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[figment_]

answers from Weekes

 

 

https://twitter.com/...640881619640321

I'm quoting this...'cause reasons!

[BioFan (Official)]

As there are a variety of viewpoints among Solasmancers, so I'll stick the content under a spoiler tag. For those that are angry at Solas, a bit annoyed, or are looking for a good laugh, this was highly requested:

 

Spoiler

 

Discussion thread:
http://forum.bioware.../#entry19790158

 

[Ellawynn]

"Rant" below that has nothing to do with what anyone said here, but just stems from some frustrating things I've heard from fandom.

 

In the end, when it comes to the healthiness or unhealthiness of the Solas romance, it all depends on how you headcanon the romance. If I headcanon that Lavellan knew there was something strange he was hiding, saw how he was hesitating (and oh he hesitated, but Lavellan insists) but still moved forward with it anyways, then that's what happened. Never were you trapped in a romance with him, and it was your choice to keep your character with him all along. This isn't the real world, his romance was a choice you make and one you have to push to initiate and continue.  Not to mention that it isn't a given that all Lavellans turn into a depressed, weeping, heartbroken mess that's all Solas' fault. Once again, it all depends on your choice.

 

Solas' romance isn't ideal, but anyone calling it abusive is throwing out a word with serious connotations and if I cared more what people on the internet said, I might just be downright insulted. An imbalance of power does not automatically equal an unhealthy relationship, and Solas gives you plenty of time to back off and warns you from the start that you might not want to start down that path with him. You are the one who has to push him into it (not that he doesn't want to). All along, you're the one calling the shots. And when Solas thinks it's going down a road of no return that is unfair to you, he ends it. He doesn't give you a choice in the matter, because he's very well aware that you lack the knowledge and context necessary to make that seriously a choice and he can't tell you because of what he perceives as his duty. Besides which, it was fully his right to end that relationship, and his right to not give Lavellan a choice in the matter because you can leave a relationship whenever you want without your partner's agreement. 

 

Nevermind the fact that if the nondisclosure bothered you, which is a fair hangup and it was obvious that Solas was hiding things from you even before players knew who he was, you're free to end it any time. He's perfectly fine with it. And, of course, if anyone is continuing a relationship with him past Trespasser, that is their Lavellan's fully informed choice. Solas' romance is painful. It kind of sucks, even. But anyone calling it abusive is being silly in my book. If that's your headcanon, that's fine, but that doesn't make it the reality.

Just to add to this - I don't think I've seen a single romance in a BioWare game - especially a romance with any measure of popularity - NOT be called abusive at one point or another. It's like some fandom passtime to pick on and discredit people you don't romance, try to undermine the validity of the relationship because - who the **** even knows. Like, I don't tremendously care for Cullen or his romance, but I don't write up essays about how it's abusive and ~problematic.~

 

But I've seen such essays. Oh, yes. As I've seen them for Alistair, Fenris, Anders, Kaidan. (Notice the pattern? It's always the guys. Why don't the female love interests ever get called on this crap?) It's inevitable that Solas, popular an LI as he is, would get whacked with it eventually. Almost every male LI does. It's gotten to the point where I just tune it out as white noise - some insecure fan with romancer's remorse trying to run others' fun because how dare they like things?

 

Perhaps the criticisms have a little more merit, given everything that happens - but I still wouldn't call the Solasmance abusive. Solas does nothing to force Lavellan to stay with him. He never pushes her, never guilts her, never threatens her. He in fact warns her, repeatedly, to turn back, and if she does, he never makes another move. Lavellan gets with Solas, and remains with Solas, entirely of her own free will. As for the lies? As Solas himself pointed out, how was he supposed to tell her? How do you just let slip something like that? "Lovely day today! My, isn't the weather nice? I had a pleasant nap this noon and, oh, by the way, I'm the devil figure of your people's mythology. Gosh, look at those clouds! Think there might be rain?"

 

Solas lied to Lavellan before he ever knew her, before he knew she existed, and certainly before he fell in love with her. There was no practical way for him to be entirely truthful with her.

