Just think of it this way -- the Inquisitor will probably be in future games. So when Lavellan finally does get reunited with Solas and has her happy ending (which she will -- so fite me if anyone disagrees!), it will feel all the more deserved. All other romancers have it easy. Solasmancers alone will know the true depth of a Romance Epic.
e-p-i-c
(ง'̀-'́)ง <-- me fending off the bad feels
Out of likes. 
Also headcanoning that you're really Kirby. 
Just think of it this way -- the Inquisitor will probably be in future games. So when Lavellan finally does get reunited with Solas and has her happy ending (which she will -- so fite me if anyone disagrees!), it will feel all the more deserved. All other romancers have it easy. Solasmancers alone will know the true depth of a Romance Epic.
e-p-i-c
(ง'̀-'́)ง <-- me fending off the bad feels
I don't have a bad feels guard. They're all just rushing in -.-
Still out of likes, but I agree.
@NeverlandHunter: I agree that during DA:I, the relationship is unbalanced. And honestly, with all the secrets Solas is keeping, I think it would have been difficult even if he decided to abandon his duty and stay with her during the vallaslin scene. But as of Trespasser, all the cards are on the table. They're both idiots, but IMO Lavellan bears equal burden of idiocy if she decides to continue the romance and try to save him.
Mmm...I wouldn't say it's analogous. If you bought a dog, you're directly responsible for its health and happiness and well-being. Solas is not directly responsible for any of those things vis-a-vis Lavellan. She's a grown-up, and while she might not have entered the relationship with full knowledge, let's be honest--getting into any relationship as the Inquisitor is potentially troublesome. Morrigan highlights this problem all the way back in DA:O--what happens when you have to choose between your love and your duty?
A lot of BioWare's romances start off as a "port in a storm," to borrow Dorian's phrase, with neither partner knowing where it'll go. I think that's how it started out between Solas and Lavellan too, just for different reasons. And while Solas clearly loves Lavellan, they never have a "what about the future" talk. Yes, it's crappy what he did, but he also made no promises.
And as for being in love with Solas in Trespasser, it's been two years. She might still have feelings for him, but she's also had two years of distance to clear her head. She's not in the throes of first love anymore.
Yeah, I don't disagree exactly. My rant post was more for their relationship in the main games than their love in Trespasser.
On another day I'd probably be arguing with -.- today I feel errgehewhge at Solas and Lavellan.
I'm not pessimistic about the future of their relationship, I'm more just frustrated at all the crappy things that went on before. Which I know, drama -.- errgeehejhehjehr drama.
I'm not sure that quite works out to being the same thing, but really, the proper response there is the same as it would be with a "luuuuv" situation. You proceed with a clear mind and do what you know to be correct for yourself and the knowledge that you now have. It might hurt, and it might not have been right, but that's all a part of life. There's only so far any of us can go to minimize any pain or harm. If someone is so wrapped up with the idea of love that they can't do that, then it might be on them to not have gotten into a relationship in the first place and never mind Solas. That's not a healthy place for anyone.
Speaking for my own Lavellan, she knew after a time that there was something not... quite... right about Solas, so while she was not necessarily guarded in their relationship she had already accepted something might change. And she was fine with that. Share what they could while they had it, because with her past that's how she saw the world. Joy comes and will eventually leave, by why deny yourself while you can experience it?
Same for mine. It's actually one of the "eerrr" things I take issue with in their relationship.
*hands NeverlandHunter a tiny TO flag and a cookie*
Same for mine. It's actually one of the "eerrr" things I take issue with in their relationship.
I suppose in that case, if a Lavellan didn't like that and felt they couldn't get an answer from Solas, they had the option to say "eh, eff this" during the Crestwood scene and break up with him.
This all happened because I was writing SolasxLavellan fanfiction. I dove too deep into the structure of their relationship and thought too hard about the inclinations of their choices. -.- Writing is supposed to make you feel better.*hands NeverlandHunter a tiny TO flag and a cookie*
"Rant" below that has nothing to do with what anyone said here, but just stems from some frustrating things I've heard from fandom.
