I'll quote this because it is awesome:
"fenharelenasalin:
Solas romancing Lavellan makes me so happy but it’s always so funny because he spends his entire time being like “I shouldn’t do that I am plagued with guilt and dread that my actions will cause her permanent harm.”
And I know that it’s joked about a lot that he’s just really damn thirsty, that he really wants the booty or whatever, but the reality is, Solas is so starved for attention and genuine affection that he feels completely head over heels in love with her simply because she… treats him like a person. Treats him like a person and values his opinions, even if she doesn’t always agree with them, and uses them as a factor in her decision making.
He talks to a romance Lavellan on several instances if you flirt with him about how “no one sees him for anything other than a pair of ears save for her” and how “he hasn’t been able to trust anyone in a long time”. The first flirt with him is about protecting him from the people who would kill him or capture him for his race and magic, things he cannot help but have. Other flirts are about helping him make friends and how he’s intelligent and has insight and strength no one else has. Insight that makes him a valuable partner and friend.
There is actually remarkably little that is sexual about Solas’ devotion to Lavellan. I love “Solas is thirsty” jokes as much as the next person, but I also never want to lose sight of the fact that he fell for her because she is “unique”, a “rare and marvelous spirit” who shines more brightly over the ages than anything else in his bleak life.
Solas is lonely. He is sorrowful.
And for just one moment, one instant in his very long life, she broke through that and let him have someone else and be happy.
Solas loves her deeply and truly and could never express what she did for him, how much she means to him, because she helped to heal a bit of what hurts inside of him.
I don’t want to lose sight of that.
This is vitally important to the romance with Solas. It can be viewed as passionate and romantic or not. His attraction to her goes way beyond the physical and is a spiritual connection that opens him up to possibilities."
I am mostly in agreement with this but there are some things that I would like to highlight.
Firstly, I would agree that what Solas seems to crave is not simply sex but a relationship involving physical and intellectual intimacy, although for many people, including Solas, they very much amount to the same thing. I've only recently through this board become familiar with the term demi-sexual, and from the little I now know I would say that Solas appears to be clearly demi-sexual. I wouldn't go so far as the commentator to say that there is little sexual about his devotion to Lavellan for me there is a very clear sexual aspect to it but it is very far from being the only component. Does he want her body? Oh, yes. Does he want her friendship? Oh, yes. Would he be equally happy to talk to her all night long? Oh, yes
I have little doubt that Solas has had equally intimate relationships in the past. Some say that having sex is like learning to ride a bicycle, that it gets better with experience but this is not only applicable to sex, it is also applicable to forming emotional attachments and Solas has all the emotional triggers to enable him to enter into relationship with Lavellan almost straightaway. On a strictly personal level there is no holding back, little hesitance, and, unlike Blackwall say, no painful self reflection. The only impediment is to an extent external to both of them. To me this seems to indicate that in the past he has been loved and has loved in return.
And when I say in the past I really mean in the past any person he ever loved in this way is dead and buried and dust.
Therefore, although I would agree that Lavellan is important to him, especially as an anchor to this time and place, I do not think that she is the only person that has ever been important to him. Solas speaks of being betrayed, betrayal is not possible in the absence of love or friendship.
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