[NeverlandHunter]

Just to add to this - I don't think I've seen a single romance in a BioWare game - especially a romance with any measure of popularity - NOT be called abusive at one point or another. It's like some fandom passtime to pick on and discredit people you don't romance, try to undermine the validity of the relationship because - who the **** even knows. Like, I don't tremendously care for Cullen or his romance, but I don't write up essays about how it's abusive and ~problematic.~

 

But I've seen such essays. Oh, yes. As I've seen them for Alistair, Fenris, Anders, Kaidan. (Notice the pattern? It's always the guys. Why don't the female love interests ever get called on this crap?) It's inevitable that Solas, popular an LI as he is, would get whacked with it eventually. Almost every male LI does. It's gotten to the point where I just tune it out as white noise - some insecure fan with romancer's remorse trying to run others' fun because how dare they like things?

 

Perhaps the criticisms have a little more merit, given everything that happens - but I still wouldn't call the Solasmance abusive. Solas does nothing to force Lavellan to stay with him. He never pushes her, never guilts her, never threatens her. He in fact warns her, repeatedly, to turn back, and if she does, he never makes another move. Lavellan gets with Solas, and remains with Solas, entirely of her own free will. As for the lies? As Solas himself pointed out, how was he supposed to tell her? How do you just let slip something like that? "Lovely day today! My, isn't the weather nice? I had a pleasant nap this noon and, oh, by the way, I'm the devil figure of your people's mythology. Gosh, look at those clouds! Think there might be rain?"

 

Solas lied to Lavellan before he ever knew her, before he knew she existed, and certainly before he fell in love with her. There was no practical way for him to be entirely truthful with her.

I would have had you trust me!

 

 

 

But I agree with the rest of your post.

[Moirin]

I think.. that rhymes. Somehow.

 

Hawks and Hares, Ravens and Bears. Oh my.

[RynJ]

Just to add to this - I don't think I've seen a single romance in a BioWare game - especially a romance with any measure of popularity - NOT be called abusive at one point or another. It's like some fandom passtime to pick on and discredit people you don't romance, try to undermine the validity of the relationship because - who the **** even knows. Like, I don't tremendously care for Cullen or his romance, but I don't write up essays about how it's abusive and ~problematic.~

 

But I've seen such essays. Oh, yes. As I've seen them for Alistair, Fenris, Anders, Kaidan. (Notice the pattern? It's always the guys. Why don't the female love interests ever get called on this crap?) It's inevitable that Solas, popular an LI as he is, would get whacked with it eventually. Almost every male LI does. It's gotten to the point where I just tune it out as white noise - some insecure fan with romancer's remorse trying to run others' fun because how dare they like things?

 

Perhaps the criticisms have a little more merit, given everything that happens - but I still wouldn't call the Solasmance abusive. Solas does nothing to force Lavellan to stay with him. He never pushes her, never guilts her, never threatens her. He in fact warns her, repeatedly, to turn back, and if she does, he never makes another move. Lavellan gets with Solas, and remains with Solas, entirely of her own free will. As for the lies? As Solas himself pointed out, how was he supposed to tell her? How do you just let slip something like that? "Lovely day today! My, isn't the weather nice? I had a pleasant nap this noon and, oh, by the way, I'm the devil figure of your people's mythology. Gosh, look at those clouds! Think there might be rain?"

 

Solas lied to Lavellan before he ever knew her, before he knew she existed, and certainly before he fell in love with her. There was no practical way for him to be entirely truthful with her.

 

Similar to this, there's this annoyingly pervasive attitude in certain circles of fandom that if a character does something bad, you can't like them. You're not allowed, or you're bad! We're not allowed to like Solas.

 

To which I say.....watch me, suckas.   Fight me irl! 

 

If I could only like characters who never did anything bad, I'd be stuck with some pretty boring characters. I'd take a Solas over a saint 20 times over any day of the week when it comes to my preferences for fictional characters.

[FernRain]

Hawks and Hares, Ravens and Bears. Oh my.

 

It's a conspiracy! Those two are up to something..

 

Or it's just my NZ accent rhyming it (we don't really pronounce Rs). Hare we would say like he-a. And bear would be be-a.