In the end, when it comes to the healthiness or unhealthiness of the Solas romance, it all depends on how you headcanon the romance. If I headcanon that Lavellan knew there was something strange he was hiding, saw how he was hesitating (and oh he hesitated, but Lavellan insists) but still moved forward with it anyways, then that's what happened. Never were you trapped in a romance with him, and it was your choice to keep your character with him all along. This isn't the real world, his romance was a choice you make and one you have to push to initiate and continue. Not to mention that it isn't a given that all Lavellans turn into a depressed, weeping, heartbroken mess that's all Solas' fault. Once again, it all depends on your choice.
Solas' romance isn't ideal, but anyone calling it abusive is throwing out a word with serious connotations and if I cared more what people on the internet said, I might just be downright insulted. An imbalance of power does not automatically equal an unhealthy relationship, and Solas gives you plenty of time to back off and warns you from the start that you might not want to start down that path with him. You are the one who has to push him into it (not that he doesn't want to). All along, you're the one calling the shots. And when Solas thinks it's going down a road of no return that is unfair to you, he ends it. He doesn't give you a choice in the matter, because he's very well aware that you lack the knowledge and context necessary to make that seriously a choice and he can't tell you because of what he perceives as his duty. Besides which, it was fully his right to end that relationship, and his right to not give Lavellan a choice in the matter because you can leave a relationship whenever you want without your partner's agreement.
Nevermind the fact that if the nondisclosure bothered you, which is a fair hangup and it was obvious that Solas was hiding things from you even before players knew who he was, you're free to end it any time. He's perfectly fine with it. And, of course, if anyone is continuing a relationship with him past Trespasser, that is their Lavellan's fully informed choice. Solas' romance is painful. It kind of sucks, even. But anyone calling it abusive is being silly in my book. If that's your headcanon, that's fine, but that doesn't make it the reality.
There are a lot of layers and things at work so it makes sense to kind of roll around examining it, but even with everything Solas kept, there were still warnings and hesitation, and yes, even if they came before, after, or in between kissing, sometimes that's how it goes. The relationship between them isn't like getting a sick dog. It very much depends on the perspectives involved, and Lavellans' own feelings and eprsonalities (driven and planned out by players, of course). People are wildly imperfect gremlins (intended!), and we all have something that we might be hesitant to tell someone else, or at least need to wait until a certain level of trust and dedication is there.
We know Solas is affected by this situation, by how deeply his feelings contraict the thing he has believed, and if he did give it up to reveal himself or just live as Solas in the world, well, it's not completely insurmountable.
There's always Lavellan having a choice here. At every step except for locking it in and him breaking up. But you can break up with him there before then.
Anders was all straight out, don't do this. And yet, a bunch of us did anyway. Solas, at least with Solas you're warned there's something there, left with his "considerations" and given info on the player level, and he doesn't manipulate you (aside from like...nudging you over to Skyhold), so even though there's an imbalance on paper, the relationship itself didn't feel unbalanced to me.
In any case, I find their love on both sides to be something driven by hope. And hope remains with me until we know more.
Um, spoiler for length
Spoiler
I feel so negative right now...
form the very begging he knew that it would end badly and yet he keep showing lavellan the good side of him, the side that appealed to her in everyway. Which was selfish on his end. thats what made me angry then he goes and takes lavellan to this beautiful location says sweet things to you grabs your fadeass then crushes you. I think solas does care very deeply for lavellan i don't think she was a distraction for him, her spirt and grace shined to him in everyway.
This all happened because I was writing SolasxLavellan fanfiction. I dove too deep into the structure of their relationship and thought too hard about the inclinations of their choices. -.- Writing is supposed to make you feel better.
Writing doesn't have to make you feel better. It can, as you've seen, sometimes take you into some deep corners. But it is a way to look at ideas and experiences. I've sat there in tears writing or rereading my own stuff. And I wrote it. I know where it goes and even if it ends on a happier note.
But you can use that thought, that emotional experience too.
I suppose in that case, if a Lavellan didn't like that and felt they couldn't get an answer from Solas, they had the option to say "eh, eff this" during the Crestwood scene and break up with him.
She could have, but she was already in love with him at that point. Solas keeping things from Lavellan and going into the relationship was crappy, but I'm not going to say that Lavellan holds none of the blame for whatever emotional pain she went through.
"Rant" below that has nothing to do with what anyone said here, but just stems from some frustrating things I've heard from fandom.
