So I had "the talk" with my fiance tonight. He's felt for a couple weeks now that something's been off with me.
A little back story -- He HATES spoilers. It frustrates me to no end some times, because babes let's be realistic, you're not going to have time to play this franchise. I mean, I am still holding onto all of the pain of Shepard. Please, can you play the ME Trilogy some time soon, so I can purge all of this ****? I mean, Mordin, Legion, Thane, Shepard. I hurt. So much. And on top of that I have to hold onto everything for DA as well. Which hasn't been as difficult for me until now. Honestly I've never wanted to tell him about how much my little heart loves Alistair. He'd give me that look.
And then Solas came along. I didn't even mention his name. Kept it as vague as possible. Confessed how once I finished the game the world lost a little colour. Explained how the writing and acting for Solas melded together in such a way that sometimes he was a little too real. That statement got a reaction. "Are you cheating on me with a video game character?" He wasn't serious. We had a laugh. I then had no choice but to explain how it was embarrassing for me at first that a character was making me feel that way. Because I have such a fulfilling relationship that has me content and happy. But these damn pixels were breaking me to the point that carrying out every day life was difficult for almost a week.
But then I told him about you guys and this thread. It's helped me immensely. Thanks Solas thread!
In all seriousness, I wrote my fanfic because I needed resolution that was grounding. Either sad or happy, just loving and trusting. Because #thosefeels.
I walked into DAI intending to romance Cullen. I've loved Cullen since my very first character in Origins, who was a mage, who he flirted so sweetly with and who I never got to keep. And every time he showed up I got so excited.
But then Solas sort of surprised me. Like...wow, this bald guy is just...not what I expected. And the more I listened to him and asked him stuff the more I really just actually LOVED how wise, intellectual, philosophical, and insightful he was built to be. Also how pragmatic and cautious.
When everything happened what struck me wasn't the sadness. It was that a character I loved that much, that was supposed to be that old and experienced, had just behaved like a rash child.
After all his spite against other characters for lacking the strength to face consequences. After all his insight and wisdom and cleverness, he'd just played the part of someone who didn't know any better.
I understand all the nuances that were also conveyed that seemed true to the character, but that bit stuck out like a sore thumb. That he found someone so important to him, someone capable of facing anything with him, that he ran away because of his own unspoken goals?
The greatest tragedy of it, wasn't some star crossed thing due to myths and legends or his nature like it COULD have been (and hopefully will be in how they evolve it with DLC /fingers crossed/). The tragedy was because in that moment the character I loved died a little and looked very immature and nothing like who he is meant to be.