[Colonelkillabee]

Thank you Homeboundcrib I'm glad you took the time to read it. I'm also revealed you agree with me for some of the things I wrote. I rather not sound like I'm talking out of my arse because I'm the only with that opinion!

 

Because human people error is what caused their relationship to be so painful and heartbreaking. There's a lot of blame to be placed. Mistakes were made, decisions that could end badly. All the pain and guilt and doubt that Lavellan and Solas _{^{and me}} feel over their relationship had a cause.

Solas deciding to go into a relationship with Lavellan regardless of the fact that he knew where his eventual plans would lead and the fact that he knew he was keeping things from her.

Lavellan deciding to ignore the shadiness of Solas

Me choosing those damn pink hearts

 

There is plenty of blame to go around.

Most of it goes to Lavellan if you ask me, considering Solas warned her since the beginning and she basically said, "Lalala, kiss me egghead!" She should be called Lalalavellan because lalaland is where she resides. Chick is slow.

[RynJ]

Most of it goes to Lavellan if you ask me, considering Solas warned her since the beginning and she basically said, "Lalala, kiss me egghead!" She should be called Lalalavellan because lalaland is where she resides. Chick is slow.

 

Now now, Lavellan lives a life of danger. It's not so surprising that she thinks she can handle Solas' commitment problems. 

 

On a similar note, any Warden who romanced Morrigan and didn't see her endgame shadiness coming or realize she had an alternate agenda is truly slow. 

[Sable Rhapsody]

Just to add to this - I don't think I've seen a single romance in a BioWare game - especially a romance with any measure of popularity - NOT be called abusive at one point or another. It's like some fandom passtime to pick on and discredit people you don't romance, try to undermine the validity of the relationship because - who the **** even knows. Like, I don't tremendously care for Cullen or his romance, but I don't write up essays about how it's abusive and ~problematic.~

 

But I've seen such essays. Oh, yes. As I've seen them for Alistair, Fenris, Anders, Kaidan. (Notice the pattern? It's always the guys. Why don't the female love interests ever get called on this crap?) It's inevitable that Solas, popular an LI as he is, would get whacked with it eventually. Almost every male LI does. It's gotten to the point where I just tune it out as white noise - some insecure fan with romancer's remorse trying to run others' fun because how dare they like things?

 

Izzy and Morrigan get hit with some of this too.  But IMO, there's no point in knocking any of the characters for this sort of thing, PC or NPC.  All of the characters have issues.  All of them have problems.  That's what makes their stories (romance or not) so interesting to us.  

 

And it's why I wouldn't touch most of them with a ten-foot pole IRL.  If Solas turned up right now, in the flesh, I certainly wouldn't be daft enough to kiss him.  I'd make him a cup of cocoa and get him the number for my old shrink 

[Moirin]

It's a conspiracy! Those two are up to something..

 

Or it's just my NZ accent rhyming it (we don't really pronounce Rs). Hare we would say like he-a. And bear would be be-a.

 

Hares and Bears rhyme even without your accent.

[Colonelkillabee]

Now now, Lavellan lives a life of danger. It's not so surprising that she thinks she can handle Solas' commitment problems. 

Lol I guess. Still, if a man warns you that things might go bad ladies, listen. He's not just saying it to seem edgy

[NeverlandHunter]

Most of it goes to Lavellan if you ask me, considering Solas warned her since the beginning and she basically said, "Lalala, kiss me egghead!" She should be called Lalalavellan because lalaland is where she resides. Chick is slow.

Pheh, video game romance warnings are worth sh*t.

And on Lavellan's side it was Solas saying,

"I want to see your focus dominated!"

*Goes to the Fade*

"You change everything."

*Very passionate kiss on Solas's part*

"Here is my half-arsed we shouldn't do this warning. Just letting you know, k?"

 

All his objections and even his break up was very half-arsed. There are some huge mixed signals being sent. 

[Sable Rhapsody]

Lol I guess. Still, if a man warns you that things might go bad ladies, listen. He's not just saying it to seem edgy

 

Hmm.  Anders.  Solas.  Bishop.  From the ladies, Izzy and Morrigan.

 

*shrug*  I'm just a sucker for punishment 

[Garnet]

lmao love you Garnet.