In the end, when it comes to the healthiness or unhealthiness of the Solas romance, it all depends on how you headcanon the romance. If I headcanon that Lavellan knew there was something strange he was hiding, saw how he was hesitating (and oh he hesitated, but Lavellan insists) but still moved forward with it anyways, then that's what happened. Never were you trapped in a romance with him, and it was your choice to keep your character with him all along. This isn't the real world, his romance was a choice you make and one you have to push to initiate and continue. Not to mention that it isn't a given that all Lavellans turn into a depressed, weeping, heartbroken mess that's all Solas' fault. Once again, it all depends on your choice.
Solas' romance isn't ideal, but anyone calling it abusive is throwing out a word with serious connotations and if I cared more what people on the internet said, I might just be downright insulted. An imbalance of power does not automatically equal an unhealthy relationship, and Solas gives you plenty of time to back off and warns you from the start that you might not want to start down that path with him. You are the one who has to push him into it (not that he doesn't want to). All along, you're the one calling the shots. And when Solas thinks it's going down a road of no return that is unfair to you, he ends it. He doesn't give you a choice in the matter, because he's very well aware that you lack the knowledge and context necessary to make that seriously a choice and he can't tell you because of what he perceives as his duty. Besides which, it was fully his right to end that relationship, and his right to not give Lavellan a choice in the matter because you can leave a relationship whenever you want without your partner's agreement.
Nevermind the fact that if the nondisclosure bothered you, which is a fair hangup and it was obvious that Solas was hiding things from you even before players knew who he was, you're free to end it any time. He's perfectly fine with it. And, of course, if anyone is continuing a relationship with him past Trespasser, that is their Lavellan's fully informed choice. Solas' romance is painful. It kind of sucks, even. But anyone calling it abusive is being silly in my book. If that's your headcanon, that's fine, but that doesn't make it the reality.
I agree, I know you said it wasn't due to what anyone else posted, but I do want to reiterate that I wouldn't label their relationship unhealthy and certainly not abusive. And yes, a power imbalance does not automatically make a relationship terrible.
She could have, but she was already in love with him at that point. Solas keeping things from Lavellan and going into the relationship was crappy, but I'm not going to say that Lavellan holds none of the blame for whatever emotional pain she went through.
People can and do break up with people they are in love with because there are reasons that make the relationship untenable.
Why are you dragging blame into this?
There are a lot of layers and things at work so it makes sense to kind of roll around examining it, but even with everything Solas kept, there were still warnings and hesitation, and yes, even if they came before, after, or in between kissing, sometimes that's how it goes. The relationship between them isn't like getting a sick dog. It very much depends on the perspectives involved, and Lavellans' own feelings and eprsonalities (driven and planned out by players, of course). People are wildly imperfect gremlins (intended!), and we all have something that we might be hesitant to tell someone else, or at least need to wait until a certain level of trust and dedication is there.
We know Solas is affected by this situation, by how deeply his feelings contraict the thing he has believed, and if he did give it up to reveal himself or just live as Solas in the world, well, it's not completely insurmountable.
There's always Lavellan having a choice here. At every step except for locking it in and him breaking up. But you can break up with him there before then.
Anders was all straight out, don't do this. And yet, a bunch of us did anyway. Solas, at least with Solas you're warned there's something there, left with his "considerations" and given info on the player level, and he doesn't manipulate you (aside from like...nudging you over to Skyhold), so even though there's an imbalance on paper, the relationship itself didn't feel unbalanced to me.
In any case, I find their love on both sides to be something driven by hope. And hope remains with me until we know more.
Anders used your love for him to manipulate you into helping him make a bomb -.- and video game warnings suck, especially given by men who just finished passionately kissing you and giving you flirtatious compliments. I'm not completely held up by Solas keeping things from Lavellan. It sucked what he did, I think it was incredibly unfair to Lavellan. But as it was pointed out before, things even up in Trespasser, she makes the choice.
Everyone hooked on to that gripe, I had a lot more worth ranting about you know! 
Writing doesn't have to make you feel better. It can, as you've seen, sometimes take you into some deep corners. But it is a way to look at ideas and experiences. I've sat there in tears writing or rereading my own stuff. And I wrote it. I know where it goes and even if it ends on a happier note.
But you can use that thought, that emotional experience too.
The game and the thread gives me enough emotional experience! I'm emotioned out! I can't do these conflicting feelings anymore!
