, I suppose.

 

Inquisitor: So, if we kill a dragon, we're gonna eat it! Dibs on the wings! I'll bring some hot sauce!

 

Cassandra: *speechless*

[Bors the Dwarf]

This is a continuing from my previous banter...

 

Blackwall and Iron Bull were busy to clean up the mess that Inquisitor Cadash made. Cullen was taking a bath and the Inquisitor was leaning on the nearest balcony to hurl over it, while supported by Varric and Sera.

 

"Thanks for the help, my friends. Did we still won the bet?" Cadash asked weakly.*

"Don't mind the bet, we are now more worried about you. Sera and I will take you to your bed, so you can rest." Varric said while he was pulling the Inquisitor's left arm over his shoulder and Sera was pulling the other arm over hers.*

"Only the Inquisitor can close the fade rifts, so you must be in top shape, tomorrow." *Sera said while she and Varric were carrying Cadash to his chamber.*

 

A few minutes later, Cullen was eavedropping on the wall when he heard laughter from the Inquisitor room.

 

"...So look it on the bright side, Varric. You can make good story about how I puked Cullen over." *Cadash said with a sinister grin on his face.*

"Yes, indeed. I bet that even the seeker will like this! Have you seen the look on his face?!" *Varric laughing*

*Chuckles* He will be so mad if he even read that story!" *Sera giggling*

"Yes, I will be sooooooo mad?!" Cullen shouting angry and storms into the Inquisitors chamber, wet and only wearing a towel on his hips.*
"Don't you ever mention this, Varric!" *Cullen furiously pointing to Varric*

 

Suddenly, Cullen's towel fell from his hips, uncovering his "unmentionables". The room was burst into laughter.

 

"This will certainly comes in my books!" *Varric laughing while he is teasing Cullen.*

"Shut up, dwarf!" *Cullen yelling at Varric."

"Hey! What's so funny in here...O my..." *Iron Bull taking a peak in the room to see Cullen naked in the Inquisitor's chamber.*

 

End

[BraveVesperia]

*travelling to a meeting of Dalish clans*

 

Dorian: You’re looking awfully nervous. Are you that worried about seeing the Dalish again? Expecting a little shunning for being too friendly with us nasty humans?

Lavellan: Oh no, I’m not worried for myself. I’ll just get a stern lecture off a few Keepers. It’s you I’m worried about. Probably not a good idea to advertise the fact you’re a Tevinter mage.

Dorian: Oh dear, they’re not still stuck on that little piece of history, are they?

Lavellan: It’s kind of our thing.

Dorian: No wonder the Dalish always look so miserable. No offence. So, what will they do to me – ritual dismemberment? Eat my kidneys?

Lavellan: Well, once a week we burn effigies of a Tevinter mage. Last time I attended, it was Hessarian. He’s a popular favourite, probably something to do with the elven slaves. They’d be thrilled to hear that they can have a real live burning this time.

Dorian: You’re having me on.

Lavellan: Are your robes especially flammable?

Dorian: Ah, yes. As are my skin and hair, both of which I’m quite attached to.

Lavellan: Hmm. Tell you what: kneel down, and put your shoes on your knees.

Dorian: Whatever would I do that for?

Lavellan: We’re going to pretend you’re a dwarf, the Dalish don’t mind them.

Dorian: Preposterous. It’ll never work. Have you ever seen a dwarf with facial hair this fine?

[john-in-france]

Anyone gifted out there want to try their hands at Varric bantering about the LIs?