You too, threaddad!

Have a drink for me haha

I already have!

Yeah, headcanon will largely effect how angry/sad/hopeful you feel about your relationship with Solas. But I would say that my Lavellan's self-worth wasn't wrapped up in Solas or their relationship, but it still hurt. And even if she could see that he didn't want to do it, she didn't know why, so doubt crept in and wove itself a little nest and all those minuscule insecurities seemed a lot more magnified now. My Lavellan is a confident woman who's dealt with insults and hate and ignorance from other people all her life. She let her guard down with Solas. It's always the people closest to you that can hurt you the most. 

Edit: Most sounded more powerful 

Thank you Garnet, you have prevented me from getting too serious

That seems to be what I'm here for. ^^;

!

..Why am I better at formatting when I'm quite tipsy?

[Colonelkillabee]

Pheh, video game romance warnings are worth sh*t.

And on Lavellan's side it was Solas saying,

"I want to see your focus dominated!"

*Goes to the Fade*

"You change everything."

*Very passionate kiss on Solas's part*

"Here is my half-arsed we shouldn't do this warning. Just letting you know, k?"

 

All his objections and even his break up was very half-arsed. There are some huge mixed signals being sent. 

I think we're on the denial portion of the Solas thread He obviously cares about Lavellan, yes, but he's been rather distant from her still even when he's with her. The confirmation that they didn't bang is another sign, and if your guy doesn't want to sleep with you but you're in a committed relationship, it isn't because he's an asexual. 9 times out of 10 something is wrong, and in this case that obviously is true.

[Cee]

Most of it goes to Lavellan if you ask me, considering Solas warned her since the beginning and she basically said, "Lalala, kiss me egghead!" She should be called Lalalavellan because lalaland is where she resides. Chick is slow.

 

This kind of comes off as a little offensive, IMO. Especially when taken with statements like the following:

 

Lol I guess. Still, if a man warns you that things might go bad ladies, listen. He's not just saying it to seem edgy

 

 

I've seen you make similar statements and it comes off a bit patronizing. Clearly, Solas was holding a lot back, but consider the context and timing, as well as Lavellan's own confidence and possible optimism and nature, depending how one plays her. This seems to reduce Lavellan down to some lovesick, horny puppy. And....no.

 

This has nothing to do with gender, though. Anyone can send mixed signals. Anyone can have something in their past that they fear another person might judge them for, or potentially dislike, or be hurt by. Sometimes those things are things you can work through, or not as bad as the person fears they are, or the prospective or actual partner might be able to handle or accept whatever it is. And yes, sometimes it's insurmountable.

[Cee]

I think we're on the denial portion of the Solas thread He obviously cares about Lavellan, yes, but he's been rather distant from her still even when he's with her. The confirmation that they didn't bang is another sign, and if your guy doesn't want to sleep with you but you're in a committed relationship, it isn't because he's an asexual. 9 times out of 10 something is wrong, and in this case that obviously is true.

 

There was no such confirmation. It was left vague enough to accommodate headcanon. And the statement he makes can be read either way. If you think they did, well, then he's telling you he was just Solas and that his feelings were completely genuine. Nothing false about that part.

[Colonelkillabee]

This kind of comes off as a little offensive, IMO. Especially when taken with statements like the following:

 

 

 

I've seen you make similar statements and it comes off a bit patronizing. Clearly, Solas was holding a lot back, but consider the context and timing, as well as Lavellan's own confidence and possible optimism and nature, depending how one plays her.
 This has nothing to do with gender, though. Anyone can send mixed signals. Anyone can have something in their past that they fear another person might judge them for, or potentially dislike, or be hurt by. Sometimes those things are things you can work through, or not as bad as the person fears they are, or the prospective or actual partner might be able to handle or accept whatever it is. And yes, sometimes it's insurmountable.

 

I
 

Don't know what to tell ya if you're offended, but my statement will stay the same. Chick is slow. Inquisitors in general aren't always the brightest, but even people here know they made Lavellan rather... "young" so to speak.

 

Optimism often is accompanied with naivety. As for gender, I never said it did. I brought up men simply because Solas is a man.

