Plus... up till that point I thought he was always so controlled, what he needs is not more of that, but release. That's what I wanted to offer, and that sometimes includes letting emotion guide you, as long as there are limits on it. Normally this wouldn't be on the right level, I mean, killing a bunch of people is not my idea of "release," but we're talking in DAI context - I wanted to find the spots that Solas actually cares deeply about, because those are the points where you get to know him best. If he can let himself feel that pain and cement it forever, it's like he just created a foothold for me to peer over his walls. Plus I would have been spitting mad if our positions were reversed and he stopped me.
Truthfully, though, I wasn't sure what would happen. How is it that fights normally take so long and all of a sudden Solas is able to wipe them all out with a stroke of power? Hmmmm, suspiciouuuus.
I see what you're saying and for the most part I would agree with you if it wasn't that it involved killing people for him to feel better. Yes, we are going on a rampage across Southern Thedas killing everything on our way to establish the Inquisition, however that's a bit unfair since it's a gameplay mechanic and it's not like we have other options for the most part. Heck while judging people on the throne, I tend to not kill people as often. I don't know, I'm more forgiving in that sense (depending on the character as well, I'm not saying everyone deserves to live, specially in Thedas but killing strictly based on emotion is just dangerous).
Solas is always in control and I agree that is a delight to see even raging Solas but I felt he wouldn't have appreciated killing people based on his emotions. I wasn't gonna give him a pat on the back for killing people out of vengeance just so he could vent his anger and sadness. Not healthy on my book lol
Well, to clarify my position on this at least, I identify with this sentiment, too. My romantic mind constructed something more along these lines: on a spirit level (and as I said above, I do not mean rummaging around in my head), he probably has waaaay more power to visit/learn about anyone's spirit than anyone else in existence (to our present knowledge and with the possible exception of other "gods" real or otherwise). He does have a connection, a bond struck up with Lavellan that is unintentional, but also I'd like to imagine it in a way that he has the power to "see you truly" in spirit and restrains himself exactly because he knows that he wants to draw closer... I think that explains his whole hesitation in the Fade kiss scene. He knows that he's about to let his mask slip and "learn" you in a very intimate, Fade-y way (yes, I know that was lame). He respects your privacy and yet finds your spirit irresistible, there is a potential for deep understanding that goes beyond merely being lovers. And he may have a partner not just physically, but in the Fade! That's huge for someone so alone and so much in his element there.
So, I think that he wants nothing more than to go to you, yet instead he kind of "draws you in" by initiating the means to get you into your dreams. It's of your own volition, but he does not have to sacrifice his principles or violate his respect for you by going "too far too soon."
This totally has more laced in it than I intended originally, but ah well.
See I actually like what you said here even though I feel there has to be a very very delicate balance. I'm a person that likes my privacy so I think what makes me the most uncomfortable is that Lavellan isn't aware of what Solas is and what his powers can do (Heck, we don't either, not exactly). Mind melding, their joining of spirits or whatever you want to call it, sounds great an all, even though I don't think my Lavellan is a spiritual person. She's very practical and all she knows is this amazing connection she has with him. If I was in that situation I would want to know exactly what is happening and how deep this connection is affecting me. This goes to something more deep and spiritual and I think if you're not so inclined to accept those concepts then you have a hard time accepting you have a connection with someone spiritually.
I think you had a much better way of explaining my initial concern but it's not really a big deal. I find their attraction incredibly charming and intimate, so maybe your explanation of them having a spiritual connection is not entirely wrong but I would like my Lavellan to be more informed of what's happening. There are different levels of comfort here. 
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