For me what makes this relationship really bad is when he takes your ink tells you are beautiful then just drops the bomb and leaves, leaving our lavellans feeling like they have done everything wrong and that they are not normal and not good enough. That's when my controller got some punishes.
Some Lavellans. Mine felt none of those things. Her self-worth wasn't wrapped up in Solas or the relationship, and she could tell he was hurting and still wanted it as much as she did.
Some Lavellans.
Same. That one Cole banter actually made me angry for this very reason. I don't want the game to assume the way my character feels about anything, unless their family died because it's a fair assumption that they're sad. I thought it was pretty dang obvious that whatever was up Solas' butt in that scene, it was far from being about Lavellan. And my Lavellan knew that too. The whole time she was just wondering what the heck was going on with him that was making him go this direction with their relationship. It was clear that it wasn't really because of her. She's more worried about Solas than the status of their relationship, because he obviously had some serious baggage that he was struggling to work through.
Some Lavellans.
I made one lavellan that was crushed like little pebbles hah and the other she was a badass she wasn't faltering at all.
Wasn't there a reference in JoH that Dirthamens animal was a bear, since it was the only animal who kept his secrets?
Oh yes you're right, I like that. Did you know the Avvar have a suspiciously similar god named Sigfrost who is the guardian bear of wisdom? Avvar may challenge him to acquire knowledge.
It was bears are sacred to him, but the ravens work for him, so he's represented by the ravens. But I mean, if Andruil gets Hawks and Hares might as well let Dirthamen have Ravens and Bears.
I think.. that rhymes. Somehow.
You have all become important to me. More important than I could have imagined.
(Sorry, I'm drinking.)
lmao love you Garnet.
You have all become important to me. More important than I could have imagined.
(Sorry, I'm drinking.)
Beautiful rant love
He is just a stubborn old sexy hobo and full of pride to give his plans up for her even though he loves her. For me what makes this relationship really bad is when he takes your ink tells you are beautiful then just drops the bomb and leaves, leaving our lavellans feeling like they have done everything wrong and that they are not normal and not good enough. That's when my controller got some punishes.
Thank you Homeboundcrib I'm glad you took the time to read it. I'm also revealed you agree with me for some of the things I wrote. I rather not sound like I'm talking out of my arse because I'm the only with that opinion!
People can and do break up with people they are in love with because there are reasons that make the relationship untenable.
Why are you dragging blame into this?
Because human people error is what caused their relationship to be so painful and heartbreaking. There's a lot of blame to be placed. Mistakes were made, decisions that could end badly. All the pain and guilt and doubt that Lavellan and Solas and me feel over their relationship had a cause.
Solas deciding to go into a relationship with Lavellan regardless of the fact that he knew where his eventual plans would lead and the fact that he knew he was keeping things from her.
Lavellan deciding to ignore the shadiness of Solas
Me choosing those damn pink hearts
There is plenty of blame to go around.
No need to say thanksThank you Homeboundcrib
Becausehumanpeople error is what caused their relationship to be so painful and heartbreaking. There's a lot of blame to be placed. Mistakes were made, decisions that could end badly. All the pain and guilt and doubt that Lavellan and Solas and mefeel over their relationship had a cause.
Solas deciding to go into a relationship with Lavellan regardless of the fact that he knew where his eventual plans would lead and the fact that he knew he was keeping things from her.
Lavellan deciding to ignore the shadiness of Solas
Me choosing those damn pink hearts
There is plenty of blame to go around.
and your not talking out of your ass I get it. Your angry and you have every right.
Some Lavellans.
Yeah, headcanon will largely effect how angry/sad/hopeful you feel about your relationship with Solas. But I would say that my Lavellan's self-worth wasn't wrapped up in Solas or their relationship, but it still hurt. And even if she could see that he didn't want to do it, she didn't know why, so doubt crept in and wove itself a little nest and all those minuscule insecurities seemed a lot more magnified now. My Lavellan is a confident woman who's dealt with insults and hate and ignorance from other people all her life. She let her guard down with Solas. It's always the people closest to you that can hurt you the most.
Edit: Most sounded more powerful 
You have all become important to me. More important than I could have imagined.
(Sorry, I'm drinking.)
Thank you Garnet, you have prevented me from getting too serious 
You have all become important to me. More important than I could have imagined.
(Sorry, I'm drinking.)
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