[Colonelkillabee]

There was no such confirmation. It was left vague enough to accommodate headcanon. And the statement he makes can be read either way. If you think they did, well, then he's telling you he was just Solas and that his feelings were completely genuine. Nothing false about that part.

Ah, I haven't done a lavellan run with trespasser, so I was going off of what I've read, thought they confirmed he didn't sleep with her.

[Sable Rhapsody]

Pheh, video game romance warnings are worth sh*t.

 

And yet, every single one of the DA characters who warns you off has something bad going on.  Izzy gets cold feet because she's Izzy, and she's got the whole mess with the qunari.  Morrigan flat-out tells the Warden to break up with her.  Anders, Solas...hell, even Wynne warns you about getting too involved with Alistair because (FORESHADOWING) your love and duty may conflict.  To a lesser extent, it also happens in Mass Effect 2 with Thane and Jack, who are respectively dying and a dangerous mess.

 

This certainly doesn't apply to new folks, but I think at this point, those of us who have played our way through the whole DA series can't say we weren't warned.  I got Solas's "this could lead to trouble line," shrugged, and clicked the heart anyway.

[RynJ]

Don't know what to tell ya if you're offended, but my statement will stay the same. Chick is slow. Inquisitors in general aren't always the brightest, but even people here know they made Lavellan rather... "young" so to speak.

 

Optimism often is accompanied with naivety. As for gender, I never said it did. I brought up men simply because Solas is a man.

 

Bro, we just had a discussion about headcanon and not treating it as fact. Weren't you paying attention? 

[Ellawynn]

I would have had you trust me!

 

 

 

But I agree with the rest of your post.

There is that - but it brings up the question, what if Lavellan didn't trust him back? He can't afford to blow his cover. If it got out he was the Dread Wolf, all of Thedas would be knocking on his door, either asking for an interview or for his head. 

 

Like - yes, Solas choose duty over love. His choose his goals over Lavellan. But something that's always, always annoyed me is that the idea that love is the most important thing, and you're never allowed to prioritize anything above it. It's so - so refreshing to find a character who thinks differently, who realizes how selfish it is to sacrifice the world to be with your love. I kinda wish Solas had some more morally complex reasons (Or at least, if he does have morally complex reasons, that the game would've told us that) but nonetheless I'm happy to see someone who realizes the flaw in that logic.

 

It's just a shame that some in the fandom can't see how selfish that is, and would rather just slap the abuse label on it because it didn't turn out like some Disney romance.

 

And it's why I wouldn't touch most of them with a ten-foot pole IRL.  If Solas turned up right now, in the flesh, I certainly wouldn't be daft enough to kiss him.  I'd make him a cup of cocoa and get him the number for my old shrink 

Agreed. Most romances would be boring without a little drama. And besides, it's so much healthier to explore this in fiction, where I can just go read a diabetes-sweet modern AU when canon gets too heavy for me to handle. 

 

And I probably wouldn't date Solas in real life either. But that's also partially because I'm not sure how I'd explain to my parents that I ran off to college and came back with a boyfriend who looks old enough to be my father, and is old enough to be the father of human civilization.

 

That and the whole "Ancient elven god trying to destroy the world" thing. And they think getting a tattoo is bad...

[figment_]

I think we're on the denial portion of the Solas thread He obviously cares about Lavellan, yes, but he's been rather distant from her still even when he's with her. The confirmation that they didn't bang is another sign, and if your guy doesn't want to sleep with you but you're in a committed relationship, it isn't because he's an asexual. 9 times out of 10 something is wrong, and in this case that obviously is true.

Chill Out Dude!!!

 

This is a video game, not real life that we're discussing here!!!

 

And your last statement is both demeaning and illogical based on my real-life and in-game DAI experience...What game have you been playing?!?

[Sable Rhapsody]

Don't know what to tell ya if you're offended, but my statement will stay the same. Chick is slow. Inquisitors in general aren't always the brightest, but even people here know they made Lavellan rather... "young" so to speak.

 

I miss purple!Hawke.  Purple!Hawke said idiotic things, but at least s/he said them on purpose.  "What's a Mythal."  Seriously